Disclaimer: All the wonderful characters in this story do unfortunately not belong to me. Although I may wish everyday that I did in fact own an Erik, I sadly do not. Erik and Christine both belong to Mr. Leroux and Mr. Webber. Though in this case, more specifically, Mr. Leroux. All lyrics to the following song do not belong to me either, nor did they belong to me in the last song. The lyrics in this song belong to the lovely Mrs. Bonnie Raitt.
Author's Note: To all those who reviewed for my last chapter, thank you ever so much! Wow, I didn't expect such nice comments!This chapter is based on Leroux and loosely based upon the end and how Erik decided to let Christine go back to Raoul. I've changed a couple of things so if this isn't exactly how you remember it to be in the book, it's alright. It's my fault... :D
I Can't Make You Love Me
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed,
Turn down these voices inside my head ...
"Christine...?" I murmured shyly, my voice soft and frightened, threatening to crack at any moment in time, so weak and broken... just like her gaze. Tilting my head inquisitively, not daring to move my head too quickly or too much, afraid even to disturb the heavy silence overhanging the room like a heavy and thick fog, I didn't shift from my position, curled up against the couch of coal materiel, my arms wrapping self-consciously around my kness and my shoulders in a constant shrug as if trying to protect myself from what she might say next.
"Yes, Erik...?" she responded quietly, not raising her eyes to meet mine, nor budging from her spot on the chair on the opposite side of the room, her hands clenched together, fingers intertwined, dangling without a purpose between her legs, leaning forward and focusing blankly upon an unknown spot on the floor that she had been fixated upon for quite some time now.
Lay down with me, tell me no lies ,
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize...
"Could I... Could I p-please ask you to-to... come h-here?" I stuttered, forbidden tears of shame and self-loathing burning my eyes threateningly, as I avoided my gaze momentarily, "Please...?" I muttered, looking up at her slowly with amber eyes sparkling in adoration and despair. My mouth slightly agape in anticipation of her response, shallow, nervous breaths whistled through my lips in muffled gusts.
Finally, she glanced up slowly, allowing me to see the tears that had coursed down her cheeks and that sparkled in the golden glow of candlelight. Her iris' scintillated also, many more of her tears still unshed glistening in the warm light. Seeing those delicate beads of water filled with her sadness and grief only made me ache more. Uncertain for moments, her graceful eyebrows furrowed, then lessened as she gave a half-hearted nod and ran a dainty hand over her cheeks to chase away the tears.
Raising herself from the seat silently, she walked hesitantly across the room and reluctantly sat herself next to me, the presence of her slight body so close to mine sending shivers coursing down my spine and a sharp intake of breath passed my lips.
Not being able to find the courage to look at her, I stared ahead, not really focusing upon anything in particular, not bearing to look into those beautiful eyes and see all the pain that I had caused... "Christine...?" I asked again, stumbling upon her name, "Could you... please, hold me...?" I choked out, my voice strangled.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't,
You can't make your heart feel something it won't...
I heard her head turn in my direction, heard the sound of her curls rustling as they did in movement, the sound of her breathing come closer to my ear, the feel of her breaths painting brief strokes of warmth upon my cold skin, the feel of her eyes focusing intently on me. "Erik..." she breathed, the tone of uncomprehension and reluctance in her voice apparent.
"Please, Christine?" I asked, my voice breaking, a desperate pitch drencing my vocal cords, "Please?" I whispered, glancing up fearfully to meet her azure gaze.
Her eyes darkened visibly, the clear, pristine shade of aquamarine gradually retreating into a shade of stormy water as she met my eyes of topaz Still, she and I continued to lock eyes and I knew that I never wanted to look away for fear that she would never again look into my eyes with the same concentration and intensity. Lowering her eyelids for a short second, indicating her assent, she then proceeded to curl her fragile arms around me, one arm stretching across my shoulders, the other wrapping around my stomach and her small hand resting upon my side.
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours,
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power...
Stiff. Her arms were stiff and the affection in the gesture was forced, I could tell... but I didn't care. Suddenly, I became aware of everything. The feeling of slight weight upon my shoulders that had never been there before. The faint whispers of heat that radiated from her pale skin that permeated the materiel of my clothing. The weak pull of her fingers as she softly gripped the cloth of my jacket. The almost unperceptible pulsations of her pulse that I could detect upon my skin if I concentrated.
Then, when she decided to lean her beautiful head onto my shoulder, I noted even more; the soft and gentle feel of stray tendrils of her hair upon the bare flesh of my neck. The warm and comfortable way her head felt upon my shoulder. The rise and fall of her own shoulders when she breathed. The rather comforting and nice sensation of being held in someone else's arms... The sensation of being loved...
