Safety Behind Bars

With a grunt, I forced the hunting knife through the chain fence, causing the Walker to go still. I yanked it out, and the corpse fell.

It was sometime afternoon. Driving back with Hershel's family, which didn't take as long as it took to get there because we knew which ways weren't blocked from the first trip. In the prison yard, the others awoke and greeted the family. Taking a few hours to catch up before trying to sleep a bit longer.

I was standing a bit further from everyone on our side of the fence, they were yelling and shaking the fence, trying to attract the Walkers. The noise hurt my ear and yelling hurt my throat, so I only banged on the fence every so often, I mostly waved the Walkers over.

The pain wasn't as bad as the day before. Daryl had given me some more Advil from Hershel before we started. I wanted more because it did still hurt a lot, but he said I hate to wait a few hours. I guess I should've just been glad to have anything at that point, I still wanted more though.

"I don't see them, do you see them?" I heard Lori asked those around her. Sure enough, we were all looking around, and we couldn't see them.

The second group consisted of Rick, Daryl, Tyreese, T-Dog, Glenn, and Maggie. I thought it was weird, whenever there was something really important, it was mostly the men that split off to do it. Not exactly a fair comparison considering before Hershel's family, the only girls were me, Sasha, and pregnant Lori. Glenn made the case that she'd stepped up on the farm and she'd be useful.

I watched her with them, how she ran, jumped onto Walkers to take them down. It was odd, did I ever see her kill a Walker before then? I didn't think so. I guess I didn't see a lot of women taking Walkers down, Lori didn't do it that much and was always very hesitant. Sasha tried very hard to use a gun more often, seeming annoyed when having to get up close and personal. Maggie had no problem with it, it wasn't that she was loving it, but she wasn't hating it. She was scared but not in a way that would make her run away, in the way that she was alert and ready.

I wanted to be like that.

Maybe if your stupid ear wouldn't break you could be more useful.

I groaned in pain and annoyance. The other side of the fence was littered with bodies on the concrete. I imagined we'd have to pile them all together at some point. I wasn't doing that. Not because it bothered me, I'd killed enough Walkers and dragged enough corpses for it to not bother me. But I'd learned earlier that day when I bent over my ear would sting worse, so screw that.

Luckily the ones in the yard were all piled together, that was what everyone did while we were on our way to Hershel's farm.

Daryl and the others appeared and I felt myself relax. They were talking and looking around at the bodies around them.

"What are they doing?" Lori asked.

They were walking toward us at first but then turned. The small group headed toward one of the buildings. I tried to catch Daryl's eye, trying to figure out what was going on. But he was too focused, only Rick turned to us, giving a wave.

I heard Lori sigh, did she know what that was supposed to mean? I sure didn't.

They were going up some stairs toward a door that looked like it was caged off somehow. They disappeared into the building.

I dropped my butt to the grass. We'd taken the Walkers out and they were gone. Daryl did say they might go inside, but I thought once they finished outside they'd still come back.

Stupid Rick and his stupid plans. We all know this is stupid. I want to go back to sleep, damn my head hurts.

Lori was talking to Beth, further down from them I spotted Guillermo, cleaning his knife with his shirt. He had a very short beard that'd grown in, and his long chain with a cross still hung on his chest.

I reached my hand up, pulling down on my hair, a bad habit Daryl had been recently paying more attention too. He usually pulled my hand away and scolded me to knock it off before I pulled my hair out.

Visiting the farm had made everything with Shane feel very fresh. There was so much I couldn't get out of my head. When Rick killed him, I could only think about the shooting lessons he'd given me, and how he died. What happened with Carol, Randall, and when we left the farm had become unnecessary details, they didn't matter.

Over the past weeks, I'd been doing better, I wasn't as angry or obsessive. Even I knew that I was spending too much time and emotions into what happened, but I couldn't let it go, I just began to slowly make peace with what happened. I wasn't completely over it, and Rick would always be a total and complete shithead, but he wasn't worth wasting a bullet. The times I fantasized about it or secretly planned different revenge tactics, I thought about Carl.

Having a friend was weird, and annoying.

