Woulda Coulda Shoulda Part II

I'd admit that I'd given a lot of thought into my plan.

I'd also admit that most of the time I had, I was wasting it on rehearsing it all in my head.

I'd even admit that the plan was irrational and not very well thought out.

Just because you spend a lot of time overthinking something, doesn't mean you can make it out to be any better.

I tried.

The plan was to wait until dark, I couldn't risk anyone seeing me, like Guillermo had seen Shane and I. I couldn't let events repeat themselves, I didn't have Shane with me to back me up. I was on my own.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait long for dark. The sun had already started disappearing when I first started planning. But even after dark fell, I waited. I needed to make sure everyone went to bed, and hopefully, fall asleep.

For the first time since being back at the farm, I paid attention to the group, I watched them from the windows. It was difficult with the distance, and as it got dark, it became impossible.

There were a few times one of them would look my way, and I would turn my head, hoping no one else would bother me.

No one did.

I'd been bouncing my leg on the balls of my feet, impatient and agitated. I still held the hat tightly. Finally, I felt I couldn't wait any longer and slowly opened the door to get out. I got out of the car and closed it behind me gently, I didn't let the door latch all the way because it would make too much noise.

The only person that should be out at that time was whoever was on watch. I really hoped it wasn't Daryl. Whoever it was would be sitting on top the RV.

First step of the plan: Find the gun.

Thinking back on when we were in the alley, I remembered Daryl prying it from my fingers, he had to have it.

Tucking most of the fabric of the cap into my back pocket, I crept closer to the RV. I could see a shape on top. The person was sitting on a lawn chair. When I got close enough, I sighed with relief, seeing that they were facing the opposite direction of me, then I spotted the red cap. It was Glenn.

The silence was deafening. I kept looking around as my heart hammered in my chest, waiting to be caught. I was able to sneak past Carl's tent and approach Daryl's.

I crouched in front of his tent, listening. I couldn't hear anything, I frowned. Why doesn't Daryl snore more, it would be helpful.

I took a deep breath before pulling the zipper. I pulled it up agonizingly slowly, waiting for Daryl to do or say something, for all I knew he wasn't even there. I bit my lip in anticipation, please be sleeping. For a moment I almost hoped he was gone hunting, until I realized it wouldn't help me any if he'd taken his bag with him.

I didn't pull the zipper open all the way, just enough for me to squeeze through quietly. When I did, I was relieved to see Daryl wasn't sitting up waiting for me. He was lying in the sleeping bag, very still.

I gulped, searching for his bag. I crawled over to it and unzipped it. Why the hell are zippers so damn loud?

When it was open, I glanced at Daryl. Still asleep.

I couldn't see the contents of the bag very well, so I had to feel around. I pulled some clothes and objects out, hoping to feel the cold metal of a gun. I'd found a pocket knife, a regular jack knife, a set of keys, but not the metal of a gun.

I bit my lip hard to keep myself from growling in frustration. Carefully, I stuffed all the contents back in, and closed the bag.

I crept closer to Daryl's sleeping form, wondering if he had the gun on him somewhere for protection. I felt around his sleeping bag, avoid contact with him specifically. After a few moments, my finders found cold metal under the corned of his sleeping bag. As I started to pull it out, I knew it felt wrong. And when my eyes saw it, I just wanted to throw it.

I held my breath for a few seconds, trying to keep calm and quiet. It was Daryl's revolver. It was a gun, but it wasn't his.

I contemplated just taking it and moving on. But it felt wrong. I shook my head to myself, I had to find it. I placed the revolver back under the sleeping bag and felt around a little more. Nothing.

I sat back on my knees and looked around uselessly. I was pretty sure it wasn't in the tent. But where else could it be?

The Bike!

I went over to my side of the tent. Stuffing whatever I had out, into my green backpack. When that was done, I picked up my knife sheath. It'd been awhile since I even touched them let alone use them. I strapped the sheath to my thigh tightly and glanced at Daryl again.

I slipped out of the tent with my bag over one shoulder. I didn't zip up the tent behind me, I couldn't risk more noise.

Creeping away from the tent, I heard a cough and stumbled. Jumping out of my own skin with surprise. I turned and saw no one. I huffed in annoyance, seeing Glenn was still facing the other way.

