To readers,
CIG is not a dead/one short fic, it's just comming along very slowly as is everything else. I'm trying to work on all my fics at once so things are going a little slow for a while, but you all know how that is.
Kasan Soulblade
Reveiwer Response:
Moon Cannon:)
FairyV: All will be explained in latter chapters, this si just an Anna character establishment chapter.
Homocidal Snowbunnnies: Thanks... this story hasn't been updated in forever so I figured I should remeady that hope you like the update.
Chapter two
She remembered a dream, an escape, and hope... They seemed so distant now but she remembered them, they hung about her like a gentle mist, like a cloak of her past...
I look at the wings of a bird and beg it to come down and take me from this place. I walk amongst stars and touch the heavens in the stilness behind closed lid. My fingers tangle amongst the wings of angels, my soul sings of flight and freedom with just a touch of danger to add spice to it all. Though this breath may be my last I hold no regrets, my heart no longer aches in it's emptyness but overflow in it's fullness.
That was her dream, in all her years it was her only dream, sur-real childish she knew that, but it was all she had. It was a poisen that destracted her from duty, from work, and made her less useful and therefore in more danger. But still she held onto it, that dream that could never come to pass. She nursed it to her breast with an air of quiet desperation, it was her last defense against the crushing reality around her. Anna smiled, banished aside and hope with a shake of her head. Godess she was such a little girl, in that Mother was right, she waited a futile wait for her knight to come in his shinning armor and save her. She laughed, a rare sound in a world that seemed devoid of laughter. Her sisters looked up at her, rolled there eyes and went back to their monotonious labors. In front of Anna lay leather armor, she was supposed to be stiching it together, binding it together with the thick needle and thread in her hands. She had wasted all of a moment recalling her dream, and a shadow fell over her.
A thin ghost of a shadow that belonged to a thin ghost of a woman.
"Anna, why aren't you working?"
He sibs seemed to sink deeper in thier work, focused on the task before them with a forced intensity. Beter to look away, to not see what was coming. Anna turned, stared into that sunken face marked with wrinkles. She met those steely eyes and proudly lifted her head, a strength given to her by her dream. She was too honest to lie, and really what was the point in lieing? The hag never missed anything, so there was no point in denial.
"I was Mother, I just took a few seconds to rest my hands and find some humor in my thoughts."
"Humor has no place here, you are to work and nothing more... Entertain yourself on your own time."
"And what time is that mother? From sun up to sun set we work, what time is our own?"
She bit her tongue, cursed herself, she had gotten so close to avoiding a beating and now all but asked for one with that coment. Yet the cane did not fall, those cold lifeless eyes stared at her, scrutinized her with a long moment.
"Get back to work Anna, and when sun set's I want to see you in my room."
Anna gulped, all courage abandoned her. She shook, recalled the last time she had been called into mother's room to be disapleaned. She had ordered a mock exile, had ordered everyone to ignore her, to not speak with her, her meals had to be eatten outside and had been half of that everyone else ate. For a month she had lived like that, alone and not alone, she could not bare another span of exile...
Shivering Anna went back to her tasks, and prayed that she was wrong, that there would be no exile, and the dream she had so held to her showed it's fangs at taht moment. This was the cost of holding onto such hope, punishment.
Hope and punishment in the steamy room that reeked of dyes and leather walked hand in hand.
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"Child my child, what am I to do with you?"
The voice was little mroe then a croon, a soft sight of a mother scolding a little for spilling food upon itself. Anna shivered, she knew what that tone ment for her. She ahd been hearing it all her life it seemed, and it was not so gentle a sound as an outsider might think. Anna's mother sat in a chair of softest leather in the house. A blanket of white cotten was wrapped around her skelital frame and she looked at her from her shroud of false cloud with a strange unreadable expression. Her cane lay besides her, propped against the side of the chair, in easy reach. She had beckoned her daughter to sit on the rug at her feet in the manner of a very young child. Eighteen years in age Anna found the gesture insulting but knew better then to protest anything, not with that cane in her mother's reach.
"You are unruley, refuse to toe in line, and while your work is impecable it takes the staff to drive you to do it. It is the way of the Goddess to be humble, to not rise above yourself, and yet you always do by clinging to such... childishness."
"If I'm a child aren't I entitled to have some streaks of childishness in me?" Anna protested, and she flinched back when those eyes bore into her. There was no outburst of anger, not sharp decent of cane through the air. Her mother did frown though, adding more lines to the mess of lines that served as her face.
