So I did make a Talking Dead chapter, but I posted it as a separate story. It features Michael Rooker (Merle), Jon Bernthal (Shane). and my OC actress who plays Toby. I know it sounds stupid but I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope those who read it enjoy it, if you go to my profile you should find it.
The previous several weeks had held a lot of firsts for me, I had always liked doing new things and being taught something new, I wasn't given new opportunities often. But I wasn't particularly happy about these changes. How could I be?
The first time staying with other people, first time in Atlanta (as far as I can remember), first time seeing someone die. First time seeing rotting, human bodies, unless that counted with watching someone die? First time eating fish, which hadn't gone too well, first time watching a building blow up. Oh, and how could I forget my first time killing something that was already dead.
I stood there, confused and slightly panicking, the first time someone aiming a gun right at me.
Daryl was close beside me, his crossbow raised, but not exactly aimed, he glanced down at me, confused and hesitant.
"You know this guy?" Shane questioned, he came further into the room, stepping closer to the hispanic man, passing me.
"Yeah." Daryl nodded shortly.
The man had a wild look in his eyes, his teeth clenched and lips upturned into almost a snarl as he shifted the guns aim to Shane.
"Back!" He yelled in a panic.
"Guillermo-" I heard Rick try to say.
"-Rick?" something flashed across Guillermo's face, he almost seemed calm. But it disappeared quickly, as if it hasn't been there. "Why are you here?! Who-Who are these people?! Why did you bring them?"
"Just put the gun down, we're all friends here. Just calm down, these are our people."
"Our group," Glenn continued, "we told you about them. What's going on? What happened here?"
"Calm down?!" He shook his head, I watched in surprise as tears effortlessly fell from his eyes, "You're here, you didn't see them? The dead? You come back with your own people and you want me to calm down?!" He laughed, it sounded strange and I guessed it was meant to be sarcastic, "you came back to take the guns, that it? You're too late. It's gone, all of it, the food, the medicine-what was left of it. They took everything and killed everyone."
"Who?" Glenn asked.
"Lori," Rick said quietly, "go, take the kids and Carol across the hall. Dale, go with them. Please."
I was watching the man closely, as each moment went by he began shaking more and more, more tears cascading down his cheeks as he struggles to hold the gun steady. His face twitched and contracted as he began to sob.
Daryl nudged me, "go, now. Stay with the women."
I didn't move at first, I was almost in a trance. But Daryl nudged me once again with his elbow and I began walking backward. As I did this, the man dropped onto the floor onto his knees, dropping the gun. Shane stepped closer and took the gun.
Once I got closer to the door, Lori pulled me out and into the hall. But not before I saw another first. A grown man crying.
That sight almost seemed to haunt me as we sat in another room, waiting for the men.
I swatted at a fly buzzing near my ear, there were a lot in the room due to the dead bodies on the far side. They said that after the rest of the group is done we'd be able to find another room or they'd take the bodies out. Now we were just waiting.
It wasn't the tears he shed, or like the few tears that leaked from Rick's eyes when he first saw Carl and Lori again. That man had sobbed and practically howled as he collapsed onto his knees.
I was deeply unsettled. They way his face contorted, the sounds he made, it almost looked fake it seemed so unnatural. It looked as if someone had grabbed the world beneath his feet and yanked it away. No other sound had had such an effect on me, I wasn't sure if I could recall hearing anything worse. It was like he had cried in a way he didn't know how, but was suddenly forced to learn.
Daddy had always taught me that no one should know what you're feeling, they would hold it against you, see how weak you were, lose all respect. It was expected of a woman to cry, he told me, they felt emotions different and weren't seen the same. Men had to be tough, men didn't cry, they set good example for their sons, so they would be strong too.
I never had to think about it much, I just assumed that men didn't actually cry, they couldn't. But now I was seeing that maybe it was that they weren't allowed.
But women were, I remembered asking Daddy if women, girls could cry, why he would get so mad at me?
"Girl or boy," he said, "Ain't raising no pussy."
I wanted to be strong, to have him be proud and not get in trouble. Be exactly how he wanted me to be. He taught me things that he said women shouldn't be taught, but I would be strong, he'd say.
But the last couple weeks, I hadn't been very strong. I was almost glad Daddy hadn't been there to see me. You're weak, that's why he didn't come back.
I wiped the sweat from my forehead, I was still wearing Sophia's sweater and was tempted to take it off. I tried to think of something else, maybe I should've been concerned about the people that had come here, but even though it had scared me, the people that came, killed, and took everything . . . I couldn't picture them coming back. I mean, it wasn't like we had anything to take right?
There's that bag of guns.
Oh, I remembered. But I still found myself more concerned with the Walkers, they wouldn't think to look for more people at a place they had already stolen from, right? Carl looked really unsettled, leaning against Lori, Lori didn't look any better. Sophia hadn't stopped crying.
I thought, maybe I should've been more upset about this. How many people had died, but . . . I felt indifferent. It didn't matter that much unless they came for us. But if they hadn't come, we might have been eating instead of waiting at this moment.
Sophia was a little girl, she was expected to get scared and cry. Carl, not as much, but as a kid, it's still seen. Grown ups were the strong ones, the ones that had learned control over their emotions. They were the bosses, with power, we had to listen to them until we became adults too.
The man in the other room, the one that if we listened hard enough, we could still hear the sobs. At least I could, I was seated on the floor closest to the open door. The others were against the wall on the other side. He had no power, if he ever had it, it was gone. His crying sounded almost primal, as if his brain was being shredded from the inside.
He wasn't being strong, he was torn apart. I found it much too unsettling, this man had just unraveled before us, with so many dead on the floors. Would that happen to us? People had just kept dying. Ed, Jim, Amy, Jacqui, Andrea. Maybe Merle and Daddy. Would we break like he did?
I heard shuffling and footsteps from a distance, I stood up, stepping into the doorway to look down the hall, wondering if Daryl and the others were done whatever they were doing.
"Toby," Lori said harshly, "where are you going?"
I turned to her, confused. I opened my mouth to say I wasn't going anywhere, but she continued.
"Come here, sit down." She lowered her head to Carl, telling him something I couldn't hear. Then he nodded and went to sit with Sophia. Lori beckoned me again and after eyeing her suspiciously I approached her.
I sat where she motioned me to sit with her against the wall on her left side.