Fucking Glenn.

I went back toward the cars, making my way to where the bike was. It was further from the RV, and with the darkness I was sure Glenn wouldn't see me if he looked over. When I got to the bike, I looked around once more. Still no one.

What if it's not there? What if he gave it to someone else?

I held my breath and opened the bag. It was still too dark to see, so once again I had to reach in and blindly feel around. The tips of my fingers graze the smooth surface of something cold. I let myself breathe, knowing that I found it. I pulled it out and held it with both hands, smiling slightly in relief.

I tucked the weapon into my waistband and put my arm through the second strap of my bag, so it wasn't hanging off the one shoulder. Then I started walking toward the road.

First step: Find the gun.

Second: Get out.

I took in a deep breath. The determination of finding the gun distracted me from how weak and hungry I felt. I ignored it, I had to. I gathered all the strength I had left inside me, and used it push my legs forward.

I took the hat out of my back pocket, I didn't trust it hanging there in case it fell. I held it tight in my right hand.

I took one last glance behind me, trying to see Glenn in the dark distance. I couldn't even see his silhouette, he wouldn't see me.

Then I left the Greene property.

I had to keep forcing myself to stay alert, to pay attention to my surroundings, though my mind had other plans. My eyes kept trailing downward to watch the red boots I wore as I walked.

I'd been walking for a while, slowly approaching the next turn I had to make.

Right, I was sure was the correct turn to make. Sort of. Not really. I'd been trying to remember each detail of my drive with Shane into the town.

When I made a right turn at the fork in the road, I silently begged that I was going the right way. I had to find my way back. Every so often I lifted my free hand to touch the gun hiding under my shirt, it made me feel better, knowing it was there.

The night was quiet, all I could hear were the crickets and cicadas.

Until the distant rumble of a motor disrupted all of it.

I took a surprise intake of breath, turning to look behind me. No no no.

I knew it was the sound of a motorbike, I knew who's bike it was. I just couldn't believe it, I was so sure I was in for the clear. Shane and I hadn't been in the car that long on the drive, I had to be close. Why?! Why is he following me? I grit my teeth, wondering if any of the group was with him. The single headlight shone in the distance, confirming it was a motorcycle.

I couldn't think of anything to do, I didn't want to just stand there and wait for him. So I turned myself around and continued walking.

Please pass me. Please keep going. Please leave me alone.

He didn't pass me. Instead, he actually swerved the bike to stop right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. The headlight illuminated the area around us, so I didn't miss his angered expression.

"What the fuck." He forced out in a low, yet loud tone.

I stared for a moment, unsure what to make of his tactics to stop me from moving. When I saw how intense his stare was, I quickly wiped my face of the dumbfounded expression, replacing it with a glare directed at him.

"You went through my shit," his tone stayed the same, just loud enough to hear over the motor.

Okay, that hadn't been what I was expecting. Though I had no other expectations of what he would say, I didn't understand why he was there in the first place. It was probably easy to assume someone went through his things, I wasn't careful about putting things back exactly the way they were. It wasn't important at the time.

"You took the gun." I found myself justifying. I wasn't intimidated by his anger, which confused me, I was always intimidated by anger.

"Yeah, I did. So what?"

"Ain't yours ta take!" I was almost glad for a reason to yell at someone.

"So, I was just s'posed to toss it in the back for ya? You really needed it, huh? Being unconscious and all."

"Yes." Was all I could say.

"Ya really think we can leave you with a gun after the shit that went down? You woulda tried to kill Rick again."

"You wanted him dead too!" I protested, not caring if any Walkers heard. "When Merle didn't come back you took your knife and tried ta swipe at his throat. Ya tellin' me ya wanted him alive then?"

This made him pause, his gaze on me faltered. He seemed a little less sure. "Wasn't thinkin' right. Neither are you. You ain't bein' smart, it's fuckin' pitch black out here. Ya wouldn't see a Walker 'til it already had its teeth in ya."

He was exaggerating a bit, and I didn't appreciate it, "I can kill a Walker just fine."

"Oh yeah? How 'bout two, or three? Or five? Handle that just fine?"

