Chapter 7
Before heading to Chelsea, Remus decided to stop by a flower shop in Diagon Alley. It was still before six, and he didn't want to arrive too early. He browsed the shop, trying to make a decision since he had never bought flowers for a woman before. Aside from being too expensive, he thought that roses were too presumptuous. He was looking at the carnations when the shop lady came up to him. "Can I help you?" she asked.
He felt the loose change in his pocket. It wasn't much. "Yes, I'd like to, er, get three carnations." He would have preferred to get a whole dozen, but three was all he could afford.
She arched an eyebrow, thinking that someone wearing clothes like his would probably be buying roses, but some people were eccentric. "What color?"
For just a moment he thought about red, but that might be too forward. "White, please." He watched her bundle up the flowers and paid for them. Surrounded by baby's breath and fern fronds, the carnations looked a bit more suitable. It was just past six when he left the shop and headed to Chelsea. It took him several long seconds to work up the courage to knock on the door.
Cappa opened the door. "Good evening, Mr. Lupin. Mistress is not home yet, but I is expecting her soon."
She led him to the drawing room. Almost immediately after she left, she returned with a glass of Champagne. He wasn't much of a drinker and had never acquired a taste for wine, but he sipped from the glass and found it fairly pleasant.
After half an hour, he heard the familiar crack of Apparition in the foyer. Picking up his flowers, he moved toward to foyer. He saw Wendy hand her cloak to Cappa. "Wendy," he said nervously.
She was glad to see that he had arrived; it was very close to full moon, and she wasn't sure he would come. "Remus, I'm so sorry to make you wait. I got caught on my way out the door with one last errand to run." She saw that he was wearing some of the clothes she had given him. "You didn't have to dress up."
"I, er, just, um…I brought you some flowers," he said sheepishly.
She took the flowers from him, letting her hand rest on his momentarily, and smiled warmly. "They're lovely. Cappa, could you get a vase?" She walked into the dining room and used the flowers as the centerpiece of the table setting. "If you wouldn't mind terribly, I'd like a few minutes to clean up?"
"Of course." What else could he have said?
She kissed him on the cheek before heading upstairs. "Thank you for the flowers. I'll be down shortly."
He brushed his hand against his cheek. She had kissed him and, more importantly, had indicated she accepted him for who he was. He heard the stairs squeaking after about ten minutes. When she came in the drawing room, he saw that she was wearing a simple green dress of fine wool. "You look lovely," he said.
"Thank you. Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes," she replied, changing the subject. She still wasn't comfortable being complemented. Taking a seat on the sofa next to him, she sipped her wine. "I'm glad it wasn't too close to the full moon. I had been afraid I would have to wait until next week."
"Today is the last day that I can safely be out. I'll be ready for the next patrol cycle," he replied. He was painfully aware of how pathetic he must sound.
"What's it like?" she asked tentatively. "I'd understand if you don't want to talk about it," she added hastily.
"I understand your curiosity. It's not as bad as it was. I now can retain my presence of mind with the Wolfsbane Potion, but it does leave me weak afterwards." This was one of the few times he had ever had someone show any curiosity about his affliction.
"Does it hurt?" She was truly curious about the transformation.
"I've grown used to it." He could see the pity in her eyes. He hated seeing that and placed a reassuring hand on her knee. "Please, don't worry about it. It's who I am."
"I'm sorry. I just know my niece goes through that, too. Well, enough of this talk, dinner should be ready by now." She realized that this was not a conversation that could end well.
He stood first and offered her his hand.
"Thank you, gallant sir," she said as she let him escort her to the dining room.
They talked pleasantly throughout the evening, learning about each other's pasts. Wendy tended to focus more on her life since becoming and Auror, and Remus was somewhat embarrassed by his past after graduation. Sirius was correct; they were from two different worlds. He was sitting in a magnificent old home in Chelsea, and he had most recently lived in a horrid, rat-infested flat before moving in with Sirius, not that Grimmauld Place was much better.
"Thank you for a marvelous dinner," he said as he wiped the dessert crumbs from his lips with his napkin.
"I can't take much credit for it, but I thought it would be better than eating out. Would you like to go for a walk? There's a lovely park nearby," she offered.
"That would be wonderful. We can walk off some of this dinner," he replied as he patted his stomach. He was pleasantly full and had a comfortable buzz from the wine. This was turning out to be quite a nice evening.
Once they were deep in the park, Remus asked, "Why did you agree to have dinner with me?"
