Chapter 3

The next morning, at about 8:45 am, Mike was the first one to wake up, only to find himself, as well as everyone else, strapped onto a wall by rope, already dressed in different clothes.

"Guys? Guys? HEY! WAKE UP!" screamed Mike. Everyone woke up to his screaming.

"What the—" said Stuart. He looked down to find himself strapped between Carter and Paul. "Damn."

"OH MY GOD! I'M DEAD!" screamed Paul.

"I'm in hell!" said Stuart as he looked at Stacey, who was on the other side of Carter, but she was trying to weasel out of the ropes, but they were too tight.

"Good morning, everyone!" said Billy in his whismical voice as he entered the room. " I trust you slept well, since you never stayed at my friend's house, so I sent my hired goons to search and get you for my tour."

"Hired goons?" asked the mayor.

"Yes," said Billy, pointing to three midgets with orange skin, green hair and in wacky suits. "My goons: Ug, Moosh, and Okikowaka."

"My name's Larry," said the one known as "Okikowaka."

"What a car-azy language!" said Billy. "Anyway, you're dressed, we shoved breakfast down your throats, and your stuff is packed in your car. Ug, Okikowaka! Un-tie these people!" Larry and Bert untied the City Hall members, as they rubbed whatever hurt from the rope burns.

"Now then," said Billy, "let's start the tour." Everyone followed Billy down a pink hall with chocolate dripping from the top. Paul was looking at the chocolate and started licking his lips. Mike thought, This is so dumb.

He's gay, thought Stuart.

He's gay! thought Carter.

Soon enough, they went down a hall that Paul thought was getting narrower and narrower. Turns out he was was just fat.

"Now, this part is really meant for little kids," said Billy.

"But we're kids in spirit!" said Paul.

"Fine," groaned Billy. He opened the door as everyone gazed at the glory of…the Chocolate Room. The Chocolate Room was the size of the Superdome and it had everything candy-related: chocolate flowers, raspberry-glazed banzai trees, even a candy river. Paul started to hyperventilate.

"Can I go? Can I go? Can I go?" asked Paul with giddiness.

"If you want to," said Billy. Paul ran like a little kid and dived right onto the chocolate flowers and ate them. He ran into the vanilla shrubs and gobbled them up.

"Hey! Save some for the slaves! This is the only food they get!" scolded Billy. Everyone stared at him. "I-I mean, uh, LITTLE KIDS that come here!"

Paul didn't listen. He just ate whatever came in front of him.

"Hey, Paul, you better listen to him," said Mike. "This whole thing seems—"

All of a sudden, Paul fell in some river made out of candy.

"…Familiar," said Mike.

"Wait a minute!" said Stuart. "Isn't that river supposed to be made out of chocolate?"

"No," said Billy. "To aviod certain copyrights, this river is made out of butterscotch!"

"Help! I can't swim in sticky stuff!" yelled Paul. "SOMEONE HELP!" No one bothered to help Paul. He went down the river and up a large tube into the ceiling.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Stacey.

"Nothing," said Billy. "I told him this was meant for kids, but he didn't listen." He took a flute and played a tune, and these midgets came out from behind the doors. All of a sudden, this music started playing in the background.

"♪♪Grumpa lumpa gobblety gotch, this is what happens when you fall in butterscotch. Grumpa lumpa gobblety gar, you're just lucky you got this far.

"♪What do you get when you're really fat? You fall in candy and that is that. Why do you always eat fattening things like cheese? Maybe it's because you can't please…your wife or anyone else!

"♪Grumpa lumpa gobblety gube, maybe it's best that you're stuck in a tube. We'll remember what happened here, grumpa lumpa gobblety gere!♫"

One of the midgets pulled a lever and Paul out of the tube and taken away by the midgets as everyone watched. "That was amazing! Now, follow me."said Billy. Everyone followed Billy into the other room. Mike looked back at the river and what he just saw. What the hell is going on?

"Okay, so that did take all night," said Nikki, who was exhausted from the last 10 hours at City Hall, along with Janelle to make James less gullible. "But this has to work."

"I can't help it. I thought those burgers were made of beef!"

"They are!" yelled Janelle.

"You told me they were made of worm meat!" yelled James.

Everyone started yelling at once.

"All right! This is going nowhere! I'm going to tell you what is real and what isn't!" yelled Nikki. "Pixies are not real! Dragons are not real! There's no such thing as a candy monster…"

"…and here is the room where my associates think of ideas for candy and treats for all the children of New Jersey," said Billy. Everyone looked through the window to find all these businessmen talking, but you can't hear a word. "Let's listen!" Billy pushed a button next to a speaker.

"…So what if someone's arm fell in the chocolate? If they don't sue, we're fine!" said a businessmam inside. Everyone stared at Billy, who looked frantically for the off button.

He lead them into a small laboratory with machines and it smelled like a combination of chocolate, butterscotch, regular scotch, and cheap wine.

"This is the invention room! This is where all the approved ideas for candy are made and tested on lab mice!" said Billy as he pointed to lab mice whom half were either dead or running into each other. "We have just about chocolate-covered anything! Chocolate-covered earrings, chocolate-covered computers, even chocolate-covered chocolate!"

"What's this?" asked Stuart pointing to a small chocolate candy that looked like a pill. "It looks as yummy as James' chocolate Christmas set (actually Spin City episode)" Stuart takes the chocolate and eats it.

"NO! That's a candy that I didn't want you to eat! Especially you!" scolded Billy.

"Why?" asked Stuart. "It tastes great!" He ate more of the chocolate. "I feel more…manly!" He grinned happily, then his grin went to a face of discomfort. He looked down to find his wang was growing bigger and bigger.

"That's my chocolate-covered Viagra! The more you eat, the bigger your wang becomes!" said Billy.

"Thanks for the lesson, professor. I ALREADY KNEW THAT!" shouted Stuart. He glanced over at Stacey. Stacey stared at Stuart's wang, which was rising steadily. Stuart took a piece of metal and hid his wang behind it.

"AAAAH!" screamed Stuart, who was in horrible pain.

"Oh, dear," said Billy. He took out his whistle and played a tune. Ten midgets came out from behind the machines and surrounded Stuart.

"♪Grumpa lumpa, gobblety gra, this is what happens if you eat chocolate Viagra. Grumpa lumpa gobblety gang, if you eat too much, you'll have a big wang.

"♪ What possessed you to eat this stuff? Life with a big wang sure will be tough. Girls will not want to go out with you. I bet guys won't even look at you! Even if they are gay!

"♪Grumpa lumpa gobblety ginus—"

"I think we heard enough," said Billy. "Just take him to the dungeon's bathroom, where he will be tied up for a few hours and be deprived of women. Take him away!" Two midgets grabbed Stuart by his arms and carried him away.

"Now, then," said Billy. "Let's forget about him and proceed." As Billy led Carter, Stacey, the mayor, and Mike out of the room, Mike thought about Paul and Stuart.

Something's wrong about this. I'll find out, he thought as he left the room.

To Be Continued…