I wanted to make some remark about him needing to learn how to count, but I didn't. I bit my tongue to keep from responding at all.

I turned my glare away from him and walked around the bike. Please be so angry and annoyed you just go back. I wasn't that lucky though. After a few moments of walking, I heard the engine rev and he brought himself forward again, swerving around me from the opposite side this time.

"The hell is your plan, huh? Got it all figured out, do ya?"

"Yes," I hissed through clenched teeth, annoyed with being stopped again.

"Gonna go down there, get yourself surrounded, then what?"

Down there? Did he know where I was going? "The heck you think I took the gun for?"

"So you gonna start firing off rounds at Walkers?"

"Yes."

"If that just attracts more?"

"I'll get away."

"And if more try and stop you?"

"I'll shoot 'em too."

His face seemed a lot more relaxed, but it wasn't soft. But it seemed, calculated, yet impatient. He was being so difficult to read. But after a moment, I saw it, the flicker of amusement.

"With what bullets?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, staring back at him, not fully understanding. What bullets? He knows I have a gun, what kind of question is that? I waited to see if he offered an explanation, but he only watched me.

I looked away from his intense eyes, putting the pieces together. I took the Glock out of my waistband and pulled the magazine out of it.

Empty.

"You were so ready to just blindly march off on a suicide mission, no plan, no weapons, no-"

"-I have my knives!" I slammed the magazine back into the Glock. I was so angry, with him, and at myself for not noticing how much lighter the gun felt. Why didn't I notice?! It's so obvious now.

He shook his head, "you're lucky to even pierce skulls with those toothpicks."

"The fuck does it matter to ya anyway? What're you so worked up about? You're the one with the damn dinner bell!" I wildly gestured at his bike. I was probably fine, until the Walkers started hearing his bike, whatever ones were out there were probably following the noise.

"Get on," he said forcefully. "I'm takin' ya back, I'm done with your bullshit."

I shook my head, "You look at me like I'm so stupid. I'm always just in the way, an annoyin' tag along you keep gettin' stuck with. If you're so done with bein' my babysitter then why the fuck are ya out here?!"

I'd stunned him there. His expression changed rapidly, from anger, annoyance, confusion. Then his expression went calm, and there was almost a smile, or maybe my eyes were tricking me.

"If you were any smarter than me," I added, "you wouldn't be out here."

"If I was a good babysitter . . ." he paused, meeting my eyes intently. "I wouldn't have let ya get this far."

I stared at him, not even trying to hide how confused I was.

"Merle was always a deep sleeper, take an earthquake and then some to wake him up. I ain't Merle, only wish I could sleep like that. I knew you were in there, lookin' 'round. I coulda stopped ya, I didn't. Maybe I shoulda. I was gonna follow you as soon as you were far enough, just run over. Figure getting a bit far from the house you could have some kind of privacy. Wasn't sure how you'd react to me tryin' to . . . convince you, I guess."

"Convince me?" I echoed.

"I thought you were just runnin' off. I first went after you on foot, then I realized which way you were goin', and it clicked. I coulda kept goin', stopped you. But I just kept waitin'. And then I didn't."

"So . . ." It took me a long time to form a response. I was so baffled. "You let me go, just to come and bring me back?"

He shook his head, as if I wasn't understanding something so simple. I didn't know what else to do, so I just tried walking around him again. But when I did, he pushed off the ground with his feet, awkwardly rolling the bike backward to block me.

"Don't do this."

"Do what?!" I yelled again. Why was he being so cryptic? Letting me go just literally block me at every turn.

"I know what you're doin'. Where you're goin'. I also know you ain't plannin' on comin' back."

That was slightly false, I hadn't thought about after. Whether or not I'd attempt to get back to the farm. My free hand brushed a strap of my backpack, it was probably why he guessed I wasn't planning on returning, I'd brought all my stuff. But really, I'd just brought it in case I couldn't get back. Though I didn't exactly plan on returning either. It was undecided.

"You don't know shit," was all I could come up with.

"You think I don't get it? That I don't wonder where my brother is? Whether he's wanderin' 'round dead, waitin' for someone to end it? You think I don't have the slightest-"

"-No! Shane isn't my brother! He isn't my anything!"

"You think if you go there, find him, you can fix it all?"