The time back at the farm messed with my head, everything with Shane was playing on a loop. It made me feel angry, tired, and incredibly anxious, even more so adding that we were at a prison waiting on a sure to fail plan.

The camp in Atlanta was safe, people died and we ran. The CDC was safe, we ran and people died. The farm was safe, people died and we ran, though that time we left some people there. This would end the same way. My head was dancing between past events and preparing for another disaster.

Watching Guillermo speaking to the others had actually helped me focus on something, though it wasn't good. I was angry. Rick may have killed him, but Guillermo pointed the way.

The sound of the gate took me from my thoughts about Guillermo, Daryl, and the others were back. I found myself doing a headcount for the seventh time that day. They were all back.

I watched them all talk, some hugged. I wondered how many were expecting them to come back with fewer people.

Daryl pushed through and made his way over to me. It made me feel relieved for some reason, the way he came to me instead of the other way around.

"What're ya doin' over here?"

"Loud," I pointed at the group. "Advil?"

He shook his head, "gotta wait a few hours, you know that."

I rolled my eyes.

"Stop, ya ain't Carl, and I ain't yer mom," he'd told me. It was something he'd usually say when I rolled my eyes.

"You were gone long," I said and cleared my throat.

"We were takin' the Walkers out, closed another fence on the other side to block more from gettin' this way. Saw a civilian with the dead, that means Walkers are gettin' in from outside. Had to go see if it was overrun, what the damage was."

"So we goin' now?"

He gave a very subtle smile, "yeah, cleared a cell block. Grab your bag."

I squinted my eyes. When I asked if we were leaving, I wasn't asking if we were going inside. "Cell block? But . . . the Walkers?"

"There's a breach somewhere, we gotta find it. But we cleared a whole cell block, it's safe."

There's a breach, more Walkers, but it's safe so let's just go in!

Grabbing whatever bags we had, we were led by Rick, inside the prison. It was so odd, I kept searching around, waiting for Walkers to jump out and tear us up. But I didn't even hear any.

The hallway we went through was dark and damp. The cement below my feet was coated in a thin sheet of water, or is that blood? It was too dark to tell.

After walking through the darkness for several minutes, we were in a large room with more light. There were tables and trash littered on the floor. There were some stairs that led to a small room above us, surrounded by windows.

On the other side of the room was a small gated off section, it looked like a cage, but possibly for storage. I wasn't sure, I knew nothing about prisons.

Going through that room led to a doorway Rick held open, it wasn't really a door, it was made of long metal bars.

"What do you think?" Rick asked as he shut the door behind us.

"Home sweet home," Glenn commented, going into a cell.

There were several cells lined up together, a set of stairs that led to a walkway above us with more cells.

So what? We lock ourselves in a cell every night and hope not to get eaten?

"It's secure?" Lori asked wearily, cradling her bag.

"This cell block is," Rick answered, walking past her to help T-Dog lift a body out of a cell.

"What about the rest of the prison?" Hershel quizzed.

After a few moments, with Rick holding the feet and T-Dog the shoulders, they carried the body to the door. Guillermo opened it for them.

"Tomorrow," Rick huffed, checking behind him so he didn't walk into anything, "we'll find the cafeteria and the infirmary."

"We sleep in the cells?" Beth asked.

"I found keys on some guards. Daryl has a set too." They dropped the body and came back into the cellblock.

"I ain't sleeping in no cage." Daryl started up the stairs, "I'll take the perch."

Perch?

And just like that, there were no more questions, they split off to choose a cell. I hesitated, not sure where to go. I felt very out of place. Everyone easily paired up, knowing exactly who they were with.

Maggie and Glenn retreated into a cell, I saw them sit down together on a mattress. Tyreese and Sasha chose one together on the lower floor. Guillermo and T-Dog walked up the stairs together, probably to pick separate ones, but still, they walked together.

Carl followed Beth into a cell, I wasn't sure why but I went in behind him.

"It's actually comfortable," Beth said, laying down on the bottom bunk. I looked it over, I'd never been on a bunk bed before. "Check it out."

Carl stepped forward, looking up at the top bunk as if he were about to jump up. I stepped out of the way when Hershel came up beside me, a black duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

"You find your cell yet?" The old man asked Carl, who hadn't left the cell.

