Remus left Teddy on the table, wrestling Sirius for a handful of Floo powder and hurling the entire container across the room in a dusty green cloud. "You're not going anywhere!" He yelled. "You stupid idiot! You're not going to die!"
"Harry is going to Voldemort!?" Sirius yelled back. Remus grabbed his screaming son into his arms and backed up. "… Fine! I'll go outside and Disapparate!" Sirius screamed at him.
"Harry is fine!" Remus yelled, covering his baby's ears. "Everyone is fine! It's just you that dies, Sirius... Just... you."
"… Get up!" Sirius said, dragging him back to his feet. "There is no time to sit around and cry about it. I love that you came back, Moony. I love you, but come on! I'm not going to…"
"Please stay here," Remus pleaded. "Everyone else is fine. Harry is fine. Just... stay here."
"Harry is not fine," Sirius stressed. "Harry is trying to save me while heading straight into a trap? He's going to fight Voldemort?"
"They all survive," Remus assured him. "You just have to wait it out."
"Wait it out!? How do you know everyone will survive if I'm not there? Were you watching me the whole time? Did I not do anything to help!?"
"... I don't think it's anything major," Remus answered. "You just... You were obviously great, but you didn't do anything... You not being there won't change the outcome."
"Remus, are you sure? You're sure that if I'm not there, whoever had the opportunity to hurt me won't instead hurt Harry? Or you? Or Tonks?"
"Sirius, I was going to come yesterday and stop Harry going; the Time-turner must lose a couple of seconds from each day. It's been a long time since you died."
"47,700 turns of the Time-turner? How many days is that?"
"Too many," Remus insisted. "Please, Sirius. Please, trust me!"
"You know I trust you… Moony, that's not actually your baby, is it?" Remus ran his fingers through his unruly hair.
"... Yes," he confirmed. "... Yes, it is."
"Wow," Sirius murmured. "… Wow … And you brought him back in time to meet me?"
"I brought him back because... There was this night when I was very sad about your death and I got very drunk and... set the ball rolling, so to speak, for Teddy's arrival. I figured if I left him, once you were saved... He might not be there when I return."
"Take him home, Remus," Sirius said, rising to wrap his arms around Remus and his baby. "I'm okay with this. Take your son home... Oh, and rename him 'Sirius,' because Teddy is a terrible name."
"It's his..." Remus gave up, pressing his fingers under his eyes, which were blurry from tears. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "... He's named Ted Tonks," he explained. "He's dead as well. You'll see, Pads. You'll see when you come back with me."
"Did you get my cousin pregnant?... Oh my God! You got my cousin pregnant!" Sirius screamed.
"I was really upset," Remus admitted. "And thank God I did, or Teddy would not exist." He lifted the baby, his adorable little face aimed at Sirius. Sirius growled.
"... Well, I do like your baby," he admitted. "He looks just like me."
"That's because he's a 'Black'. Your second cousin twice removed," Remus informed him.
"No, it's because he's a metamorphmagus!" Sirius yelled. "And he's mirroring my face back at me because you slept with my cousin! … No wonder I'm going to lose this bloody duel, Remus! You've filled my head with that much stuff!"
"You're not going to die. I'll put an Imperio curse on you if I have…" They both froze as the fire flashed a brilliant Emerald green. "Sirius! No!" Remus screamed, grabbing Sirius' arm around his baby son. "No!"
"Change his name!" Sirius yelled back, drowning out the explanations of the people calling to him urgently through the fire as he dived into it. "... Because I'm awesome!"
Screaming in frustration, Remus cradled the baby's head and dove into the green blaze after him, yelling to be sent to the Department of Mysteries' Death Chamber.
No place for a baby. Not even someone else's, baby. Remus leaned against the back of the veiled archway Sirius was about to fall through, trying to hide his baby's terrified howls. Sirius was right. Dora was right. Teddy was more important than anything else. He was going to get his baby killed. He was a terrible person and a terrible father.
"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius laughed. Laughed.
Yes, Remus thought. I can. He stood up, pushed aside the curtain, wrapped the gold chain around Sirius' neck, and slammed the gold pin forcefully back into place.
They surged backwards, upwards, and away. Teddy's terrified scream could be heard trailing after them as they plunged through the darkness.
The ground suddenly collided with Remus's feet, causing him to fall against the bed, clutching Teddy against him. The clock at his bedside beeped, alerting him to the fact that he was late taking Teddy to Andromeda's and that he was in his marital bedroom, waking from the most vivid dream of his life. Then Sirius landed on top of him.
"You're alive!" Remus yelled.
"Waaaa!" Teddy screamed.
"Wow," Sirius exclaimed. "Did you really just do that?"
"I saved you," Remus answered. "… I saved you."
"... I'm not sure yet," Sirius replied, staring at his hands as if he expected them to fade away. "… What did you do, Moony?"
"Well, I put the Time-turner round your neck and put the pin back in," Remus explained, unlooping the chair from around them all. "The pin stops you traveling back more than forty-eight hours. When I put it back in… It just brought us back."
"Forward," Sirius said. "Is this your house?"
"This is Dora's house," Remus pointed out. "It was Mad-Eyes. But he died."
"And you moved in? With Dora?" Sirius asked, astonished. "After shagging her mother?"
"Oh... No," Remus nervously laughed. "When I said... When I said 'your cousin', what I meant…"
"You slept with my cousin's daughter?!" Sirius screamed.
"And now you're making the baby cry," Remus noted. "But you're alive," he said, putting the bed between them and attempting to pull his wand from his pocket. "You are alive and about to kill me... I just saved your life, Pads."
"... And we didn't mess up the timeline," Sirius acknowledged. "I mean… You still thought I was dead. Everyone did. You thought I'd fallen through the veil."
"You did fall through the veil," Remus assured him. "That's why I went back."
"But I never did fall through the veil," Sirius pointed out. "That is the magic of time travel. You only ever thought I did. You really did save me all along."
"No, you really fell... Oh, sure, why not?" He put Teddy down and hugged Sirius once more. "I saved you. You're alive! 'And the dead shall rise from the grave.'"
"Judgement Day!" Sirius asked. "You brought about the end of the world, Moony!"
"I hope not," Remus told him, pulling back the curtains to see what was going on outside. "… It looks okay out there. Anyway, as you said, nothing has changed. Everyone thought you were dead till now."
"Brilliant," Sirius agreed. "Moony, you're a bloody genius. Give me the Time-turner. I'm going to get James!"