MERRY FUCKIN' CHRISTMAS. I am a little late, but here is your Christmas present. This chapter is 10,752 words! I am sorry it took me months to post. I was working two jobs for a while, and starting this new university program has been kicking my ass. But thanks to Bobbie who both helped me write, and wrote some herself. I was able to keep my annual tradition of posting on Christmas day! I hope you guys have had a great holiday. HERE YOU GO!

Fuckin' Clyde

"I can't believe this shit. Why didn't you tell me?"

Merle had been somewhat freaking out since I told him, "'Bout Daddy? I just—"

"—No, before. In Atlanta. I knew, I fuckin' knew I recognised you. Clyde fuckin' Davies." He muttered Daddy's name then went over to the cushion chair and sat down. I pushed myself off the stool I was sitting on and walked over to stand in front of him. Merle rubbed his forehead, his eyes moving to me, "I knew your dad, years ago. Lived close by, saw him to- . . . visit. We just saw each other sometimes. You were way smaller back then."

"You . . ." I trailed off, still piecing the new information together. "You knew me? And Daddy?"

Merle nodded, "You don't remember then, huh? Guess you wouldn't, think I only saw ya once or twice. Didn't stop by the house often, usually met up somewhere."

"What 'bout Daryl?"

"Daryl? No, don't think they ever met, but who knows? Small town." He sighed heavily and stood, walking around me and into the kitchen. His hand slammed hard on the kitchen table as he walked by it, and I jumped in surprise.

Merle stopped in front of the kitchen sink and turned on the tap. I heard running water as he leaned forward and washed his face. Merle muttered a curse as he shut the water off. I waited, letting out a cough, and watched him, but he only stood with his back to me.

After a few minutes of silence, his hand reached into his back pocket and pulled out a thick square of folded paper. He turned around and tossed it on the kitchen table before looking at me.

"Okay, here's what we're gonna do—"

—Knocking at the door surprised us both, I glanced at the door before looking back at Merle.

"Shit," He mumbled, looking a bit nervous as he made his way to the door.

"Dixon! Open the fuckin' door!" My ears perked at Daddy's voice, Merle paused and sighed, seemingly in relief.

I moved to follow Merle to the door, eager to see Daddy. But Merle quickly stepped out into the hall and closed the door in my face. I frowned and went to open the door myself while hearing the muffled voices. I had the door open a crack, trying to peek out when the doorknob was grabbed from the other side and slammed shut.

Why weren't they coming in? Why wasn't I allowed out?

I put my ear to the door, but I could only pick up a few words, not enough to understand. I stepped back and nervously pulled on the hem of my oversized shirt. I paced in a small circle, unable to stay still but wanting to stay at the door.

After what seemed like an eternity, Merle opened the door, I tried peeking around into the hall but he promptly closed it behind him.

"That was Daddy."

"Ya don't say."

"I wanna see him. Where'd he go? I wanna go."

"Kid, I'm gonna need ya to sit down and shut up."

I stared at him silently, his tone was calm and almost kind while his words were harsh. There was something hard and demanding in his eyes as he looked back at me. I walked over to the stool I sat at before, then Merle sat himself across from me.

Merle had rested his right arm on the table, I tried to keep my gaze away from the metal cocooning his limb. He didn't notice, only rubbing his eyes with his index finger and thumb, taking several moments to finally speak.

"Fuckin' Clyde." He muttered Daddy's name again. Then sighed before continuing. "Yer not gonna be seein' him today."

"What? Why—"

"—What did I just say? I'm havin' a hard 'nough time sortin' this mess out in my head without your yammerin'. Shut up and let me talk."

I pressed my lips into a thin line before glancing at the door, hoping Daddy would knock again.

Merle reached for the squared, folded paper he'd thrown on the table before.

"Now, here's what we're gonna do . . ." He unfolded the paper into a very large picture, struggling a little with one hand but managing it in the end. He laid his metal encased arm on one end of the large paper, holding it down while he flattened it with the other.

I examined the map with confusion, there were colours, shapes and lines drawn into it. I was able to recognise some scribbles as letters and words, but I had no way of knowing what they were.

My chin was resting on my hands which were folded over each other flat on the table, elbows pointed outward. I watched him intently, he was getting frustrated with me, I could tell. A sense of unrest reflected in his eyes, hinting at unpredictability. That was proven by his behaviour, which was all over the place. First calm, then agitated. Gentle then impatient. Excitable then harsh.

I wasn't having fun with it, I wasn't. I was just fascinated. I couldn't tell if he really was that bad at controlling his emotions, or simply hadn't bothered trying.

"Let's start this again," Merle said somewhat calmly, but I knew the tone. The tone of trying to swallow the anger and not start yelling. I'd heard it from Daryl a lot. Yeah, let's start again, why the hell not?

I'd asked my questions and was given no answers. My head was still turning from seeing Daddy, from seeing the town, from seeing Merle. He wouldn't tell me why I couldn't see Daddy, why I was suddenly Merle's niece, why I was there, or why I couldn't see Maggie and Glenn.

I knew my place; I knew I wasn't supposed to stick my nose where it didn't belong. I played my quiet, unquestioning role well for a very long time. I was a kid; I wasn't supposed to know things adults didn't want me to know. But I'd broken the rules of my place when I snuck into the car that left the prison. I was too lost, confused, and downright agitated to play that game.

Why did I have to sit dumb and clueless while everyone else got their way and danced right by me? One of the things I liked about Merle was that he was straight with me, and I still didn't understand why he was there.

No. He could sit dumb and clueless right along with me.

Merle went through his questions again; he'd asked me the same things but in a different order every time. In the beginning, he'd marked a spot on the map, telling me that was where he'd found us, then asked where we'd come from. I'd almost just blurted something about the prison, thinking that was all he'd need and be done with it, but I was feeling resentful.

After that, he backtracked and marked a much further spot, our Atlanta camp, asking where we'd gone from there.

"I know it's rough out there," he'd said much earlier, before the irritation set in. "Anythin' you remember, roads, signs, a store even."

While his questions ranged, my answers stayed relatively the same.

"I dunno, I don't drive."

"I dunno. I wasn't watching."

"I dunno roads, I'm just a kid."

"I dunno no one tells me shit."