I shook my head at him for the hundredth time, "I'm gonna finish it."

He rubbed a hand over his face, "I knew I couldn't get ya to go back. That's why I let ya go I guess."

"So why even show up?" I gestured at the bike.

He sat up straighter, scooting himself forward more, "Get on."

"I'm not goin-"

"-I ain't takin' ya back. I'm goin' with ya. You're gonna get yourself killed, and I got your bullets."

I blinked at him, once again baffled

"What kinda babysitter would I be if I let ya get eaten, all by your lonesome?"

Narrowing my eyes, I looking around, contemplating. I wasn't sure how much further the town was, and the more I thought it over, the more I realized I did want Daryl there. I didn't want him to go. The thought of him driving back, leaving me, made my stomach drop.

Hesitantly, I stepped forward and climbed on the bike behind him. He instructed me where to put my feet. I kept Shane's hat tight in my fist.

I placed both hands on either of his shoulders, to which he shook his head. "Waist." When I hesitated, he grabbed one of my hands and placed it on his waist, "not the shoulders."

I took my other hand, placing it on the other side of his abdomen. I tried to sit straight, confident like. I didn't want him to know how freaked out I was. I'd never been on a motorcycle.

He revved the engine, and turned the bike abruptly. I suddenly squeezed myself against his back, for fear of falling off.

I didn't budge the whole ride.

As I squeezed the life out of Daryl for fear of falling off, I let myself think as a distraction. My plan was based on an assumption. I had been out cold during part of the scuffle, I could've missed some events. But Daryl taking me where I needed to go, confirmed my assumption. Shane was still there.

He stopped the bike about a mile from the town, I could see buildings in the distance. He said out loud it was better to stop there, the Walkers don't need to hear us coming. "We go in quiet, get it done, get out."

He got off the bike, but kept his hands on it to hold it in place for me. He met my eyes, and the corner of his mouth lifted. He was smiling, amusement shining in his eyes.

"What?!" I said, irritated.

"You should see your face right now."

"You went too fast!"

"Oh no I didn't." he let out a sound that was similar to both a scoff and a chuckle. "Maybe next time."

When I got off, he took his bike and hid it in some tall brush in a nearby ditch. When he was done, he met my eyes, saw that I was watching him, oblivious. He muttered something about not wanting to risk anyone seeing it after Rick's encounter with Randall's group. To which I gave a single nod and began following the road.

It was so easy to forget there were still other people besides us.

I stuck Shane's hat into my bag, I didn't want to lose it or drop it somewhere.

When we got closer, Daryl said I had to follow his rules, I had to listen, be careful. I didn't hear all of it, didn't care too, I just nodded.

"Gim'me the bullets." I said as we hid behind a car in the town, peeking over the hood to see Walkers stumbling in the streets. They were much more calm then they were that morning, none of them were swarmed, just blindly walking in random directions.

Daryl didn't look happy to oblige, but he reached into his pocket and handed me a few bullets.

A few. Definitely not enough.

"All of 'em," I growled.

"No."

"The hell's your problem?" I gritted my teeth, my voice rising.

"You're my problem." he returned my angry eyes. "This'll be quiet and quick, if ya listen you won't need bullets. You're lucky I'm givin' you any."

"Lucky?" I want to punch him.

"You were gonna to show up with nothin' before."

"You're an asshole."

"And you're an insufferable brat," he said, but his anger had dissipated.

Without another word, he peeked at the Walkers again and moved, signaling me to follow him. We hid from Walkers, dodging and ducking behind cars and other things. I had the gun loaded and ready in my hand. Twice a Walker had made it to close to one of our hiding spots, Daryl took them down silently with ease.

Once or twice we'd made too much noise, causing a few Walkers to glance our way, but none investigated.

Soon enough, I caught sight of Shane's car, then my eyes went to the store we'd went in. I bit my lip, my mouth suddenly going dry and my body went weak, reminding me I hadn't eaten or had the chance to drink any of the water Maggie had left me.

The weakness I felt caused me to gently drop down on my butt, before me and Daryl were in crouching positions.

Daryl shot me a strange look, "what?"

