Authors Note: Hello! I have so many feelings about David Tennant coming back as the Doctor-I just had to write a little something to celebrate. This one shot is my take on how Rose could fit into the 60th-anniversary specials and what I'd like to see (well, as much as canon will allow :-P). I don't know if we'll see her at all, but god, I hope we will.
Anyway, Allons-y!
The Doctor stared at his hands.
What was he doing again? Oh, right. He was supposed to be running. Running? To where?
The Doctor was in an old alleyway between two brick buildings. There were graffiti signatures scribbled over the crumbling walls.
Had he been here before? In a previous incarnation, perhaps? That sounded familiar. Or maybe not. He couldn't remember how he'd gotten here. Wait. He'd gotten here because he ran. He had to start running again.
The Doctor looked down again. These hands...why did he have these hands again?
He blinked.
Something wasn't right. He wasn't stable. This regeneration was fraying.
That's why I have to get back to the Tardis.
The Doctor stared at his hands again.
In the distance, he heard a voice. It sounded like someone was calling to him from underwater.
"Doctor...doctor..." The sound popped. "Doctor!"
He was startled as ambient noises came into sharp focus. A siren whirled in the far distance and he heard someone scream.
In front of him was a woman with blonde hair and chocolate eyes that were wide with worry.
"...Rose?" His voice felt like paste.
The Doctor went through the five stages of grief in a matter of seconds.
She nodded. "I've got you. Where's the Tardis?"
He blinked and looked back at his hands. Rose grabbed one and squeezed it. It snapped him back to reality...or something closer to it, at least.
"Doctor," she emphasized, "the Tardis?"
He stared at the way she was clasping his fingers. "Down at the end of James street," he managed.
Rose took off running, her fingers still entwined with his as she pulled him down the alley.
"This can't be real," he muttered.
The thought made him cycle through the five stages of grief again until he landed on acceptance. Right. It was impossible. He'd left her with the other version of himself in a parallel universe. She couldn't be caressing his fingers no matter how much he might long for it. For her.
Hardly matters though, does it? He needed to get back to the Tardis and if a hallucination is what it took to get him there, so be it.
Rose...
It shouldn't surprise him that he was seeing her. He was unstable and in this body. The body that—
"This way," Rose called. She squeezed his hand. "Stay with me. I've got you."
He must've started drifting again. Rose was his tether. But wasn't she always? Funny how a hallucination could be so real.
The five stages of grief again.
It's this body, he thought—again.
Suddenly, they were standing in front of the Tardis and Rose was fishing out a key from inside her shirt with one hand. She fumbled the key until she was able to grip it properly. Then she unlocked the Tardis, pulled him inside, and shut the door securely behind them.
"Doctor, what do you need?" she asked as she pulled him around the console.
"I need..." he stopped. Why do I have these hands again?
"Focus, Doctor. Something's wrong with you. Focus and tell me what you need."
You, he wanted to say. Instead, he swallowed and did his best to concentrate. "I'm unstable."
"Yeah, I gathered that. Tell me what to do."
The Tardis swam around him. What reality was he in? Rose asked me a question. Focus on her. Lovely Rose. "Over there," he gestured. "Big needle with gold-flecked liquid. Right into my neck."
"Your neck?" she gaped. "Seriously Doctor?"
"Don't worry, it's a strong neck."
"Has to be—gotta keep that big head of yours on straight."
He gave her a lopsided grin.
She rolled her eyes and oh, how he missed those eyes— before she ducked down (still holding onto his hand) and pulled the syringe out of the cabinet.
He titled his head. "Go on. Right in the side at the base."
She frowned, and then without warning, jabbed the needle into his neck. He yelped.
"Okay now what?"
"Now...I pass out for a bit."
"Wait what?!"
The Doctor felt the world start to static. "I shall miss you, Phantom Rose Tyler. Thank you for saving me, again."
He stumbled toward the stairs but didn't quite make it. The last thing he heard was, "oh... you daft alien."
The Doctor sat up with a start. He shook his head once with a strong jerk before he rubbed where he had stabbed himself.
That was a close one.
Everything was a bit clearer now. He had been running because of that thing in a top hat. They'd fought and—
Donna.
The Doctor sifted through his memories. Right. Donna was safe, and so was Wilf. He exhaled.
That creature's powers had been immense, and this unstable body had almost cost him his life and his sanity. Wait...
Suddenly, he was all mixed up again. Wrong body? Right body? Where in time was he? The Doctor had different hands. "Somebody tell me, just what the hell is going on here?!"
Hold on...he hadn't said that yet...had he?
"Doctor...doctor..." he shook his head. " Doctor..."
The Doctor blinked, and his ears popped again.
"Doctor!"
The Doctor sat up and breathed heavily. He looked down at his hands and felt his teeth.
