Chapter

If I tell you...

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Shonda Rhimes (I hope I'm not mistaken)

Background: Starts from the beginning of season 1 with their first meeting at the bar. AU from there. Derek is looking for a fresh start, one-night stands and mostly- oblivion from his carefully built life back home. Meredith is a virgin but still hotheaded and stubborn to no end. When her one-night-stand attempt ends up her boss, she's mortified. Still, not as mortified as overhearing him talk to another attending asking him is she was frigid and Derek agreeing with him. Now he's determined to forget about her, and she will do anything to prove his words wrong. None of them expected to fall for each other in the process.

Most of the regular characters will be there, though I may give them slightly different stories. Christina is with Owen from the start, I was never much into Burke. Lots of drama because writing is my way to vent.

1.

Derek awoke, to the smell of fresh coffee, eggs, bacon, and the cluttering of things. The unfamiliar situation alarmed him, and he sat up, trying to place what was going on.

'Meredith.' he groaned, happy she was there, mad at himself, and annoyed as hell. 'It's 4 am.'

'Exactly. You drove, so I can't leave without you. And I have rounds at 5:30 am.'

He groaned but got up. 'Okay, so that part, I get. But what are you doing?'

'Oh. I did some light reading, showered and got ready, made you breakfast and now I'm ordering.'

'Light reading?' He looked at the table and saw some of the medical journals he had. He raised his eyebrows. 'Light?'

'Yes.' She seemed so sincere he laughed and finally got up. It wasn't entirely bad way of waking up. He was still confused. ' Ordering?'

'This place is a mess, and I...'

'Don't take this the wrong way, but do you have OCD or something?'

'That's offensive. And rude.' She did her best not to comment on the fact that he got up only in his dark blue striped boxers and no shirt. He moved few steps closer and the gap between them started to disappear. She blushed, realizing she herself was wearing only a T-shirt and the lacy boy shorts. She bit her lip, trying to hide her reactions. ' And no, I am not. OCD. I just...' He was so close, she had to lift her eyes up now, to look him in the face. Her heart started to beat faster. Light was playing in his gaze, as he grinned at her, entirely aware of his power over her- and hers, over him. She seemed unaware of the latter, thankfully. '... I like order.'

'Okay.' His voice was still a little coarse from sleeping. He brushed his thumb over her lip and gently lifted her chin so she was looking directly at him. She was close enough, close enough to feel the heat coming in waves off his body. Close enough to feel him, hard, excited. He lightly brushed his hand from her shoulder all the way down to her hand, interlocking his fingers with hers. She was shivering in anticipation now, the air thick between them. 'Meredith.'

'Derek.'

She rose on her toes, and wrapped her hands around his neck, leaning into a kiss- this time gentle and slow. Her lips and tongue played with his, testing him. Testing herself. Had enough time passed? Was she free now? Could she change her own story? Could she just relax and give in to her own desires? Her body was pulsing, shivering, between fear and excitement. His hands wrapped around her waist, enough so he could feel her, but enough so he can stop her too.

'I won't do anything you don't want to happen. What do you want?'

'I-I-I- ' She was all tongue-tied and blushing now. It was starting to become apparent that taking never seemed to help and she hated herself for the stupid reactions her body had. 'You. I want you. But I don't- I'm not sure- how- what- Derek...' she pleaded, scared that the bad feelings would overwhelm the good.

2.

'Mer, look at me.' She raised her watery eyes with the color of the ocean after a storm, her chest rising and falling in her attempt to control herself. A single tear slid down her cheek and she blinked few times. He kissed her gently, her cheek, her lips, and then brushing the hair out of her neck and kissing there too, and then looked at her again. His eyes, deeper blue, looked at her with desire, but also patience, kindness. He was clearly holding back, for her. 'You want me. But?'

She was still trembling, and she tried to steady herself, holding onto his arms, but her fingers dug into his skin, betraying her. Reveling her feelings before she could say anything. 'You were supposed to be a stranger.' she managed, unsure if she was lying to him or to herself more.

All and any plans she had concerning him vanished from her mind.

He moved to be behind her, his arms encircling her waist, gently kissing her neck, teasing.

'So I'm not a stranger, so what. It doesn't need to be complicated. Work is work, and out of work...' he trailed off, his fingers slipping gently up her hip and under the wide T-shirt. The heat raised through her body in pulsing waves. She could feel him pressed against her, his voice whispering in her neck. His hands stopped now, waiting for permission, and her heart desperately skipped a beat. She was shaking with unfamiliar feelings mixed with the metal aftertaste of fear. She tried to speak but only a small moan escaped her lips. She could feel him shift and cough behind her, automatically in tune to her body, wanting to move forward, but stopping himself.

'What are you afraid of?' he whispered in her hair and she sharply tried to pull away. His hands around her waist gently stopped her. Enough to press the subject, but she still could walk away if she really wanted to. 'Whatever it is, just tell me. We're adults. I can handle it.' She shook her head but didn't move, holding onto his arms.

'Don't hate me.' she whispered, almost too quietly to be heard.

'Why would I...' he trailed off, but her fingers were dug even more into his arms, revealing this was a sore subject for her. Her tiny frame nestled into his arms was still shaking. He stayed quiet.

'I don't know what I'm doing.' She muttered, her face brick-red, happy she was not facing him. He laughed, still unclear of the exact meaning.

'Sweetheart, I don't think any of us fully know what we are doing. It doesn't make it any less enjoyable. I promise you.'

'No, I...' He was brushing hair away from her shoulder, covering her in kisses. She gasped, her voice low and raspy. 'Stop!' She pleaded, feeling surreal that she would finally say it. She still hadn't forgotten the last time it had come up. All the alcohol, the fear, the gossip, the laughing in front and behind her back, the rumors, the red words on her locker. The yelling when she'd ran 'You frigid bitch!' The breakup. All her pleading and explanations later, all fallen on dead ears. Some of that night was blissfully drenched in an alcohol haze, but the pieces she did remember made her sick.

He spun her around now, giving her the precious inches of space between them that she had craved until now. She hated feeling far from his body. She had just started to relax into it. But that one word she'd said, stop, she sounded so scared it alarmed him. Her face was red and she looked at the ground now.

3.

'This is so f**king embarrassing.'

His face got stone-cold serious now.

'Meredith, you're scared.' She was about to deny it, and if he wasn't so close to her she would have. 'Just be honest with me.'

'I'm a virgin okay? Are we done now, are you happy?'

He laughed, but another look at her face stopped him. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean I haven't...'

'Never?'

'No.'

'And other things?'

'No.'

'Not even...' She kept shaking her head negatively, blushing furiously and wishing the ground could swallow her. It took all her power not to start crying. Attempts didn't count. That bloody mess back then didn't count.

'Meredith.' It hurt to see her like that. He was still flabbergasted. Partially trying to digest how someone so beautiful like her could have no experience at that age. It fascinated him, the idea of maybe having a chance to discover that with her. He'd never been with anyone so innocent, even his first times as a teenager. Second, because she didn't just seem nervous to tell him. She seemed petrified and scared. 'What happened.'

'I wasn't good enough.' She blushed, the embarrassment digging into her stomach. There was a time when she spent so long, overthinking, trying to change things, fighting back the rumors. At some point, it just took too much energy to care. She covered her mouth in her hands, desperately trying not to cry.

'Honey...' He closed the gap between them, wrapping his hands around them in a bear hug. She stood stiff in the hug, unsure how to react or what to feel. 'You know that's not true, right?' He kept caressing her hair.

'I don't want you any less, for this. If anything I want you even more.'