But I couldn't speak. I needed to go to that alley, I needed to find him, but my body protested. I felt so weak and sick, the scene from so many hours ago playing like a movie in my head, repeating and repeating.

"You want to go back now?"

My eyes shot up to him, his tone seemed expectant. I didn't like it. He wanted to go back more than anything, and with how he was acting I wouldn't have been surprised if he dragged me with him. I couldn't let that happen, he needed to see I was fine. I could do it, I was going to do it.

So I shook my head, not trusting my words.

"I could do it," he offered. "You can hide, wait here, I'll get it done and come out."

"No," I said quickly. "Me."

He stared at me for a long moment before nodding. I turned back to the building, stepping forward to leave the hiding place when Daryl grabbed me and pulled me back. My head moved, about to give Daryl the dirtiest look I could muster. But I quickly saw he was trying o get my attention by pointing toward the building, his hand still clutching the knife. My eyes followed his pointer finger. There were a few Walkers close together by the entrance of the alley, and as I watched, more emerged from between the buildings. We'd have to fight out way through.

My eyes scanned each Walker carefully, but I didn't recognize any of them.

"Let's go 'round back," Daryl suggested, but it sounded more like a command. I didn't respond, still looking over each new Walker that stumbled into my line of sight.

I followed Daryl and we made our way around the building and all other obstacles in the dark. Once, I tripped. Daryl had turned around quickly to check on me, but I got up with ease.

It was hard to crouch and walk in the boats Maggie gave me. I missed my shoes. I missed when my shoes fit.

Soon we were behind the buildings, it was much quieter. There were a few Walkers, but not as many, some we hid from and passed with ease, others he'd quietly take down. He told me not to do anything, only to follow. I was a little irritated I couldn't even try to take down any of the Walkers, but I quickly got over it. I wasn't there for them. Killing Walkers could wait.

Even though I'd never been at the other end of the alley, I knew when we were at the right one. Daryl leaned against the building, leaning to the side to see what was hiding in there. It was obvious there wasn't much too worry about, because he stepped off the building and gave me a nod that it was okay for us to go through.

"Wait," I stopped him. "Not you."

He stopped and narrowed his eyes at me.

"You ain't goin' in there alone. Those damned Walkers are still around, we don't have time to-"

"-They don't know we're here, we got time."

Daryl sighed, "We ain't gonna drag this out. We're gettin' it done and goin' back."

"I'm not," I denied. "just . . . not you. I don't want you there, I wanna do it myself."

I would've been so proud of myself of acting like this any other day. I felt stronger, focused, defiant. I liked it. I knew no matter what I said Daryl wouldn't lay a hand on me, he didn't even have the balls to drag me back to the house after running off. I had an objective, and it was flooding my mind, taking over everything. I felt so full of purpose, for the first time since the dead started walking, I knew what to do. And it felt right.

I wasn't about to let Daryl steal my purpose from me.

"Alright," he surprised me with his compliance. He held out his knife to me, "here, better not to attract more. Can you do it with this?"

I stared at his hunting knife, then shook my head. "No, that feels wrong." And it did, I couldn't do it that way. Knock him down like the last one and stab him. No, very wrong.

Daryl sighed, "just be quick, I'll wait here. I'll keep a lookout, don't go far. I don't see much down there so if you don't see . . . just come back."

I hesitated for a long time, staring into dark alley. Daryl let me, he didn't say or do anything. I barely knew he was there. I was thankful for his silence.

Tears pricked my eyes and my throat burned, afraid of what I would find, my head swimming with memories of the events that took place not too long ago.

Almost involuntarily, I stepped forward, holding the gun with both hands, lowered in front of me.

He might not be here, he could've left, he could be on the streets. He could be so far away by now, it's been too long.

I wasn't sure what I was hoping for. I didn't want to see him, didn't want to be there or shoot him. But I also couldn't stand the thought of him out there, as one of those things, of just walking aimlessly and searching for food. Of possibly getting put down by some other survivor, just being seen as another Walker, not a real person, like we did with all the rest of them. If I didn't do it, I wouldn't forgive myself, and I would never stop wondering.

The thoughts seemed to fuel me, and the possibility of not even seeing him, helped as well. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, it wasn't too bad, I could see just as much as I needed too. There was more light at the other end of the alley, I saw a few Walkers there, showing me they were nearby but not in the alley.

