Merry Christmas! hazzaxkat: here's your fix!

A House Divided

After target practice, Shane was driving while Toby sat in the passenger seat. He brought rope with him to tie a small log of would to a branch so it would swing. It was meant to help Toby aim at moving objects. When they were done he left it hanging for when they could return.

He quietly sighed to himself as he glanced at the young girl out of the corner of his eye. She was sitting very still, looking down at her lap where she still held his Glock.

"It'll get easier," he said. He couldn't think of much else to say, the air between them was tense and awkward. He hated himself for telling her what he'd done to Otis, he hated how he confessed his feelings about Rick and his family. He knew he'd scared her. Shane had spent so much time trying to build a bond and establish trust with her, he was afraid it all shattered. He admitted that his anger got the best of him, that was why he told her, he couldn't hold it back, he had no control. In the very long moments he'd explained his feelings, he'd forgotten who he was talking to, what he was talking to, a child.

He didn't seem to ruin things too bad, he thought to himself. During practise she was obviously nervous for the first while, then she became more comfortable, even quirking small smiles at him every so often. He'd make a few jokes, talk to her normally to make her feel better. She'd only hit the target three times, after a while of not getting it, she got tense again. It was obvious she was disappointed and a bit angry.

"Just a waste of ammo," she mumbled.

Shane shook his head, "you'll get it, kiddo. We'll go back and try again soon. All of this isn't just so you can protect yourself from Walkers. It's to protect yourself from everything. With that kid back at the farm who knows what'll happen. It isn't a waste of ammo to teach you how to save your own life or someone else's. You just need more time. You'll get it, I promise."

Shane could feel her eyes on him. After spending so much time with her, he could tell when the girl was confused. After every failed shot she always seemed to be looking, waiting for a scolding or for him to blow up. And the times she did get it, she waited for approval before becoming excited.

He didn't know a lot about her father, but he could guess a lot about him. Toby seemed to be waiting for her father's short temper to pop out in everyone. She had no idea why Shane wasn't angry with her for not doing good. He tried not to draw too much attention to it, instead he reacted calmly and gave her some encouragement.

He could see soon many differences in the girl since he'd met her. For one she talked to him, now a lot more than before. She spoke unexpectedly instead of just when she was spoken too. She also seemed more comfortable around the others.

"The other day . . ." She started hesitantly, "you were telling me about choosing. Choosing who dies. Like . . . like how you chose that Otis dies so you could live."

He regarded her statement and nodded, wondering where she was taking it. "I chose for me and Sophia to live. All of that equipment, the medicine was supposed to make her better."

"What if I don't want to choose?"

Shane hesitated, thinking it over. He knew the answer, but he wasn't sure what to tell her. He also didn't want to lie to her, he wanted her to understand how things were, how things had changed. He was the only one who understood how things were supposed to be, he didn't want Toby to be blind like the others were.

"Then it might be you," he told her gently. He quietly watched for a reaction, but Toby didn't give one. She just turned to stare out the window.

Upon their arrival back to the farm, Shane received an earful from Rick. The group's plans were to halt training until the Randall problem was solved, Shane didn't agree with it. Toby gave Shane his gun back as the two argued, then she quietly slipped away.

Toby walked over to hers and Daryl's tent, but Daryl was nowhere in sight. She felt nervous and embarrassed about their fight earlier, she wondered if Daryl would yell at her, or if he wouldn't let her sleep in the tent anymore. She tried to keep herself calm and assure herself that it was what she wanted, she wanted to talk back, she wanted to test the waters with Daryl. That was why she sat there and waited for him to return instead of avoiding him.

She was testing what Daryl had told her about getting in trouble, that the outcome would be so much different than it would be with her father.

"It's not what's done. Not the way it works. Why do you think no one's beatin' you now? After some of the shit you've pulled."

"Because I'm not their business?"

"No, because adults aren't supposed to beat kids bloody!"

Daryl returned shortly after she did. Their eyes met briefly as Toby waited for his reaction.

