"Are you all right, Little Man?" Remus asked, trying hard not to fall over. Teddy looked at him with haunted eyes and vomited copious amounts of milky sick down the inside of his shirt. "Right. Don't worry, we won't do that again." Remus reassured him by kissing the top of the baby's head and looking around.
Grimmauld Place's peeling walls looked strangely familiar. He looked thoughtfully at the black curtain draped over Sirius' mother's portrait. "That's your great aunty," he said quietly to his son. "Do you want to meet her?" Teddy looked at him thoughtfully, which made Remus smile. "Neither do I," he admitted. "Come on." And he hurried up the dusty staircase.
Sirius was depressed. He was bored, tired, lonely, and worried. He felt like the Dementors were circling close against the walls of Grimmauld Place, and he could feel their coldness, seeping through.
He jumped as the door opened, even though he knew the house was empty except for his despicable house elf. For a while, he lay with his face still buried in the Hippogriff's warm flank, thinking about flying through the sky or racing through the trees of the Forbidden Forest in his animagus form, chasing the stags flying hooves, with Moony by his side. And those thoughts made him imagine James's face, his eyes staring at infinity on his home's burning floor. He felt around for one of the empty bottles littering the floor and hurled it at the doorway, not bothering to check to see if the elf was still there.
Remus cursed, shielding his son with his back from the flying bottle. "That hurt, Sirius," he admitted as he rubbed his shoulder. Sirius yelled, leaping to his feet and flinging his arms around Remus' neck, hugging him and demanding to know where he'd been and what had happened.
"Drinks!" Sirius concluded, finally releasing him to look for a fuller bottle. "You're back! Thank God! You know how I always expect something truly awful to happen to you... What the hell is that?"
"It's a baby," Remus explained. "It's a long story."
"Whose baby?" Sirius demanded, peering out the door in case an alarmed mother was lurking on the landing.
"It's a very long story," Remus clarified. But then he carefully placed Teddy on the floor and flung himself back into Sirius' arms, crying deeply.
"You're alive," he sobbed. "You're alive."
"My Hippogriff will eat your baby if you leave it there," Sirius said, shoving Buckbeak's head with his foot. He laughed at the speed with which Remus untangled himself and snatched the baby back into his arms. "That's very cute," Sirius noticed. "Why do you have a baby, Moony?"
"Like I said, long story. What's the date, Sirius?"
"June the eighteenth," Sirius said, poking Teddy and making him smile. "I love babies," he said absently.
"June the what?!" Remus yelled.
"Moony," Sirius warned him as he tried to steal Teddy. "You're scaring the baby with your random yelling."
"I've got him fine," Remus said, tightening his grip. "And he's used to me yelling."
"Random," Sirius emphasized. "Come downstairs for a drink, Buckbeak might accidentally eat your baby."
Remus glared at the Hippogriff and uttered, "God, I hate that Hippogriff," as he took Teddy out of the room. "I had forgotten how much I hated its stupid face."
"Buckbeak loves you, Moony," Sirius assured him, poking Remus as he walked down the stairs. "Let me carry the baby," he added. "Why does it have green hair?"
"Long story," Remus reminded him. "I told you."
"Yeah-yeah. Did you hex the baby? Do you remember when we hexed Snape's hair green? That was so funny."
"It wasn't funny. It was cruel," Remus said, stopping on the stairwell and looking Sirius up and down, with his straggly unbrushed hair and his shamelessly brilliant smile. "You're alive," he breathed. "Yes. I guess you can hold the baby. But don't drop it, him... Don't drop him."
"I've never dropped a baby in my life," Sirius said, tossing Teddy into the air and catching him. "I've never even come close to dropping a... Whoops!" He laughed evilly as Remus fell down the last two stairs. "Just kidding," he assured him. "I like this baby. I like how it looks."
"Good," Remus replied, "because it's related to you."
"And now I like it less," Sirius sighed, tucking the baby under his arm and bouncing down the hall to meet Remus.
"I'm glad you're back," he said, summoning two bottles of Butterbeer.
"I went to get bandages?" Remus tried to remain calm. "I can't believe it's the eighteenth! It's supposed to be the seventeenth."
"It might be the seventeenth," Sirius shrugged, going down to the kitchen and placing Teddy on the table, teasing him with the Butterbeer bottle to make him laugh, while Remus frantically poured over his moon calendar, ripping the pages in his panic.
"...It is, indeed, the eighteenth!" He said, finally.
"Drat. That's an entire day of your life you'll never see again!" Sirius laughed.
"It's very important," Remus assured him. "Sirius... You're going to die today! Where am I? "Has Kreature attacked Buckbeak yet?"
"...Wow," Sirius exclaimed. "My favorite of those questions is 'where am I?' Holy Hippogriff, the baby's gone black!"