But you won't, no you won't,
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't...
My breath caught in my throat. My chest heaved compulsively and I swallowed with difficulty as my air passage had knotted itself somehow... Resisting the impulse to throw my head back and sob with joy, I merely let the tears that had suddenly mounted to my eyes in torrents flow freely down my mangled cheeks, hidden, of course, by the mask. Letting out a saddened sigh of contentment, I let a small, knowing smile curl my lips.
Relaxing into the temporary sanctuary of beauty that were Christine's arms, I dared not move or even breathe too loudly or forcefully for fear that it would firghten away her embrace. I dared not even speak nor make any sound for fear of interrupting my brief moment of happiness. I dared not do anything but commit every single details of these moments to memory so that they would never leave me. Paint such loving descriptions of this moment in time with every detail that I could possibly catch so that this memory would not fade so easily...
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see,
The love you don't feel when you're holding me...
Closing my eyes tightly, I blocked out all thoughts that entered my mind from being registered and I forbade the pressure of sobs accumulating in my throat from being released. Closing my eyes, I chose not to see... I chose not to see the falseness of her embrace, the lie that she'd created for me... I chose not to see it just as I had chose not to see all of her forced affection toward me up until now...
"Oh, Christine..." I whispered sadly, a muffled sob escaping the confines of my throat and being set free into the cold, damp air.
Morning will come and I'll do what's right,
Just give me till then to give up this fight...
She pulled back suddenly and I could feel her gaze upon my face through my closed eyelids. My eyes shut, I flinched and readied myself for her realization that she had just held a monster in her angelic arms...
"Erik?" she said softly, "Why are you crying?" she inquired compassionately and I felt her pose a gentle hand upon my slight shoulder,
Restraining myself from catching her beautiful hand and holding it in mine, her sweet, innocent words only made me cry harder, the pent-up emotions wracking through my body and causing it to convulse in pain. Annoyed from not being able to wipe away my own tears, I ripped away my mask and burried my hideous face into my hands, ashamed and wanting to spare her eyes from the sheer horror that was my unloved face...
And I will give up this fight...
I then felt her smooth, soft hands of dainty, delicate fingers, place themselves upon my own rotting, undeserving hands, grip them gently and slowly pry them away from my face. Obliging, I still stared forward, hardly daring to believe what she had just done and refraining from looking at her, tears falling down my mangled cheeks. "No, Erik," she breathed, almost inaudibly.
Still refusing to glance up, I whimpered against the tears and the painful leap that my heart gave everytime she pronouced my name. But, my breath caught in my throat as I felt the privilege of the silky flesh of her fingers take my chin and bring my unwilling eyes to meet her face.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't,
You can't make your heart feel something it won't...
I stared at her face. Her beautiful, beautiful face. Those curls of gold that spilt down her shoulders and flowed into sunny wisps. Those cheeks of pale rose dust that accentuated when she blushed. Those lips of light ruby that were set into a grim and acceting line, perhaps the slightest shadow of a smile upon those lips. Those eyes of those sweetest blue that I couldn't see, for those eyes were shut.
Perhaps it was my imagination, perhaps it was another betrayal of my traitorous mind, perhaps it was even real, but I think that I saw her put out her forehead the tiniest bit. Just the tiniest bit, the most minimal move of her head, a slight tilt of her neck, the smallest of movements, but it was there. It was there. I stared at her perfect forehead of creamy, unblemished skin longingly. What is it like to kiss a person?
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours,
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power...
I inched forward. Just the slightest bit, just as she had done, my eyes never leaving that spot of porcelain flesh just above her brow. I moved in closer. Closer. My mind screamed at me to stop, to run away, to take her now and capture her taunting lips with mine, so many different things all at once; but they all went ignored. For once, I didn't listen to my cursed mind. I didn't listen to anything. It was all silent. I just continued to move closer.
She knew I was coming. When our faces grew closer in distance, I felt her freeze. But I did not stop. When she felt the breath of my chin close to her visage, her breath faltered. But I did not stop. When she felt my cold breath blow upon her blessed skin, I heard her stop breathing altogether. But I still did not stop.
My lips were now close, so close, to her forehead. I could smell the scent of her flesh, I could taste her aroma in my mouth, I could feel her smell intoxicate me and thoroughly stop the flow of my thoughts inside my head.
Then, I kissed her... for what I knew would be the last time.
But you won't, no you won't,
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't...
A/N: Thank you for reading! It really means a lot to me. If there are any comments, questions, or compliments (or constructive criticism :)) I would love to hear them! Again, thank you very much for reading!