Going further in, I frowned, not seeing much at first. My ankle caught on something and I stumbled. I quickly stepped away from whatever it was in fear and looked it over, it was a Walker lying on the ground. Then I noticed there were a few of them, lying motionless on the cement. They were the Walkers the others had to fight off. They were very dead and weren't any of my concern. But that didn't stop my gaze from lingering on each one, just to double check.

As I continued, my eyes spotted a figure sitting up against the wall not too far from where I stood. Everything in me seemed to freeze, even my blood ran cold.

I wanted to think it was just any other Walker, a corpse that decided to rest, or one the others took down earlier that fell in an odd position.

When I was sure the body was still, and it wasn't any danger to me, I glanced around. I checked for Daryl at the end of the alley behind me. I didn't see him, but I knew he was there somewhere, behind the buildings maybe. Possibly taking care of more Walkers.

I turned back to the body, I watched it's head move slightly, in no particular direction, just a small motion. I watched it for a while, wondering if he knew I was there, wondering if he could smell me. All around me I could smell the rot of Walkers, maybe that was shielding my scent from him.

The shape of his head, the shape of his shoulders, it was almost too obvious it was him. But I hoped it wasn't. I didn't want it to be, because that would make everything real, not just a horrible nightmare I couldn't shake.

"Shane?" I choked out, his name felt so odd on my tongue.

The head moved quickly, and even in the dark I could see his face, but only just. I pressed my lips together to try and keep the bottom one from quivering, it didn't work.

He shifted, trying to get up only to fall on his side. I back away, my whole body shaking, my eyes and throat burned with unshed tears.

He went onto his hands an knees, an inhuman sound escaping his mouth. He looked up at me, lunging to get me and failing. I furrowed my eyes, watching him struggle to get up, to get to me.

Why is he so slow?

Of course all Walkers were slower than us, that was their disadvantage. But the fresher ones, the ones less rotted and torn apart were always faster, some could partially run.

I back up more, examining him closely, his legs seemed fine, if not a little body, one of his pant legs were torn. The Walkers seemed to have gotten a few bites out of him when died, but not too much. Did he turn right after? An hour after? That could be why he isn't chewed up.

He finally stood, and when he did. He stopped.

I swallowed nervously, staring him down. I raised the gun, but he still didn't move.

I knew to pull the trigger, it couldn't still be him. But why did he stop? He's looking at me, does he know who I am?

"Shane?" I said again, my voice a bit stronger.

Then he lurched forward, using his arm to try and grab me. I yelped and jumped backward, sobs escaping my throat as he continued to come forward. One time I was able to slap his arm away from me.

"Stop it!" I tried to yell, but my voice was squeaky.

He didn't stop.

I felt stupid, so stupid for even thinking it could possibly still be him. I knew how it worked, people didn't come back. Shane was dead. His face was all wrong, pale and grey, his eyes were murky, it made me wonder how well he could actually see.

It didn't matter how much he could see, he saw food.

I tried to hold the gun steady, my shaking and sobbing wasn't helping. I quickly took steps back, partially running to put some distance between me and Shane. When I thought I was far enough, I stopped, but he kept coming closely. Luckily, I'd made some distance.

I aimed the gun, keeping both eyes open. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. He was stumbling so much, moving so much. I tried to follow his movement with gun but it was so difficult.

Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it.

I didn't want to, then it would all be over for real. All trace of Shane gone, killed by Rick. The remnants killed by me.

I held my breath, one index finger on the trigger, using my thumb to pull the hammer back.

I shot. I missed.

"Ugh!" I loaded another bullet into the chamber, backing up more. "Come on, just shoot."

You got this.

I stopped, Shane's voice in my head made me stare at him once again. Hoping to see something, anything I didn't before. But there wasn't Shane was dead.

"You got this," He said, "shoot."

I shot again. I missed again.

I wanted to cry for almost a whole new reason. I'd only just figured out how to hit still targets, and I wasn't that good at it. I couldn't hit a moving target, especially this was, the movements were too wide, too clumsy. Daryl didn't give me many bullets, I couldn't waste.

"Stop it!" I told him, "Y'know I ain't good at this, stop!"