"Suiting and excusable for a child baring half your years, yes. But age should make you outgrow such foolishness... that and the great responsibility you are to bare."
"Responsibility?" Anna frowned, confused, and a chill wind caressed her and set her back to developing goosebumps.
"As oldest female in this family it is your duty to bare the blood of out decendents, to carry on the line."
"Mother I'm not the oldest Autumn is the eldest..."
Her mother's eyes nerrowed, her anger beat on Anna with a ferocity that leaked into the woman's tone. Rebelious Autumn, the girl who had slipped out with a man not of the trade was not talked about by anyone in the family by her Mother's order. The old woman continued, pertending to not hear the comment. "The men see that the name goes on and it is your duty to see that the blood does not fail. Of course to do that you must marry someone of suitable position. A tanner or armorer, someone in either line of work would be acceptable."
"Married? Mother you can't be serious?" Anna rose to her feet, her long sleeve shirt and pants rustled about her.
"It is time, you are old enough, I have already contacted those of suitable position and have gotten several promising responses. Of course you know how to pick the man, I've taught you that."
Anna's tongue betrayed her then. "Mother, I don't want to get married, not for money or for a craft!"
"Your wishes are irrelevent." The old woman snapped. "It's time you grew up and accepted the reality of your situation. I will have a list of names prepared and we will discuss them and proper ediquite tomorrow."
Tears burned behind Anna's eyes a stream of bitter words, protests boiled in her, she said none of them, would not give the woman that satisfaction. Turning on her heal she fled, ran down the stairs and into the cold winter outside.
When she composed herself she went to the one sanctuary still left to her, if only for a little time. She went to her room in the barrack like quarters everyone but mother shared. It was empty, and for once Anna was glad for it. She threw herself on the matress, closed her eyes and against her will tears leaked out. She sobbed quietly, did not hear the door open nor see Viss slip in. A warm hand on her shoulder made her look up, she tried to smile, tried to hide her pain. Viss gently wrapped her hand around her shoulders and that was enough, the last bit of her self control vanished and with a shudder she alowed her younger sister to envelop her in a hug and cried on that offered shoulder like a young child.
"It's expected, our family honor hinges upon it." Viss pointed out, she pulled a comb through her older sister's hair a frown on her face. She had thought Anna hurt, scared, or suffering from one of her horrible nightmares. This situation though left the younger girl in confusion, Anna should have been overjoyed, she should have been happy, not in tears. Viss had sugested 'prettying up' her sister, a game they had played as children and an exercise they now went through to sooth each other's frayed nerves from time to time. "There's nothing wrong with it and Mother is only following protocal."
"But I don't want to marry someone for her, I want to love the person I'm married to not..."
"Anna." Viss sighed, lightly smacked her older sister with the comb. "Mother is right you need to grow up. Knights only come for you in stories, there isn't going to be a man who will save you from reality, and Goddess knows there's nothing that we can do. Even entertaining such thoughts is immoral and against the writ of the Goddess."
Anna stood, ignored the squeak of protest from Viss, she turned on her younger sister. They both shared the same long silk brown hair and both had those dark eyes. Both had heart shaped faces, they could have been twins they looked so much the same. But there was a difference. No anger lines marred Viss' face. She was always calm, collected, and obediant to the Goddess and their Mother in word and spirit. Years and years of frusteration had seemingly marked Anna with a pernament scowl line between her eyes, and where Viss' eyes were soft, gentle, docile, and totally empty of a original thought Anna's were a shocking contrast. Fire burned behind Anna's eyes, passion, hope, and she sported a rebelious streak that had left it's mark as a scar on her arm and a handful of scars running across her back. Or rahter that had been her mother's mark, as the old woman tried to drive it out of her.
Anna had not been the most cooperative person when it came to being broken and docile. Her fire was to deep, to intense for one cruel tyrant to drive it out of here.
"If the Goddess didn't want us to feel this way why would she allow it?"
Viss frowned, what Anna said sounded like sacrelige, but she couldn't tell where it was.
"If she doesn't want me to be like this then why am I like this, if I'm such a freak in her eyes then why does she allow me to exist?"
"You aren't a freak... you're special that's all." Viss protested weakly, she didn't quite like the way Anna's eye twitched ever so slightly.