"Uh, yeah," he stammered, "I was just making sure Beth was safe."

What? That's weird. Why did he say that? And why did he say it like that?

When Carl came out, Jimmy went in. Hershel spoke to them through the opening.

"Did you pick one yet?" Carl asked me. I shook my head.

"Do you want-"

"-Carl?" we both turned our heads to Lori, leaning over the railing. She motioned for him to follow and disappeared.

Carl heaved a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes before obeying. When I watched him go up the stairs I saw Daryl plop a mattress on the platform.

"How's your ear?" Daryl glanced at me before pushing the mattress with his foot, shifting it into another position.

I visibly frowned and didn't answer. It hurt, he knew that. I didn't have to say it.

He looked back at me, sympathetic, "few more hours you can have more."

"Really?" It's already been hours.

"Just go lay down for a bit. Everyones takin' some time and we're gonna eat."

"Eat what?" I grumbled. I knew the answer, Hershel had brought whatever they had left, but I was so annoyed, I didn't care about the food. Every pulse of pain from my ear caused a wave of nausea, I wasn't eating.

I turned from Daryl quickly, giving a visual representation of how annoyed I was. Maybe if he could see how I felt he'd just give it to me.

I walked along the railing, passing some empty and occupied cells. I stopped at the one on the very end, it seemed to have no neighbor, further from everyone else.

I dropped my bag and sat on the bed.

It was odd, I wasn't usually left alone. Even when we found places to stay and separate rooms everyone paired off. So many times I wanted to be far from everyone, I got what I wanted with that cell. Sure we were all in close proximity, but it was still the furthest we'd been from each other in months. Excluding Hershel's family.

I was antsier than before.

I have to sleep in here? I understood why Daryl chose his place. He was in between everyone, in a position able to protect himself and others, not able to be blocked into a small space.

I shivered a bit as my stomach knotted, I couldn't remember the last time I even slept alone. Daryl was always in close proximity, sometimes Carl, or anyone else. Most of the time I slept right at Daryl's side.

I took my hat off and scratched my head, relaxing the hair that'd been tucked away. Then I unstrapped the knives on my thigh, I didn't even use them that day, but I liked having them on. I'd been able to practice throwing them every so often over the past months, but it'd been getting harder and harder to find the right time and place.

I dug through my bag and changed out of the bloody shirt, the new one was long-sleeved and baggie. The shirt was mostly blue with black and red plaid patterns, I believed it was one Maggie gave me a long time before.

Some voices echoed through the cell block, I couldn't make out specific words, but I could hear different people and their murmurs.

I laid my head down on the bunk and it creaked under me. Closing my eyes I tuned them out, trying to forget where I was and the throbbing in my ear.

The small, odd-shaped pills were in the palm of Hershel's hand. I eyed them with disdain, they weren't painkillers.

One at a time I put them in my mouth, taking a sip of water with each. He'd only come out of Lori's cell a few minutes before, she was about three down from mine. I was able to hear his voice subtly as she cried. I thought about asking, but I didn't.

"Will they help?" I asked him.

"I don't think so," he said regrettably. "I wish I could tell you differently. To fight your infection you need the right antibiotics, these may not be it but we have to try. I won't lie or make up a story because I need you to know how serious this is. You need to take it easy, stay away from loud noises, gunshots especially if you can."

What did Daryl say back at the farm? They were for skin infections?

We were standing outside of my cell at the railing. People were walking around below us, Rick had left the cell block a while back for some reason. The whole place had darkened as the sun went down, it was creepier than before.

"I'm sorry I can't do more for you," Hershel apologized, he seemed actually saddened by that fact, which baffled me.

All I could do was stare at him in confusion as he turned to walk away.

"When will it come out?" I blurted. I hadn't asked anyone about it, even though I had so many questions. It seemed odd to bring it up to Daryl, Lori I just didn't want to, and Rick was a no go.

"Pardon me?" Hershel turned back.

"The baby," I clarified.

"Soon. From what we can tell she's passed her due date, which can be worrying, but everything seems fine. You don't have to worry about her."