"I know you aren't that big yet, but you are old enough to understand that you need to be more responsible now. Did you even tell someone you were leaving?"
I scrunched my eyebrows, you don't even know how old I am.
"Look, I'm not saying that Daryl was right to yell at you, because he wasn't. But he was right about you going off. You can't just wander around. What if something happened to you? No one would even know where to look. If you had stayed close, all that at the CDC could have been avoided."
The familiar letters struck a cord in my brain,oh yeah that's where we were. Daryl said they made medicine.
Lori stared at me as I thought over her words. Is she saying it was my fault? I had nothing to do with the building blowing up, how was I supposed to know it would even happen? Nobody cares where the hell I am until something's going to blow up.
Lori continued to stare at me firmly, "Do you understand what I'm saying? You need to pay attention to your surroundings-"
"-It's not my fault no one tells me shit," I exclaimed angrily.
Lori's eyes widened in anger, she took my jaw into her hand, it was a soft gesture, but an angry one. She forced me to look at her and pulled my face closer to hers. I'd seen her do it before to Carl when he was in trouble.
"Language, young lady. We tell you as much as Carl or Sophia. You're only job is to stay close. It's not only your life you put at risk. Daryl could have died yesterday, because you decided to take one of your walks."
My expression softened and I looked down with my eyes, guilt filling me. But the anger and frustration was still there and I couldn't push it away. I wanted to be far from everyone at that point.
"And remember what happened when we were at the school."
Just like that the guilt in that moment vanished and I smacked her hand away. I clenched my teeth trying not to explode.That wasn't even my idea! That was your son!
I heard her take a breath to continue, but that was when Shane and the others returned.
Rick and Shane were the first to walk in, then the others followed. Everyone stood up once they walked in, but I stayed down.
Rick walked in, holding his hat, "upstairs is our best bet, we've cleared a few rooms, could barricade those if we have to. We'll be alright."
"You're lying to us," Carol said. "Just like all the times before."
"That's unfair. And no help at all." Lori said to Carol, then she turned to Rick, "Who is that man?"
"Guillermo, he was the leader here," Glenn explained with a solemn expression.
"When we first got here, seeing the walkers, I thought they got overrun. But seeing Guillermo . . ." T-Dog trailed off.
Shane looked around at them, "how do we know he's telling the truth? What if he had something to do with this? We don't know him."
"We do." Rick argued.
T-Dog shook his head, "you don't lie about something like that, unless we're gonna be ambushed. He's not in on it, I've never seen someone break down like that."
"Then maybe they were just overrun and he's in shock, spewing off nonsense. He just says how they came, they could just be the Walkers," Dale interjected, unsure.
"You're just fishing, old man." Daryl scoffed, "Stop trying to sugar coat it, everyone here except that guy is shot in the head, execution style. The Geeks didn't show up until all this went down. This place was attacked, people came and killed everyone here and took whatever they wanted. You're worried about the Walkers, I'd be much worried about the people that came and did all this."
There was a long silence, everyone look horrified.
"Me and Shane barricaded the front doors, to be safe. Guillermo's still in the other room, once we find a room upstairs we're going to bring him with us." Glenn claimed.
Shane shook his head, "no, no way."
"It's not up for discussion," Rick said. "He's going to stay with us until we figure out what to do and-"
"-And? And then what, Rick?" Shane asked, "he could be a danger, he can't leave with us, not happening."
"We can't just leave him," Glenn said.
Dale agreed, "he's right we can't. It's not right. He should have a choice though."
Rick turned his head, "Daryl? What do you think?"
Daryl squinted his eyes, "me?"
Rick nodded.
"The guy's a mess for a good reason. Just leave him be, he's broken not dangerous, there's a difference."
Lori stepped forward, "you think he was in there hiding for the entire time?"
Daryl shrugged a shoulder, "coulda been, bodies gotta be a day or two old. This shit didn't just go down. Even if he did try anything I doubt he's got any strength in him."
"That's exactly why we can't trust him!" Shane exclaimed.
Rick shook his head in disagreement, "Shane, we have his gun. He isn't a danger, you saw him. He won't be trying anything. Think about what he's been through."
Shane rubbed his head and sighed in frustration, turning away from them and glancing at me. I crossed my arms and looked to the floor.
"Let's go and set up upstairs," Shane said.
The room they had chosen was significantly smaller and still a mess, but had the absence of dead bodies.
On the way upstairs Glenn and Rick had retrieved Guillermo, they were holding his arms helping him walk. Guillermo shoved them both away, claiming angrily that he could walk on his own. After only a few steps, he had wobbled and fallen. Glenn and Rick helped him the rest of the way. The others, I overheard, guessed he was dehydrated and hadn't eaten since well before the attack.
Everyone settled into the room. Carol sat on the floor in a corner with Sophia, Carl sat beside her and started talking to her. Lori took a chair by the table.
Rick and Glenn led Guillermo to the other side of the room from Sophia and Carl, sitting him on the floor against the wall.
Shane dropped his bag on the floor, then I decided to do the same. Getting tired of the weight on my back, even though it was very little.
I looked around wondering where to go, then Shane came up to me, "go sit with Carl."
I looked up at him, making my expression hard and blank. I thought about fighting it or sitting somewhere else, but I obeyed, dragging my bag with me.
"Hey," Carl said.
I nodded in response.
"Me, Shane and Daryl are going to take a last look around, see what we can find." Rick said.
"I'll come," Glenn said.
Dale nodded, volunteering himself. They looked at Dale as if surprised but shook it off a moment later.
"We need to have someone stay with gun experience," Rick said.
T-Dog gave a nod, "I'll stay." T-Dog sat on the floor near Guillermo, but a little distance away from him. Guillermo kept his head down, staring at the floor.
Carol stood up after a few minutes, going to sit with Lori.
"What happened to your leg?" Sophia gasped. I looked over to her and then back at my leg. Oh,I realized, these are her pants, shit.
"I'm sorry, Daryl ripped them to . . . I'm sorry."
"What?" she seemed confused for a moment, "I don't care about the pants. Why were you bleeding?"
Now I'm confused. I looked down at the cloth Daryl tied around my calf, as if it would reveal why she gives a shit. It doesn't.
"I uh . . . glass cut me. When we left that building."
"How bad is it?" Carl asked.
