Chapter 2: I Know How You Feel
Bill Weasley spent the day as he did every day. He cracked his eyes open in the later afternoon, and got himself out of whatever heap he had passed out into the night before. If he was feeling "good," he would shower and put on clean clothes, and then eat something. Most days, he did not feel good. In fact, most days he simply opened another bottle and sat around the house. Today was one of those days.
Ginny had stopped by the day before. As usual, she'd brought a few shrunken bags worth of groceries, and a casserole. She'd picked up a few things here and there in his dingy little flat, and then given up. He really didn't know why she bothered at all. It wasn't as if it made a difference. The carpet was stained, and the drapes were torn to shreds. All of the furniture was battered, and some of it broken. He did these things every time a full moon rose in the sky, and there was no point in cleaning things back up again. If anyone came, which hardly anyone did, they would just have to live with. The problem was that Ginny didn't see things this way. She would come and do her best to fix the place up. She was so much like their mother.
That was another reason he couldn't stand to have her there. He didn't have it in him to see the pale reflections of his mother staring at him. The guilt he felt was too much for him. She had always been so proud of him. What would his mother think if she could see him now? And his father… The world wasn't the same with out Arthur and Molly Weasley in it.
He pushed away all of these thoughts, and stood shakily to his feet. His own stench got to him when he breathed in deep. It had been days since he had bothered to shower, and weeks since he'd shaved. Instantly, his head began to throb. If only he had some of the hangover potions that he'd found in the university. He groaned as he began searching the cabinets for a bottle. Shoving aside the food that Ginny had brought, he couldn't seem to find what he was looking for. It was here yesterday, I know it was, he thought to himself. Then an idea came to him. "That bitch," he said aloud pounding a fist into the wall.
Always so high and mighty! What the fuck gave her the right to take his whiskey? She didn't understand. No one did. Why couldn't she just let him be? If he died of alcohol poisoning, so be it! It wasn't as if he valued his life in the least. What gave her the right? She would always look at him oh so sympathetically, and say, "I know how you feel." That was the biggest load of shite he had ever heard. She knew nothing about what it was like. Nothing!
Bill pulled on light spring jacket over his dirty clothes. She left him no choice but to go buy more. The ministry paid for his booze these days. It was compensation for all of his sacrifices with the Order. How pathetic! He had just enough in his pocket to pick up a decent bottle of firewhiskey from the liquor store.
By the time he was back, he spotted a pair of figures standing in the hall. He recognized one by the cane he carried. It took a moment to see who the other was. Harry Potter and Remus Lupin! Just what he needed, two more people meddling with his life! If Harry hadn't spotted him, he would have turned around and left, but there was no hope of that as he watched Harry hobble over to him.
"I'd thought we'd missed you," Harry said with false friendliness. Bill could see the way he eyed his attire and the brown paper bag tucked under his arm. "Shopping?"
"Er, yeah." Bill turned his attention to Lupin who's eyes were practically ablaze with pity. Between the two of them, he knew there was no escape. Taking out his keys, he walked into the flat. "What brings you out here today?"
"I had just told Harry that I hadn't seen you in sometime, and I wanted to come see how you were doing," Remus said smoothly. As always, he was damned polite. His appearance hadn't change all that much in the two years since Bill had seen him last. There was a bit more gray in his auburn hair, a few more wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. He was dressed much better these days. Life had obviously been better for Remus. He looked good, and Bill didn't believe for a second that he was telling the truth.
Bill shrugged, and glanced about the place. He gestured to the only two unbroken bar chairs in the place before taking his own spot on the couch. "Oh, I'm very well, thank you," he said mocking Remus' formality. "Was there anything else you wanted?"
"Not particularly. I just thought I'd drop by for old times sake."
Old times, what a joke. That was the same excuse that Harry used. What they were really doing was making sure he wasn't dead. He buried his hands in his greasy, knotted hair. "The old times are over with."
"So they are," Remus agreed.
Harry frowned. "That doesn't mean we should all lay down and die. Severus and I are quite happy….so is you sister."
Bill's patience was at an end. No longer caring that they were there, he pulled the bottle from the bag. "Anyone else care for a drink?" he asked sardonically.
Harry muttered something under his breath, but Remus nodded. "Just a bit. It's been years since I've touched the stuff."
He smiled as he found a clean glass and poured. Offering the glass to Remus, he noted the way the older man seemed to stare at the liquid. To his credit, he downed the contents without the slightest sign of discomfort. Bill turned to the bottle, and hauled it to his lips.
"I think it's time we were going," Harry announced. His lips were thinned, and he looked somewhat confused by what was going on.
Remus shook his head. "I'd like to stay a while, if that is alright with you, Bill?"
"I could care less," Bill replied.
The raven-haired young man picked up his cane, and stood. "I'll see you both again soon I hope."
With Harry gone, the two men just sat there in silence. Bill offered Remus more whiskey, but Remus demurred. He looked about the place calmly. There was no judgmental air about him as he did it though. This wasn't at all what Bill had been expected. "What are you about?" he asked finally.
Remus shrugged. "At the moment, it seems I'm visiting my own past."
"Don't you dare tell me that you know how I feel!" Bill spat caustically.
Amber eyes stared him down. "No, I wouldn't dream of it. You and I may be similar in some ways, but I don't know how you feel."
"Finally someone with some god damned sense."
"I imagine you did most of this during the moon." Remus waited a moment for an answer, and continued. "This perhaps isn't the best place to be for that."
"I put wards on the doors, and silencing charms on the walls. I've been considerate enough to spare my neighbors the sounds of my screams," Bill told him looking away. He didn't want to think about the moon.
"Bill, I would like you to consider coming with me during the next one. I have a safe place set up, and with the wolfsbane potion, I wouldn't be a danger to you."
That made him laugh. "You? A danger to me? You think I am afraid that you'll bite me?"
Remus sighed. "Consider it." He pulled out his card. "My store is in Diagon Alley, and I am almost always there."
Bill stared at the card, and didn't bother to tell Remus goodbye.