Chapter 12

Bow to the queen

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Shonda Rhimes (I hope I'm not mistaken)

Background: Starts from the beginning of season 1 with their first meeting at the bar. AU from there. Derek is looking for a fresh start, one-night stands and mostly- oblivion from his carefully built life back home. Meredith is a virgin but still hotheaded and stubborn to no end. When her one-night-stand attempt ends up her boss, she's mortified. Still, not as mortified as overhearing him talk to another attending asking him is she was frigid and Derek agreeing with him. Now he's determined to forget about her, and she will do anything to prove his words wrong. None of them expected to fall for each other in the process.

Most of the regular characters will be there, though I may give them slightly different stories. Christina is with Owen from the start, I was never much into Burke. Lots of drama because writing is my way to vent.

'Cause I am done with my graceless heart,

so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn (shake him off)...'

- Florence and the Machine, Shake it out

1.

Two days after her 18th birthday it was a school morning again, Meredith had wanted to stay home. Her mom wouldn't have that, so she got dressed. It was the start of May and perfectly sunny, but she put long sleeves on, avoiding looking at the bruises above her wrists. It felt like she was in a dream- or rather a nightmare- everything surreal and distorted. If it wasn't for the physical evidence, it would be hard to believe herself. And if she'd have to go to school- that was actually better. Not thinking about IT. Taking a couple of the strongest painkillers they had at home and followed her usual morning routine.

Everything was perfectly normal, just for a moment.

She'd driven to school and walked into the usual chatter in the hallway. Suddenly, she realized people were staring at her, and not in the way they had before. There was curiosity, laughter, whispers- stares that gave her chills. Signing a paper with the settlement had been easy- she was still feeling surreal and in shock at the time. Until this point, it hadn't really dawned on her that Liam and Joye would not be the only people that knew. She hadn't heard her name or anything bad, but the way the hallway quieted just for a moment, the way all eyes went on her...

But she kept her chin up and kept walking. She pretended she didn't see.

She walked past 2 guys in her class, and they pretend-bowed to her.

'Hey Mer, wanna come to my birthday? I like things in three-s too!' one of them laughed.

'To the queen of threesomes. We'll follow your lead. Tell us how to get some too' giggled the other boy. She stood in one place, her pupils dilating, unable to understand what had just happened. Their faces were getting blurry. Then a hand had come from behind her, squeezing her forearm and pushing her to keep walking toward the bathrooms.

'Why the hell would you do this to me? Were you that mad that I didn't come?' Whispered Ben in her hair as they were walking. They had been together for years, and she'd never seen him this mad. His fingers were digging into her arm exactly where she had more bruises and she bit her bottom lip to blood as he pushed her into the bathrooms to talk alone.

2.

'Ben, I didn't...' Her chest was rising and falling in a panic now, the bathrooms coming in an out of focus. She'd almost forgotten about him in the midst of everything. She'd never had a panic attack before that moment, but suddenly everything was spinning and moving way too fast.

'You didn't? Were you really that mad at me, wanting to get back at me so badly that you would sleep with my friends?'

'It wasn't like that! I didn't...' She couldn't say the words, face what had really happened. Tears started sliding down her cheeks quietly and her pushed into the tile wall.

'Oh, don't give me the tears now! You want to pretend you didn't get drunk and f**k two of my friends after you made me wait years to even get to second base, you better have a good explanation! I really thought you were different!'

She shrunk, twitching at the ugliness of these words. He'd never yelled, never handled her like that. She was looking at the ground, red and nauseated.

'Ben, please!'

'What? What the fuck can you say? If you really didn't do anything, why wouldn't you set them straight? Why are you letting them talk like that?

'I didn't do anything, Ben, please trust me, listen to me...'

He quieted for a second, his grip on her releasing.

'Fine. I'm listening.'

She sighed in relief, trying to push the tears aside so she can talk. Her birthday was coming back to her in flashes.'I was... Listen, I was mad at you, and yes, I was drinking, but I promise you- I promise nothing happened. Ben, Liam...-he- he -he ...'