"How'd shootin' go?" He asked as he placed two dead rabbits on the ground.

It wasn't what she was expecting. She tried to act normal as she responded, "sucked."

He only nodded as he grabbed his spare knife from his pack and handed it to her.

She took it from him, watching him carefully. Nothing? She thought. I'm seriously not even going to get yelled at?

Daryl took his own knife and began working one of the rabbits. "Grab Merle's jacket and get started."
"Huh?"

"His jacket, it's in the tent. You make a goddamn mess when you skin."

Toby did as he said and grabbed Merle's jacket from the tent, she knew where it was, right beside her sleeping bag. She spent a lot of nights staring at it as she fell asleep.

As Toby got the jacket on and began gutting the rabbit, she kept glancing at Daryl, as if waiting for him to blow up at her.

But nothing happened.

Four days passed, four days of the group arguing in circles with no solution to the Randall problem. Toby and Shane weren't able to go back out to shoot. Whether it was because Shane was busy, or the others didn't want them to go she wasn't sure.

Toby spent those days more bored than ever, she spent some time with Carl, who was failing to make his own comic book. Some time she spent with Shane and Maggie. Toby liked Maggie, she was nice to her but not in a fake pitying way. Maggie tried her best to get to know the young girl, but Toby would only answer so many questions. Daryl took her with him a few times to check and reset the snares, but he wouldn't let her go further beyond those points. They never brought up their argument.

At the end of the fourth day it was decided that on the fifth day Shane and Rick would go far out to leave Randall. The group had no idea whether to kill the boy or keep him alive, so it was decided he'd be far away from the farm so he couldn't find his way back to them.

Shane disagreed with the idea and even told Toby his opinion when it was decided. Toby agreed with him, not really seeing anything wrong with Shane's logic.

Toby watched the two men load Randall in the trunk a few yards away. Randall was tied, gagged, and blindfolded, they gave him some kind of radio with earplugs to drown out any sound.

Toby felt uneasy about Shane leaving with Rick. Toby knew how Shane felt about him, she didn't have a good feeling about them being alone together. She wasn't just afraid for Rick though, she was afraid neither of them would make it back. She was also afraid Shane would decide not to come back. He told her once that he thought it was better he leave, but he decided to stay.

Toby thought about the night they brought Randall back. She'd overheard what happened that night, the others had barely made it back from that trip.

Rick walked around the car to the driver's seat while Shane turned around, noticing Toby.

"Won't be gone too long," Shane told her as he approached.

"You gonna come back?" Toby looked down at her boots, attempting to act indifferent to his answer.

"Yeah, of course." he said quickly. "I'll always be back, kiddo, you know it."

Toby looked up from her boots and to the car, avoiding Shane's eyes, "like you said daddy would come back."

Shane took a moment before responding, his guilt rising inside of him.

"Yeah, just like that." He sighed, "you're right, I shouldn't be lying to you. So I'll be honest . . ."

Shane crouched down, tilting his head into her field of vision so she couldn't avoid his eyes.

"I don't know when I'll come back, or if. You never know what can happen out there. But I can promise I'll do everything I can to make sure I get back to you."

"To me?"

"That's right."

"Not just to Lori and Carl?"

"No, not just to them."

Shane saw Toby's eyebrows twitch slightly as she fought to keep her expression blank.

Shane looked around quickly, making sure no one was watching. He reached into his holster and pulled out his Glock, before holding it out to her.

"Here. You take this for now and keep it until I come back. Just don't let anyone know you have it."

Toby slowly took it from him, holding the heavy weapon with both hands.

"Hurry up, put it away. You keep that with you, keep yourself safe. Don't show anyone, don't tell anyone. You got it? Not even Carl."

"What about you?"

"I'll get a spare, don't worry about me, kiddo."

Shane watched her as she tucked the gun into the waistband of her pants and pulled her shirt over to cover it.

"Good, now if anyone sees, don't let them take it from you. You tell them I said so." He gave her a smile, lifting his hand to squeeze her shoulder. He made his actions slow, just to be sure his gesture wasn't unwelcome. "I'll try to be back soon."

