You're Wonderful
A/N: A little songfic to Terri Clark's "No Fear." I own neither the song lyrics, nor FFVIII. I do, however, own a copy of Terri Clark's album Fearless. It's a harmless piece of fluff, so take it for what it is. The lyrics are in bold, thoughts in italics. Before you ask, none of my OCs from Resurrection are here. Anyway, I know why you all are reading this: so let's get started…
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I want a road stretching out before me
I want a radio in my ear
I want a full tank of absolution
No fear
Quistis Trepe shook her head sadly, long locks of golden hair falling out of the neat little bun she had painstakingly tucked them into earlier that morning. She sighed as she tucked them back in place with full confidence that she looked ridiculous. However, her attention was focused elsewhere. Sitting across the cafeteria, at a little table by themselves, were Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly. A longing ache rose into her heart as she watched the couple laugh. (Well, Rinoa laughed. All Squall did was shrug and lessen his frown.)
It wasn't that she wanted Squall anymore: she had been over him long before the "incident" at Trabia Garden. Still, that moment had been a shock. A bitter smile crept on her face as she thought of herself; the overachiever who always kept her cool, freaking out when she realized the boy she thought she had feelings for had been like a brother to her growing up.
"What're you up to now?" asked an accented young man in a tan duster and cowboy hat. Irvine Kinneas sat down across from Quistis, Zell Dincht, a bottle blonde with a tattoo over half of his face, and Selphie Tilmitt, the poster child for ADHD, joined them shortly afterward. He noticed who was in Quistis's line of vision and grinned. "Thinking about snatching some of that?"
"No," Quistis snapped as she became aware of her surroundings. The startled looks of her friends made her feel even worse than she already did, which was pretty low. Even a Fasticulon didn't know what it was like to feel so down, and it lived beneath the sands of the desert. "I mean: I don't need Squall. He's out of the picture."
"So you're over ole brown eyes?" Irvine asked again as he flashed Quistis a quick smile. It was obvious that he was trying to raise her spirits, but at that moment in time, they didn't want to get up.
"Can we change the subject?" Zell asked as he bit into one of the three hotdogs he had managed to purchase. Being a world-renowned hero had its perks, but gourmet cooking wasn't one of them. Still, when it came down to it, Zell probably would've chosen the cafeteria's hotdogs over duck ala orange anyway.
"Did you guys here about Nida and that girl from the library?" Selphie gushed, clearly having held it in with everything she had. Her brown hair shook as she looked at Zell, who was gagging on one of his hotdogs. Tears were pouring from his eyes as he struggled to breathe. "No, not that girl, Zelly. I'm talking about her friend. Anyway, she was making out with Nida in the training centre. I saw them with my own two eyes!"
"Why would I care?" Zell asked as he wiped the moisture from his face.
"But it's your girlfriend's friend! How could you not care?" Selphie gasped. Irvine rolled his eyes and Quistis buried her face in her hands. Why wouldn't anyone leave her alone?
"It's only Nida," Zell countered. Quistis felt pressure building between her eyes. "I mean, he's not one of us."
"He's still our friend!" Selphie shrieked, drawing the attention of the people around her. Tired of her companions bickering, Quistis stood up. Her lunch tray, which had lain neglectfully before her, clattered to the floor. A mountain of mashed potatoes stood on the linoleum, surrounded by a forest of peas and carrots.
"To hell with it all," Quistis muttered under her breath as she stormed out of the cafeteria, leaving her mess behind for her friends to clean.
I want a rainstorm to pull me over
Then a sky that begins to clear
Towards the truest of destinations
No fear
The cold drops of water hit her skin, but the recently reinstated Instructor didn't care. If Dr. Kadowaki had seen her standing outside during a thunderstorm, she would have had a fit. Instructors had to set a good example, and getting sick because of something so easily preventable wasn't the best model for an impressionable young mind to follow.
Currently, the mobile Balamb Garden was at sea, and the waves were smashing against it with incredible ferocity. The engineers from Fisherman's Horizon, however, had informed its inhabitants that the Garden was capable of withstanding far more punishment than that, though.