I almost rolled my eyes. I wasn't worried, I just didn't understand how a baby can be inside a person for so long. At this point, even though it had been talked about for so long, I couldn't imagine it. It seemed she would be pregnant forever.

I almost asked if it would be a boy or a girl, but I asked Carl about it a while ago. He told me we wouldn't know until it came out. But maybe Hershel knew more.

I took another drink of water as he left, my throat was killing me.

Most of the others were on the floor of the cell block, some standing alone, others conversing. After taking a break from our strenuous activities, everyone wanted to spend more time catching up.

Daryl was at his 'perch'. It was the large area at the top of the stairs facing the opposite direction of the cells, so it was out of the way. I made my way over there, sitting down on his mattress at his side. He was eating out of a can with a spoon.

Without saying anything Daryl handed the can to me. At first, I shook my head, but he pushed it at me.

"How much food?" I asked after looking out at the others. Some of them had their own cans, sharing and passing it around.

"That's it," he answered, not meeting my eyes as he motioned around the cell block.

I tried once again to meet his eyes, but he avoided it. Looking around, I understood it then. We were in some kind of screw it mode, eating the very little food Hershel had brought.

"Ain't enough to ration," Daryl told me. "Findin' the infirmary and cafeteria tomorrow. Get food and your medicine."

"Lori's medicine?" I inquired, glancing into the can. My stomach turned with hunger and nausea at once.

He shrugged, "if she even needs it. Not somethin' you gotta worry about."

Why do people keep thinking I'm worried? "What if there's not enough? Can Hershel fix my ear."

Daryl looked at me, hesitated as his thoughts turned. "Ya got it wrong. She don't need medicine like you, she needs, like, pain stuff I guess."

"Advil?" Is that why I can't have more? Is it for Lori?

Daryl snorted, "Advil ain't gonna do shit for her."

Speaking of which, just as I opened my mouth to ask, Daryl made a hmm, sound, as if remembering. He lifted his butt to take a small package out from his pocket, struggling to open the package for a moment before giving me the two blue pills.

I took them both, swallowing the rest of my water with them. Finally.

"I gotta talk to Rick," Daryl stood and left down the stairs.

Leaving my empty bottle, I took the can of food with me down the stairs to join the others. Beth was sitting on the last step by herself, I squeezed passed her awkwardly. Carl was sitting on his own, leaning against the wall beside an opening to a cell.

I slid to the floor next to him. He was flipping through a comic book he'd read hundreds of times. I noticed the empty can of food at his feet.

I nudged Carl's shoulder with the can Daryl gave me.

"That yours?" He asked me.

"Finished," I answered, "you eat it."

"Really?"

I nodded, checking for Daryl out of the corner of my eye. There was no sign of him or Rick. Thankfully, Carl took it, I didn't want to look at it again.

"Thanks," Carl smiled. I smiled back.

"Bethy," Hershel caught our attention. He was standing several feet away with Maggie sitting at his feet and Glenn by her side. "sing 'Paddy Reilly' for me. I haven't heard that I think, since your mother was alive."

"Daddy, not that one, please." Maggie pleaded.

Hershel seemed discouraged, though only for a moment. How about . . . 'Parting Glass'?"

"No one wants to hear," Beth said, embarrassed.

I glanced at Carl, he was smiling at her now, along with Maggie and Glenn.

"Why not?" Glenn asked, giving a nod to urge her on.

"I do," Jimmy said.

Beth looked around, fiddling with her hands nervously. "Okay . . ."

I wrinkled my eyebrows together, the whole exchange caused me some confusion. At first, I didn't expect anything to happen, but then she was singing, actually singing.

"Of all the money, e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm, e'er I've ever done alas it was to none but me, and all I've done for want of wit,"

Everyone was listening to her intently, her voice sounded nice. But the song in her voice reminded me of some darker events. I remembered Daddy burning the records and CDs in the back yard when Mama left, she loved music. I had brief memories of her dancing in the living room. When was the last time I heard a song?

I was drawn out of my thoughts when Maggie joined, my attention focused on the singing sisters.