Distractedly, my eyes wandered to his arm. The metal cocooning his wrist and forearm was held on by belt straps that went up his arm. The knife he'd had on it before was gone. When we first started, I tried not to look at it, pretending that nothing interesting was there. It seemed wrong to stare, or even look, but after sitting across from him and having the same conversation several times, I was too bored to care.

"Just like ya wanna see yer dad, I wanna see my brother. You and the Chinaman told me he's still alive."

"You called him Chinaboy," I remembered out loud, before covering my mouth to let out a cough.

"Clearly a winter out in the sticks put some hair on his balls, tryin' ta give the guy some credit. I'm bein' nice here!"

I was tired of staring at the map, but sheer stubbornness willed me not to give him what he wanted. If I couldn't know shit, neither could he.

My hand reached for the can of my drink, lifting it to feel it was empty. I frowned, even though I'd checked it several times, as if it would magically fill again.

"Can I have more?" I asked.

"Later, now focus."

I crossed my arms and slouched.

"Try from the beginning," he pointed to a square with scribbles. "This is the Atlanta camp, where did you go from there? Were there plans?"

I shrugged, thinking back on it. "We went to the place with the doctor. He gave me a needle."

"A hospital?" Merle's eyes widened a bit, looking almost pleased with my information.

I shook my head, "no. Daryl said they make medicine and stuff. We had pizza and Daryl got shitfaced."

"Shitfaced, huh?"

"The place was real big and the building talked, it locked the doors and did stuff the doctor told it to."

"What?"

"Yeah. And then it blew up."

"What?" He said with more urgency, and I shrugged. "Darlin', we don't got the time for games. After I was gone, where did you go next?"

"I just told ya!" I finally raised my voice, causing it to crack slightly. I'd finally answered a question, and he was still mad.

He slammed his palm down flat on the table, causing me to jump.

Someone knocked on the door and my head whipped around. I almost ran over to it, but stopped short when Martinez walked in.

"What?" Merle blurted once again, irritated.

Martinez tapped a box he held under his arm, "brought the kid shoes."

"Shoes? What for?"

Merle looked down at the floor where my shoes were, "Merle, they're being held together by duct tape."

"Oh." Merle craned his neck to see, noticing for the first time. "Just drop 'em there. Havin' a hard 'nough time gettin' her to focus."

"Do you have more bubble soda?" I asked.

Martinez smiled a little, "not on me, no. I can bring some?"

"No," Merle said quickly. "Is that all?"

Martinez shook his head, "need you to come down."

The men stared at each other for a long moment, as if silently communicating.

"Fine, get goin', I'll be right there."

Martinez waved at me and left, then Merle flipped over the large map, revealing the blank side. He left the table to open a drawer at the counter, taking out a pen and giving it to me.

"I gotta take care of this. Yer gonna stay here and make a list of everyone in the group."

"Everyone?"

Merle nodded, then started to walk away.

"Wait . . ." I stopped him, "What do I do?"

"You make a list." He said slowly, "I want to know everyone in the group."

"What about . . . people died."

"Make a list of whoever isn't dead. I wanna know how many people ya got, who's left. All that shit."

"Why?"

Merle's back was to me, but I saw him shake his head as he opened the door. "Just do it. Christ. Don't remember you runnin' yer mouth this much."

I frowned as the door closed, I was alone again.

Turning back to the table, I reach out for the bubble soda can, lifting it up with dismay. Nope, still empty. I slouched into the chair, feeling tired and annoyed.

After pouting for a few moments, I used the pen to scribble on the blank side of the map. I had the urge to turn away from the map, wanting to push Merle's buttons even further. I actually liked Merle, but I was getting so angry, I was used to staying out of shit that wasn't my business, but this felt like my business. Even if it wasn't this was different. I was alone, confused, and honestly a bit scared.

My fingers went up to my scalp, yanking my hair in frustration. I felt the urge to cry, scream, to rip Merle's shitty ass map into tiny pieces. Daddy had been gone for so long, and now I just wasn't allowed to see him? Or he wasn't allowed to see me?

Glancing at the door, I imagined running out and finding him myself. I yanked my hair harder, feeling torn on what to do.

I ended up turning back to the paper. I was scared to leave, what if Glenn and Maggie showed up while I was gone? What if Daddy did and I missed him? I didn't know the place, I had no desire to go running around. That thought struck me as odd, considering that it was all I wanted to do back at the prison. That was what got me there in the first place.

I began dragging the pen along the paper. With nothing else to do, I did what Merle told me, listing off the names in my head as I went along.

I thought maybe since I had finally done what Merle asked, without talking in circles, or trying to aggravate him, he'd be happy. Maybe not happy, but certainly not as pissed off as he was when he came back.

"The hell is this shit?"

"You told me to." I said quietly, not wanting to fight anymore. My hands went into fists, digging my nails into my palms painfully.

"I told you to write 'em down, not play connect the fuckin' dots."

"Connect huh?" I furrowed my eyebrows, looking down at my list. I lifted my hand, pointing to each line as I named them. "That's them. See, that's Daryl and Carl and Maggie and—"

"—Shut up. Wait." Merle leans over my shoulder; I could hear him silently counting under his breath. "Thirteen . . . You tallied them? Why?"

I just looked at him, because I wasn't sure what answer he wanted.

After a moment he just sighed, "a'right fine. Lines don't really help me though. Tell me then, who's around?"

"Why?"

"Because I fuckin' asked." We stared at each other in silence for a moment. Then he walked around the table, sitting at his chair again. "Listen, I know you. I know Daryl, I know the Chinaman. Last time someone new showed up, I got handcuffed to a fuckin' roof and left to die. So, if I'm comin' back to my brother, I wanna know what the hell else I'm comin' back to."

Merle's eyes were hard as he glared at me, his jaw clenched as he finished his rant. I swallowed nervously and leaned back into my chair. I didn't want to fight or make him mad, but it seemed that whenever I gave him answers, he was still mad. A knot of fear weighed heavy in my stomach.

As it usually did, Merle's mood shifted after a moment. Though he still had that restless expression. "Fine. How about guns? How many people carry?"

"Guns? Everyone has a gun."

"Everyone? There's a lot of fire power then."

I shrugged, not meeting his eyes. I felt tired. The conversation was odd, but I was getting tired of questioning and being confused over everything. I just wanted to stop and see Maggie and Glenn.

"Not Guillermo though," I remembered.

"Gera—what?"

"Yeah. He's a pussy."

Shaking his head, he muttered, "how is it when I get somethin' outta you, it's really nothin'."