I scrunched my eyebrows, wondering again why they care. There was some dried blood on the cloth and a little down my leg. I untied it and dropped it to see the cut. There was mostly a mess of dried blood, the cut looked long but it wasn't very wide, it looked like it had stopped bleeding a while before.
"Not bad," I said.
"That looks like it hurts," Sophia remarked.
I shrugged, I didn't really feel it if I wasn't thinking about it.
"Are we going to stay here?" she asked Carl.
"I hope not, maybe just for the night. I hope we leave soon."
"Me too," she agreed.
A short while later, the door opened and Daryl walked in, Rick, Shane, and Glenn following behind.
"They ransacked the kitchen, all we found is the one can," Shane said, giving a can to Daryl.
"They hit the dispensary too," Rick continued. "Tore the door off its hinges. Took everything."
"Looks like all we came back for is cough drops and . . ." Daryl lifted the can to his face, reading the label, "garbanzo beans?"
"Is there any water?" Sophia asked.
Shane rubbed his head then went over to his bag that was on the floor, he lifted it onto an empty chair and looked through it, finding a bottle, "all I brought is the one bottle, make it last. Goes for everybody," He said, passing the bottle to her.
"What else you got in that bag?" T-Dog asked Shane.
Shane let out a short laugh. He took his bag off the chair to sit in it, placing the bag on his lap and pulled something out and shaking it.
"Salty snacks?" Glenn joked.
"Courtesy of the CDC, I thought I'd be having midnight snacks in my air conditioned room," he said, tossing some small packages around the room. "Didn't know they'd be dinner."
Daryl had opened the can and Glenn took it. He was using a plastic spoon to push beans on some paper plates.
"And uh . . ." Shane pulled a wine bottle out of his bag, looking down at it, thinking something over.
Daryl looked over at him, chewing something, "like to share?"
"Seeing as how I owe you my life, guess I, uh, I'm gonna go ahead and be nice to you," Shane nodded his head once, holding the bottle out to Daryl.
Daryl took it, "I do believe I earned the first swallow."
"You guys go easy on that stuff," Lori said, "let's not forget where we are."
"Yes, ma'am," Daryl said seriously.
Glenn passed the plates around, even placing one in front of Guillermo, who didn't even look up. I stared at the open doorway. A couple steps to the left in the hall was the stairwell we came from. After thinking it over I stood up, taking my bag and walking over to the doorway. I could feel eyes on me but no one said anything.
They were probably waiting to see if I really went anywhere. But I only went to the stairs, which was visible from the room, and sat at the top of the staircase. I dropped my bag a stair below me and opened it, deciding after all the shit that has been going on I was going to wear my knives.
I pulled them out, fastening the straps around my left thigh.
"Taking the first watch?"
I turned my head to see Dale, "May I join you?"
I scooted over and he sat beside me, he had two paper plates with beans on them, and a package of whatever Shane had in his bag.
"Seems as though we just keep getting ourselves into bigger messes," he said, giving me a plate.
"Carol thinks it's Sheriff Rick's fault," was it sheriff or officer?
"Maybe, maybe not. Rick had made the right call on leaving Atlanta . . . just maybe in the wrong direction. Who knows? Maybe if we had left earlier . . . we should've. We shouldn't have stayed there as long as we have. Merle and Daryl said as much, we should've listened."
"Why didn't you?"
"I knew they were right, we were too close to the city, more and more were coming. But . . . we wanted to be rescued, we wanted Shane to be right. He was the cop, by default the voice of reason. We should've . . ." he shook his head, looking away from me. "We should've done a lot of things."
He was quiet then. But the package he was trying to open made a lot of noise, "out of curiosity, your father . . ."
He trailed off, popping whatever was in the package into his mouth. He showed the bag, silently offering me some but I shook my head. Once he finished chewing, he swallowed and spoke,
"Did your father keep anything else from you? Food wise? I'm only asking because of that night, Carl said you mentioned that fish made your father sick. So did he keep you from eating it too? Did he know about your allergy?"
"Uh, I don't know. We just never had it. We would go fishing but usually throw 'em back or he'd give 'em to someone. I only really ate what daddy ate."
"Do you remember if there was anything else that made him sick? Or something he said would make you sick?"
I shook my head, thinking it over. I couldn't remember anything else like that.
"You guys havin' a private party?" T-Dog asked, walking up behind us, "Why wasn't I invited?"
"I'm afraid the invitation may have been misplaced." Dale joked.
"Damn shame, especially since I thought we were buddies," he said to me.
I squinted my eyes a little, confused at the statement. He reached behind himself into his back pocket, pulling something out.
"You asked for these earlier, never got the chance to look." He held a worn, squished and slightly torn crayon box to me. My eyes widened slightly and I reached up to take it from him.
"Not much there, even all the art supplies here was taken. Sorry, kid."
"Thank you," I said, opening the flap to the box. He was right, there wasn't much at all, only five crayons.
None of them yellow. I felt disappointed but didn't show it, it was really nice of him, he didn't actually have to bring them for me. I was really surprised he did and wondered why.
"What's next? We need to decide." I heard Lori say. I turned my head, she was standing near the doorway looking at someone. But I couldn't see who.
"Fort Benning, Rick." Shane said, still sitting in the chair closest to the door.
Lori nodded, "Fort Benning."
"I should've listened to you, Shane. Would've saved us a lot of grief if I had. Jacqui and Andrea would still be alive."
Although we weren't touching, I could feel Dale tense up beside me.
Shane shook his head, "that was their choice, man. Do not take that on."
"It was their choice, their decision to make." Lori agreed, "Not yours, not more than it was with Jim."
Their choice? Like Jim? I thought, confused.
Glenn spoke next, he had sit down beside Shane on the floor, "all these people . . . who would do something like this? Just come in here and murder everybody. Even all the old people. H-How sick is that?"
"Is this something we need to be discussing right now?" Lori said to him sternly.
Shane rubbed his face, standing up, "better if we uh, get some sleep, huh?"
Shane walked out of the room toward us. Glenn, Rick, and Daryl followed him. Daryl was holding the wine bottle.
Shane turned to Glenn, his expression hard, "the kids in there are terrified, and the women."
"Guys, I'm really sorry." Glenn said quietly.
"Watch it," T-Dog said, "one of them kids is right here."
Glenn, Rick, Shane, and Daryl looked at me briefly.
Hi to you too.