"He does that," Remus said, uncorking his bottle of Butterbeer and drinking it all. Sirius placed Teddy on the table and pretended to eat him, eliciting shrieks of ear-splitting laughter.
"...Right," Remus said as he braced himself. "I'd better hold Teddy." Sirius raised his head, a white-toothed grin on his face.
"...You what?" He asked.
"The baby," Remus clarified. "Let me hold the baby because this is going to be quite shocking for you."
"Nothing is more shocking than a grown man calling a baby 'Teddy,'" Sirius assured him. "Fine, you hold your teddy if it makes you feel better." He tickled the baby again before handing him over to Remus.
"Right," Remus replied. "I can't remember where I am…"
"The kitchen, clutching a multi-colored baby you call 'Teddy.'"
"But I'm out somewhere," Remus clarified. "...Am I out getting bandages?"
"No," Sirius replied. "But you did that earlier."
"Oh, God!" Remus cried out. Sirius' grin broadened.
"You got bandages for Kreature's hands because he attacked Buckbeak with a knife. That worthless piece of shit."
"Yeah, I wish I hadn't," Remus admitted. "And you weren't upstairs looking after Buckbeak, were you?"
"Obviously," Sirius agreed. "Can I hold the baby again? You look more shocked than I do, and I'm not insane, at least not as insane as you are. Moony, you didn't steal this baby, did you?"
"No, it's my baby," Remus said, adjusting his grip as Teddy lurched enthusiastically towards Sirius's outstretched hands.
"I hope you're joking!" Sirius replied.
"Sirius, you're going to die today," Remus finally said.
"...Right," Sirius replied. "I think I'll stick with the 'I hope you're joking' comment."
"I'm not joking," Remus insisted. "And I'm not mad. I've used a Time-turner, see…" He yanked it out from under his shirt.
"I'm going to die today?" Sirius asked. "And you came back?"
"Of course, I came back," Remus tried to explain. It actually made him feel a lot better. He came back. "I said I would," he said. "I said I'd come back, so I did."
"Wow. That's very nice of you," Sirius grinned. "I don't even remember you ever saying you'd "come back." So, did I just die, or is this some random whim you had in the future? You are looking rather... I'm sure you won't mind me mentioning it now that you've mentioned the coming from the future thing, but when you went out half an hour ago, you were rocking the whole 'Funky Professor Lupin' look."
"But where did I go?" Remus asked him.
"Oh, Kingsley's?" Sirius pondered. "Was it Snape, I believe, who said something to Kingsley...? It could have been Tonks...? To be honest, I was more worried about Buckbeak."
"It can't be that time already!" Remus wailed. "I turned it back forty-three thousand and seventy-two turns!" Sirius laughed maniacally.
"Let's see your fingers," he suggested. "Forty-three thousand seven hundred and twenty turns has to leave blisters."
"Stop it." Remus yanked his hand away from him. "Sirius, listen. Soon… "Any minute now..." He cast a fearful glance at the fireplace. "Any minute now... Has Snape been here?" He demanded, abruptly.
"No," Sirius replied. "Thankfully!"
"That lying little shit said he came here!" Remus snarled.
"You're scaring the baby," Sirius warned, placing a warm, living hand on his arm.
"Right... No matter what," Remus said calmly. "You are not going to die today. Alright?"
"Thanks." Sirius made every effort not to laugh. "Although, strictly speaking, Moony, that does count as changing the future."
"I know and I don't care," Remus said firmly.
"Good. I like breaking rules," Sirius concluded. "Voldemort didn't win, did he? You're not on an Order Mission to bring me back from the dead to save the day, are you?"
"No. I think Voldemort's going to lose," Remus told him. "He has Horcruxes. That's how he survived his death at James'. Harry's tracking them down and… Yes, whatever. It doesn't matter... There's not much time left, Sirius. But it's all good, I think. We'll get the Horcruxes and probably win. Almost certainly."
"And you want to mess with that!?"
"You're worth it," Remus said confidently. Sirius laughed once more.
"I love you too!" He added. "You and your green hair... Pink-haired baby? This baby is brilliant! Can we keep him? Oh, please can we keep him, Moony?!"
"Sort of," Remus admitted. "Listen. Harry believes Voldemort is torturing you. Snape is supposed to have spoken to you. That lying piece of slime! I meant to show up yesterday, which would have been much better. It would have given us time to explain to Harry... Never mind. Okay... Harry thinks you're being tortured in the Department of Mysteries. So he's going to try to save you."
"You what?" Sirius stopped prodding the baby. "You what, Remus!"
"Harry thinks you're being tortured by Voldemort, so he... Remember what I said about remaining calm, Sirius?"
"Yes. You can tell me everything on the way!" Sirius told him, leaping up and grabbing a handful of Floo Powder. "And leave that baby here! Let's go!"