I just absentmindedly looked around the apartment for the hundredth time, feeling bored, tired, and irritated. My attention turned back when I heard the paper crinkling.

"We're gonna do this one more time. Then we have to talk."

"We are talkin'," I muttered. That was the problem.

"No, about other shit. Just, just look for me one more time. Think hard. Directions, towns, statues."

"I don't know." I mumbled, crossing my arms.

"This is important. You understand. You want to see Daryl? Me too. You want to be done with this? Hell, so do I. You think I wanna sit here all day? I'm tired, same as you." There was a sense of urgency in his tone, and not the angry kind that was making me nervous. I groaned, staring down at the map with its markings and symbols.

"Start out easy, after I was gone from camp. Just show me which way you went, toward the city, away from it? Just look and point."

"I don't know," I spouted in frustration, "it's just a bunch a'squares."

That wasn't entirely accurate, there were other shapes and tons of scribbles from him, or someone else, drawing all over it. I didn't care, at that moment he wasn't asking about where we were staying currently, he was asking about before. I didn't know, I could answer, he had been constantly showing me where each place was, but they were gone from my memory,

There was a long bout of silence, I watched his eyes move and stop at something other than the map. I turned my head to see, he'd been staring at the pen on the side of the table, the pen I'd used to list the group.

"Okay then," Merle said after a long time and pointed towards something on the map again. "What's that?"

I stared at it for a moment, I almost rolled my eyes. He was calling me out for the square thing. "A circle."

"But what is it?" Merle repeated.

"Red?" I questioned, unsure of what he was really asking. I started to wonder if he was just purposely pushing my buttons like I'd done to him earlier.

"Nothin' else, that's all it is?"

"A red circle?"

"No, Toby, under the fuckin' circle!" He sounded angrier this time.

I stared at the scribbles, thinking hard. I didn't want to make him angrier than he already was. I began to recognize something, and it occurred to me "Oh! That's a capital. Carl told me about those."

No response.

I raised my head to meet Merle's eyes. He was looking at me with a bewildered expression, eyes wide and lips slightly parted.

"You can't fuckin' read."

"Oh," I breathed out, my stomach in knots from embarrassment. "Yeah, no. I can't."

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't think it mattered," I mumbled, crossing my arms tightly.

"The hell does that mean?! I'm tellin' you to read a map, I told ya to make a list!"

"I did make a list though," I argued.

"Oh my God." With his elbow on the table, Merle put his head in his hand and stayed that way for a while. I didn't say anything, feeling exhausted by all the talking. I even closed my eyes, trying to relax and rest a little.

After a few minutes of silence, I heard the sound of paper crinkling, and opened my eyes. Merle was folding up the map with his hand.

"Listen, girlie, we don't have time for this shit." He said, considerably calmer than before. "We gotta get goin'."

"Where?"

"I need you to listen and not talk. This shit's complicated, and we can't fuck up. You need to pay attention, got it?"

He stared at me sternly until I nodded.

"When I brought you here, I told a lie. And until I can get that sorted out, yer Daryl's kid; my niece." My mouth opened for another question, but I closed it quickly. Merle noticed, giving me an appreciative nod. "That was gonna be all fine and dandy, had it worked out fine, but of course I got Clyde fuckin' Davies bangin' on my door. Whatever, it's done. These people here, they may seem nice and all but they don't take kindly to strangers. We've brought new people in before and it hasn't always gone well. Our Governor, the man that runs things here has made it clear that there are no intentions to bring more people around. To bring ya back here, and keep ya here, I told him you were my blood so nothin' would happen."

"What would happen?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Merle wasn't angry that time, he leaned over the table looking at me intently. "This man saved my life; he picked my sorry ass up when he should've left me to die. He's not doin' that no more, whoever he's got is it. He's hurt people, to protect the folks here and keep 'em fed. After so long it gets hard to tell what the right thing is anymore. If the Governor thinks you may be a threat, or ya know someone that is, he might do somethin' bad."

Under the table, I was pulling at the hem of my shirt again. "But . . . I'm not."

I was just a kid; I didn't see what threat that could bring. Merle's words contradicted this man, he helped Merle, so he was good. But he had hurt people, maybe me if I wasn't related to Merle. That meant he was bad.

"I know. But he doesn't. And if he knows I lied I might lose any position of trust I have with him. Which is why I told your Dad to fuck off, cause he'll be in as much hot water as me if this gets out."

"What about Maggie and Glenn?"

"They've been with the Gov, it's fine," he waved off my question. "We're goin' to see him now; he wants to meet you."

"Why?"

"No more questions." Merle stood, walking over to the door. "Just do as I say, act as I say. Remember, yer a Dixon now. We're gonna go and have dinner with him, and yer not gonna say anythin' to fuck this up. Right?"

I nodded, standing from my stool.

"Right?" He repeated, eyeing me as he stood by the door.

"Yes, Merle," I said obediently. I began to slip my shoes on when he stopped me, telling me to put on the new ones Martinez brought.

"Do I have to wear shoes?" I asked, not looking forward to any more frustration caused by shoes. I just wanted to be done with them.

"Yes, you have to wear shoes, the hell kinda question is that?"

I sighed but said nothing. I just wanted to see Glenn and Maggie, they were with the Governor. With this information in mind, I opened the shoe box quickly. Inside were dark blue running shoes, trimmed with white and white laces. I paused for a moment; they were shiny, clean. The shoes were brand new; they even had rolled up tissue paper inside.

"Hurry it up," Merle ordered, opening the door and leaving without me.

Quickly I slipped on the shoes, struggling a bit as they felt tight. Though once they were on, it felt okay, only feeling tight at the top where the shoelaces were tied in big knots. I didn't know how to undo them, so I didn't bother.

I opened the door and raced after Merle, who was already at the end of the hall. I marveled how my feet didn't slip in and out of the shoes, they felt secure, I didn't have to make a conscious effort to make sure they stayed on.

"Why we gettin' dinner? We a'ready ate."

He didn't bother to look at me as I trailed behind, "no questions. Didn't I say that? And maybe you did."

Once outside, I was distracted by everything. I coughed. Not as many people were out as before, but there were still plenty walking around. It was strange, to see people dressed like they were, smiling, walking like normal. For a strange moment it almost seemed like everything was back to normal, no one was dying, there were no Walkers.