He was still in this body, but for just a moment, he thought he was in a different body. One that he had never been in before.
The Doctor rubbed his eye with his finger. What the hell?
"You're okay. I was so worried."
The Doctor's eyes snapped up and then widened. He went through the five stages of grief until he landed on acceptance. Acceptance. Right. He needed to accept that he was still hallucinating.
"Doctor, it's me I swear."
He shook his head and set his mouth in a grim line.
She grabbed his hand and squeezed it between both of hers. "Doctor, listen. I know you're confused. But look at me, yeah? You've never seen me like this before. If I were a hallucination, wouldn't your mind make up a version of me you've seen already?"
He blinked and forced himself to really look at Rose. Her hair was long and curled softly toward the bottom. She wore mascara, but less than when she traveled with him. And she had just the faintest hint of lines around her eyes, indicating the passage of time.
The Doctor let go of her hand and brought his fingers up to her face. "Rose?" he swallowed as he felt the softness of her cheek underneath his finger pads.
"Hello." She smiled and leaned into his touch. "It's been about twelve years since I've seen you last. How long has it been for you?"
"About a thousand years, give or take."
"That long," she murmured.
Her voice sent a shiver down his spine. Oh, Rose. My lovely... he stopped.
That train of thought was absurd. She wasn't his Rose at all. She was with his other self. He'd given her the happily ever after she deserved and gave a version of himself a happily ever after, too. It had been one of the hardest things he'd ever done, but he was happy for her, and himself. And with each regeneration, the pain of her absence was mitigated. His other selves thought about her of course, but it was different.
Right now, though, he felt an ache so deep it was as if no time had passed at all.
It's this incarnation.
Of course, it was. This body was the only one he had ever regenerated into because of love. The kiss he'd given her with his ninth body meant she had been on his lips when he had regenerated. And he had—either consciously or subconsciously—taken her desires into account when his cells reformed. He had made himself into what he believed she needed and wanted. Tall, amazing hair, a big easy grin, puppy eyes, and more emotionally open.
This body was for her. It had always been for her. And now he was back in it.
He swallowed a fierce longing. Rose.
Her brow creased. "Hang on a minute. You're different, too."
"Good different or bad different?" he asked, unable to resist teasing her.
She smiled and shook her head. "It's you but...not you. I can't really explain it."
"You would be the one to notice," he smiled softly. "Yes, it's me, but not me. I've regenerated three—no four times since I saw you last."
She gaped. "But you...! You...! You said—"
"That I can never go back, I know. I'm honestly not sure how this happened." He looked down at his hands again. "This regeneration is unstable, Rose. That shot you gave me helped, but something is very wrong with me."
She nodded. "Best get to work then."
He paused and realized he'd been so caught up in Rose being next to him that he hadn't asked her the most obvious question. "How are you here? Why are you here?"
She tilted her head. "Not sure. I had this...sort-of vision and then I was here. And I'm here because you need me. Why else?"
He decided to ignore that last bit. "You're taking a huge risk. What if you get stuck here away from..." he swallowed, unable to complete the sentence.
"I won't."
"How do you know?"
"Just have a feeling, is all."
He sighed.
"Come on, let's get to work." She stood and wagged her fingers at him. He smiled, grasped her hand, and also stood. They walked toward the console.
Her eyes roamed the blue lights and different buttons. "It looks so different in here."
"Yeah...well, you know. Different me's sometimes redecorate. This was the last me's doing."
"What were you like?" Rose asked as she dragged her fingers on the console.
He scratched his head. "Weeeell..."
She raised her eyebrows.
"I was a lot different," he finished.
"Oh yeah? How?"
"I was blonde."
Rose laughed. "Blonde eh? So not ginger."
He frowned. "Still never been ginger."
"You're dodging my question. If you don't tell me, I'm gonna have to go back in time and meet him."
The Doctor laughed in a way that only Rose Tyler could make him laugh. Then he looked at her with big, sparkly, puppy eyes and said, "You'd be very surprised. You wouldn't find a he...but a she. "
Rose gaped. "You...were a woman?"
He smirked. "I was indeed. And I will have you know, Rose Tyler, I was brilliant as a woman."
Rose seemed to have gotten over her surprise because she grinned back and stuck her tongue through her teeth. "I'm sure you were. Now I really wanna go back and meet her."
Oh, blimey. He knew that look. He knew exactly what she was saying. She would've loved that incarnation. She would've been attracted to that incarnation.
Rose Tyler would love every version of him, regardless of his face, age, or gender. Even if she was particularly fond of this version.
It made his insides ache.
The Doctor cleared his throat and grabbed his specs out of his pocket. "Now then, to the matter at hand. Me."