Quistis was standing on the second story balcony, watching the turmoil of the ocean reflect her mind. The heavy winds tossed her soaked hair around and it kept slapping her in the face, leaving a stinging sensation behind. The bun had come undone in the first few minutes of the tempest, and Quistis decided that it just wasn't worth it to fix her hair. It would just unravel again within minutes, so why bother?
White foam slapped the side of the Garden, but Quistis was too high for it to reach. She walked to, and grabbed, the railing, which was slick with water. Her bespectacled eyes glanced over the edge in the churning water. How easily it would be to just jump overboard and slip beneath the surface, disappear in an instant. There would be no more exams to lead, no watching the happy couples that were her friends. Most likely, they didn't realize how their actions wounded her. She was just Quistis: single, solitary Quistis. Who would want a bossy nerd like her anyway? Squall sure hadn't.
For a few weeks after the defeat of Ultimecia and Squall's return, Selphie had made it her mission to set Quistis up. Every guy that either girl knew, and few they didn't, was employed to try to win her heart. Suffice it to say, every single one of them was unsuccessful. Nida had been pleasant enough, but it was awkward to be with a friend in such a way. Then, after welcoming him and his cohorts back to Garden, Seifer had been recruited by Selphie to make her friend happy. That had been one of the most horrendous nights of the Instructor's life.
Seifer had arrived at her dorm dressed casually, while Quistis was dressed in a little black dress. It took half an hour to change, and Seifer had grown impatient. He yelled at her to hurry, and she told him to go to hell. After she was finally ready, they took a walk around Garden. Everyone gawked at them, which made for an uncomfortable atmosphere. When they did finally get alone, Seifer tried to cop a feel. His advances were met with a well-placed knee and a hand-shaped red mark on the side of his face. Selphie had to endure two weeks of the cold shoulder from the SeeD after that incredible mishap.
Without warning, the Garden lurched and Quistis lost her footing. She tumbled over the railing, holding on with one hand. The railing was still wet and Quistis felt her grip fading. Roaring winds swallowed her cries for help and carried them off to where they would never be heard. Her fingers finally gave out and she let go when another hand grabbed her own.
Soon, a second hand grabbed her forearm and Quistis flailed until her free hand grabbed the railing. With a lot of grunts, the Instructor, with the help of her saviour, was back on the balcony. She leaned against the railing, breathing heavily.
"Thank you," she gasped between breaths. Her glasses had fallen off, so she couldn't make out what the other person looked like. However, she did see the person who had saved her stand up and walk back into the Garden without a word.
I used to hit every wall there was
I used to run away from love
All I ever wanted was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
I had to have faith I'd find
No fear
Wet clothes hung over the back of a chair, air-drying until she could take them to be washed. It had never occurred to her before the Garden faculty had been run off during the whole NORG debacle, but they did a lot of the domestic stuff. Now, it was the responsibility of the individual to go to the basement and do laundry.
At the moment, Quistis was wearing flannel pyjamas. It was the pant and shirt kind, not a nightgown. She hated those things. They made her feel like an old maid whenever she put one on.
Who was that? Quistis thought as tried to place just whom it was that had saved her. There was an aura of familiarity about him/her, but it wasn't enough to help her memory.
Perched on the end of Quistis's nose was a spare of glasses she had. During the Sorceress War, she had bought several pairs since they kept getting broken. Her friends had urged her to wear contacts, but Quistis didn't want to bother with having to put them in every morning just to take them out again at night. As for laser eye surgery… well, there was a definite fear of unknown side effects there.
A long, rattling sigh escaped between two cracked lips. Certain she looked a mess while soaking wet and with her hair down, Quistis had tried to avert the glances in her direction she had received on her walk back to her dorm. For a moment, she wished that she were still a student, having a roommate that she could discuss her problems with. It had been so long since she had become a SeeD, Quistis couldn't even remember who her roommate had been or what she looked like.
Someone knocked at the door and she stood up from her sofa. Being an Instructor in addition to being a SeeD, Quistis received several perks: like bigger quarters than other SeeDs and extra furniture. They couldn't compensate to the loneliness in her heart, though.
"I'm coming!" she called out as she walked over to the door. When she opened it, a grey-haired woman with a black eye patch met her. Fujin, one of Seifer's lackeys, was about a head shorter than Quistis. Rubbing her temples, the SeeD wondered what the girl wanted. "Yes?"
