I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU…
Dark blood left the open wound and the razor was set back in place. Dragging back across the soft skin that ripped easily, leaving a trail of blood droplets to settle on the top. Her head lurched forward and her stomach emptied everything that she had ate from the previous night into the toilet bowl sitting in front of her.
She spun the razor around in her fingers, fumbling with it for what seemed like an eternity. She placed it back at the top of her wrist, and jerked it down under the skin creating a new wound for her to memorize later on, for her to remember exactly how she had felt in this moment in time. She dared herself to drag it harder, for her to be able to bring herself to the full extent of what she was thinking. 'Push harder, push harder.' She thought as she sunk it into her skin, and felt her energy fall from her and her hand stop from pushing and start to shake.
He stood and smoothed out the black dress shirt her was wearing, making sure he looked perfect. He tied his shoes tight and looked in the mirror at his gruff face, before deciding to shave.
She stood at the sink and let some of the blood droplets hit the porcelain. Drip, splash, drip splash; she watched them fall until she decided she had let it go on for long enough and that she had let misery take over her for all that it could for this morning. Now it was time to grieve for her mother and put on a brave face…even if it seemed impossible.
She wound the white gauze tightly around her small bony wrist, trying her best for none of the blood to seep out from underneath. Her black long sleeved button up shirt would surely do the trick in hiding everything from prying eyes. One leg after another she stepped into her black dress pants and then slipped each foot into a pair of black sneakers. Good for running from your troubles.
It was a sunny day; the rain didn't fall to the occasion like it should have. The rain usually symbolized something as sad as today, it would show you how to be miserable like it was. It showed you how to let your tears fall like it let its droplets fall. She wished it had rained.
She stared up at the women speaking, the light breeze blowing in her sunny blonde hair. The Lipstick on her lips shining like she had just applied a new coat, and the sparkle in her eyes that showed not one thing of remorse. She said that she was her best friend; she knew that wasn't true, she was her best friend. And this lady was a sore excuse of a human being pretending to be someone who cared. She didn't care, she was there for the finger sandwiches and the beverages that came afterward. But she cared, she cared with all her heart, that's why she cut herself, so that maybe she could feel just one ounce of the pain that she knows she should be feeling, because her mother is gone and she is still here.
She stands and rests her eyes onto the audience before her. The people that came to grieve for her, and watch her be put into the ground forever. She hesitates a moment before she speaks, taking in a prolonged breathe of fresh air and she starts. She opens her mouth and tells her she loved her, but nothing else comes out, because when she looks into the audience she sees them staring back at her waiting for some moving speech she has to say; she doesn't need to tell them. The only one she wants to tell is her, and she is gone. So what is the point?
She looks at her surroundings one last time before she bows her head and runs towards the parking lot, with tears streaming down her face. She sits on the curb and puts her head in her hands and takes labored breaths as she tried to regain her strength.