She leaned over him to see the computer screen that he was looking at. She rested both arms on his shoulder, and one hand absentmindedly went up to the base of his hair and softly rubbed his neck. Her face was right next to his.
For a moment he stiffened. This was a type of intimacy he hadn't had with her before. She was comfortable touching him and leaning on him in a way she hadn't when she traveled with him.
He forced himself to relax.
When he saw the twisted metals of Rose's wedding band he knew his other self had made it for her.
She was used to being around him as his wife. Rose hadn't given her proximity or caresses a second thought.
Oh but he was. He could smell her perfume and everything else that made Rose...Rose. It made his mouth water.
"If I'm understanding this right, that first line is what your vitals normally are and the second is you right now?"
"Yeah. You see how much I'm in flux?"
Rose nodded. "What happened before I found you?"
There was a painful jab across his memories.
Donna! He panicked, then realized she was safe. Wilf was safe, too.
"Doctor?" she prompted.
"There was this... creature ...and it was playing a game with me."
"A...game?"
He nodded, and his mouth set in a grim line. That thing had been brutal. It had messed with his head in ways other adversaries had not and even though he had triumphed, it had almost cost him his sanity.
"What happened?"
"It's dead now. Long story," he said, not wanting to revisit the absolute terror he'd been through.
Rose stared at him for a moment before she looked back at the computer screen. "Hmm...could the...creature or whatever it was, be responsible for this?" she gestured to him.
"I think so." He paused and continued attempting to sort his memories.
"Why? Do you think?"
"Well..." he scratched the back of his neck. "Lots of reasons. Maybe it made my regeneration unstable and this me is the result. And I know it wanted me...well...emotionally unstable." he shuddered.
"Is this regeneration..." she bit her lip.
The Doctor's eyes widened as he watched her teeth gently chew her lip. It sparked fierce regret.
All of that snogging and shagging they could've done if he hadn't been so stupid and guarded.
That was...a thought. He pushed past it. "Me being in a past body is really screwing with my head. I don't know who I am anymore."
Rose stood straight, placed her hands on his shoulders, and turned him. Her oversized brown eyes searched his as she lovingly put a hand on his face. He felt his blood run hot because of her touch.
"I remember you said something similar when you regenerated when I was with you. Feels more serious now."
He nodded in her palm.
"I'll remind you who you are. You're the Doctor. You bring out the best in people like you did in me. And you'll always be good no matter how much you change or how many regenerations you go through."
Oh, Rose. He wanted to kiss her. It would be so easy. Just a little further and he could be pressed against her mouth.
He had kissed her twice in his lifetimes. The first was with his ninth body and she didn't remember it. The second time was with this body's first regeneration but Cassandra had been in Rose's body. Not the same thing at all.
He had never kissed her as this man—the man created out of his love for her. How cruel was the world?
Just one kiss. Just one, he ached. Rose was staring up at him, waiting. It was up to him like it always had been.
She's not mine.
The Doctor swallowed and then brought his hand to rest over the hand that cupped his cheek. And slowly, he brought it down.
"Anyway, " he said, a little too enthusiastically, "I'm all mixed up. Much as I want to keep being this me, I can feel the harm it's doing."
Right on cue, a blast of pain went through his body and shot through to his extremities. He doubled over in pain.
"Doctor!" Rose leaned over with him. She placed a hand on his back and another on his chest to stabilize him.
"That would be the instability!" he winced. "Not sure what—" his speech was cut off by another wave of pain.
Rose brought him to the ground. "Tell me what to do! I'll do anything, just...tell me!"
The Doctor forced himself to pull away his hand to look at it. No regeneration glow. More pain shot through his body. "I think...I think the regeneration cycle is broken. I might be dying," he gasped.
"No! You can't!"
He looked up at her...his Rose. Beautiful Rose. If he did have to die, he'd rather die by her side than anyone else's. "S' Alright," he forced out. "I'm with you. Not so bad, you know?"
She shook her head violently. "I was not dragged here from an alternative universe to watch you die."
He smiled through clenched teeth. "Any ideas?"
Rose closed her eyes as tears streamed out underneath her lids, running her mascara down her face.
"You know, Rose Tyler..." He gasped as another wave of sharp, needle pain traveled through his veins. It felt like his very cells were coming apart. "Since it's my last time to say it..." He bared his teeth again.
Suddenly Rose placed her hands on his face. "I know why I'm here."
He was going to ask why but he couldn't force any more words out. Instead, he watched with awe as Rose began to glow. Her skin glowed. Her hair glowed. She blinked, and when she did, white-hot light replaced her brown eyes.
"I'd do anything to keep you safe, my doctor."
And then, she was kissing him.