"Toby-"
"-Let her stay," Rick stopped Shane. "We won't be saying anything she doesn't already know." Shane's expression got harder and his eyes flickered to Rick, he looked away, as if hoping no one would notice. T-Dog went over and nudged Daryl, asking silently for the bottle, Daryl gave it.
"We're all rattled and exhausted, no one's thinking clearly. But we have to start. Our lives depend on it." Rick continued.
Shane nodded still not looking at Rick but his expression easing, "You're damn right, we can't ever let our guard down again. Back at camp . . . having us a fish fry, no one on watch. People died that didn't need to."
Rick nodded solemnly, "Fort Benning, that's the consensus."
T-Dog tipped the bottle back and took a small drink before speaking, "anywhere but here."
"We've wasted fuel driving so many vehicles, we need to lose a few. We'll syphon the gas out of whatever cars we don't take. Should get us out of the city." Rick said.
Shane nodded, "It's a start, just try and get a little shut eye tonight."
"I'll take watch," T-Dog volunteered, giving the bottle back to Daryl.
"I'll relieve you in an hour," Shane said.
I couldn't even remember why I was screaming, I just knew I was panicking. Whatever I had screamed about had turned my stomach into knots. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and crying. I was awake, sort of, my mind still foggy and I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't think.
Then I suddenly felt rough hands on my arms, and a man's voice.
Instead of the panic subsiding, it gradually increased. I knew I had woken him up, I was in trouble. Then I struggled, thrashing myself around, I didn't mean to wake him up, I swear I didn't. I didn't even remember what had scared me so much. Now I was even more scared, and I started screaming again. But instead of blind screams of terror, they were protests, actual words.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I thrashed, "I'll be good! I'm good now!"
"Toby!"
"I won't do it again," I sobbed trying to push him away.
One of his hands released me, only to get a hold of my jaw, "Toby, listen!"
I stared into Shane's eyes, freezing.
Shane
Daddy's not here.
Oh
I stared at Shane, my lungs deflating and muscles relaxing slightly. But I didn't take my eyes off him, I knew he was a lot different from Daddy but I still could've been in trouble. His eyes were wide but eyebrows furrowed, confused and shocked. He sighed with what seemed like relief.
He slowly took his hand away from my jaw. I blinked and tears fell, I wasn't crying anymore so they were from when I was sobbing, maybe because my eyes were closed they never got the chance to fall. That's when I realized I was sitting up, I wasn't sure when I had gotten into that position.
"Oh, honey," Lori came forward, right in my face, wiping a tear from my cheek. I flinched and pulled away. Shane had moved a bit, letting go of my arm to make room for her. She came closer, putting an arm around my shoulder to pull me to her while she spoke.
I tried pushing her away, and over her shoulder I saw everyone looking.
I had woken everyone.
I pushed harder, actually succeeding in making a distance between us. I was shaky and my face was now wet from snot and tears. The feel of her hands made my skin tingle and stomach knot.
"Stop," I mumbled.
"It's okay," she said softly using her other hand and pulling me. Her other hand began stroking my back.
"St-"
"-Sh, it's okay. You just had a nightmare."
"Stop touching me!" I exploded, "I don't like it! STOP!"
Lori reared back, surprised by my outburst. It seemed like everyone was staring at me. I looked away, my lip quivering. She had backed away, her hands finally off of me, even Shane had leaned back.
I was still shaking, I tried calming myself down but now I was getting angry. By Lori's approach it didn't seem like they were mad, but they could've been after I snapped. I waited, trying to calm myself down but no one did anything. They just stared, I could feel all the eyes burning holes into me.
"Hey-" Shane started to say quietly after several moments. Only to be stopped by Daryl.
"-Jesus Christ will ya give the kid some space? Let her breathe for cryin' out loud. Coddling her doesn't do shit, fuck," Daryl said, obviously annoyed. I glanced over at him, he was shaking his head and he stood up, grabbing his crossbow.
"Suns comin' up," he said to them, "we should pack up and just get the hell out now. We're up anyway, might as well make use of the time we got."
"Yeah, I'm with Daryl." Glenn said, rubbing his eyes "I don't want to spend more time here then we have to."
Others agreed and they all decided to start getting ready. I pulled my knees close to my chest and hid my face, trying not to cry from embarrassment and hoping no one was mad.
Soon enough, everyone was outside. Me, Carl, Sophia, their moms and Dale had to stay inside along with that Guillermo guy while the other siphoned gas and chose which cars were going and staying. They weren't able to find anymore food or water, but they got lots of gas from nearby cars. They even filled up two extra red gas containers.
Though I wasn't sure how much they held and how much gas cars actually took.
Glenn came inside to get the rest of us, saying they were ready to leave and they took care of any Walkers they saw. Once we got out, I spot Daryl taking the motorcycle out of his truck, T-Dog was helping.
I watched as they struggled to get the bike out and walked toward them. They finished once I was a few feet away. Daryl nodded to him awkwardly in thanks. T-Dog returned it and turned away, he walked toward me and smiled, ruffling my hair as he passed. I looked at him, confused by the gesture as he continued walking.
I looked at Daryl as he fastened the bag he had to the bike, he had his back to me, with his crossbow slung over his shoulder. After a moment, he turned slightly, spotting me, then back to the bike.
"Your ridin' in the RV," he said.
I opened my mouth then shut it. It seemed obvious he was taking the bike now, but why? I almost asked but didn't want him to be annoyed by me. I always got annoyed and frustrated when people asked me stupid questions.
"Go, they're just 'bout ready. Maybe get some sleep on the ride."
He looked back at me, I kept the blank expression the best I could. I was pretty sure I succeeded, I didn't want him to know I was disappointed. I knew we weren't taking as many cars so I wasn't looking forward to how crowded the RV was going to be. Especially since the new guy was now joining us.
We stared at each other for the short moment until I was about to turn away.
"You're uh, your leg good?"
I paused, perplexed at his question. I nodded and after a second he nodded back, though it took him several moments to finally turn away. Then I took that as cue for me to go.
weird.
There was a car parked in front of the RV. Rick was standing with Shane not too far from it. At the car Carol and Sophia were getting in the back. Lori was with Carl, he was about to get into the back seat with Sophia then stopped when he saw me.
"Hey, mom?" He looked up at her, "Can Toby ride with us too?"
She shook her head, "no room, baby, maybe the next ride."