Maggie was sitting on the porch watching as the guests on her property walked around their camp. Most of them were standing together, sorting the food they had. Deciding which to leave with her family and which to take when they left.

Hershel had made it clear that once the Randall problem was solved, they would leave. So there they were, getting ready as Rick and Shane were gone to take Randall some place far away.

Maggie knew Rick would try just one more time to get her father to let them stay. She also knew her father would not relent.

She was watching the group as she contemplated. She hated that they had to go, that they were sending children and a pregnant woman out there. She'd already tried to convince her father herself.

"Do you think I should?" Maggie asked Glenn, who was sitting beside her. She'd told him what she was contemplating.

"I don't think it would hurt," he responded. "The worst answer you'll get is a no. I'm going to go help them."

Glenn kissed Maggie on the cheek and stood from the chair.

"Did you tell them yet? Anyone?"

"Not yet. I want to make sure that Randall's taken care of before I say anything about staying."

She nodded.

"I think it's a good idea. I mean, he agreed to let me stay. He's a good man, he'll know you're just trying to do the right thing." Glenn said gently before going over to his group.

Maggie smiled as she watched him go. As she did her eyes caught a small figure in the distance. Toby was standing over by the tents alone. She seemed to be kicking and digging her foot into the dirt absentmindedly. She was doing this before finally looking up and glancing around at all the others.

Her eyes found Maggie's, noticing that she was watching her, Toby raised her arm and gave a small wave. Maggie smiled and waved back before Toby looked away and continued to lightly kick the grass.

The small gesture gave Maggie the determination she needed to stand up and go into the house in search of her father.

"Dad!" Maggie called out.

"I'm with Beth!" came his response.

Maggie made her way to Beth's room, seeing him sitting beside her bed.

"Doodlebug, doodlebug, go away home," Hershel was lightly singing to Beth.

"Hey, Beth," Maggie greeted, "how're you doing?"

"She seems to be in good spirits today, aren't you, doodlebug?" Hershel stood and leaned down to kiss his younger daughter on the forehead.

"Let me know if I can do anything," Maggie said as she followed her out of the room.

Hershel nodded a she went into the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. In front of where he sat was one of the medical books he'd been reading earlier.

Maggie took the seat closest to him as he opened his book.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Hm. What is it?" Hershel asked as his eyes swept down the page of his book.

"About the others. Rick's people."

Hershel sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "Maggie, not again. Please, I've had enough, my decision is final. They can go find their own farm, there's plenty to choose from now."

"No, that's not it. Well, a little, but not . . ."

Hershel looked Maggie in the eye, "then what is it?"

"I get it, we don't have enough supplies. I know you want what's best for us."

Hershel looked relieved, looking back down at his book. "That's good. I've just wanted you to understand that from the beginning. Our food can last us a long time, but not with so many more people. This is my farm, our family. We have to take care of our own."

Maggie bit her lip, she'd been playing this conversation over and over in her mind. In every single possible way it could go.

"But . . . We can feed one more mouth."

Hershel looked back up at his daughter. He was only expecting an apology, not a continuation of the conversation.

"Is this about Glenn? We already talked about this, I already agreed I-"

"-No, no. I don't mean him."

Hershel closed his book, he didn't know where this conversation was going, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to like it. "Who do you mean?"

"Toby," Maggie forced her name out with much reservation, watching her father's expression closely.

"Toby?" Hershel repeated with no recognition whatsoever. Maggie waited, not wanting to say it herself right away.

But after a moment, Hershel remembered, "the child?"

Maggie nodded, "I know, I know what you're going to say but-"

"-I'm saying no."

"But, Dad, listen-"

"-I know you're attached to the asian boy, and with everything going on I can't deny you that. I agreed he could stay, but that does not mean you take advantage of my relenting to add more of them to the guest list!"

"I'm not. It's not that big a deal."