"Because you asked," she replied playfully.
"Wendy, I'm serious." He stopped and turned to face her, while also making sure they were alone. "I mean, look at me. I'm not exactly in your class."
"Oh, so you mean I should be with a suspected Death Eater or pureblood bigot? No thanks, not again. I find you interesting, and I thought I ought to get to know you better and give you a chance to prove my stereotyping wrong. Now, my turn, why did you ask me to dinner?" she asked. They had started walking again, and she found herself watching the moon as it rose into the night sky.
He shrugged and answered evasively, "You knew what I was and accepted me. I thought I'd take a chance and ask you to dinner. I'm glad you accepted. I've had a lovely evening."
"Me too." She looked up into his moonlit face. In the soft glow of the moonlight, he looked closer to his real age, with the grey in his hair obscured and the lines softened. "We should be getting back. It's late," she said softly. They had been walking for nearly an hour.
"We still have time before midnight, Cinderella," he replied softly as he brushed her cheek. He bent down to kiss her and lightly brushed her lips with his. When she didn't resist, he began to probe deeper.
After a few seconds, she gently pushed him away. "Remus, wait. Please, this is too much."
He pulled away, embarrassed that he had been so forward. He had always been prone to acting irrationally near the full moon, and he was sure the alcohol had loosened his inhibitions. "I'm sorry, I'll go."
Taking hold of his wrist, she replied, "No, wait, I don't want you to go. It's complicated."
"It's because I'm a werewolf, isn't it?" he asked sadly.
She touched him reassuringly. "No. It doesn't have anything to do with that. I've been hurt in the past from moving too quickly. When will you be able to get together again?" Hurt was almost an understatement. One of the only men she had dated had been after nothing more than sex, but had toyed with her emotions for several weeks before brutally dumping her for a younger woman. Since then, she had been leery of forming a relationship with anyone.
"Possibly Tuesday. We'll see how I feel. I'm always quite exhausted after my transformation."
"I have guard duty Tuesday night, but if you wanted to patrol Wednesday, or even if you don't we could still get together, you could send me an owl."
"I'll do that." He smiled warmly and followed her toward the entrance to the park. He was surprised when she hooked her arm with his.
On the way back to her house, they started asking each other what their favorite things were. It was a fun way to learn about each other. He had not been surprised that she had said green was her favorite color. While he didn't know exactly where he was going, he had the distinct impression that she was not taking the most direct route back to her house, not that he minded.
In Remus' opinion, they still reached her door much too soon.
"I've had a lovely time, Remus," she said as they stood on her doorstep.
"So did I. I'll let you know about Wednesday," he said softly as he smiled at her.
She found his boyish grin infectious. "There's something I want to tell you. I've made it a point not to date my fellow Aurors because of the nature of our work," she said nervously.
"I'm not an Auror." He leaned closer to her.
Instinctively, she leaned back against the door. "I know. But what we are doing is no less dangerous. I…I'm afraid of getting attached to you, but I think it may have happened already." He was so very close; she could feel his breath hot on her cheek.
"Is that so bad?" he asked softly as he tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes.
"It could be. I wouldn't want to put my feelings for another ahead of the mission." This was all so irresponsible. She never should have agreed to dinner, but he had been so warm and compassionate. He was everything that she had wanted in a man, but had never found.
"Did you not want to get together?" He couldn't help but sound disappointed.
She hugged him. "No, I do. You pulled me out of my shell, and now I don't want to go back." She pulled away. "Just, don't tell Kingsley. He's been after me for years, and I keep turning him down because he's an Auror."
He laughed softly. "I won't tell him, but he'll probably figure it out on his own."
She sighed, "I know. I'll see you in a few days?"
"Yes." He leaned forward for a kiss and was not refused.
She returned his kiss eagerly, running her fingers through his hair, and momentarily thought about inviting him inside, but instead reluctantly pulled away. "Send me an owl." She quietly slipped inside and leaned against the door, wondering if she had gone mad. He was completely wrong for her. He was a werewolf, he was in the Order, and he was broke. But even through all his misery, when he could have fallen into self-pity, he hadn't. He was not what those of her class generally were: pompous, overbearing and possessing an over-inflated sense of self-worth. He was caring, compassionate and a good listener. The more she thought about it, the more agitated she felt. This was exactly what she didn't need at this point in her life. Getting involved with him was probably worse than getting involved with an Auror.