The panic was rushing back in. She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. She couldn't understand what was happening to her. Suddenly she remembered being shoved on the couch, the exact feeling.. Everything in front of her eyes was going in and out of focus and she struggled being able to put what happened into words. The fear was sliding like poison through her body and she was shaking from the adrenaline. 'Ben, Liam, he tried- he wanted to... I didn't ...'

'You didn't- didn't want? If you didn't do anything, why the hell are you acting like that? I mean, hell, I know you get looser when you drink, but two of my friends,damn, that just tops everything-'

'I didn't-'

'What Mer, what? You can't even say it, can you? You can't even look me in the eye. F**king great, Mer, well done. Happy f**king birthday!'

He shoved something in her hands and stormed out, the bathroom door slamming behind him. She stood like that, shaking, the tears sliding down her cheeks. She looked into her hands- and saw the ball of pink lace he'd shoved in them- her own bright pink lacy thongs, torn on one side. The ones she'd worn that night. There was some blood too. She didn't remember that. She started shaking, even more, dropped her backpack on the ground, and sat down. The cold tiles felt welcoming. She kept shaking for a while, feeling lucky that she'd heard the bell ring and no one was bound to walk into her in that state. It was the day she'd stopped wearing pink.

3.

(back to present day)

Meredith and Derek sat quietly for a while after she'd told him everything, enjoying the beautiful view and the sun. Then she'd gone two shades paler.

'Hey' he whispered. 'Breathe.'

Her face scrunched up, in an effort to hide her emotions and she shook her head. A single tear slid don't her cheek and she hastily removed it.

'What is it?'

She shook her head. I'm not gonna cry. I'm not- 'I'm the queen of f**king threesomes, haven't you heard?'

She looked away, emotions spinning in her, and he wrapped his hands around her warmly again. 'Don't do this to yourself.'

'I'm fine, I am-'

He rubbed her shoulders warmly and she kissed him on the cheek, shaking off the last flashes of the memories. This was a good moment, and for once, she wanted to be present in it. He caressed her hair, and held her closely. 'I'm fine, I promise.' She said, this time actually sounding better.

He examined her face, gave her a light kiss. 'Never let those ugly people make you forget who you are.'

'I know' She smiled now. She loved his ocean eyes and his warmth. It made her feel safe for the first time in years. She hadn't trusted anyone for forever, and he felt like they'd known each other for a long time. If she concentrated on that for a while-

'Derek?'

'Hmm?'

'Did you mean what you said about exploring...?'

'Exploring what?'

'Ugh... things we can do?'' She blushed a little and he smiled widely.

'Sure, why?' She bit her lip playfully.

'Have you ever swam in the pond?'

'Why?'

'Cause I feel like swimming...'

He laughed, surprised at the change in her mood, and relieved to see her smiling warmly at him. It made him feel lighter and happier than he had been for years.

'We don't have swimming suits...'

'So?' She giggled, feeling bold. 'Do we need them?'

The excitement went through him like electricity, and he didn't move his eyes from her for a second. 'Are you sure?'

She nodded. He tried to keep his head on straight for a moment more. 'Just so you know, we are just enjoying the day. Swimming. Nothing else, nothing you don't want, and we can stop at any point.'

Her face became serious and she nodded. 'I know'

He wanted to enjoy the moment, but he also angry about what happened to her. If could beat these guys to a bloody pulp, he wouldn't have hesitated for a second. What a man would enjoy about forcing these moments out of a woman was a mystery to him. He hated just imagining that she went through it, and he wanted to make sure she knew that this was never going to be like that. That she could trust him.

'Derek!' It was his turn to snap back into reality, from her voice, soft and playful as she slid down her pants, and threw her tshirt at him, entering the lake in her underwear.

He coughed in surprise, suddenly very, very present.

'Are you coming?' She giggled, sliding her bra off, now that the water covered her up to her shoulders. She threw the bra on the ground in front him, light dancing in her eyes. He laughed at her.

'Oh, I am coming!' He started undressing, almost tripping on his jeans and earning a joyful laugh out of her, as he entered the lake in his boxers.