Then I caught a glimpse of the wall. I wondered how long the town had been there, how long it had been so normal.

I followed a few feet behind Merle as he crossed the street, constantly slowing down at all the distractions. I kept circling my gaze, trying to find Daddy, waiting for him to pop up again. People passed us, waved and greeted Merle, they even smiled and waved at me.

After walking along the sidewalk for a bit, Merle turned onto a lawn with a pathway, with yard lanterns on either side.

I stopped in front of the large building, my expression crumpling with uncertainty.

"What?" Merle said after turning and realising I wasn't following. He took a few steps toward me, waving for me to follow.

I thought about seeing Glenn and Maggie, I wanted to run toward the door and rip it open. I wanted to tell her about Daddy and this place. As weird as it all felt, it was so much better than the prison. With that thought in mind, I knew what would happen next. We would have dinner with the Governor and then go back to the prison with Merle.

I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to bring Merle there, I realised. Not because I was angry and confused about everything, but people died in that place. I could still hear Jimmy's screaming as he pounded on that door, the panic as the Walkers invaded, and the terrible wait for Hershel to die after cutting off his leg.

I hadn't said anything about the prison, but Maggie and Glenn probably talked about it plenty.

"Do we have to?" I asked.

Merle's expression softened. "It's gonna be fine, just act like I said." His voice went into a whisper. "Remember, yer a Dixon now. Don't say anythin' about Clyde, Daryl's your dad, I'm your uncle Merle. Got it?"

"Does Glenn know?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure. It's all good."

"Are you going to live with us?"

"Maybe. Depends on how shit goes. We do this and we can go see Daryl real soon."

I shook my head, "can we stay here?"

"Here?" He looked confused.

"You said the guy needs to know I'm good, right? When he does, what if everyone comes here. Can we live here?" There were plenty of houses and people, it was safe. Once the Governor knew we weren't dangerous we could get out of that prison, I would never have to go back.

Something changed in Merle's expression, something unreadable. "I don't—we'll work shit out okay. Let's just get this done first."

"Where's my dad?" I was looking around again, possibly just stalling.

"Lower your voice," he warned quietly. "I told ya, you won't be seein' him today. Let's get a move on."

Merle reached for me but I stepped back. I knew what to do, it made sense. But I felt exhausted and frustrated. Daddy had been gone for so long and I had to just keep pretending he was?

Merle sighed heavily, "darlin', how 'bout this. We go in, eat food, talk nice. Then we'll go see yer dad."

"Really?" I perked up.

"If you do this right. Can you do that?"

I hesitated, looking at the building. "Yeah. Okay."

"What's your name?"

I furrowed my brow, waiting for a beat. Then I realised he actually wanted an answer. "Toby."

"Toby what?"

I hesitated, thinking it over, "Toby . . . Dixon?"

"And who am I?"

"Uncle Merle."

"Good girl. You got this. Yer gonna get some more questions, just try not to talk too much. And if you remember anythin' about how to get back to your people . . ." he paused, as if thinking it over. "Just try not to say too much. Anythin' ya know you tell me first, not him. Got it?"

"Okay?" Just as I was starting to understand. I was lost again.

"Just do as I say," Merle instructed. "Try ta act like me, be the mini me you always tried for back in the day. He'll be right proud, got it?"

I frowned, glancing up towards Merle. "Why do I want to make him proud?"

He huffed, before grinning at some new idea. "Pull this off, I'll be very impressed. Hmm?"

I thought about it for a second, and then nodded.

"That's my girl. Eager ta please."

Merle's praises did alleviate my anxiety some, but not much. I kept behind him as we strode up to the front steps. Merle knocked and winked at me, I kept my expression as passive as I could as the door opened.

The man was tall and very clean, not a single hair out of place. His dark brown hair was combed neatly, parted to the side. He was wearing a simple dark button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. The man wore a bright smile, aiming his seemingly perfect teeth my way.

"Hello," he greeted, stepping back to open the door wide, "please, come on in."

"Thanks, boss," Merle nodded and waved me in. The man closed the door behind us and Merle uttered, "take your shoes off."

"What?"

He pointedly looked down at his own feet, slipping his shoes off.

"I just put 'em on, you said I had to wear 'em."

Merle looked at me, his eyes widening the slightest bit, both in warning and in communication. I sighed and obeyed. I had to sit on the floor, as the laces were too tight to allow me to slip them off with ease.

When I stood, the tall man was in front of me.

"This is the Governor," Merle introduced, he sounded proud and somewhat cheery. "He runs the town."

"Philip," the Governor corrected. "And you're little Toby Dixon, I've heard plenty about you today. From your uncle and the good folks here in Woodbury."

I looked at Merle with furrowed eyebrows, hoping he would clarify.

He did, "people are talking about you."

"Why?"

"Why, you're famous," Philip exclaimed happily. "We don't get a lot of newcomers, people are excited. It's nice to see a new face, and a child who survived out there, it's a wonderful thing. Not to mention being reunited with your family, you have a good tale for our people, it gives them hope."

"Oh. Merle says you don't like new people."

Merle nudged my shoulder and I saw Philip's expression falter for a moment, then he nodded and frowned. "Part of that is true, we've had a history where we put our trust in the wrong people. I'm sure, being out there for as long as you have, you've encountered people like that."

I thought about the woman that attacked me in Carnesville, and back to when I'd first met Guillermo, he'd aimed a gun at me. I nodded but said nothing.

Philip led us deeper into the home. I felt odd thinking of him as Philip, but felt the same with the Governor. He was big and important, I could feel it in the way he spoke and looked at us. A long and weird title was almost appropriate, but also silly. I tried to hold in a cough as I followed, keeping myself quiet.

"Hey, Milty!" I heard Merle called out as we walked into the kitchen. "How's the work comin'?" His cheeriness disappeared in the question, making it obvious he did not give a shit. I wondered why he bothered asking.

"Toby, this is Milton. A good friend and colleague here in Woodbury."

I looked at the awkward man Philip introduced, he was much shorter than Philip. Milton did not look happy or comfortable, giving Merle an odd stare through his glasses.

After a few long moments, Milton turned to me, "hello."

The table in the centre of the kitchen was small and round, with only four chairs placed around it. It was set neatly with plates, silverware, napkins. There were even salt and pepper shakers.

Philip's smile was gentle as he motioned for me to sit at the table. I glanced again at the table with disdain, it made me nervous for everyone to be so close together. Though that wasn't what bothered me the most. There were four chairs, and four plates.