"Oh, all the comrades that e'er I had, we're sorry for my going away. And all the sweethearts that e'er I had, would wish me one more day to stay . . ."

There was this odd sense of peace resting among everyone, allowing us to enjoy the safety the walls had given us. Can we really stay here? Can we really live here?

I felt myself relax my tense muscles, leaning against the wall with my shoulder touching Carl's.

I stood from my bunk.

No way, there is just no way.

Any time I closed my eyes, the events from the farm seemed to be waiting for me. The way Carol screamed when she lost her arm, the way she cried with Shane's gun to her head. So many things were clouding my thoughts, but Carol had been my focus for some reason.

How could we have this? How could we have or enjoy anything when so many people got nothing?

Add that to my rising paranoia, I kept expecting a swarm of Walkers to appear in my cell at any moment.

Walking quick, but trying to stay quiet, I made my way to where Daryl set his spot.

He was laying on his side, facing the opposite direction. I could tell by his breathing he wasn't sleeping just yet.

"Daryl?"

Daryl turned over, "what is it?"

Shit, I hadn't thought that far ahead. What do I say? "I can't . . . not in there."

He considered me a moment, sat up and stared at the empty space next to him. When he looked back at me, I was waiting for him to tell me to go back to bed. That didn't happen.

Five minutes after leaving my cell, Daryl and I had dropped another mattress right beside his.

When we settled in I kept thinking of what to say. I felt self-conscious but relieved, afraid I'd annoyed him.

I wanted to apologize but he always got annoyed when I did, instead, I said, "thank you."

He hummed in acknowledgment, "figured you woulda come out earlier, don't know how they can sleep in those things. Get some rest."

The memories of the farm weren't gone, they were still circling my mind. But it wasn't so bad anymore, I was no longer alone in a dark room. Something about Daryl's presence by my side soothed the panic.

With one last look around the dark cell block, I shut my eyes, eager to get some sleep.

Carol was crying, that I could easily tell. Her face was splattered with blood, tears making track marks down her cheeks. I couldn't tell what she was saying, her mouth was moving, opening and closing, but no sound.

Her side was all bloody, running down her leg, coming out of what was left of her arm.

I jumped at the sound of a gunshot, and Carol fell. I stared at her face, trying to scream as I watched her face continue to rot and turn grey.

Shane was standing and facing me, holding his gun up.

"It's over now."

I followed his eyes down to my arms. I must've been wearing some kind of t-shirt because my arms weren't covered as they usually were.

Panic rose inside me, both arms were covered in clean bites. The broken skin showed red puncture marks from teeth, but there was no mess, no bleeding.

I felt myself falling back and my head hit something. When I reached up I felt the back of a car seat. I was in the backseat of a car. I recognized it immediately, I was sitting in the exact same place I hid for hours after Shane died. The seat in front of me was a mess of blood from when I continued to punch it. Even my nails were caked with dried blood, Shane's blood.

I turned my head. Merle was sitting there. He was different, his eyes murky and unfocused. His teeth were blackened with rot and his skin grey and sunken.

"You got shit luck, kid."

I shoved the hands away as I opened my mouth wide, attempting to suck as much air back into my lungs as possible. I inhaled and exhaled at a rapid rate, but I wasn't feeling any better, I couldn't feel if my lungs were really getting any air.

My hands trembled as I grabbed onto to Daryl's arm, he was sitting over me trying to wake me up.

"F-Fuck," I let out, trying to calm down. Just as my breathing seemed to slow I began coughing. My face felt hot as the fit continued, causing my eyes to tear up.

"Here," Daryl said, giving me his water bottle.

I tried to drink it but couldn't do anything until I stopped coughing. When it finally subsided, I took the drink, trying to rid the irritation in my throat. My mind was still fuzzy from the lack of oxygen, I couldn't concentrate right. I just kept seeing Carol's rotting face, I could hear the scream she made when they took her arm off.

"Carol," the name slipped out from my lips without effort.

"Just me, we're fine." Daryl sat up straighter, moving his hand to my shoulder. I wondered if he even heard me, would he listen, would he hear anything I had to say?

"Lay down," he said, pushing my shoulder down gently. I let him guide my movements, I was still getting a hold of myself.