I had to end it, I had to it before he got to me. I probably wouldn't be able to stop him. All that time spent with him, practising shooting, I could hear us in the back of my mind, smell the grass in the field. I could hear the sound of one of the bullets hitting the tin can.

"Somebody is going to die, you better hope you're the one who's making that decision."

Me or him. My decision.

"Turn off the switch, the one that makes you scared or angry, sympathetic, whatever."

I'm not scared. This isn't Shane. I'm not scared, it's just a Walker. It isn't Shane. I'm not sympathetic to kill a Walker. It's just Walker.

But I am angry. Angry at Shane for leaving, at Rick for killing him, at T-Dog and Daryl for stopping me when I was going to kill Rick. Angry at this dumb Walker for using Shane's body and not staying still.

I breathed in through my nose.

"You got this, kiddo."

I shot again, the gun jumping with the kickback.

Shane stopped, then he fell.

I watched him fall, his body hit the cement with a loud thud. He was still.

I stepped forward, I heard some distance sounds around me. I didn't care what they were, not yet.

I walked toward him, around his body and stood at his side. The bullet hole was right above his right eyebrow.

"I'm proud of you."

I crouched down close to his body, looking him over. I wiped my tear soaked cheeks. Finally noticing the noise was closing in, I looked up, at the opposite end of the alley, Walkers were on there way. They heard the shots.

I turned back to Shane.

"Are you proud of me now?" I wished he could answer, I wanted to know. I wanted to hear him say it again. "I hit my target."

But there was nothing, just like I knew there would be.

"Toby!"

My head whirled in Daryl direction at the other end of the alley, just in time to see him take down a Walker. But there was more behind him, more than the other side. He was running toward me.

I glanced back down at Shane, about to get up and leave. But something caught my eye, something that shone lightly, reflected the moonlight. I brought my fingers to the chain around his neck, and traced it to the 22 pendant that fell behind his neck.

With my other hand, I slipped under Shane's head, lifting it up just a bit. With my right hand, I held the chain and slipped it over his head. I slowly lowered my hand, as if it mattered that his head hit the ground.

"Get up, let's go!" Daryl grabbed my shirt, but his grip didn't linger.

With one last look at Shane, I brought my hand to his shoulder and squeezed. A gesture he was always offering to me.

I put the necklace in my pocket as I stood up straight, looking ahead of me and Daryl. It was time to leave, but it wouldn't be easy. Daryl held it knife out, struggling and fighting off three Walkers before gesturing me forward. We pushed through a couple. I raised my gun when one grabbed Daryl, being a foot away gave me an advantage, I shot it right in the head. Daryl looked at me, surprised, then gave me a nod and we continued.

"Behind you!"

But just as he said it, I felt something pull tight on my hair, Daryl knocked it away and stabbed it.

When one got too close to me, just barely missing my elbow when it reached, Daryl gave it a hard shove and it slammed into the wall. I lifted my gun and shot at it, but nothing happened. I was out of bullets.

I gave Daryl a pointed look.

He pressed his lips together, looking guilty. "Didn't think it'd take you that long, or that many bullets."

"One would be enough to draw 'em here," I countered. A Walker reached for me and I grabbed it's wrist, adrenalin filling me and keeping fear at bay. As I held onto it, Daryl stabbed it in the head.

"But not agitate 'em so much, could've just snuck out through the back." His voice rose with his own agitation. "This was fuckin' stupid!"

"Your own fault, didn't ask ya to be here!"

"You alone in this shit? You'd already be dead!" He yelled, getting right into my face.

I bared my teeth. I didn't need him or his bullets. I could've found a way.

Then it came to me, I already had a way.

I looked at the Walkers, and right then, there was an opening between them. Before even thinking about it, I started running. Dodging and ducking under their arms and teeth. I'd show him.

Daryl was calling me. Screw him.

I wasn't concerned about him, he could take care of himself, and the Walkers would chase after me, I was making more noise, and I was closer. Making my way out of the alley, I gave one final strong shove to a corpse, practically knocking it over. I turned down the sidewalk and saw the car Shane took, still parked in the same place.