His face softened and he looked a little disappointed. He raised his hand in a small wave before getting in the car, Lori closing the door after him. She turned to me with a small smile, "sorry, hon, next ride alright?"
I just shrugged, not caring that much, but at the same time not really wanting to be in the car with her. It seemed every time I begun to like her, or even remotely in that direction, she does or says something that throws me onto another path.
I stood still for a moment, expecting her to turn away and maybe get into the car. But she didn't. Her eyes were down on my leg and I figured she was eyeing the cut pant leg.
"What is that?" She asked, coming closer.
I looked down, then noticed it was something else that caught her attention. Before, when I strapped the knives on, I didn't have a single care who saw them. People were dying, and I may not be able to use them very well, or properly, but I did save my own life with one. I did kill a Walker.
But now I began to feel anxious, not liking her tone of voice or the way she was looking at them. I put a hand over the nylon fabric instinctively, as if to protect it. She stopped two feet away from me, staring down at them.
"Where did you get that?"
I didn't say anything.
"Toby, where did you get those?"
I knew no one paid attention to me, whether they wanted to or not. But I had been wearing them since that night, I honestly didn't think I was that invisible. The sheath wasn't very bulky but was black and very noticeable with the pants I was wearing.
"Did you find them somewhere, at the CDC?" She stepped closer and reached her hand out. "Take it off, give it to me."
I stepped back, starting to feel angry. I shook my head.
"Toby, those are weapons, not toys. Now, before you or someone else gets hurt."
"Lori?" Rick asked as he approached. Shane was standing where they were before, but once he got a good look at all of his, he looked a little confused and came closer. "Something wrong?"
"She has knives, I don't know where she got them. I told her to give them to me."
"Oh," Shane said, as if finally realizing what she was talking about. "They're hers."
"What?"
"They're hers, she's always had them. She knows how to use them, her father taught her." Shane explained.
"You knew she had them? This whole time? And you just let her have them?" Lori look appalled, "This isn't okay. She's too young, She can't just walk around . . ." she stopped herself, sighing and wiping her forehead. She was frustrated and trying to gain her composure.
I stared at Rick, he didn't look at all confused or surprised by this. Lori seemed to notice this too.
"Rick? Say something. It's-"
"-Lori," Rick said, shaking his head, "it's not our say."
Her eyes widened, "you can't be okay with-"
"-I am. Shane discussed this with me before, he instructed her to put them away for the time being. But under the circumstances, I don't see a problem with her having them. As long as she's responsible and doesn't pull any out unless necessary. Shane has already talked to her and assured me she knows how to handle them."
Lori turned to Shane, "you told him? Why didn't you say anything to me?"
Shane's eyebrows raised, as if shocked. Then they furrowed and he shook his head, a soft laugh escaping his lips, "Why didn't I say anything? There's just no pleasing you, is there?"
Now she looked confused, tilting her head about to say something, but Shane interrupted.
"How am I supposed to know what you do or don't want me to say to you?"
Rick stepped in toward him, "Shane-"
"-Doesn't matter what I do, does it?" Shane said, looking straight at Lori and ignoring Rick, "every step I take is the wrong one."
He shook his head and maneuvered himself around Rick, walking off.
Lori's mouth was open in shock, while Rick stared at her. Utterly confused with what was going on.
With Lori seemingly distracted I stepped aside and slowly stepped around them. Once I was a few steps away, I hurried my pace, following Shane to the RV. I knew he said before he'd let me keep them, but I didn't know he'd defend that decision when it came down to it. It made me feel a little better. Especially about him, I knew I was a kid and probably just being naive.
I still didn't understand what had happened at the CDC between them. Between him and me. But he seemed to have forgotten it or was pretending he did.
Sometimes men do things
I shook my head, there wasn't any use in thinking about it at that moment.
"You good, T?" Shane asked T-Dog as he approached him.
"Yeah, everyone's ready and loaded up. Guillermo's in the RV."
"He say anything?"
"Not since those few words this morning. Other then that, not a sound. Don't even think he can hear us most of the time. Was difficult enough getting him in there, was almost scared we wouldn't get him to go. Glad we did, can't leave him, wouldn't sit right on my conscience ."
"You're shoulder good?"
"Oh yeah, only a scratch, he came to his senses quick."
"Let's hope this is the right call, guy isn't stable."
A little while earlier, once the others first decided it was safe for the rest of us to come out. Glenn had been talking, or trying to talk to Guillermo. I wasn't sure if he had slept at all during the night, but he wasn't then. His eyes were open and he was staring at the floor blankly, unresponsive to Glenn. Rick had tried next, telling him they were gonna leave and he was welcome to go to. They explained they wanted him to go to.
The T-Dog knelt next to him next, putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking him. They seemed actually scared about how unresponsive he was. Then he had thrashed out at T-Dog, obviously panicked, scared and trying to push him away. It almost seemed like he would start crying.
When Guillermo seemed to realize what was going on, he slumped back, still shaking.
"I-I . . . I'm sorry," He had mumbled to him, then put his head in his hands muttering, "Coño, que hago."
Then they were able to get him to walk outside with him, standing close as he stumbled a couple times. I was pretty dire he still hadn't eaten. Glenn had given him some of the beans we all got, but even if he did eat it, it wouldn't have done much.
"Uh," T-Dog's eyes caught mine, he awkwardly cleared his throat and talked quietly to Shane. But I still heard, "shadow's behind you."
Shane turned quickly, his expression surprised but he tried turning it into a surprised smile. All I could think about was how fake it was. Nothing seemed to be going good for us, everyone was scared, why even bother pretending?
"Got your bag?" He asked as he looked at my back and saw that I did. "Let's get going. Ladies first," he gestured to the door.
I stared at him, scrunching my eyebrows, weird. Why is everyone so weird? I looked down at myself as I stepped into the RV. Lady?
I paused when I saw Guillermo at the booth with the table, leaning against the window. Glenn was on his knees in front of the couch on the opposite side of the RV, the huge gun bag on it, he was looking through it.
I looked at Guillermo again, he didn't really seem aware of his surrounding so I went into the booth on the opposite side of him.
"Glenn? What you up to, man?" Shane asked as he came in.
"Just . . . inventory, I guess."
"Well don't, we have lots, nothing to worry about."
