Title: Passover Secrets
Author: Stephanie
Feedback: yes please
Pairing: Mentioned Roger/Mimi
Word Count: 877
Rating: PG-13 for a few naughty words
Genre: humor
Summary: After Mark's mom calls to invite him to Scarsdale for Passover, Roger learns something about Mark that he wishes he hadn't known.
Notes: Aside from the historical part of Passover I know next to nothing about the holiday itself. I hope I didn't screw it up too badly.
Special Thanks: Jonathan Larson
Spoilers: omg Mark is Jewish
Warnings: Just a naughty pee-pee word
Disclaimer: Not mine.

I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom, staring up at the crack in the ceiling while I scrubbed my back teeth, so I didn't hear the phone ring. Therefore, I didn't hear the machine pick up. Therefore, I didn't hear my mother start whining into the machine.

I did, however, nearly piss my pants and choke on the toothpaste when Roger flung the bathroom door open and paraded in, saying, "Your mom's on the phone!"

I spun around and stared at him, red clear plastic toothbrush hanging out of my mouth at an odd angle. I didn't have my glasses on, so it made Roger a little fuzzy around the edges. I started to say, "What?" but thanks to the toothbrush, it came out as a bubbly "Buh?"

"Not really. She's on the machine. Something about you coming home for…I dunno, some holiday or something. I didn't know there was a holiday coming up, Mark. It's like, April. Is it Easter? But wait, you're Jewish."

I, of course, knew exactly which holiday my mother was talking about, and had been dreading a call like this. I rolled my eyes and stepped forward, then planted a hand on Roger's chest and pushed him out of the bathroom.

"Gummuh ah mimmute." I said. I could hear him snorting with laughter as I threw the door closed behind me and turned back to the sink to spit out the toothpaste and spit that had gathered under my tongue.

Blech.

When I emerged from the bathroom, glasses donned, Roger was laying on his back on the couch with his legs slung over the arm. He was, apparently, waiting for Mimi to come upstairs. This was a daily ritual.

As I walked past the couch to the answering machine, I grabbed one of the pillows that Roger had thrown to the floor and pounded it onto his stomach. His reply was a surprised "Oof!" and he then grabbed the pillow out of my hands and threw it back at me. I ducked it, and it landed softly on the floor.

The machine was blinking with a new message. With a sigh I pressed it, and after a beep my mother's unmistakable voice floated through the loft.

"Maaark, it's your mother. Are you there? Pick up the phone. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that it's Passover this weekend, in case you forgot. You didn't forget, did you? Well we all wanted you to come home to Scarsdale this year for Passover. Cindy will be here. Call me."

I groaned and immediately deleted the message. Roger was staring at me, kneeling on the couch and leaning over the back of it.

"Passover, huh? Whazzat?"

I had to smile at his boyish charm. Mimi had definitely been the catalyst for the return of the slightly happy-go-lucky nature that Roger possessed.

"Passover, you know. Eight days when the Jews were all freed from Egypt." I said. Roger still registered a blank expression. "Basically, it's eight nights when families get together and have a lot of food and read from this book called the Haggadah."

"And this happens every year?" Roger said. I nodded as I moved into the kitchen to find something to eat. "How come your mom's never called about it before?"

"She does." I said. "I think last year you were out, and the year before that…well, let's just say I don't think you'd have remembered anything that year."

"Oh yeah." Roger said quietly.

"Coffee?" I asked, looking at Roger and holding up the empty pot.

Roger ignored my question and instead moved to the table. "So how come you never go to Scarsdale for Passover? Isn't it kinda important?"

I couldn't resist a chuckle. I mulled over the question for a moment as I filled the pot with water from the tap. "First of all, Scarsdale is Scarsdale no matter what time of the year it is, and I don't feel like spending any time with my family, Passover or no Passover. And secondly…I think that my being Jewish ends at my name."

"Huh." Roger said, dropping his chin into his palm. "Kinda like how I was baptized Catholic but stepped into a church for the first time at Angel's funeral."

I smirked. "Yeah, I guess so. Except instead of having my head dunked holy water I had the foreskin of my dick cut off."

Roger's reaction was totally worth the off-color comment. He scrambled to get away from the table and had a look of pure shock that bordered on disgust. "Shit, Mark! Don't tell me that."

I leaned against the counter and laughed so hard that the water in the coffee pot in my hand started to slosh over the edge and splatter on the floor.

Roger started to stalk away to his bedroom. "Ew. That's gross. I didn't need to know that."

"Like you didn't know before?" I called after him. He reappeared at the door of his bedroom and stuck his tongue out at me.

"Tell me when Mimi gets here. And don't tell her about your stupid holiday and your stupid dick!"

By the time I had caught my breath from laughing, the whole pot of water was now sloshed all over the floor.