"Where's Glenn?" I looked at Merle, not sitting yet.

Merle's eyes went to Philip's, seeming hesitant and a bit disgruntled.

"Your people," Philip started, sitting down at the table, "Are not here."

"Not here?" I looked at him directly, uncaring about my expression or nervousness around him.

"Sit, please."

I didn't have a whole lot else to do, so once I saw Merle take his seat, I did the same. Milton sat next, I didn't get why he was there.

"It's come to our attention," Philip started once again and paused, taking a breath while his eyes settled on me. It was kind of annoying. "That your people have experienced some hard times."

I looked away then, not bothering to hide everything he'd reminded me of. I had no idea what Glenn and Maggie had told him, maybe everything.

"They were worried about the rest of your folks, and wanted to get back as quickly as they could, they needed supplies; we provided."

I looked at Merle with my eyes wide, they're gone? They left? I inquired silently. But Merle turned his eyes to his plate without a word, reaching forward to take a bowl and scoop some food onto the plate.

"They didn't tell me." I said. Merle put a bit on my plate after his, still avoiding my eyes.

"Your friends were in quite the hurry, we offered for them to stay the night, but it was important for them to get back. They agreed with me that it would be all right to leave you here with your uncle, since it's been so long since you've seen each other. You must be very happy to see him again."

I looked at Merle again, none of it sounded right. Glenn and Maggie knew he wasn't my uncle, Glenn didn't like Merle and Maggie had never met him. Merle must have talked to them first, but still, would they really leave me there?

Instead of giving me any answers, Merle smiled and nodded along with the Governor. What he was saying sounded wrong, but he was being nice, I was being fed. Glenn and Maggie must have been in a hurry to leave me.

"Oh," I realised out loud. "the baby."

"Baby?" The Governor questioned.

"Yeah, Lori had a baby." I explained, looking at him before turning my head back to Merle, this time he looked back at me, suddenly interested. "We were looking for formula, that's baby food I think. Then you found us."

"I can imagine that would be hard to come by," the Governor nodded, catching up to what I was saying. "We sent them back with some formula in the supply bags we gave them."

I nodded back. It was starting to make sense, the baby had held, no, screamed, for everyone's attention since it came out. It was the most important thing to all of them.

"They were in a hurry to leave, understandably. We promised them more supplies, plenty of items for an infant. The problem is we are having trouble locating where your base is. If you told us, we could take them sooner."

I frowned. "Glenn and Maggie didn't say?"

Philip gave a nod, his expression regretful, "they provided some directions, but-"

"-Milty here fucked 'em up, didn't you?" Merle interrupted.

Philip blinked at Merle, looking a bit annoyed.

"Really now?" Milton squinted at Merle. "And how did I do that?"

"I dunno, you tell me. Yer the one fuckin' everythin' up."

Milton's hands clenched on the table, Philip reached over and patted him on the shoulder. "Enough, you two. It doesn't matter how it happened, there was just some miscommunication, and we're having problems with the directions we were given."

I'd never even seen a prison before we moved into that one, I couldn't imagine there was a whole lot, especially in the area. I wondered how hard it was to find a prison, I wouldn't know how to find it so I couldn't really judge. I also wondered, for a brief moment before dismissing the thought, does it matter that they hadn't once brought up, or called it the prison?

"I don't know any directions," I said honestly. "And I ain't good with maps."

"You can say that again," Merle muttered under his breath.

Philip leaned forward, both his hands flattening against the wooden table as he spoke. "What if we drove around, find any familiar surroundings? Maybe you saw something on your drive?"

"I don't think we can spare that kind of fuel," Milton shook his head.

"Oh hush now, we have plenty."

"No, I didn't see anything," I said.

"Not even a building?" Philip asked. "A funny looking tree? Do you think you could see anything familiar if we looked?"

I glanced at the table, embarrassment filling inside of me as I had to give away why I was there." . . . I wasn't s'posed to be there."

"Pardon?"

"I wasn't lookin' out the window," I continued. "I wasn't even s'posed to be in the car, I was hiding in the back, under a bag so they wouldn't see."

Understandably, Philip looked very confused. "Why?"

"Dar—"

The moment the word slipped out, I felt Merle's foot pressing mine against the floor firmly, to stop me from talking. I had to think for a second before I realised what I had done wrong. He seemed calmer when I changed my answer, turning to look at the table.

"Uh . . . Dad said I couldn't go, that it would be dangerous."

"So why did you go?" Philip asked.

I stammered out an answer. "We . . . we lost people. It's a prison and—"

"—Prison?" Philip asked curiously.

I took a moment, only a moment, to ponder his expression. "It feels like one."

"Why is that?"

"Just . . ." I could just tell him about the fences and be done with it. I didn't, for some reason. It was strange that me saying prison didn't ring any bells. "We aren't allowed to go anywhere, because of the Walkers. Some people died so everyone's freaked out."

"So what is it? A warehouse, a farm, a school?" He continued to question. "I'll admit, I don't know the area well, I'm not from here."

There it was. I knew for sure that he had no idea we lived in a prison. I couldn't imagine Glenn or Maggie giving him the information without mentioning it was a prison, or that these people would forget it was a prison.

I shrugged. "Me either. We spend a lot of time on the road."

Something was very wrong, and I wasn't sure what it was. Philip should've known about this prison, but he didn't. Glenn and Maggie wouldn't have left without telling them how to get me back, but they did.

I decided to try and go along with it. After dinner I would bring it up to Merle and figure out what was going on. I would ask him my questions once we were alone, hopefully I could get him to answer.

Even though Merle kept his foot on mine after my Daryl slipup, he'd taken off the pressure. I knew he was waiting for me to mess up again, ready to give me the warning. The weight of his foot over mine reminded me of Daddy. If we ever had company or went out somewhere, there were times his hand would rest on my shoulder or back, he would squeeze his hand or pinch me painfully in warning.

Philip smiled at me, "I have respect for that. I'm you and your people have had to do whatever you could to continue on. How old are you?"

"Twel-" I stopped, furrowing my eyebrows and thinking it over. I felt an odd sense of sadness overcome me. I couldn't be twelve anymore. I wondered for a moment if I was actually fourteen, though there was no way it had been two years. But it felt like it could have been five.