She would try to maintain her distance. It had hurt too much when she found out what Edgar was, and she did not care to feel that way again. Unfortunately, her body did not agree with her mind. She cursed her hormones and stomped upstairs for a cold shower.
When Remus finally crawled out of bed, he found Sirius in the kitchen. "How did last night go?" Sirius asked.
"Not bad, all things considered. You will be pleased to know that she did not reject me and was quite passionate about kissing me." He poured himself a cup of tea and joined Sirius at the table.
"That's it? She just kissed you?" After all Remus' boasting last night he had expected something more than that.
"Unlike you, I don't jump into bed on the first date," Remus admonished, though if she had asked him inside, that's what would have happened.
Sirius sneered lasciviously, "Oh, those were never dates, mate, that was precisely what I wanted. You know what times were like. That was not the time to form a long-term relationship. And times now are just like that. What I wouldn't give to be with a woman," he said wistfully. "Once this whole mess is over and Albus clears my name, that's on the top of my list of things to do."
"Why does that not surprise me?" Remus replied sarcastically.
"Just because you voluntarily chose a monastic lifestyle doesn't mean the rest of us should."
"You know I didn't choose this, but I've never been as smooth with the ladies as you. Once they find out what I am, they run," he reminded Remus.
"I keep telling you, that's information they don't need," Sirius offered. He had told Remus many times that he should he stop telling them the whole truth and enjoy the moment, but Remus had steadfastly believed that sort of deception was wrong.
Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, it's easy to go missing around full moon and not explain it. I'd like to see you try that. My celibacy is no less forced than yours."
"But not for much longer, right?" Sirius asked eagerly. "And when it is, you will tell me about it, won't you?" He still couldn't believe that Remus and Wendy were getting close to each other, but he was still glad to see his friend on the verge of female companionship.
"Sirius! I most certainly will not. Perhaps if she wasn't also a member of the Order, but because she is, and you know her, I won't." Sirius had always been quick to tell the others about his conquests, even after Remus has expressed a complete lack of interest.
"Spoilsport," he replied. "Everything's all set upstairs. I'll check on you tomorrow morning."
"Thanks." Remus was glad to have a good friend like Sirius. "I'll enjoy my last few hours of freedom."
Tuesday, once he had resumed his human form, he was too weak to move. He was grateful Sirius was there to take care of him. His good friend brought him something to eat.
"You look worse than normal. Should I talk to Snape about getting lax with your potion again?" No matter what Remus said, Sirius would never trust Severus. It didn't matter the Potions master had been brewing the potion for more than a year.
"No, it's all right. I'll be fine. I just need some rest. Tomorrow morning, I'll go out for supplies." He quickly ate the meal Sirius had brought for him.
"Do you want seconds?"
Remus shook his head. "No thanks. I'll just rest." He let Sirius help him to his more comfortable bedroom where he collapsed on the bed. It was not long before he was once again asleep.
The following morning, he felt a little better, though he was still famished. The two of them shared a modest breakfast. While he didn't exactly feel up to going out, he knew they needed supplies. When he finished eating, he stood and used his cane for support. "I'll be back in a few hours."
"You're not going to Apparate, are you?" Sirius asked, very much concerned that his friend might splinch himself.
"No. I'll take the Underground. It's a pity the Floo network is being watched." He knew better than Apparating after the transformation.
Once he arrived in Diagon Alley, the first thing he did was go to the post office to send an owl to Wendy. He was thankful that she lived in London so he could get an inexpensive local owl. After he sent the owl letting her know he would be by that afternoon, he went shopping. Now that it was just he and Sirius for the most part, it was much easier to shop. Of course, the other members of the Order were kind enough to bring groceries when they came over. Thankfully, he had become quite adept at stretching funds. He and Sirius both preferred to accept as little as necessary from the others. While Sirius still had some money left from his Uncle Alphard, they had no idea how long they would have to make it last.
He and Sirius prepared a light lunch, and between spending some time in the fresh air and a decent meal, he felt a little better, at least until he glanced at his reflection in the mirror. He looked as old and tired as he felt. "Better she know what she's getting into from the beginning," he mused aloud.
It was a long walk from the nearest Underground station to her place in Chelsea and his warming charm was wearing off by the time he arrived; there was an unseasonable chill in the air today. He dared not renew it in a Muggle neighborhood. This was one of the unfortunate side effects of his transformations; his magic was also much weaker in the few days following the full moon.
When he rang the bell, Cappa let him in and led him to the drawing room. He wasn't waiting too long before Wendy came downstairs. With difficulty, he rose, took her hands in his and kissed her on the cheek.