"If I say yes to her, you'll be asking for the boy next. The boy would include his father, and his pregnant mother! That's five more mouths, Maggie. If you're worried about Lori I made a deal with Rick. If they are anywhere near our home near Lori's due date, they can come back for a short while and I will help the best I can. But they are not living in our home."

"I'm not that worried about Lori. Lori has her husband and her son. Carl has his parents, Toby doesn't. None of those people are hers. She's just a little girl, she's alone in all of this. I want to help her, I want to give her some form of security."

"You mean you want me to."

"Why shouldn't you? We have the space, we have the food. She's a child with a small mouth she wouldn't be taking up much room. If that's what you're worried about she can stay in my room with me."

Hershel sighed. He was feeling slightly guilty for his angered words. He stood up, placing her hands on her shoulders. She reminded him so much of her mother, she had such a big heart.

"Sweetheart. We're talking about a child. It's too much responsibility. What if something were to happen to her under our watch? I don't want-"

"-To be responsible?" She said angrily.

Hershel sighed again, wiping the sweat from his forehead. In a split second, Maggie's angered expression changed to something softer.

"What if I want to?"

Hershel raised an eyebrow, "what if you want to what?"

"Be responsible."

They were silent for a few moments.

"This isn't just any child," Hershel tried to explain. "I've heard a few things, and I can't act as if I haven't noticed myself."

"What do you mean? Heard what?"

"She's illiterate-"

"-What does that have to do with anything?!" Maggie's voice practically shook with shock and anger.

"Let me finish. Do you know how old she is?"

"Twelve," Maggie answered. It wasn't a bit of information she'd gotten from Glenn. Glenn didn't know how old Toby was so Maggie asked her herself the last time they spoke.

Hershel nodded, "a twelve-year-old illiterate, orphaned child, with anti-social behaviour."

"She's been through a lot," Maggie defended.

"That's precisely what I mean. I've heard things, from Rick, from Shane and even Dale. Not really in conversation, more in passing. But none of it was hard to miss. Before this mess . . . we live in a small town. We practically knew everybody, we've seen things like this happen before. Even in church, it was something people spotted. And being illiterate at her age could prove as a sign of neglect. I'm not saying it is, there could be other reasons I'm not accusing anything. But it definitely doesn't add any positivity to it all."

"There's nothing wrong with her." Maggie tore her eyes away from her father, thinking of the day she searched Toby for ticks. She'd seen several scars littering her back and had no idea how to react, though the way Toby ran out of the room suggested Maggie reacted poorly. She pondered whether to confirm her father's suspicions but decided against it. She'd already told Glenn, and tried to tell Daryl but as soon as she began to mention it Daryl cut her off as if he'd already known. She'd only told Glenn because of how horrible she felt, Maggie didn't think she should tell anyone else.

"There's something very troubled about that girl, and I don't like that they are taking children out to shoot guns. That doesn't help my peace of mind. Maggie, you need to understand. This isn't just about our stock. It's about her wellbeing, she may need more attention then we can give."

"And you think she'll have it better out there?"

Hershel sighed once again and rubbed his eyes. "Maggie, you don't know anything about this girl. You want to take responsibility of a child, do you even have any idea what that responsibility entails? You're biting off more than you can chew."

"It wouldn't just be me, I've already talked to Glenn, he'd help. He's been around her since this all started."

"So this was his idea. That's why you're pushing so hard," Hershel frowned in disapproval.

"I'm pushing because no child should be out there! You know what those things are now, they're evil, they're dead! And I can't get you to accept everyone so why can't I at least help one. One that has no one else."

Hershel only shook his head, not responding. Maggie new she would have to take a new angle.

"'A new command I give to you, love one another as I have loved you'." Maggie recited. "That's what you told me, right?"

When Hershel still didn't respond, Maggie continued. "I was 14 years old and I was awful, to you more than anybody. All I wanted to do was smoke and shoplift. I was mad about mom. Mad about you marrying Annette. Toby doesn't even have someone to be mad at. None of those people even know how old she is. Glenn told me for weeks she didn't say anything to anyone, no one knew her name. To everyone, including you, all she is is an illiterate, orphaned little girl, and they aren't shy about it either. So how could she have any chance to show anything more than that? She's a bright kid who hasn't had her chance to show it."