Glenn nodded, seemingly to himself, was was about to close the bag but Shane reached out, stopping him. He took a handgun out of his waistband behind his back. Opening the chamber and checking it.
I saw movement out of the corner of my eyes as I watched them and looked at Guillermo. His head wasn't against the window anymore, but subtly toward them, yet not all the way. As if he was trying to see discreetly. His eyes were trailing Shane's movements as he closed the chamber and placed the handgun into the bag. It was hard to tell, but from the way Guillermo watched I guessed it was the gun Shane had taken from him. He said something quietly to Glenn and Glenn zipped it up, the grabbed it and walked to the back of the RV where the tiny bedroom was. Just before Shane turned around toward us Guillermo resumed his original position, leaning his head against the window and staring out blankly.
Shane nudged me to move over and I did. He sat down in the booth beside me as T-Dog walked in and shut the door. Dale opened the door to the driver's side and hopped in.
Glenn came back and climbed between the seats to sit in the passenger side.
I looked at Shane, having a couple questions. I overheard them saying a lot about going to Fort Benning. But I didn't know where or what that was, a city? Small town? How far away was it?
Instead of actually asking I just looked down at my lap, leaning back. As I did I felt my bag on my back. I took it off and put it at my feet under the table.
We had been driving for a while. At least it felt like it. My concept of time was horrible, what felt like an hour to me could've been only ten or twenty minutes, who knew. But I was fairly certain it had been a long time. T-Dog was lying on the couch with his eyes closed, though I wasn't sure if he was really sleeping.
Guillermo was in the same position as before, but his head slightly drooped with his eyes closed.
Shane had laid down a dark blue cloth on the table, I wasn't paying attention before so I have no idea where he got it from.
Shane undid his belt holster, lifting it up and placing it on the table away from the cloth and pulled his pistol out of it.
I watched as he pulled the top of it back toward him, the made a couple small moves I didn't see before the gun started falling apart. My eyes widened as the gun pieces fell onto the cloth.
Shane caught my eye, "you said your father taught you about guns, you ever clean one?"
I shook my head, "Watched him do it a couple times, not much. Daddy never took it apart that fast."
"I have a lot of practice with this piece," he explained. "Had it for a long time. Trick is to get all these pieces back together the exact same way. You remember what he had?"
I thought about it and shook my head, "I forget, he usually stuck with the big guns."
"Like what?"
I looked at him, raising my eyebrows. I didn't think he'd keep pushing or asking. As always I wondered why he was asking.
I thought hard, trying to remember, "he had, uh . .. Rem-Reming-ton," I sounded the word out, stuttering and trying to remember. He told me what it was called but I never said it out-loud myself before, "something . . . there was a number."
"That's fine," he assured, "the names can be hard to remember. This right here is a Glock 17, got an above-average capacity of seventeen rounds."
I paused, biting my lip, "that why it's so heavy?"
He chuckled, "yeah, could be. How much experience do you have, shooting wise?"
My stomach dropped and I looked back at my lap, fiddling with my fingers nervously. I had held a gun lots of times, Daddy would take me for target practice in the back yard. But just as he had with the knives, he'd given up trying to teach me. I knew how to load and shoot, how to hold them right. I just could never hit the target. The progress I had made with my knives was much greater than any I made with a gun.
I knew Shane was waiting for an answer, so I just shrugged.
I could feel him staring at me. There was a long silence, then I heard the soft sound of the metal against the table as he spaced the pieces out.
"Tell you what," he said. "You help me clean this piece, we'll put it together. And once we get the chance, I'll take you for target practice."
I looked back at him, wide eyes, "huh? Really?"
"You sure that's a good idea?" T-Dog said from the couch, "I mean, look what happened the last time she got her hands on a gun."
"That's why it'll do good to teach her, have respect for the weapon." He looked back at me, smiling. But my thoughts were then lost by his statement. "S'long as she promises not to shoot me."
I pulled my arms into myself, almost going into a ball at that word. I could already feel the burning.
"I-I got respect." I stuttered, becoming extremely anxious. I hated that word, the burns on my arms all tallying when I hadn't shown respect.
I peeked up at Shane. Who was staring down at me with his eyebrows furrowed, obviously put off by my reaction. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.
"Oh, jeez," Dale muttered.
Glenn followed with: "Aw no . . ."
The RV slowly squeaked to a stop, Shane got out of the seat behind me and leaned in behind Dale, looking out windshield. I scooted myself to where Shane was sitting before and leaned to the side to see what was going on.
On the road there was a tipped over truck, blocking the path. There were other cars around, most of the doors opened and abandoned. The sight was more than familiar and I stared at Shane. He must of sensed it because he looked back at me with a soft expression, seemingly thinking of what I was.
"Is . . . is this where . . ." my stomach churned at the memory.
"No," Shane shook his head at me. "These people were headed somewhere else, not in the same area. Our jam was on the other side of Atlanta."
"Oh," was all I replied with, sitting up straight in the booth. I heard the rumbling of Daryl's bike, sounding like he was closer to the RV.
"See a way through?" Dale asked out the window.
Daryl's bike rumbled louder and then the sound faded slightly as he drove farther from us.
The RV started moving again, very slowly.
"Uh, maybe we should just go back." Glenn said, he was looking at a map and sitting in the passenger seat. "There's an interstate bypass-"
"-We can't spare the fuel," Dale stopped him.
Dale drove the RV further into the traffic. Some of the cars seemed fine, some with their doors opened. Then there were the ones that had some sort of accident. One of them was completely flipped over.
After less than a minute of driving through the chaos, the RV seemed to jump. There was a loud hissing sound and then the sound of the engine sputtering. I looked out the windshield again, seeing steam spraying out of the hood.
Dale stopped the RV, getting out of his seat and slamming the door behind him. Shane, Glenn, and T-Dog were our next. I got up next, going toward the door.
"I said it, didn't I say it? A thousand times, dead in the water." I heard Dale exclaim.
I partially stayed in the RV, only leaning out to see everyone going to the front.
"Problem Dale?" Shane asked.
"Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of . . ." Dale stopped, looking around. "Okay, that was dumb."
"If you can't find a radiator hose here . . ." Shane trailed off.
I stepped out then, seeing Rick, Lori, Sophia and Carol. I guessed I was allowed since everyone was out. I didn't see Carl yet.
I spotted Daryl's back by the closest car, the trunk was open and he was pulling some things out. "There's a whole bunch of stuff we can find."