Philip reached over the table and patted my hand that was resting over my fork. "I understand, you lose time out there. It was hard, but you did it. Look where you are now, reunited with family, a warm meal and a roof over your head, walls. You made it, you did it, and oh, we're impressed."

He wasn't lying, there was some kind of brightness in his eyes. Philip was happy, even possibly proud. I felt my lips twitch in a smile. He was right, we'd been through a lot of shit, but I was okay. I was reunited with my family, even though it's not the family he thought. Everything was okay, finally.

"Survival in the wild is tough sledding." Philip took his hand back, taking a bit of his food between pauses. "Wake up every morning on the ground wondering if today is the day. Will it be quick and final or slow, and, well, without end. Will someone have the good sense to kill my brain, or will I come back as one of them."

"Governor," Milton said quickly. "Maybe that isn't appropriate?"

Philip shook his and glanced at Merle.

"I's fine," Merle said with his mouth full of food. "Kid's heard worse."

Philip continued, "The real secret is what goes on within these walls. It's about getting back to who we were, who we really are. They're just waiting to be saved. People here have homes, medical care, kid's go to school. Adults have jobs to do. There's a sense of purpose, a community."

"School?" I could hear the disdain in my voice.

Philip chuckled, "yes, school. Something that I'm sure you'll be in attendance for soon, I hope. When you're ready."

I looked at Merle, "am I stayin'?"

"Of course!" Philip answered instead. "Your family is here, once we get things with your group settled, you'll have your dad. This is your home now. We wouldn't send you back out there. You don't have to worry any more, you're safe now, that part of your journey is over."

I felt relieved, not about school, but about staying. I'd talked to Merle about it before. I didn't want to go back to prison. After the relief, I felt confused. What Philip was saying was the opposite of what Merle was telling me earlier.

"I like your uncle, he's our hardest worker. He takes care of business. When we first met, well, let's just say I don't blame him for not trusting us. But he's found his place. He's a tough old nut and I respect that, I respect him."

I saw Merle nod, he didn't smile but he seemed happy to hear that.

"It takes time to adjust, but you will find your place. And as a Dixon, I expect good things from you."

I didn't have a response for that. As much as I wanted to stay, there was a heavy pit of anxiety that stirred at the thought of it. The Governor asked me a few more things, general questions you usually heard from grown ups. I hadn't heard them in a long time, because these questions didn't matter anymore. It seemed they did to him, suddenly my favourite subject in school, and whether or not I enjoyed school was suddenly very relevant. It reminded me about what he said, trying to get back to normalcy. I answered them simply, then kept quiet for the most part.

Milton was more quiet then I was, but no one really spoke to him or asked him anything. Merle and Philip talked about some supplies, areas they wanted to scout, I didn't listen to it all. When everyone was done eating, Philip began clearing the plates and told me to try my best to remember anything to help them. Then he told Merle to work with me, maybe come up with some kind of idea to help me help them.

I didn't say anything about it. All the emotions I felt were a hurricane inside of me, unable to calm and settle on a single one.

"Your uncle and I have some work to get done, Milton can walk you home for now. You look like you need some rest, it's been a long day."

"No," Merle told him at the door as we put our shoes on. "She's fine, she knows the way."

They all said goodbye, Philip smiled at me and said something about how happy he was to meet me. His words flew over my head, I was focused on what Merle said.

"Go back to the apartment," Merle ordered. "You remember where it is?"

"You aint coming?" I questioned, my head shooting up to look at him once the door closed behind us. "Am I in trouble?"

"What? No! Fuck, kid. You did fine. We're good. I got work to do, can't just drop everything because you're alive." Merle rubbed his hand over his face. "Ya know where it is or not? I can get Martinez to take ya."

"I know."

He patted my shoulder with his hand, before walking off in a different direction. I frowned, but still started heading toward where Merle's apartment was.

I hoped I would see daddy again, like last time we were going to Merle's apartment. At least this time Martinez wouldn't be here, so I wouldn't have to lie and pretend he wasn't my real family.

A boy with dark hair and glasses stepped in front of me, blocking my path towards the building I needed to go into.

"Hi. My name is Patrick, and you're Toby . . . Merle's niece."

"Okay? How do you know?" I questioned.

"Oh, people just started talking about it, and I saw you with Caesar Martinez, and I know that you're not from Woodbury," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. I just stared and waited for him to stop talking. Can I just go back to the apartment now?

"So, where are you staying?"

"In uncle Merle's apartment."

I hoped that Merle would be impressed that I was still using his lie. I would do what he said, I would be cooperative and do what he wanted. Then he would have to give me answers.

"Oh, that's nice—"

"—Do you have any of that bubble drink?" I interrupted. I glanced down the street and saw the picnic benches were gone, and there wasn't as many people out. I wasn't prepared for any other questions that Patrick may ask, afraid I may mess up. I didn't really want to talk to him either, I needed a break from strangers.

Patrick looked confused, "you want something to drink?"

I nodded, trying to remember the right words. "The can stuff, I had it with my burger."

"Oh, the soda? I can get you some if you want, they only hand it out on special occasions or gatherings. There might still be some out."

I only nodded.

"You'll be in the apartment, yeah?"

Again, I nodded.

"I'll bring it to you," he smiled. "See you in a few."

He ran off and I hurried toward the building. After going up all the stairs and making my way to the apartment, I stopped at the door, eyeing the metal 22 displayed on it.

I opened the door and went inside, my hand reaching up to touch my necklace.

I didn't feel it.

Huh?

I looked down immediately, moving my hand around the entirety of my neck to try and feel the chain but it wasn't there.

Where is it?

Where is it?

Where is it?!

Panic made my heart race, my eyes dancing around the floor, trying to see if it fell. The chain was long enough to slide over my head, but it couldn't fall off, I never used the latch so I didn't think it had broken.

I rushed into the bathroom, there had been some times when I'd slipped a shirt or hoodie over my head to take it off, and sometimes the necklace slipped off with it. But I always noticed it before.

My clothes weren't anywhere, and neither was the necklace. I pulled at my hair, trying to think the last time I'd felt it. Did I have it when I got to Woodbury? Did I touch it at all today? I couldn't remember.

I could feel my breathing getting quicker the longer I spent trying to find it. I knelt down after checking all the counters, and started crawling around to see if I had dropped it on the floor. I searched every room twice.

Again, I couldn't find anything.