"Just breathe. Everythin's fine," He was eyeing me, I couldn't look at him. I wiped my eyes of the tears that came from my coughing fit, but they kept coming. "You been doing good the last while, quiet most nights. That was a bad one."

Why did I lie? What was the point? If she was going to die anyway why did I lie? Why did Shane lie?

I knew the answer to the last question, everyone was angry with Shane, they would never agree with what he did. If it was someone else they would have accepted it. Not to say it would be easy to accept, but it would be easier if Rick had done it.

"Better?"

No. My stomach knotted with the guilt. Why did it suddenly matter so much? It bothered me until everything happened with Randall, then Dale died, then Shane died, then none of it mattered. Why does it matter now?

It always mattered it was just easy to be preoccupied with something else.

"Carol," I repeated a little louder, I didn't know why I wanted him to hear me.

His eyebrows furrowed, I understood the confusion. Not once after everything did I even mention the woman, it was so easy to pretend I'd forgotten about her. Daryl and I didn't usually talk about the people we lost, Shane had been brought up briefly.

Then I remembered he wasn't there. When Shane shot Carol, Dale and some others rushed into the room after hearing the gunshot, but Daryl wasn't there. Does he know? Does he know what I said? Does he know what Shane did? The last question was stupid, someone would have told him.

"You can tell me," Dale's eyes were wide, urging an answer out of me. "Did Carol turn?"

"Yes," I remembered saying it without thinking. I knew he was looking for another answer, I could tell by the way he was asking me. Dale knew what happened.

"What happened to her was awful, makes sense it bothers ya. Bothers me."

"No," I said.

"What?"

I was hesitant, my brain was at war with itself. I winced at the sudden stinging in my ear, on reflex, my hand went up to grasp it.

"It bad?"

I didn't even feel it before, the nightmare must have been a distraction. Just like that, I longed to be back into panic mode.

"Carol didn't turn," I blinked away the tears, clenching my teeth to stop myself from sobbing.

"In yer dream?"

"Carol didn't turn," I repeated, silently begging him to understand. All Daryl did was stare at me, for a moment, I thought he understood, I waited for him to question more or yell.

Daryl just sighed and put the back of his hand to my forehead. "Yer ears fuckin' with yer head again, that's what happened yesterday, right?"

I groaned and closed my eyes, a headache was starting to form. My head and ear throbbed in unison.

Daryl told me to relax and rest. Once my eyes were closed I felt the exhaustion take over, I begged the sleep to take the pain away.

The pain was better the next day.

I made the mistake of telling Daryl.

He decided that if it isn't as bad I should hold off on the Advil, just until they found more medicine so we didn't run out quickly. Stupidest thing ever. If we have Advil, we should use the Advil.

I didn't care if we ran out, my ear was broken. I wanted to yell at him, but he was rushing around with the others, preparing to go further into the prison, and I didn't want the others to hear us talk about it. Not that it was a secret, I just didn't like it when others heard our conversations.

"But you said you'd find more today," I tried arguing. I was masking my frustration, wanting him to see me as pitiful rather than whiny. "So it won't matter."

"Just do something with Carl, help clean up, get your mind off it. You said it was better today."

But it's still there, I wanted to yell. I could tell by the way Daryl picked up his crossbow and turned from me, just something about his body language told me I wasn't getting the pity party. That was something I usually hated, I just couldn't stand the way my ear felt.

Apparently some of the Walkers they took out the previous day had been wearing armor, they were examining each piece. Though most of them oozed with rot, Daryl tossed his away.

"We could boil them?" T-Dog tried to suggest, but even he didn't sound convinced.

"Ain't enough firewood in the whole forest, no. Besides, we made it this far without 'em, right?" Daryl lifted one of the guard's nightstick, pretending to swing it.

Glenn was wearing some kind of armored vest, he stood behind Maggie, helping her fasten her own. Hershel was wearing one as well, I couldn't fathom why he was going. He wasn't much of a Walker killer in my eyes, but I had to guess him and Maggie had changed over the past months.

Carl had tried on the helmet, it was dirty and way too big for him. I smiled a little trying not to laugh as he slipped it off and chuckled.