"Ung you're hopeless!" Anna stormed to the door, stormed out of thier small room that they shared.
"Anna you're not supposed to go outside during night, it's an unholy hour filled with..."
The door opened and closed with a loud band. Anna went outside not carring to hear the rest of what her sister had to say. Not carring to hear Mother's words parroted back at her.
xxx xxx xxx xxx
"I can't stay here." Anna whispered to the cold winter night. It was not cold or wet enough for snow but it still was very chilly outside. "I can't I can't I'll die here if I stay."
Anna paced the length of the work shop, a habit she had picked up from Goddess knew where. her thoughts seemed to organize themselves, her feelings sorted themselves in their proper when a cool breeze caressed her and she was on her feet. The building she walked alongside was still, no longer did smoke boil from it or fires light it's windows like knowledge that would glint in the eyes. The building was like some great wooden dragon, it slept through the night and it would no longer produce smoke and fire till the next morning when mortal hand woke it. She pitied the person who would have to light the fires, pitied the person who would have to take her load of work, and it was then that she realized something. Though she stood withen the bounds of her mother's land, though she stood in the shadow of where she'd spent the bulk of her life she was not there. Not in heart and not in soul. She reached for that information, expected it to hurt, burn, like some great wound would.
There was no pain, only a belated understanding.
"It's time," She whispered to the night. "It's more then time."
xxx xxx xxx xxx
She vaulted over the wall, frozen grass crackled under her feet as she landed. She laughed as her feet slid under her, caught herself on the wooden wall and looked out to the world. It was cold and she shivered in response to that cold. She had stolen one of her mother's beter fur coats, she now wore pouches slung across her belt filled with food and water, a knife more suited for carving then battle hung from a makeshift hilt at her side. Knife, preperation, and garb proclaimed her as much an outcaste as her actions. She had forsaken the traditional paths, insteed of allowing a man or her family to care for her she was now caring for herself. That thought alone made her smile, she was on her own, free from her past, free to go where she pleased.
Yet the wood to her back, the wooden fence with the insigna of her family on every plank made her freedom into a lie.
She pushed off of the wall, took a few steps across the silver tinted grass that would have been green save the gentle influence of star and moonlight. The shadows stretched in front of her, around her, they laced together like interwoven fingers obscuring the paths of the forest. Forsaken paths, a demons walk, that was what her sibs and mother would have called those shadow choked roads. Those roads that were marked and unmarked and filled with the unknown that stretched before her, pulled on her. Anna though did not feel that way at all, the darkness hid adventure, whole new roads, paths untouched that were all there for any wanderer with enough nerve to take that first step. She had more then enough nerve, had more then enough want, and as the winds of the night stired about her she chuckled. With a rich laugh she ran into that darkness, turned her back on the light and ran into the shadows making paths of her own.
Some time later she lay under the bare branched trees to sleep her cloak and coat bound around her, served as a blanket. The stars for a time would help her forget her troubles, they moved to their own heartbeat, flecks of silver along the obsidian back of some great creature mortals dubbed night. They did not seem forlorn though they hung in the shadows alone, and she shared a kindred spirit with them because of that. She had wandered for the first long night, a cold and weary walk where she stumbled through the silver streaked darkness in some random direction. She was not seasoned to the road, did not know what stars to follow for guildence, and in frusteration she just picked the easyest one to spot. It was red, the only red star in the sky, and so she followed it hoping that it would take her to some city or town.
As dawn blocked her eyes from the stars she sought her sleep under the branches of a great tree with dark brown bark. And that was where she was now, looking at the stars hoping the one she picked would take her to a town. That red one seemed to be winking down at her, taking smug enjoyment in her being lost.
"Hurmph, last time I follow you!" She growled at the star, it only continued to twinkle like a lost ruby. For a long moment Anna entertained the idea of taking a different route, of picking a star that lay on the other side of the night sky then the rouge ruby. She laughed at herself, at the star, no that was 'not' an option to go in any other direction would only make her go back where she did not want to go. Back to her mother's home. "Fine fine..." She mock growled at the sky, nibbling on a piece of bread that was serving as her dinner. "One more night, that's all I'll give you but if I take one more step in a rabbit hole or get in trouble I will never fallow you again!"
The star was so greatly moved by her words that it continued to flickure as it had before and Anna laughed at her own sillyness.