"LOST!" Fujin declared, as was her habit. For an unknown reason, Fujin only spoke by yelling in one-word sentences.
Quistis closed her eyes and bit back a biting comment. If Seifer wanted to see her, then he should have just come down himself, or at least sent Raijin. There was no way she would be able to decipher Fujin's meanings. Besides, the yelling was only causing her to have a headache.
"What's lost?" she asked as she opened her eyes. Fujin had, clasped in her right hand, Quistis's lost pair of glasses. It wasn't possible, though. They had been lost when she fell over the railing on the balcony. "But how?"
Fujin shoved the glasses in Quistis's hand and took off before the Instructor could piece it all together.
I want the world to keep on turning
I want the dawn in my rear view mirror
I want to hear my own voice singing
No fear
"So, anyway, I told her that her skirt didn't match her top, and she burst into tears!" Selphie said the next day. The four of them, Irvine, Zell, Selphie, and Quistis, had gathered in the cafeteria again. Squall and Rinoa were sitting off by themselves, again. Quistis hadn't mentioned what had happened the night before, and her friends seemed to have forgotten her odd behaviour from the previous day.
"She did not!" Zell said in disbelief. He and Selphie loved to gossip about the rest of the Garden's citizenry, something that Quistis had never really gotten into. "There is no way!"
"It's true, ask your girlfriend," Selphie quipped. Her absolute buoyancy was grating Quistis nerves. "She was right there with me. I gave ole Xu a good fashion one-two. Nobody tells me that boots are out of style."
"It's almost enough to make you want to puke, isn't it?" Irvine whispered to Quistis with a wink.
If it had been any other day, she might have suppressed a giggle. On that particular day, though, her thoughts were on Fujin and how she had gotten the glasses. The only possible explanation was that it was she who had rescued Quistis, but why would Fujin be on the balcony in the first place?
"Hello, can you hear me?" Irvine asked with a laugh as he rapped his knuckles on Quistis's head like it was a door. There was no pain involved, but Quistis was greatly annoyed anyway. "Is anyone home?"
"Leave me the hell alone," she muttered angrily, leaving shocked looks on the faces of her friends. Then, just as she had done the day before, Quistis stood up and walked away. She passed by Rinoa and Squall, both of whom completely ignored her existence. All they cared about was each other, leaving their friendships to suffer.
She walked all the way to the training centre, feeling the need to relieve some pressure by knocking out a couple of Grats. Maybe she'd get lucky and even run into a T-Rexaur. Hopefully, Nida wouldn't be making out in there.
Her whip was in her hand as she pushed through the doors and walked into the stiflingly warm air. Unbelievably humid, the training centre was almost like a rain forest. Large palm trees loomed overhead and a small stream ran through it, though where to no one knew.
Nearby, a bush rustled and a couple of Grats wandered into her line of vision. Grats were like walking plants that used roots for legs and their long leaves as arms. Quistis tightened her grip and swung the whip at the nearest one, cutting it in half with one blow. The other one rounded on her and blew out a black and violet powder: Poison.
Quistis jumped to the side, dodging the attack. She swung the whip over her head and cracked it on the Grat, cutting one of the leaves/arms off. Then she followed up with a Fira spell, a jet of flame leaping from her right hand and enveloping the monster. It gave an ear-splitting cry as it burned alive, but Quistis silenced it with one more lash across its back, knocking the Grat into the stream.
Shortly afterward, a roar erupted throughout the training centre. A large dinosaur stomped into Quistis's view and roared, seeing the blonde woman standing alone. She raised her right hand again, hitting the monster with a Blizzara spell. It didn't seem to do much more than anger it, though that was more than enough to satisfy Quistis.
The T-Rexaur swung around, hitting the woman with its tail and knocking her into a tree. Her legs wobbled as she stood up, but Quistis hit it on the side with her whip before casting another Blizzara. All the dinosaur did was charge the SeeD, knocking her into the stream.