"I can siphon more fuel from these cars for a start." T-Dog said.
"Maybe some water?" Carol hoped.
"Or food," Glenn interjected.
"This is a graveyard," Lori said, her arms crossed, "I don't know how I feel about this."
No one said anything for a while, they all exchanged glances. Some looking guilty and sad.
After a moment, T-Dog took a deep breath, walking passed me, "all right, all right. Here we go."
"Come on ya'll, just look around, gather what you can." Shane instructed. And just like that Lori's words were forgotten.
I stood there silently for next couple moments, watching as the others went their separate ways.
T-Dog walked passed me again, this time with a long coiled tube in his hand, and two red gas containers in the other.
I heard talking and walked forward a bit, Glenn and Dale had the front of the RV open where the steam was coming out. I watched them for a minute, becoming so focused that when I was poked in the shoulder I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Sorry," Carl said. "Do you want to look around with me and Sophia?"
I gave a shrug of the shoulder but walked with him.
"Wait," Shane said, coming up at my side. He seemed like he was about to reach for my shoulder to stop me, but hesitated and pulled his hand away. He motioned his head to Carl, "you go on, I'm gonna talk to her."
Carl nodded and turned away.
"Toby? How about, uh . . . Do me a favor, will you?"
I stared up at Shane, confused but nodded.
"How about you stay in the RV for a bit?"
"Why?"
He crouched down, his voice low. "Guillermo, he's uh . . . He's not doing so hot."
Shane was thinking something over in his head, and it seemed like he was having trouble explaining it.
"He's sad," I guessed, though it came out as more of a statement then a question.
Shane nodded, "that's right. Maybe you could go keep him company, keep a quiet eye on him. You don't have to talk to him, in fact that may be best. Just sit, if you feel like it you could clean the gun for me. That would be a big help."
I hesitated. I waited to see if he would change his mind or say he was joking, but he looked sincere and was silent while waiting for my answer.
"You want me to clean the gun?"
"Well you don't have to-"
"-Will you teach me how to put it together?"
His eyes widened slightly, as if surprised by my answer. Then he smiled and chuckled lightly, "If that's what you want, that's what we'll do. Not at this moment but later on."
I raised my eyebrows, I never heard that kind of an answer before. I mentally shrugged then stepped around him, walking to the RV.
I stopped at Shane's voice, "just . . . let me know if he starts acting weird, alright? Or even if you're uncomfortable."
I nodded and stepped in, the door had been left open so I didn't bother to close it. I walked in a little more, then I saw that Guillermo was still asleep against the window. I slowly made my way into the seat where Shane was sitting beside me, across from Guillermo.
I sat in the spot Shane was sitting before, staring down at the taken apart gun on the blue cloth. There was a small yellow rag that was dirty, I grabbed that and one of the metal pieces, wiping it off.
I did that for a little while, focusing on cleaning every single inch of each piece. I glanced up with my eyes, for no particular reason.
I practically jumped out of my skin when I saw Guillermo was actually awake and looking at me. We stared each other down for a moment, he glanced at the gun pieces and looked away.
His facial features tensed and he shifted in his seat slightly, his arm draped over his stomach. I was about to look down and continue cleaning but a low grumbling sound stopped me.
His eyes flickered at me, knowing I had heard but he just looked away again. As if pretending it didn't happen. I glanced at where his arm was, noticing how his hand clenched a part of his abdomen. I knew what the sound had been.
I thought about it for a moment, I was hungry too, and I was pretty sure he didn't eat anything that was given to him that night. Not that it mattered, I didn't really eat it either, it wasn't really food.
I did have something, and I was saving it. I didn't know exactly what was wrong with him other then he was sad, maybe it would help. It seemed stupid to think that, I was pretty sure he knew everyone at that nursing home, and now everyone there was dead.
I bit my lip but decided, I reached under the table and pulled my bag onto my lap. I dug through it a little before pulling out the chocolate bar. Daryl had given to me before we left camp in Atlanta, Glenn found a couple to give to Sophia, Carl, and me. I think Daryl said something about me following him around, so he took it, figuring he'd get the first chance to offer it.
I could feel through the wrapper that it was slightly melted. It'd be hard to open it and take it out of the wrapper without ruining it a little. Then I got an idea and pulled one of my knives out, Guillermo was looking at me again, having heard the wrapper I assumed.
I put the chocolate bar flat on the table and cut through the middle, through both the wrapper and the chocolate. Then I put my knife away and dumped both halves out of their wrappers.
I picked one of them up, leaning over the table, slightly standing up so I could reach farther and placing it in front of Guillermo. I sat back down as he glanced from me to the chocolate. He looked at me and when he didn't do anything but stare, I leaned forward again, using my index finger to push it closer to him.
I sat back down and took a bite of my own. I couldn't remember the last time I had any chocolate. Obviously I hadn't had any after leaving home, but even before that chocolate was a very rare occurrence. I stared down at the table as I ate, I peeked up out of the corner of my eye to see Guillermo had picked it up and started to slowly take bites. I pretended I didn't notice.
I finished it and wiped my hands on my pants, putting to wrappers aside I continued to clean the gun. A few moments later I looked up, he had finished his half and was watching my hands. His expression seemed different, almost softer somehow.
My eyes trailed to the window, my hands and my breathing stopped at what I saw. I couldn't tell how many there were, maybe a dozen, half a dozen, not that it even mattered much. I dropped what I was holding and dropped myself to the ground.
I know no one tells me shit but this is ridiculous.
All I saw outside were the Walkers, I didn't see anyone else and wondered if they were okay or just hiding. I crawled forward a little to look up at Guillermo in his seat still. I got on my knees, quickly reaching for him and tugging on his arm.
"Down, down," I instructed in a hushed voice. He looked down at me, confused and not moving. I pointed my hand to the window and he looked out.
His jaw dropped slightly but he didn't move. I tugged his arm again, this time harder, he seemed to snap out of it and scrambled out onto the floor.
I took a deep breathe, trying to calm myself down but it came out shaky. I couldn't believe how many there were, and they didn't seem to know we were there. I hoped all we had to do was stay low and wait for them to go away.
But it's never that easy.
I heard the RV creek and looked at the doorway, I saw the Walkers hand on the frame before I saw anything else.