"You won't be needing that," Rick took the helmet from him. "I need you to stay put,"

"You're kidding," Carl shot back.

"We don't know what's in there. Something goes wrong, you could be the last man standing. I need you to handle things here."

Carl sighed but immediately nodded, "sure."

The whole exchange reminded me of when we were back at the farm. Every time there was something Carl wasn't allowed to do, he would get angry and argue before storming away. I remembered we'd gotten into a fight about it before, I told him we couldn't be around while they did grown-up stuff and he got mad.

Carl didn't get mad about it anymore, sometimes he seemed disappointed, but he didn't argue. Carl had been given plenty of opportunities to help and show his worth. He knew his place in the group and accepted it.

"You good?" Daryl asked me. I looked at him with surprise, I hadn't seen him walk over.

What happened in the night hit my stomach with a punch, the embarrassment and the guilt made me look away from him.

"I know ya ain't feelin' great-"

I scoffed out loud, no kidding. I was just one huge walking infection.

"I don't mean that."

I looked up at him, trying to decipher what he meant.

"You've been weird since the farm. And I . . . I'm feelin' that shit too. Didn't want to drag you back there, was hopin' Hershel would have more for you."

Something about what he was saying made me feel good, I wasn't sure what. Maybe it was some sense of relief in sharing something with him, that he was acknowledging something was wrong and knew where it was coming from.

He doesn't know all of it. My stomach flipped again.

"Never know what to say, just . . . I get it, y'know? Gonna try and make sure this is more secure, so none of that shit will happen again."

I could only hope, but with all the Walkers it was hard to imagine. No ones died in a while, my internal voice reminded, bound to happen soon.

Was that really what it meant though? Or could it mean we were done losing people? Maybe Rick could be right, and we could just lock ourselves up and stay safe.

At the same time, that didn't seem much better.

As I watched them leave, something tugged on my mind.

"Daryl!" I called in a hurry. When I caught his attention, he only stared blankly at me, waiting. I hoped he would remember, how could he forget?

Glancing around, I could see my outburst caught more than Daryl's attention.

"You forgot."

"What?" he still didn't remember.

"The plan." I hinted.

"The . . . oh, right." Daryl nodded in realization but waved me off. "We don't need that."

I wanted to disagree, instead, I raised my eyebrows, checking to see he was serious.

He sighed, "listen, Carl has the keys, we're lockin' the door. You're safe in here."

Carl and I had done more during our time on the road, we both stepped up and were given more responsibilities. We were allowed and expected to do more than we ever had at the farm.

The more sick I got, the less I could do. I attracted too much attention with my coughing and my movements were stalled. The worse it got, the less they wanted me to do.

I'd spent a lot of time clearing houses, tacking, hunting with Daryl. But when he had to start leaving me behind more, we would make Getaway Plans. It was something to keep my mind occupied and made me feel safe when I had to hide somewhere and stay behind.

Creating the plans usually consisted of taking a close look of our surroundings, and if something happened, if they were taking too long and I didn't hear from anyone I would go to a certain place. The plans were different depending on the situation, but it gave me other options instead of continuing to hide when something happened.

Now we were locked in a prison, so we didn't need it. I should've been happy, but instead, I was disappointed. I enjoyed talking to Daryl, or him talking to me as he made the plan.

Carl locked the door behind them and they were gone. A part of me regretted not asking to go, but I knew what the answer would be. I coughed and headed back upstairs to Daryl's perch, I would have to find a way to occupy my time until they came back.

Hi everyone! I didn't spend much time editing this one. Sorry about that. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm getting pumped to bring Merle back into the fold.

I hope you're all staying healthy and safe. It's been hard lately with this quarantine. I'm home all the time now obviously, so if anyone ever needs to talk I'm here. How are you spending your time in quarantine? Do you just relax or keep busy. I have some days I try writing a lot, reading. I've been playing more video games. I started Days Gone, and I really enjoy it.

I also started playing League of Legends, does anyone here play?

Anyway, tell me what you think, feel free to message me if you have any ideas or if there's anything you'd like to see in the story. and again. Stay safe.