His shock at the appearance of Bad Wolf was quickly replaced by his need to reciprocate. As he kissed her, he felt the power of the heart of the Tardis—the power that Bad Wolf kept inside her person—flow into him. It was reorganizing and strengthening the atoms and cells in his body. Basically, it was jumpstarting his ability to regenerate with power that had been sapped away by what had been done to him.
Then, Rose let go of his mouth and collapsed into his arms.
He panted as he felt the last of the effects of the Bad Wolf's touch course through his body. "Rose?" he asked, concerned.
She didn't respond, so he shuffled her in his arms and looked down at her. She was breathing normally and sleeping peacefully.
The Doctor sighed.
They were now on the floor of the Tardis. He could pick her up and bring her to the infirmary, but he decided against it. He would hold her right here, as long as it took for her to wake up.
The regeneration cycle had been restarted. He could feel it in his cells and knew that he would soon regenerate out of this body and into one that was stable. He'd have to say goodbye to this version of himself. He was mournful because he loved this version of himself so much.
But suddenly, he knew why. Like he had been reflecting on earlier, this incarnation had been made with someone else in mind. And more importantly, it was the only version of himself that had been made for someone else. It had been born (so to speak) out of love. It was the most human thing he had ever done. He felt more human in this body than he did in any of his other bodies. He had learned so much about himself in this incarnation. Heartsbreak, joy, and love, unlike anything he had experienced before.
Even though it had been painful, he could only have a single thought about it all. Humans were so wonderful.
That's who I am. I'm the last of the Time Lords who spends all of his time with humans because I love them.
He wanted to be more like them. It's why he traveled with them and why he kept falling in love with them—despite the pain it caused.
Rose saved him again. All of him.
The Doctor leaned down at Rose in his arms and kissed her hair.
She stirred and fluttered her eyes.
"Good morning," he teased.
"You're..." she furrowed her eyebrows.
"Not your husband. The other one."
Rose nodded.
"You saved me again, you know."
She smiled. "Was it Bad Wolf?"
"Yes."
"I don't really remember. But I guess that's normal. What did I do?"
"The regeneration cycle was broken, but you fixed it."
"I see. Glad I could help." She peaked her tongue through her teeth.
The Doctor laughed and then planted another kiss on Rose's forehead. He stared down at her with a love that filled both his hearts.
Does it need saying?
Of course, it did. The only reason he didn't back then was that he had to make the choice easy for her to stay with his other self. But it burned him to keep it inside. "I love you. Always have, always will."
Her eyes widened, and tears spilled out. Then she smiled. "Quite right, too."
He cupped her cheek and brought his head down so he could capture her lips in a proper kiss. One that he could look back on where he was himself and she was herself. She responded to his touch, and he felt the blood in his veins sing.
Soft lips, soft body, soft hair, soft everything. Soft Rose. Soft and beautiful and his, just for this one moment in time.
Her hands ran through his hair as his mouth opened deeper to taste more of her. She was everything he knew she would be. He wrapped his hands around her, kissed her harder, and then forced himself to let go.
She looked up at him through hooded lashes.
His body ached for more. He would always want more. She could give him the universe and he would want more.
But that...would have to be enough. Honestly, it was more than he could've hoped for.
"We have a daughter," Rose said suddenly. "Her name is Mia and she's beautiful and has more brains than she knows what to do with."
The Doctor grinned at hearing this. "Are you happy, Rose?" he asked as he stroked her cheek. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear her say it.
"'Course I am. I'm married to you."
"Mmm..." he grinned.
"Shut up."
He laughed and then noticed a faint glowing behind Rose. He pulled his hand toward his face.
"It's starting, isn't it?" Rose asked.
"Afraid so. You should go."
She nodded and then disentangled herself from him. They both stood.
"I love you, too, ya daft alien. I'll always be here if you really need me."
He smiled, and then cupped her cheek. "Take care of me."
"Don't worry, I always do and always will. You tell me that you're happier than you have any right to be. You tell me that all the time."
The Doctor smiled. "Goodbye Rose."
"You sure you're gonna be alright?"
"This time...I think I will be."
She nodded and made her way toward the exit. She looked back at him one last time before she left.
Thank you, Rose. Thank you, Bad Wolf.
The glow was increasing. He would miss this body, and he would miss Rose. But in a parallel universe, a different version of himself was living out his days in one of his favorite incarnations and he would remain as that version of himself until his days ran out. Meanwhile, this version would go on. Not with Rose, but with others.
I wonder if I can convince Donna to let me take her daughter on an adventure. Donna will probably try and kill me if I ask. He grinned.
"Thank you...self. It was nice to see you again. Guess I really did make good on the promise I made to myself to revisit old favorites." He smiled. "I'm ready."
He felt his cells begin to break apart in a glorious explosion, and he wondered who he would be next.
Whoever he would become would be amazing.
END.