Goddess it felt good to laugh, to smile now that she could! At her old home she had been forbidden to show joy, it was frowned down upon as disruptive. Now, alone she could be herself, could be as she always wanted to be with no fear of punishment. So long as she had life in her Anna planned to live just as she did now. Taking joy in all the things that she could, laughing at her problems and at the world which seemed in need of someone to not take it so damn seriously. Wiping the crumbs from her hands, from her face, the young woman found her feet. It wasn't getting any earlyer, and her curiosity was pulling on her coaxing her forward. With a glance to the heavens she spotted her star then began, as the night before, to follow it and see what destinty it held for her.
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And look at destiny and how it held her now! She sighed, sunk down in her own misery, what had happened to that freedom, to that joy? It was drained out of her and again she was faced with the unending frusteration of captivity. Noishe whinned at her feet, licked at the one hand that hung limp at her side. She smiled at the dog, it was a bright mint green along the back with same colored tufts of fluff around that scrawny throat. the fluf kind of looked like a child's bib, and the blob of green on Noishe's head was outragously funny. She chuckled as that wild fur fell into the little puppies eyes and then lifted him up and held him like she would a child. He barked, his fluffy tail more suited to a fox then a dog smacked against her arms and he craned his tiny neck to lick her on the chin.
"Oh Noshy what did I do to get captured again?" She looked at the bare steel walls with a desperation that she had looked at the wooden walls of her Mother's work shop. "Ung now I remember, I'm the idiot who snuck up behind that Kvar bastard and whapped him with a tree branch in a crazy attempt to save some people from Luin."
Noishe whinned and Anna laughed at that comical little face that she could have sworn looked at her in interest.
"Oh no I'm not telling that story I was so stupid back then you would not believe it."
"Whine... whine?" He licked her face again and gave her puppy eyes, and being a puppy he was very skilled at it.
"Oh alright, at least I'll have someone to talk to while I pick up after his royal slobbyness."
Noishe barked, and it sounded like a laugh. She sighed, set the dog down and after a quick search found a feather duster and looked at the few pieces of furniture in the room. She frowned at the desk, the small tables, chairs, and the lone couch, the only piece of furniture in the one room she was permitted to be in that had pillows. To see the rest of Kratos' house one would have to pass through a hall where a mess of doors lead into different rooms. All those doors, save the ones leading to the bathroom and kitchen, were locked. It was one of her duties was of clean up the room, but it seemed reduculious, there was no mess in here, everything was spotless. Anna then recalled Kratos' cold glittering eyes when he had explained her duties as his servent. She knew without him having to spell it out for her that everything had better stay spotless and organized or she would find herself back in one of the cells in the basement of the ranch. Yet a cage was a cage whether the bars could be seen or were invisible she was still trapped. To distract herself from that grim reality she launched into the story of how she had encountered Kvar and his patrol as they returned from a raid of Luin. And when Anna got to the part where she gleefully described Kvar's face as the branch smashed into his face and broke his nose she imagined a certain aurburn haired someone on the recieving end of that branch with Kvar. While malicious enjoyment was not exactly the best thing to wollow in it was better then the alternative, so she wollowed and Noishe didn't seem to mind a bit. His tail wagged thorugh the air like a banner behind him and he seemed to laugh where it was appropriet to laugh and he pracned under her feet literally getting underfoot a time or two while she worked. Not that Anna minded, it was nice, she decided as she put up the cleaning rags and dumped the fouled water into the kitchen sink, to have someone friendly to talk to. Even if that someone couldn't quite talk back. She eyed the couch in the main room, eyed it with a witsful desperation of someone who was tired. She was always tired now, with that rock in her throat and arm she had always been tired. She yawned, well there was one proven way to deal with that tiredness.
She went to the couch, threw herself onto it with no care for how it creaked. She patted her knee and Noishe managed a hop. Little fore paws caught the edge of the couch and hind kicked at the side. Anna smiled, picked the small puppy by his scruff and plopped him down by her feet.
Noishe would have none of that, he whinned, padded across the couch. Anna closed her eyes, felt little paws travel over her leg and a small bundle of fluff pounce on her stomach. She grunted, but said nothing as Noishe curled up onto a little ball of fur and paws over her belly. What the heck, she'd endured cold winter nights with only her coat and snearing Desians who had hurt her, five pounds on her stomach was nothing compared to all that. She smiled, scritched the dog between his ears, then with a sigh allowed herself to fall asleep.