It wasn't deep, maybe only up to her knees, but Quistis was slowed down enough for the T-Rexaur to loom dangerously overhead. It bared its teeth and roared, preparing to strike. Quistis tried to grip her weapon before realizing it was gone. She saw it sitting on the bank by the monster's feet. Without even thinking to cast any spells, Quistis covered her head with her arms and looked at her broken reflection in the water.
However, Quistis was never attacked. A rounded weapon sliced through the air, and Quistis momentarily thought that Rinoa was rescuing her. The object hit the left side of the T-Rexaur's head and continued out the other before hitting a tree and rebounding. Meanwhile, the T-Rexaur crashed next to Quistis, its scaly tail barely missing her.
The Instructor's eyes followed the projectile weapon until it was finally caught by an outstretched hand: Fujin's hand. The silent, grey-haired girl looked over at Quistis before running off in the underbrush.
And when I need two arms around me
And there's no one near
When I'm alone let the only sound be
No fear
The wind was biting cold, even through her leather gloves and the jacket made of Tonberry hide that she wore. It was a homemade jacket, a present from Rinoa she'd received on her 19th birthday. That was the last time they'd spoken, now that she thought about it. Now the Sorceress spent all of her time with Squall.
Snow blasted against her face, a burning sensation rising in her reddened cheeks. It was yet another reminder that a Trabian winter was long and harsh, something Selphie had expressed several times before Quistis left for her mission. She was to investigate an odd source of radio interference in the mountains, where Laguna had fought the Ruby Dragon on his travels. The recording equipment from the movie was still set up, though the power had been cut long ago.
The area was overrun with monsters, but Diablos's Encounter-None ability shielded her from their aggression. It was a good thing, since she was alone. Then again, when wasn't she? Squall had Rinoa, Selphie had Irvine, and even Zell had the library girl! All Quistis had was herself. It had been that way for years.
Excelling at Garden had been hard for Quistis as a student. Eighty percent of her time had been devoted to studying and practice so that she could graduate early, which left little free time to spend with other students. What time she hadn't devoted to her future was spent sleeping, very little of which she actually got. In fact, she had been so tired that she almost didn't pass her SeeD exam.
Her ears picked up the sound of a rock being kicked, and Quistis whirled around with her whip in hand. However, she saw nothing. Sighing out of relief, she turned back and found herself staring at grey. She took a step back and found that it was Fujin staring back at her, her eye screwed up in concentration.
"Why do you keep following me?" Quistis shouted, drawing bored looks from the surrounding monsters. All Fujin did was continue to look at her without uttering a word.
Throbbing temples indicated the return of her headache, and Quistis felt her forehead begin to sweat. The last thing she needed was a migraine and a stalker.
"I asked you a question," the Instructor said through clenched teeth as she rubbed her forehead. "Answer me."
Fujin continued to stare the Blonde, a smirk forming on her face. She raised her hand as if to slap Quistis, who flinched. Instead, it landed softly on her face, and Quistis watched as Fujin leaned forward to lightly graze the SeeD's lips with her own. Then she quickly pulled back and walked away without so much as a word.
I used to hit every wall there was
I used to run away from love
All I ever wanted was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
I had to have faith I'd find
No fear
For two days, Quistis had been out on assignment, returning to Garden empty-handed. There was no explanation for the freakishly unnatural radio disturbance, or Fujin's actions. The odd thing was: Quistis wasn't disgusted by it. In fact, there seemed to be an odd sense of tranquility in that moment, a peace she had never felt before. It was almost as though…
Oh please, she told herself as she stood before her class, lecturing about Status Effects. The students weren't paying attention, staring intently at their terminals or each other. A few even dared to fall asleep.
She was tired of caring and did something she almost never did: dismiss a class early. Twenty minutes early in fact. Squall would probably be upset, but Quistis brushed the thought off. That was something to deal with later. Other things were on her mind at that moment.
"READY?" someone yelled. Quistis looked up expectantly, but only found Selphie staring back at her from the doorway. She looked at the clock and realized that it had been half an hour since her students had left. Where had the time gone?
"Ready for what?" Quistis asked with a shake of her head. Selphie bounced into the room and had a grin that stretched from ear to ear.
"For your date!"
Quistis's eyes bugged out and her mouth dropped. Selphie held a hand to her mouth and giggled as someone walked into the room with a loud, "I'm here, ya know!"
