DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine. Unfortunately.
AUTHOR's NOTES: This is set near the end of Goblet of Fire and as such the only spoilers are for that book. This is something that has been stuck in my head from the very first time I heard the song Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt and I just hope I do the idea justice.
Enjoy.
Goodbye My Lover
by Louise
Cho crept into the infirmary with only the weak light at the tip of her wand to guide her. She refused to be frightened, refused to let fear hold her up as she moved through the darkness towards the final cubicle, the one which held Cedric's body.
Slowly she pulled the curtains apart and stepped into the cubicle and looked at the pale, stiff form lying on the bed.
"Oh God," she gasped, silent tears once again rolling down her cheeks. "Cedric…"
Sitting down next to Cedric she began to speak in a low murmur, imagining the boy she had loved was still there and could still hear her.
"I am so sorry Cedric, I should have said something, should have warned you. I loved you so much and now…" she trailed off, looking down at her palm, tracing her heart line with one finger. "I've never had my palm read by a wizard, did you know that? My whole life, and no one dared tell me what they saw. Of course, this made me desperate to know, so one day I snuck away from my parents and went into the muggle world. It was summer, and there were all these fetes and carnivals and things, and loads of fortune tellers. I went to see one and she read my palm. She was dressed in light flowing robes, a veil over her face and loads of rings on her fingers. She was in this small tent which was lit with candles – it was so hot. I remember there being this strong vanilla smell thick in the air, really sweet and sickly. The reading was fairly bland, nothing like what a wizard could have told me, but when she traced my heart line she went really quiet, like maybe she saw something more."
Cho's voice was faint now; she was far away, reliving that strange reading. "In the end she spoke, but her voice was different from the distant, mystical voice she had adopted before. She told me that my heart line was fragmented; that when I was in my teens I would fall in love and it would be a true and deep love, a love that should last a lifetime. But that love would be lost, it would not fade or fail but it would be ended, wrenched from me suddenly. I would love again, she claimed, but all other love would be pale in comparison to the one I lost."
Cho finally moved forward to take one of Cedric's cold hands between hers.
"She meant you. All year I've known it, feared it, but I kept telling myself the reading meant nothing, that she knew nothing. I know now that I should have ignored you, refused you, but I wanted you so badly." Another sob escaped her as she spoke, "I was selfish and I killed you. I am so sorry."
Sobbing openly now Cho laid her head on his chest, wanting him to hold her, to love her…to forgive her.
0 0 0 0 0
"Don't cry."
Cho started violently at the words spoken in a voice she loved. Slowly she raised her head and saw Cedric's ghostly form sitting at the end of the bed.
"No…not this, not for you."
"Hush," he smiled gently at her, wishing he could touch her, hold her and tell her it was all going to be alright. "I'm not stopping, but they allowed me this time with you, they said it was important I said goodbye."
He moved closer towards her, fixing his eyes on hers as he spoke.
"You made me so happy this last year; did I ever tell you that? I've been crazily in love with you and I don't regret one moment. When I died I got a glimpse of the life we should have had, the life we would have lived. We would have been happy, you and I. Not the perfect, colourless happiness of people who are too alike, but the kind of real, vibrant happiness of two people who love each other without living in each other's pockets. We would have been married in three years, and our daughter would have been born two years after that. We were to have four children, four beautiful, Quidditch obsessed children who scattered themselves across the Hogwarts houses and who loved school all the more for it. We would have been happy Cho, and somewhere, in another universe, we are."
"That almost makes it worse." She smiled though, because the picture he painted was exactly what she wanted, although she couldn't help but worry about the child in Slytherin.
"It's not your fault that we didn't have this," Cedric spoke earnestly now, for it was imperative she understood what happened to him, and why. "There is nothing to forgive you for because loving you didn't kill me."
"Was it…was it Harry?"
"Why…?"
"People are saying Harry killed you. Killed you for the cup, or for me, or just because he can."
"No," his voice was sharp. "Harry didn't kill me."
"Harry's friends have been saying something about You Know Who. Is it true?"
Cedric's laugh was bitter, understandable, she supposed, but it didn't fit with her image of him. "Voldemort didn't kill me, I wasn't important enough for that. When we took the trophy it transported us to a graveyard. This man came forward carrying something in his arms. This something ordered the man to 'kill the spare' and then I was dead. He must have used Voldemort's wand because when Voldemort and Harry duelled their wands connected and I was suddenly back in the graveyard, not a ghost but a memory of the wand."
Tears again fell down Cho's cheeks and she made no move to check them.
"I wasn't important to him and I don't believe he understands why Harry bought me back. But he did, he risked himself to bring be back to my parents and back to you. He fought when most would have lain down and died, and he suffered for it. Don't blame Harry, and don't blame yourself. There is darkness in the world, and the wizarding world is facing darkness we never thought we'd see again. The muggles believe that evil will win if good men do nothing…do something, Cho. Let go of this foolish guilt and let yourself live."
Cho had always taken her secrets to Cedric, he had been her confidant in everything and she found herself confessing one last thing to him, shaming though it was. "I believed the rumours Ced, and I hated Harry for killing you. I was so angry I couldn't think straight, couldn't even grieve for you."
"I know." He smiled down at her incredulous expression, speaking softly, knowing the end was drawing near, "you Ravenclaws need a logical explanation for everything, you are just too smart for your own good. You reasoned that Harry hated me, envied me, because it was more logical than the truth. Hufflepuffs feel, and emotion is more truthful. Look inside your heart, think about the boy you know. Could he kill me?"
Cho was quite for a long time before she finally spoke, her face lighter now as she looked up at him, "no."
They sat in silence after that, each desperately fixing the image of the other in their minds, trying to burn each memory forever in their heads.
Sleep was finally claiming Cho and he steeled himself to speak his final words to her.
"Let your heart rule your head occasionally Cho, be a Hufflepuff sometimes, for me. I love you, I will always love you."
The tears were falling again, but this time both their cheeks were wet. "I love you Cedric, I love you so much."
Sobbing she laid her head on his dead chest and cried herself to sleep.
When she woke, he was gone.
0 0 0 0 0
As her eyes closed and she fell into a deep sleep, Cedric smiled down at her in relief. The darkness surrounding her soul was gone, and she would be at peace.
His business on earth now finished, he placed a ghostly kiss on her forehead, closed his eyes and disappeared to take his place in the afterlife.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
THE END
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