I quickly went to the passenger door, swinging it open and hopping inside. I slammed the door just in time for one of the corpses to slam on the window. I pressed the lock on the door, i was pretty sure Walkers couldn't open a car door, but I wasn't risking it.

I opened the glove compartment, I almost felt the corner of my lips lift as I saw the box of ammo.

"Got extra ammo in there for the Glock too." Shane had told me. I didn't need Daryl for bullets.

I tried to ignore the Walkers trying to get into the car as I loaded the gun. My hands were still shaking, making it difficult, but I managed to do it. What was left of the ammo I stuck into my bag.

I jumped when I heard a shot, then a few more. Then shook my head at myself for freaking out, it was just Daryl, he decided to start using his gun.

I looked out the window, there was a lot of Walkers, but as long as they didn't break the glass, they couldn't get to me. I decided I would open the window just a bit and shoot one at a time. Easy enough. I didn't need Daryl.

I reached for the crank that would wind the window down, but there wasn't one. Then I saw the button for the window, it was one of those electric ones. I pressed it but nothing happened.

"Damnit," I muttered. I would need to start the car to use the window. I glanced over to the ignition, keys weren't there. Shane must have them in a pocket or something.

I would have to open the door, I could put a few down easily with how close they were. I unlocked the door and attempted to push it open. I got it open about an inch, before the weight of the Walkers slammed it shut.

I banged the door with my fist, frustrated. "Can't eat me if you don't let me open the damn door!"

They only snarled in response.

I crawled into the back seat and the opposite side, there were only two Walkers there. I was able to open the door just as much as I needed to and began to lift the gun, but just before I shot, one of them yanked the door open and I couldn't close it.

"Oh, crap!" I exclaimed. Bad idea, bad idea!

One of them grabbed onto my leg, trying to tug me out. I lifted the barrel of the gun and shot. I felt blood spatter onto my face and the body fell onto my legs. Before the next one could get me, a shot was fired from behind and it fell. Daryl appeared, yanking the body off me.

"What the hell were ya thinkin'?!"

"I needed ammo!"

He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me out with ease. Another Walker at his side, I shot and missed. Daryl pushed it away and raised his gun, but I shot again and killed it before he did.

"Come on!"

Then we ran. There were a lot of them, but not the most we've had to deal with in the past. Daryl didn't ask about the ammo, he probably guessed Shane stocked up.

"Don't you ever fuckin' do that again!" He yelled as we ran. "That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen! You're not Carl! Jesus Christ."

"Wouldn't've mattered if ya didn't take my bullets!" I glanced behind me, we'd put some good distance. Those Walkers were slow, and now that we weren't in an enclosed space, there really wasn't that many.

"Wouldn't have taken 'em if ya didn't act all psycho," his comment was quieter, but I still heard it. This comment shook me a little, but I didn't respond. I recognized the word but didn't know what it meant.

It didn't matter. I finished what I needed to do. Shane was really gone, he wouldn't be a rotting walking corpse.

We made it to the bike with no other trouble then losing our breath. I watched as he wheeled it out of the ditch. He mounted the bike and motioned his head for me to get on behind him. I put Shane's gun in my waistband before jumping on silently. I reached for his shoulders but stopped, and put my hands around his sides.

I felt hesitant, but I did it anyway. I knew I'd be holding on tight when he started going. I was right. Daryl sped off, away from the town, and I squeezed his waist, not wanting to fall off.

Daryl wouldn't take the gun from me again, no one would, no one would touch it. I needed it, I could use it. It would protect me when I needed it.

I would be prepared, not just for the Walkers, but for Rick. I remembered how closed I came to killing, how it was thwarted just because my aim sucks.

I would practice, I would get better. And if I was ever again presented with an opportunity. I would not miss.

Big thank you to Kenzela, my wonderful friend. she's given me some wonderful insight to Toby and what Shane's death will mean to her in the aftermath of this mess. She offered plenty of ideas to help move this part forward.

Some love from Kenzela: "I hope everyone enjoys this story as much as I have. Toby is a complicated character. I can't wait to see where the story goes next ^.^"

For those who asked and are curious, THIS IS NOT THE END. Toby's story is far from over.

You didn't think Rick was going to get off easy did you?

Please review! excited to know what you think of this turn of events, love hearing from you guys!