"Maggie, she has plenty of people she can stay with. They have tents, an RV-"
"-Maybe she does, that doesn't mean she wants to be with them or that she's comfortable. No one knows how to treat her let alone communicate with her."

"And you think you do?"

"I know I do. I already have. 'Love one another' that's what you told me."

Shane was out of breath from the running and scrambling he had to do to get himself into the schoolbus. He was pushing the door closed as best he could but it wasn't enough,the walking corpses had been able to get a few hands through the small gap. Shane momentarily leaned away from the door and slammed his weight into it several times, somehow forcing the hands out and allowing the door to close more.

He leaned all his weight against the bus doors, panic and adrenalin pumping through him. In the short moments he was able to hold the door closed, he tried to block out the sounds the Walkers were making, attempting to clear his head and come up with a plan.

But before he could, the panic set in once again. There were so many of them, so many of them pushing against the one flimsy door he knew he couldn't keep closed forever. They would get in, they would eat him, gut him, tear him to shreds, just like they'd done Otis.

I'd deserve it too, his own voice echoed over all other thought. He leaned his head back against the door, his eyes shut and his mouth wide opened as he sucked in air.

This was his punishment for what he'd done. Trying to kill his best friend, sleeping with his wife, killing Otis, killing Carol. Trying to list off all his sins, Shane wasn't even sure he was naming all of them there were so many.

Lying to a little girl, keeping her waiting for someone you knew wouldn't come for her, Shane opened his eyes, but didn't really see what was in front of him. He was much too focused on his own thoughts, what they were telling him. He wasn't even sure if it was really him thinking anymore.

Trying to force her down in a chair while a strange doctor took her blood. He'd almost forgotten about that, he remembered the regret. She'd never had a needle and maybe never even seen a doctor. He was forcing her into something she didn't understand and scaring the hell out of her. Then Daryl swept in, holding her hand and she'd done what he said.

Shane's eyes began to water so he shut them tightly. You deserve this. You deserve to die. After everything you've done, this is what those people want for you. They don't want you to come back. Rick doesn't want you. Lori doesn't want you.

You gonna come back? Another voice echoed in his brain, it wasn't his, or the one from before. It was small, quiet.

Toby.

Shane's eyes shot open, and suddenly his mind went quiet, almost blank. He knew he needed to get out, he needed to get back to Toby. With a newfound concentration he began to think through his options. He pulled out his knife, flipping it open and digging the sharp blade into his palm. He wiped his bloodied hand on the side of the door.

He eased his weight on the door only slightly as a Walker pushed its head through as much as possible, sticking its tongue out to taste the fresh blood on the door. Shane slammed his knife into the corpse's head, taking it out.

"One down, whoever knows how many to go."

Shane looks around trying to form a plan. He looks out the front windshield and sees Rick, pulling Randall whose hands were still tied. In that moment Shane can see that Rick looking at him, momentarily pausing.

Shane's chest tightened, "Rick."

Then Rick turned around, walking out of sight with Randall in tow.

"Rick, no. Rick . . . Come back, man. Rick." Shane placed on of his hands on the windshield, silently pleading Rick's return. His panic was building up again, he pushes the panic down to try and keep his head clear. He needed a plan, he needed to get out of there, he needed to get back to Toby.

Shane took his hand off the glass, turning a little as he was still pushing against the door. He relieved a little bit of pressure to let another Walker get it's head through. The Walker did exactly what shane wanted, trying it's best to taste the blood on the door.

"Yeah, you like that?!" He shouted, stabbing it in the head. He wasn't sure if he would be able to keep it up, his energy was running out. Too much of his strength was being used to hold the door shut.

"Shane!" I voice called out in the distance.

Shane turned his head in shock, seeing their car driving toward him. Rick was leaning out the passenger window, shooting while Randall drove. "Shane! Go for the back door! Come on!"