I was on my third run around the apartment when a knock interrupted me. I pictured daddy at the door. The mere thought was enough to rid the necklace from my mind. Merle did say if I did well, I could see him after dinner.

I ran to the door and pulled it open immediately, frowning when I realised it was just Patrick. I'd forgotten about him. "Oh."

"I. . . You said you wanted this?" He looked confused at my reaction..

"Thought ya were someone else," I reached out and grabbed the can from his hands. I racked my brain, trying to think of some way to get him to leave; I had more important things to worry about. "I'm busy."

I didn't care for the can in my hand anymore, even with Patrick at the door, my eyes still danced around the room, looking for the necklace again.

"Oh, sorry," Patrick's smile disappeared. "I should get going. We should meet up again though, you seem like fun."

"Uh-huh," I hummed, not listening.

"Well, bye, Toby," he gave a small smile and I shut the door.

I went to the kitchen area and sat on the stool like I'd done most of the day. I tried to calm down and think about where it could've gone. While I thought it through, I struggled to open the bubble drink. After a minute or so, I heard the loud metal crack release from it.

The bubbles fixed on my tongue, and I swallowed too quickly, causing some to go down the wrong way. I started coughing, causing my throat to burn. Instead of getting better after a moment, it got worse. I felt heat go to my face and the pressure of the fit made my eyes sore. I couldn't seem to calm it or catch my breath.

I went to the sink, turning on the tap and trying to scoop some water into my mouth. After a few minutes, I finally swallowed some water and began to breathe normally.

Uh-oh.

I was still sick. It occurred to me shortly after the coughing ended that I needed my medicine. I'd completely forgotten about it. I was supposed to take it a few times a day, if I wasn't taking it would I get sick? Would my ear break again? Would my other ear break?

Shit. Fuck. Shit. I needed to take my anti . . .

anti . . .

The pills that aren't Advil.

I was pretty sure Daryl had them. I left the apartment to search for Merle. I was too panicked to wait, I hoped he would know what to do.

On the street I didn't see Merle, and before I hadn't watched long enough to see where he'd gone.

I spotted Martinez walking down the street, I ran over to him, grabbing onto his shirt.

"Oh, hey. You doing all right?" He asked me.

"Where's . . ." I paused. "Where's my uncle Merle?"

Martinez pointed to a building a few houses down. "He's working there, but you can't go in there. Do you need something?"

I shook my head, unsure what I could tell him. Then Martinez turned and continued on rather quickly, like he was in a hurry to get somewhere. I frowned, extremely confused. He isn't going to stop me? Now I have to go in there. I figured he would look at me, make sure I wasn't going to go after Merle, but nothing. I guess he just expected me to listen? That made me feel a bit guilty, but I pushed the feeling down and checked to make sure he wasn't watching me. When I was sure that he wasn't going to come back, I hurried to where Merle was.

I periodically looked around, checking for the Governor and his men, but no one was around.

When I reached the building, I knew that I recognised it. Opening the door and walking in, I saw that it was the room where Merle had taken me when I first arrived. Martinez took me out to get food. The scout room, or something.

I didn't see Merle. I went to sit, thinking if I waited a few minutes he'd show up. I only needed a minute, it turned out, there was a loud creak and Merle entered through a door I hadn't noticed in the far side of the room. I wondered where it led to, there were two other doors in the room, one that I could tell was a back door by the window on it, and the front one I entered through.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked immediately.

"I need to talk to you."

Merle shook his head, walking over to the windowed door. "Get back to my place, I'm busy."

He was gone before I could even argue with him, but I followed anyway. I sprinted after him, slowing down when I caught up with him.

"I need to talk to you,"

"I don't care," he snapped, walking down a set of metal stairs. "You can't be here, I'm working."

I still followed, much to his protests because I knew that I needed the pills. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard the familiar sound of groaning.

Walkers?

Why did I hear Walkers?

Attached to the back of the house were tall, large metal cages. I'd seen areas like it in the prison, but not a cell, I think it was usually meant to store and lock up tools.

I was frozen in place while Merle got closer, uncaring about the presence of flesh eaters.

"Dont worry, little darlin', they're locked up tight."

Several Walkers clustered together, banging and pulling at the metal to get to him.

My previous thoughts disappeared. Fear and confusion built up in my chest. I walked slowly over to him, once I realised they were indeed locked up.

"What is this?" I asked audibly. "What are you doin'?"

"Seeing as you're here, you can put yourself to use," He pulled out some keys from his pocket before tossing them at me—which I caught by a fluke—and then nodded towards the door. "Open the gate."

"What?" I heard what he said, but part of me wondered if he was crazy.

Merle ignored my question, picking up some kind of long metal rod that was resting on the side of the building. It had an odd claw shaped thing at the almost looked like a children's toy that they would have in school, but it wasn't colourful like those ones.

"Open it."

He's crazy. "What? No! Why are-"

"-You gonna be here you gonna do as I say, got it?"

I frowned, but moved toward the gate. I put the key in the lock, shaking as the Walked began to crowd in front of me, groaning and banging on the metal.

"Now open the gate, and close it when I say."

The wire was small enough to stop the walker reaching through and grabbing me, but it still pressed against the gate and snapped its teeth at me.

"Why do you need a Walker?"

"Just given' someone a scare."

"Why?"

"It's fun." He gave me a wide grin and winked, as if it was some kind of joke I was supposed to get. "Open it."

I swallowed nervously and turned the lock, hearing it click. Merle stood behind me, at the ready with the claw-rod.

I swung the gate open quickly, staying behind the door. A Walker fell flat on his face and Merle yelled, "Close it!"

I quickly pushed it shut, struggling a bit as the other Walkers began to press their weight against it, trying to get out. I finally got it shut and turned the key to lock it.

I spun around quickly, terrified of the Walker that was now free and only a few feet away. It was standing my way with it's arms outstretched and snapping its teeth. I almost ran, but then I noticed it wasn't moving forward.

Merle had the hook thing around its neck, standing behind it with the pole. Merle used the pole to direct it to the door of the building.

"Got the keys? Go open the door, let me and my new friend here in."

"What? Why?"

"Either do what I tell ya or go."

I hurried ahead of him and opened the door wide, slightly hiding behind it as he directed the Walker inside ahead of him.

Inside the room again, Merle walked with the Walker across the room. I noticed he was panting and struggling a bit. It did seem difficult, controlling the thing with only one arm.