"You didn't," Quistis whispered to her friend, who jumped giddily and nodded.
"You've been acting so weird lately, so I figured that it must be because you're in desperate need of a date. That's when I found someone as desperate as you!" Selphie exclaimed as she drug Raijin into view. If there was such a thing as a walking stereotype, it was Raijin. Big muscles covered his body, but there was nothing between the ears. "Dumb jock" didn't even come close to describing him.
"I've been looking forward to this all day, ya know! Selphie said that you were really pumped up about it," Raijin said with a grin as big as Selphie's.
If it had been possible, Quistis would have pounded her head into her desk until it was a giant puddle of blood, bone, and brain matter. However, it wasn't so. Instead, she gripped the whip on her side and snarled. "Selphie lied. I had no idea that this had been set up, and I have no intention of honouring her promises. So, if you don't mind, please leave my classroom. There is a mountain of paperwork waiting for me."
Raijin yelped and ran out of the room, but Selphie just stared at her. It seemed as though the giddy SeeD's bubble had finally been burst. "What was that about?"
"I'm sick and tired of being your charity case!" Quistis shouted, causing her friend to flinch. "Stop setting me up with every loser you can find. It gets annoying time after time. I'm alone, big deal. I don't need you throwing it up in my face every three seconds. Just leave me the hell alone!"
"I'm sorry, I was just trying to help."
Quistis stood up, knocking her chair over, and walked to Selphie. She grabbed her by the arm and practically drug the other girl to the door. "Get out. I don't need your help with relationships, so just go."
"You're hurting me!" Selphie cried as she tried to pry herself from the Instructor's vice-like grip.
"Good," Quistis spat. "Maybe it'll help the message sink in."
I want peace, love, and understanding
A stogie and an ice-cold beer
Don't want to live afraid of dying
As always, regret came quickly to Quistis Trepe. Within an hour of her confrontation with Selphie, she was off in search of her friend. The first place she looked was the quad, but found only a glowering Irvine who refused to speak with her. It was evident that he was one of the first people she had run to. Then again, who didn't run to their significant other in times of crisis? Only those that didn't have someone, it seemed.
Next, she tried the parking garage. She didn't know why, but Quistis felt something leading her to it. The door was covered in rust and the knob had oil stains on it. Since the Garden had become mobile, the garage wasn't used anymore. It was the perfect place to be alone, much safer than a balcony during a storm.
"Selphie?" she called out as the door creaked open. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"GONE!" someone responded. Quistis didn't want to deal with the person in the garage, but the same force that had led her to the garage in the first place was telling her that she needed to.
"What she ever here?" Quistis asked as she stepped into the garage, which was filthy. Oil stains and vehicle parts littered the floor. Leaning against one wall was Fujin, a greasy fan belt in her hands. The girl dropped it and looked at the Instructor. Her grey eyebrows shot up as she shook her head no.
"ALONE!" Fujin answered.
"I know the feeling," Quistis muttered under her breath. "Can I ask you something?"
Fujin said nothing, just stared back at the other person in the room. Quistis took the silence as a "Yes."
"You saved me on the balcony, I know that now; then, again when the T-Rexaur attacked me in the training centre. You kissed me in the mountains. Why? What is it?"
A small smile played on the grey-haired girl's lips. She stood up and walked to Quistis, placing her greasy-covered right hand on the Blonde's cheek. "YOU!"
Quistis placed her gloved hand on Fujin's, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, as she finally understood. They were kindred spirits, overlooked by those that they had fawned after for so long. Alone, the two had realized just what they needed. It just took a little longer for Quistis to figure it out.
I used to hit every wall there was
I used to run away from love
All I ever wanted was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
It had been a glorious week for Quistis: stealing moments with Fujin between classes, or following Nida's example and meeting in the training centre. They never met in front of others, though. That had been something Quistis had insisted upon. She was afraid of how her friends and superiors would react, especially Squall. He was the closest thing that she had to an ex, and he was the Commander of Garden.
"You're wonderful," Quistis told her silent lover one night as they lay together in bed. There was a fake fireplace in the corner of the room and it cast its warm glow on the women. She ran her hand through Fujin's hair, wondering if it was naturally grey or dyed. Lips met in a tender kiss before soft skin met soft skin.