I got up slightly, pulling Guillermo with me. I rushed to the back of the RV and he followed. When we got to where the bed was I turned around, Guillermo stood beside me. The Walker was already on. It almost froze for a second when it saw us, almost. Then it started stumbling and growling as it came closer.
Shit, I looked around quickly, my heart hammering in my chest. Then I saw the curtain that closed off the bed from the rest of the RV. Without thinking, I grabbed onto it and and closed the curtain.
As soon as I did it, I knew how stupid it was. I was even more aware of my stupidity when the Walker started pushing on the curtain.
"Dumbass," I smacked my palm against my head, reaching for my knives with my other hand. I pulled one out, feeling slightly confident.
You killed one, just do it again.
All my confidence drained when the Walker moved passed the curtain. He must've been an entire foot taller than Guillermo. Guillermo wasn't that tall, but this corpses height was something I almost wasn't able to process. I knew I was screwed.
Then in a quick second Guillermo was in front of me, charging the large Walker. But it backfired, the Walker may have been stronger. I jumped out of the way, falling on my butt as he was pushed against the wall, trying to push off the Walker.
He was making angry noises, trying his hardest to push it off. I wanted to help but I started shaking and just wanted to run and hide. It was so tall there was no way for me to reach.
My eyes went around, looking toward my escape and the struggle. Then my eyes went to the bed.
I'm gonna die I know it.
I held the knife tightly, stepping onto the bed. I slowly stepped in their direction, hoping the Walker wouldn't move or notice.
Do it, just do it.
The Walkers mouth was wide open, less than an inch away from Guillermo's face. I held my knife over my head then pushed myself off the bed and onto the Walker, the momentum helping me to impale the Walker's head. I stumbled a bit before falling back and me with it.
The back of my head hit something hard, I wasn't sure if it was the floor or a wall, but it hurt like hell.
The Walker was lying on the lower half of my body, it's head on my stomach. I didn't notice that, at first all I could see is white. Then that faded out and Guillermo was over me, pulling the body off me.
"Ow," I groaned. The pain at the back of my head seem to spread out. I reached my hand and put it on my head.
I propped myself up on my elbows. The Walker was off of me now and I looked over at it, "it dead?"
Guillermo glanced at it and nodded. He looked back at me, his lips parted about to speak but he hesitated.
I rubbed my head, hoping to relieve some pain.
"Thank you," he said quietly.
I looked at him again, surprised he said anything.
Then the RV rocked slightly as someone rushed in. "Toby?" I recognized Daryl's voice immediately, "you in here?"
Before I could respond he pulled the curtain back. He paused, looking down at us and the body. I followed his eyes when the stopped at me, looking down at the blood that was now on the sweater I was wearing. My hand was bloody too.
Whatever expression he had on before had changed so quickly I didn't even know what he was before, but then he was angry.
"The hell is this? You just let her take the dead fuck on? How-"
"-It . . . it was gonna . . . it was gonna eat him," I tried defending, but I found my breath was at an uneven pace.
"Don't matter, c'mon, get up." He reached for me and help me stood up, once I was standing he glared hardly at Guillermo who was still sitting on the floor, "I don't care what kinda fucked up shit happened, we all are going through a shit time. Doesn't mean you let a little girl fight for you."
He gently nudged my arm and I followed him through the RV.
"You're fine? No one's bit?" He asked.
My head was still hurting but I didn't say anything. I nodded.
He looked down at me, his expression softening. "You uh . . . you did good."
My eyes widened slightly, but before I could say or do anything he stepped out of the RV.
When we got out I saw that just about everyone was on the far side of the road, standing by the metal railing that separated the forest and the road.
"Hey," Shane approached me and Daryl from the right.
"One of 'em got in the RV. Almost killed them both, she killed it," Daryl said flatly.
Shane was taken aback, but after a moment he composed himself, "You alright?"
I just shrugged, not wanting to talk.
"I'm sorry . . ." he said, running a hand through his hair, "I thought . . . I thought if you stayed in the RV . . ."
When he said that, I finally understood why he wanted me to be in the RV. It wasn't to keep Guillermo company or clean the gun parts.
Carl was over by the others, he briefly glanced behind him, and once he saw me he rushed over.
"Sophia's out there," he explained, "Walkers were chasing her. My dad went after them."
"It'll be fine, bud. He'll be back any minute with her." Shane assured.
Carl stared out into the forest area. I knew him and Sophia were friends and it was easy to tell he was worried.
I guessed it would be fine, if only Rick was out there after her it couldn't have been that much of a problem. Or else wouldn't more of us go?
Carol and Lori were still by the rail, but now leaning on a car. Lori was slowly rubbing Carol's back. Both me and Carl were sitting on the ground, leaning against the back of a car. I glanced up at Shane on the top of the RV, he was holding his shotgun with both hands, looking out into the distance.
All of our head snapped to the trees, hear rustling and snapping, along with footsteps.
"Lori!" Rick yelled slightly, as if trying to keep his voice hushed at the same time. Lori and Carol practically jumped off the car. Me and Carl stood up, walking over to them.
"We're here," Lori responded, her voice strained but was loud enough for him to hear.
I wasn't sure what they were trying to be quiet for, the Walkers were gone weren't they?
Rick ran up the small hill after emerging from the trees and he climbed over the railing.
He stood on the road, hands on his hips, panting for breath.
Shane approached too, everyone looked at Rick expectantly, I kept looking behind him, wondering where Sophia was. He noticed everyone's stares and stared back before looking around a little.
"Where's Sophia?" He asked, his breathing uneven and shaky. "She's not back?"
So, I want to point this out before people forget about her, but did anyone notice Jacqui literally had 3 different hairstyles throughout season one? check it out.
Anyway, sorry for the long wait as always. I'm going to try making chapters a bit shorter from now on, maybe then they wont take so long.
I realized my tumblr is full of random crap and sometimes I literally spam it with reblogs you probably don't care about. so for those who are waiting patiently and want to know whats taking me so long with an update, and how much longer im going to take, I made a secondary blog exclusively for Just Gone, and other Walking Dead fanfiction. I'll share some cool stories I found and if you have your own story, and are looking to get more readers I'll definitely share it. the url is: tobyjustgone
So I can post how chapter progress is going and you guys can ask anything.
let me know what you guys thought, i love hearing from you guys. thanks for all the reviews, me and Rasha007 love you all so much for your support and feedback