"Door," he nodded to the door he'd come out of before.

I ran over and opened the door.

"Now stay here, I'll be right back."

Merle and the Walker went through the door. Peering through it, I watched them go down some stairs.

I didn't have a lot of thoughts rather then: What the fuck? What the hell?

I stood at the top of the staircase for a while, waiting for what felt like forever. I heard a crashing sound, as if something was falling.

Terrified that the Walker had somehow got free, I ran down the steps at full speed. It was a dark basement, the walls and floor were concrete. I peered in the dark hallway, seeing Merle several feet away, locking a door. The Walker was gone.

"Merle?"

His head snapped in my direction, his voice raising slightly in an angered tone. "No, I told you-"

Someone yelled. Not a word, or to talk, but out of fear. I walked forward but Merle met me in the middle, grabbing my shoulder roughly and pushing me back.

"Upstairs, now."

There was another yell, more crashing and banging, the sounds of objects falling and breaking. "What is that?"

I knew what it was, but it took me a long moment to realise. I'd heard the yell before, I'd heard everyone in the group yell or scream.

"Toby, I swear to fucking God, if you don't-"

"- AHHHRRRGGGG!"

I gasped at the long, bellowed out yell. I shoved past Merle, running toward the door he'd locked. There was a large padlock on it, "that's Glenn!"

"No-"

"-Toby?" I heard Glenn's voice muffled through the door.

"Glenn!" I pulled on the lock, I banged and pushed on the door.

"Toby!" A voice called back, but it wasn't Glenn, it came from further down the hall. Looking over, I saw another door.

"Maggie?!" I yelled.

I thought Glenn and Maggie were supposed to be on their way back to the prison, but they weren't. They were there, locked in rooms. I ran to the door that I heard Maggie, there was another large lock on it. I pulled on it uselessly.

"Maggie!" I called again, pulling at the door handle but the door wouldn't even budge. There was no way for Maggie to know that I was even trying to get into the room.

"Toby! Don't worry!" Maggie yelled through the door. "Rick will be here soon! Don't worry, Toby!"

Why? Why would Rick come? Why did we need Rick?

I turned to Merle who was in front of me, his hand wrapped around the area between my shoulder and neck, squeezing it hard.

"Ow, let go!"

"No, back up the fuckin' stairs now!"

I tried pulling back from him, he was struggling to hang onto me with the one hand. Merle pushed me against the wall, trying to keep me still.

"Stop this, and shut your mouth, you hear me? You want the Governor down here?"

"Why the fuck are they here?! What the fuck, Merle!" I yelled louder, angry, confused, upset.

Merle's other arm went to my neck, the metal cocoon around his arm pressing into my throat. I saw the anger in his eyes and reflected it back.

"You're gonna shut up, get up the stairs and to my place without a word. Then we're gonna have a talk."

"No."

"You are gonna ruin everythin'! I'm supposed to meet the Governor here, and if you're actin' like this-"

"-Why are we doin' this?!" I continued to yell, my voice cracking through my sore throat. "What happens if he finds out? Why does it matter so much? What would it change? Why are Glenn and Maggie here? Why did you bring a Walker down there? I don't understand-"

"-you don't need to understand! You just need to listen! I'm keepin' you alive, girl. Show some appreciation. Keep your mouth shut, and stop askin' questions. Do as I say. Or I'll be forced to use your daddy's methods ta keep ya in line."

I felt my entire body shaking, with anger or fear I wasn't sure. I could still hear Maggie and Glenn call to me.

"Toby? Toby! you okay, he hurt you?" Glenn yelled, I heard him banging on the door.

"Toby! Are you hurt?" Maggie kept on. "It's gonna be alright, Rick's gonna come, you'll be okay!"

They knew something I didn't. They were expecting me to be hurt. Maybe I would be, it wasn't hard to imagine with the look in Merle's eyes.

I glared at Merle, "You ain't gonna do shit."

Merle took a few seconds, his anger disappeared behind a smirk, "Yer right. I won't. But yer Daddy will. Wait 'til I tell him you got into trouble, again. He don't have ta know, s'long as you keep yer mouth shut, so will I."

I remembered when we held Randall prisoner because he was from another group, because his group might harm us. For a moment, it almost made sense. But if it was the case here, why were they in there and I was free?

Because you're a little girl.

But Merle took us to Woodbury, why do that if he thought we would be a threat? He made Glenn drive. He showed Glenn how to get to his group. He brought us there, with Maggie at gunpoint.

At gunpoint.

Merle was the enemy

"Where's the Walker?" I pushed at him, but I didn't budge, even with one hand, he had the strength of ten.

Merle shook his head and sighed, "GLENN! WHAT'S WITH THE BITER?"

"Are you serious right now?! It's dead!"

"Well shit," he mumbled before yelling back. "You bit, boy?!"

"Screw you!"

"Whatever. Find out later." Merle said to himself.

"Glenn, Toby, What happened?!" Maggie shouted.

"You put it in there?" I prodded. "You tried to kill him?!"

"I'm getting a damn headache." Merle complained. "Let's go. We can't stay down here."

"Tell me what's goin' on!" I demanded.

"My place. Not here. We go quietly, we talk there."

"I want to know now!"

"Not. Here."

I glared but knew he wouldn't budge on the subject. "Fine. You're going to tell me."

He nodded and stepped away, letting me go.

I took a deep breath, rubbing my neck as it throbbed painfully. Merle gestured for me to walk in front of him. I did, leading him to the stairs. I was shaking and doing my best not to let any tears escape. My fists clenched at my sides. I made it to the stairs and only got two steps up before freezing, my heart dropping into my stomach. The Governor stood in front of me.

He looked down at me, expression calm but eyes wide. While his eyes stayed on mine, he asked, "Merle, what is she doing down here?"

I wanted to scream, shout, to demand answers. Merle's silence gave me some kind of hint. Everything that was going on, was bad, but this man, him knowing, was worse. Whatever was going on. It could get worse.

Without a lot of ideas or options. I did the first thing I could think of, something I'd become rather good at lately.

I covered my face with my hands and started sobbing.

I am sorry. I did not edit. But I think the length of this chapter makes up for it. I worked on this for about four consecutive hours today and I am fucking tired and hungry.

I love you all. Merry Christmas. We worked very hard on this chapter, for a long time. So please, leave reviews. We want to hear what you think, and what you think will happen!