"Good to see you. My goodness, you're frozen." She pulled out her wand and applied a warming charm.
He could see the pained expression on her face as she looked at his wan and haggard appearance. "It's quite a long walk from the Underground," he said quietly.
She could tell that he was weak and sat on the sofa. "I wish you'd said something. I would have sent you a Portkey." One of the advantages of being an Auror was a certain amount of latitude granted by the Portkey Authority.
"The fresh air is good for me. So, now that you've seen me at my worst, what do you think?" he tried to sound jovial.
"If this is your worst, it's not that bad. I've definitely looked worse, many times after an Auror night on the town." She tried to make him feel less self-conscious.
He couldn't imagine her going out and getting that drunk. "I find that hard to believe."
"Ask Kingsley next time you see him. Can I get you something? Tea or perhaps a snack?"
"That would be wonderful." He hadn't realized how exhausting walking could be.
All too soon for Remus' liking, the day was winding down. They had played cards for several hours and just talked. Her company had been very pleasant and he thought he could get used to eating meals like this. "Do you eat like this every night?"
She shrugged. "I don't give Cappa a lot of input, so it depends from night to night." She could see the strange look on his face. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he replied restlessly.
"Remus, please, I'm not blind. Something is bothering you."
"It's really petty and I don't want to talk about it." He looked away from her and stared at the fire.
"It's money, isn't it?" she asked softly.
He put is fork down. "If you must know, yes it is. I had plenty of time to think about it over the last few days. I have absolutely nothing to offer you." He tried not to sound disappointed and angry, but he wasn't sure he succeeded.
She reached across and took his hand in hers. "Remus, you offer more than anyone else I have dated. You are true to yourself. Everyone else I grew up around presents a false public persona. You don't do that."
"You know I'm not a pureblood." He was trying to get everything out in the open. If she was going to shun him, he wanted to get it over with.
"Given that fact that you are a werewolf, I think that is hardly important. Besides, they've already disowned me, what more can they do? I've worked with many halfbloods and Muggle-borns and don't hold it against them. Are you trying to drive me away?"
"Heavens, no. I…just want you to know who I am." Truthfully, a part of him was trying to drive her away to avoid any future pain.
"I thought we covered that the other night. I enjoy your company. Tell me, how much experience do you have with women?"
"Not much, I'm afraid," he replied nervously. "Let's just say that being a werewolf is a turnoff for most women."
"Let's just say that trying to drive a woman off is also a turnoff. Just be yourself, that's who I care about." She stood up and led him back to the drawing room. "Are you sure you're all right?" she asked as she watched him lean heavily on his cane.
He carefully lowered himself onto the sofa and set his cane to the side. "In a couple of days, I'll be back to normal. I think the walk here took more out of me than I anticipated." He would say that he was in more pain than normal, but it was nothing that he couldn't tolerate.
"Is there anything I can do?" She was truly concerned about his wellbeing.
He shook his head. "No, unfortunately not."
She scooted next to him on the sofa and leaned against him. "Well, I think it would be best if you stayed here tonight. I don't want you walking in the cold, and I don't think you could Apparate."
He wrapped his arm around her. "Thank you. I'd also like to apologize for my behavior the other night."
"What about it?"
"I'm afraid I behaved rather poorly. I'm not normally that forward, but I tend to take on a few wolfish qualities near the full moon, and I was a bit drunk, too," he said apologetically.
"I figured as much. I wouldn't worry about it, though. I'll admit I didn't find it unpleasant. I rather enjoyed it, actually," she replied coyly. So much so, I almost invited you inside.
He kissed the top of her head. "Really? I hadn't noticed," he said with mock innocence.
"Oh, quit it," she replied playfully. She shifted so she could give him a passionate kiss. "Have you noticed now?"
"Most definitely. You do realize you have me at a bit of a disadvantage tonight?" If I weren't so tired you would be in for a memorable evening, he thought.
She gave him a sly little grin, keeping her arms wrapped around his neck. "I know. That's why I figured it's safe for you to spend the night."
He feigned a hurt tone of voice, "You don't trust me? Surely an Auror can defend herself from a single werewolf."
"No, I don't trust myself. You know I was attracted to you when I first saw you?" she asked quietly.
"I thought as much, but then Severus had to go and ruin it." He did nothing to hide the disappointment in his voice.
She rubbed her hand along his chest. "I don't think he ruined it. I probably would have been more upset if I'd found out later. I got it all out of my system early. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out I'm not mad at you anymore."