After they were finished and basking in the afterglow, Fujin said something that startled Quistis. "LOVE?"
Not answering right away was Quistis's mistake. Looking away was the other. Her lover with the silver mane waited for a few minutes, but Quistis stayed silent. Was she really in love with Fujin, the woman she had once fought against, declared an enemy?
Quietly, Fujin climbed out of the bed. Her beautiful body had amazed Quistis. The naked form bent over and grabbed clothes from the floor, dressing slowly and casting pained looks at Quistis. Fujin was still waiting and not getting an answer. The Instructor bit her lip in sadness. Fujin finished dressing and shot one last pleading look at Quistis before opening the door and leaving.
Several seconds passed before Quistis trusted her own voice. She screamed "What's wrong with me?" to the walls. Her feet hit the floor as she jumped out of bed and threw a pillow at the door, Fujin's retreating form still impressed upon her mind.
The SeeD wrapped herself in the sheet, which still smelled of the other woman, and feel to her knees. She sobbed, but no tears fell down her face. Empty was the best way to describe how she felt. Hollow. Alone. Her reluctance had sealed her fate.
"I'm sorry," she wailed to the shadows surrounding her. "Hyne, I'm so sorry."
Quistis fell onto her side and drew her knees up to her breasts as sobs wracked her body once again. Why couldn't she just say it? It was true. She knew it. Fujin knew it.
"Forgive me," she whispered as one tear slipped onto her cheek.
I used to stay up all night long
Wondering what I was doing wrong
All I ever needed was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
I had to have faith I'd find
No fear
"You're different today," Selphie said the next day as the usual four met in the cafeteria. Zell was eating hotdogs again and Irvine was watching a pair of girls talking two tables away. "For the last couple of days you were actually happy, and now you're…"
"…not." Irvine said, finishing his girlfriend's sentence. Quistis looked at them angrily before looking down at the table and her untouched lunch. Why did she even waste the money? She never ate the food she bought.
"I had a long night," Quistis said, remembering how things had ended with Fujin. There were bags under her eyes from where she hadn't slept.
"Well, if it'll make you feel better, I think I've found another guy for you to try. His name is Zone and he's a friend of Rinoa," Selphie said energetically. "You might remember him from Timber."
"Zone!" Zell was almost laughing. "You're setting Quistis up with that loser? I'd pay money to see that."
"No," Quistis said, cutting off Zell's amusement. He had heard the story of Selphie's last set up and was wondering what the Instructor's reaction would be to this one. "I'm sure he's a great guy, but I've already found someone. At least, I hope I have."
The other three were stunned, to say the least. Zell had dropped his hotdog, Selphie was actually quiet, and Irvine didn't even notice when a redhead in a skin-tight bodysuit walked by. None of them had expected Quistis to actually have a relationship.
"Who is it?" Selphie gushed, the first to break the silence. "Where is he? Do I know him? Ooh, this is so awesome!"
"Over there," Quistis pointed to someone by the soda machine.
"All I see is Fujin."
"Yeah," Zell said in agreement with Selphie. Irvine said nothing, just looked at Quistis and winked as he got it.
Quistis stood up and walked away from the others for a third time, their eyes following her. Even Squall and Rinoa watched as she passed. Of course, the only thing Quistis noticed was that Fujin was refusing to look at her.
"Hello," she said as Selphie squealed in the background. Fujin continued to act as though no one were there. The Blonde reached out and grabbed the other woman's hands in her own. Almost immediately, the cafeteria burst into a sea of whispers. "Yes."
"WHAT?" Fujin shouted, as was her forte. She still wasn't looking at the SeeD.
"Yes," Quistis repeated in front of everyone. "I love you."
Fujin finally looked at Quistis, her eye shining. They leaned in and shared a kiss, and out of her eye Quistis saw Squall shake his head. Inwardly, she smiled, no longer caring.
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A/N: I know, QuistisxFujin, it's been done hundreds of times before. I just wanted them to be happy in my head is all. Please R&R! (And do check our Resurrection. There are no happy endings over there. heh heh heh)