CHAPTER NINE: WAYS AND MEANS

After a few more days, Kate was beginning to feel better, but Jack was getting pale and sickly in her place. She grew irritable when he worked himself too much and would refuse to eat with him or other such simple things when he tired himself out.

They were both quite busy these days, because it appeared that whatever they had gotten was spread easily, as Jin was beginning to feel ill as well, though he denied this accusation as vehemently as if he were being falsely accused of murder, and Hurley looked paler than usual. Claire was continually worried about Aaron's health and washed him at least five times a day. Libby began to feel sick shortly after Hurley.

They were too busy to spend time with each other, and although one would think this would make them closer, it did the opposite. It made them irritated with each other. But they were too busy to talk about the problems they were quickly developing, so the pothole between them quickly became a ravine.

Jack knew he should try to fix things between them, but he knew that if they spoke, they'd both end up angry. He wanted to talk to her, but he had a feeling that she wanted to believe she was strong enough to ignore the problems, when she wasn't in reality.

Everyone was turning to Jack, the doctor. 'Jack, fix this instantly please'. But Jack didn't know what to do. He didn't know a damn thing. 'But Jack, you're the only one who can!' they'd reply. Or at least, that was the gist of the conversations.

He could have told them all to go away, but he helped them, wishing and waiting for Kate to come see him, which she rarely did. He was worried he might forget that he loved her. So when he saw her sitting beside Sawyer on the beach, because now he was getting sick, he walked over.

"You ok Sawyer? You look a little…" Jack began.

"Sick? Yeah, no thanks to you. God damn doctor can't do a thing." He grumbled the last part to himself. Jack turned to look at Kate.

"Could we talk?" He asked her. She looked at Sawyer before nodding shortly and standing up. Maybe he could do this if he put his back into it. "Are you ok?" he asked after a few steps.

She glanced back at Sawyer before answering. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

"We don't talk… I was just… Do you want this Kate?" He asked her point blank. She turned to stare at him, confused.

"What?" She asked.

"Do you want this? Us." He said. She blinked a few times and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth, then shut it again, rethinking her words. "I can leave you, if that's what you want."

In his mind, he knew that there was no where for him to go, but the words were already hanging in the air between them, and he refused to give her the satisfaction of taking them back. Maybe he could take them back now and he wouldn't suffer, if he found a way to love everything she did or said, but he'd have been lying to himself. There was no way out of their problems that he could see.

"You're lying. You can't leave. Where would you go?" She said, her words hurt and bitter. He looked away, unable to reply. She knew, of course, that he was lying to her. He couldn't even begin to curse, he'd lost so much and gained so much in the last few months.

He'd never known what it felt like to have someone understand him on such an easy level, but it was clear to him he probably never should have known, because now he would never be able to give her up. They may have been angry, but he was actually enjoying being angry at her, because it was with her. Maybe there was a dark side to everyone after all.

fter all.