Shane's eyes were wide as relief filled him. He pushed himself off the door and ran down the aisle of the bus as fast as he could. He could hear the Walkers chasing him, feel their weight rocking the bus as they went after him.

He threw open the door to the back of the bus just as the car stopped in front of him.

"Come on! Get in!"

Shane leaped out of the bus with no hesitation and slipped himself through the window of the back door as the car started going again.

"Go, man, go! Come on!" Rick shouted at Randall.

Randall presses the gas down, driving through a locked gate and far away from the school.

"Woah yeah! Hell Yeah! You see that? You see what we did?!" Randall shouted, excitement flooding him.

"Just keep driving!" Rick ordered, showing Randall his gun.

Shane was looking at the back of Rick's head. Confused and also surprised as to why Rick came back for him. Shane knew he didn't deserve the help, but he was still grateful.

After a few minutes of silent driving, Rick ordered Randall to pull over. Together he and Shane loaded him back into the trunk, ignoring Randall's pleas.

Rick slammed the trunk closed and glanced at Shane.

They were silent for a few moments, standing and avoiding each other's eyes.

"If you want to kill me, you're gonna have to do better than a wrench." Rick spoke. "Probably gonna have to kill that boy. But I am gonna think about it at night. It can't be that easy, killing someone, killing anyone. You know that."

Shane glanced at Rick, looking him in the eyes. Shane was at a loss, he was grateful that Rick came back but was still angry, his feelings from before were not gone. Then Shane thought about when Rick walked out of his view with Randall. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he was sure Rick hadn't planned on returning for him.

All of it was Rick's fault in Shane's mind, the only reason they were out there was because he didn't have the balls to put down the boy. He and Rick fought because Shane was trying to show him what needs to be done. That fight led to the Walkers coming and Shane being trapped and almost killed. Rick almost didn't go back for him.

It was Rick's fault he almost didn't make it back to Toby. The anger settled within him, feeling like a heavy rock being pressed against his chest. He kept his face neutral, not wanting to reveal anything to Rick.

He would get back to Toby, then he would figure out what to do.

"That is my wife, that is my son, that is my child. If you're gonna be with us, you gotta follow my lead, you gotta trust me." Rick continued.

Shane looked away, trying his hardest not to scoff in Rick's face. He didn't trust Rick, he didn't trust Rick to make the right decisions or keep the people safe.

"It's time for you to come back." Rick hold Shane's gun out.

Shane hesitated a moment before taking the gun. After another moment of silence, Rick made a move to go back into the car. Shane did the same, settling himself into the drivers seat.

"Where's your gun?" Rick questioned as he put the car into gear.

"Huh?" Shane looked over at him, taken aback by the question.

"That's not your gun. Why don't you have it?"

Shane thought over lying to him, but thought better of it, "I gave it to Toby."

"Is that a good idea? She can be unpredictable."

Shane just shook his head, "we're the most experienced with our guns and we're both gone. I didn't feel right leaving her with nothing."

Rick didn't respond. Shane took the opportunity to think over Rick's words from earlier.

If you're gonna be with us, you gotta follow my lead, you gotta trust me

If you're gonna be with us, you gotta follow my lead

If you're gonna be with us

If you're gonna be with us

Shane didn't want to trust Rick, he didn't want to follow his lead.

If you're gonna be with us

But what if . . . a thought struck Shane, he wasn't with them. He wasn't with Rick. Emotionally that was already correct. He mentally shot the idea down, he couldn't leave Toby, he already said he wouldn't.

But what if you didn't leave her. You just left them? The voice was back, the voice that was so much like his own but all at the same time wasn't.

"I'm coming, kiddo." Shane whispered under his breath only for him to hear.

So this was kinda short, but a new chapter WILL be posted New Years Day.

Let me know what you think of the chapter or what you think might happen!

The next few chapters i may stick with third POV, just to capture more of Shane's character or what I'm trying to portray in him. And to show some scenes Toby won't be present for.

Don't be shy! Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!

Tumblr: TobyJustGone