He smiled at her. "That's a little cruel, don't you think?"
"Childish and completely Slytherin, yes, but not cruel. Actually, I think Black will take it worse."
"He has been rather childish about it, and he continues to try to talk me out of it, but I haven't listened to him." He thought back to Sirius' comment of the other night. "In fact, he may be growing to accept it." He relished the feel of her snuggled next to him.
"That's good." She could tell the he was exhausted. "I think it's time to call it a night. Can I help you upstairs?"
"As embarrassing as it is, I would appreciate it." He was panting quite heavily as they reached the top of the stairs. "Give me a moment," he said as he leaned against the wall.
Once he caught his breath, she continued to help him down to the guest suite. "You really shouldn't have come," she admonished gently.
"Will you forgive me for wanting to see you?" He collapsed on the bed and tried to remove his jacket.
He had a wonderful boyish smile that made it difficult for her to remain upset. "It's an awful risk. What if you had collapsed before you made it here?" She helped him with the jacket and then took off his boots while he undid his tie.
"I guess I hadn't thought about that." He watched her walk over to the wardrobe and pull a nightshirt off the shelf.
"Here. This will be more comfortable." She watched him give her an inquisitive glance. "I had Cappa pull some of Edgar's old clothes out, I was going to offer them to you. They aren't doing me any good." She turned to leave so he could change.
"Why did you keep them all these years?" he asked as he began unbuttoning his shirt.
She sighed. "I don't know. Space was never an issue. I just never got around to it. Gili, my house elf before Cappa, had everything packed up by the time I moved back here. She wouldn't have gotten rid of them unless I specifically asked because she's a Westin house elf. Cappa was born after Edgar died and I'm the only master she's known."
Since she still had her back turned to him, he decided to finish dressing for bed. "And you don't find it the least bit…odd that you are dressing me in his old clothes?"
There were a few moments of silence as she considered his question. "I hadn't until just now. I don't know. I just thought that perhaps they could do some good after all these years of sitting in the attic. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but I've seen how ashamed you are of your appearance. I don't judge a book by its cover, but I thought you might feel more comfortable around me if you were dressed a little better." She could hear him limping toward her by the tap of his cane on the floor. She turned to face him and barely managed to catch him before he collapsed. Even then, he was heavier than her and they almost ended up on the floor anyway. "You really ought to be in bed." She led him back to the bed.
He brushed her cheek and said sadly, "I know you don't judge me by what I wear, but it doesn't change the fact I feel shabby around you. Sirius was actually the one that brought the clothes to my attention."
She sat next to him on the edge of the bed and took hold of his hand. "There's something you should know about my marriage to Edgar. Like most pureblood marriages, it was more political and financial than emotional. Oh, he never treated me badly or anything, but it was a business arrangement. Not much more than that. So we were never in love with each other. I guess that's why I didn't feel it was odd to give you some of his old clothes. Black should understand that having grown up in the house he did. It was abundantly clear that his parents didn't love each other." Unable to meet his eyes, she had taken to examining his hand and the myriad of small scars.
"And the aristocrats have all embraced this?" he asked incredulously.
She nodded slowly. "We have for ages. Marriages are political contracts. If you want emotional satisfaction, you tend to take someone on the side. I have no doubt Edgar had a mistress. And honestly, it didn't bother me all that much. It's just the way of our society. My mother explained it to me when I came of age. All that was stressed was that I needed to produce an heir or two. Once that was satisfied, I had fulfilled my part of the contract, other than appearing the doting wife in public.
She finally looked up into his eyes. "Now you know why I've had no particular desire to go back to that lifestyle. I've secretly been jealous of those that do marry for love, like Molly and Arthur and some of my coworkers. And now I'm old enough that my desirability as a wife is pretty much gone, so there's not much incentive for me to get back into the aristocratic circle. Now, I'm just looking for someone to love me that I can love in return." She leaned forward and kissed him gently. "I'll see you in the morning. I let Cappa know we'll have breakfast en suite."
"You know, I've always envied those with money, but perhaps I was wrong." Even though Sirius was his closest friend, he had never really contemplated the negative aspect of coming from a privileged family.
"You were. The life of the middle class is so much simpler. Good night, Remus." She kissed him one last time before pulling away.
"Good night." She had given him a lot to think about. Should he dare think that she had hinted that she loved him? He would. As he drifted off to sleep, his mind was filled with pleasant thoughts.