Chapter 4: Wake Up

Bill's eyes cracked open ever so slightly, and then shut tight against the pain that assailed him. The mornings after the moon were nearly as bad as the moon itself. Unable to summon up the will to move his aching limbs, he simply laid there. He couldn't recall a time when his bed had felt so soft, or when his sheets smelled so clean. It was almost like being on a cloud. I should really wash the sheets more often, he thought idly. But then something occurred to him. Bill opened his eyes again, and was greeted by a bright, sunny room with neat bookcases. He pushed himself up, and groaned as his muscles protested. This was Remus' home, he remembered.

He scanned the room looking for his clothes, and swore vehemently when he couldn't find them. On the chair, lay a note atop a folded robe.

Bill,

I know it was rather presumptuous of me, but I took the liberty of taking your clothes to be cleaned. I would have woke you hours ago, but you looked peaceful, and I know how the moon can take a toll on a body. Rest as long as you like. When you are ready, I will be in the sunroom and there will be a meal ready…..though at this rate I am not sure what meal.

Your friend,

Remus

Bill frowned. He had half a mind to walk out there stark naked and demand his clothes, but he felt the slightest bit of his old conscience popping up in the back of his mind. Remus had been nothing but kind to him. It wouldn't do to shock the older man out of his mind. Then again, if anyone had been shocked recently, it was Bill. There was so much about Remus that he hadn't expected. Never had he dreamed that Remus would strip so casually before him the night before. A wave of lust hit Bill as he recalled the scene before him. Though slender, Remus was well built. It was all Bill could do keep his eyes from drifting places they shouldn't.

Years ago…or was it a lifetime ago…Bill had a terrible crush on the werewolf. When he was seventeen, he recalled his first face to face meeting with Remus. Before that, he had caught glimpses of him as his parents snuck about doing the work of the Order, but he hadn't actually gotten to know Remus well until he joined the order himself. By then, Bill had come to terms with his own sexuality. He never officially told his parents that he was bisexual, but they'd never really asked. When Fleur came into his life, Bill was completely entranced by the blonde and forgot all about his boyhood crush. It didn't, however change who he was.

A sardonic snort escaped him. Man or woman, he doubted anyone would want him now. He saw the way people looked at him. If they didn't despise him for his face, they did when they found out what he really was. Bill didn't really blame Fleur for leaving him.

Bill wrapped himself in the robe, and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was just after three in the afternoon when he made his way to find Remus. The werewolf was in the sunroom, as promised, with a book open. He smiled when he saw Bill enter. "I was just beginning to worry about you," Remus said putting the book aside. "I have a late lunch for you if you're up to it."

"I've slept longer after a moon," Bill told him dismissingly. He eyed the plate sitting on the little table. "Have any coffee?"

Remus pulled out his wand, and a steaming cup appeared. "I have a potion to add, if you'd like. I find it takes away some of the soreness." At Bill's nod, he added a liberal amount to the brew.

"I know something that does that too."

The younger man was being purposely rude, but it didn't seem to perturb Remus in the least. "Yes, but that leads to its own set of problems, don't you think?"

"I think it would be less of a problem if people would leave me the bloody hell alone," Bill snapped. He wasn't in the mood for lectures.

"Until they do, Bill, and then what? What happens when you are completely isolated? Will you be happy?"

"Happy is absolute bullshit. I haven't been happy since that monster stole my life. Not that you would know anything about it. I can't believe that you all just can't let me go!" Bill sent the mug hurtling across the room. "Damn it! I don't want this!"

An old pain flashed in Remus' amber eyes. "No, I wouldn't know anything about having your life shattered. I never lost anything I cared about, did I? You may deny that I know what it is like to look at the pieces of your world falling in ashes around you, that I don't know what it is to loose the one person you thought you could trust, but let me tell you something--you can blame other people to a point, and then you have to make your own choices."

Bill sank to the chair. In his heart, he knew that Remus was right, but he just couldn't seem to shake the darkness that had fallen over him. "But what choices do I have left?"

The werewolf smiled. "You can choose to rebuild your life."

"But to what purpose?"

"That is your own decision. Have you given any thought to going back to work?"

Bill rolled his eyes. "And do what? Who would hire me?"

Remus just smiled. "I would. I could use some help in the bookstore for a while, if you'd like to get out of the house for a while. And people just might surprise you, Bill."

"I doubt it," Bill muttered under his breath.

Remus pulled a watch from his pocket. "I'm meeting Harry for dinner at seven, would you care to join us?"

Bill shook his head. He wasn't ready to start pretending that his life was just fine. "Tell Harry I said hello."