Pants on Fire

💕 Happy Valentines Day!💕

I was sobbing on the staircase, tears flowing freely down my cheeks as my chest convulsed with sobs.

"Merle." The Governor addressed, "what happened, why is she here?"

"It's not fair," I wiped my face with my hands, trying to calm myself enough to talk.

The Governor frowned at me, before turning his head back to Merle.

"He won't let me help!" I exclaimed, diverting his attention back to me.

"Help?" He echoed. "What did you see?"

"He won't let me help with work; I can do things too!" I pouted.

His features were even more confused, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to make out what the hell I was talking about. "What are you doing here, what did you see?"

I blinked at him, using my tears and sobs to buy me time. I didn't know this man, but I knew more than I did before. Glenn and Maggie were locked up, and I wasn't supposed to know. I wasn't a prisoner like them, but I was something. I remembered being prodded for information about where we lived. Glenn and Maggie had not told them, that was all I could think of for why I was being pushed about it.

I didn't understand it all, but I could tell by the look on this man's face, he was trying to figure out what lie to tell. I'd been lied to constantly about Glenn and Maggie, and he wasn't sure how much I knew. In order to help myself, and Merle I guessed, was to help the Governor out.

I was giving him the story to tell.

"Martinez told me uncle Merle was workin' here," I sniffled. "I know I wasn't allowed but . . ."

"What did you see down there?"

"He won't even let me off the stairs!" I stomped my foot for effect.

Merle still hadn't said a word, and I hadn't yet decided if that was helpful or not. The Governor was silent, and again, I couldn't decide if that was a good thing. I just kept wiping my eyes, unsure what to say next.

The Governor tapped then pushed the back of my shoulder, motioning me to move. "Let's go, up the stairs."

When Merle and I were up the stairs and walked through the doorway, The Governor closed the door behind us.

"Take a seat, and breathe, okay?" Something changed in his expression, it happened too quickly. Once again, he was the nice and understanding man I'd met with dinner. I sat at a chair, there was a large round table with a floral tablecloth. I wondered if it was the same chair I'd sat in on my arrival.

"What happened?" He turned to Merle.

I kept my head down but watched Merle through the corner of my eye. He didn't look at me, "I'm sorry, boss, she was supposed to stay at the apartment. She ain't like this, not sure what this is about."

"What is she not like?"

Merle hesitated, then shrugged, "I dunno . . . I mean she doesn't pull this shit."

The Governor turned to me, pulling up a chair to sit in front of me. Behind me, Merle's confused and frustrated expression turned to one of exasperation. He threw his arms up in a 'what are you doing?' gesture.

Just as I thought, the Governor was calm, he made no move to yell or punish me in any way. I'd done something wrong, I was in trouble, I knew it too, but still, no punishment would follow. A lesson I'd learned from the group and pushing Lori's buttons repeatedly through the last few months.

The thought of Lori caused my stomach to fill with guilt and dread.

"Toby." The Governor did that long pause thing again, "you knew you weren't allowed here. So why did you come?"

"Am I in trouble?" I mumbled.

"No. Not this time. Why are you here?"

"It's not fair," I sniffled. My mind reeled with memories of Carl, him bickering with his dad or mom about wanting to help. I'd even fought with him once, reminding him of our place. We were kids, that was it. He was never one to accept that concept. "I want to help."

"Help with what?"

"Me-Uncle Merle keeps saying he has important work to do. I want to do work. It's not fair that he's gone."

"What do you mean?"

I struggled for a minute, Carl was my inspiration, but it was difficult to come up with the right words. My throat burned from the whining and crying, once again reminding me I needed my pills. A lot of times, Carl usually got his way. I depended on that, I needed that, I needed this to work.

So, I went for it. "I never get to see him, I miss him."

The Governor's expression calmed, and he nodded. Merle stood behind him, he was shaking his head and narrowing his eyes at me. I couldn't tell if he was confused, or just plain hysterical.

I took a deep breath, anxiety flooding my whole being. I had to keep going, I had to settle it, lock in the idea of what I was.

A needy, annoying, whiny, useless, never being told about shit: kid.

"He's been gone! Dad and I thought he was dead, he's back but I never see him! He just works all the time. It's not fair." I mumbled the last part and wiped my eyes, even though the tears had stopped.

The Governor turned to Merle, whose expression turned blank quickly, "has she been in your apartment all day?"

Merle nodded, "Martinez took her for food when she first got here, then dinner at your place."

"Merle," Once again the Governor paused, I wanted to roll my eyes. "Your niece has been out in tough conditions for a long time. She finally comes to a safe place, where her family is, and she is locked up all day. Of course, she's going to act out and look for you."

Merle sighed and rolled his eyes, "You wanted me to do my job. That's what I'm doin', I ain't a babysitter."

"You are now."

"What?" Merle stepped forward, looking lost, "what about . . . work?"

"This is your work, spend time with your niece. I'll deal with the rest."

"Boss-"

"-We're not arguing about this. Spend time with your niece, if I need you, I'll send for you. If I'm being honest, it doesn't seem your efforts are yielding positive results."

Merle's lips went tight with tension, a hardness in his eyes almost turned to a glare, but then he hung his head low, stepping away.

My ear crackled and I flinched at the sound, I was finally reminded of the aching in it. That was the reason I'd gone after Merle. Just as the thought crossed my mind, Merle lifted his head, eyes meeting the Governor's as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Uncle Merle?" I stopped him quickly, with no idea whether what he was about to say would help our case or not.

"What?" he snapped at me, not bothering to hide his anger or annoyance.

"Is there medicine here?"

The Governor turned back to me, "medicine? For what?"

"I'm sick."

"How sick?" The two men said at once, eyeing me.

I shrugged, nervous under the scrutiny. "Dad has my medicine," I said carefully.

"What is it for?" The Governor pressed.

I thought about it, "I had a cold and it got bad, my ear hurts a lot now."

The Governor looked back at Merle, "take her to Doctor Stevens." He stood, walking toward the front door, before looking at me, "you listen to your uncle now, understand?"

I nodded, and he left.

After a very long silence, Merle quickly turned and banged the wall with the side of his fist, "fuck!"

I said nothing, leaving him to his outburst. After a few moments of his heavy breathing, he began walking across the room, "let's go."

"Tell me now."

"No. You really fucked this, girl. What was the sick thing 'bout? You actually sick?"

I nodded again.

Merle sighed, opening the door. "The problems really just keep linin' up with ya, don't they? Hurry yer ass, let's go."

I stood, "you said you would tell me!"

"Shh! I'll tell ya after the doctor, let's get this done, the Gov will check in and know if we didn't."

I could feel the frustration and emotions building pressure into my chest, making me want to yell out. Instead, I swallowed it down and followed him out.

The doctor was an actual doctor, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. All I could think of was what daddy used to say about them, and my last memory of one, when I'd had to get a needle.

I didn't have to get a needle this time, I knew because when I first walked in and Merle introduced me, it was the first thing I asked. The woman was short with dark skin, and dark hair pulled up neatly.

"I coughed a lot before," I explained as Merle told me to. "My nose was stuffy, then my ear broke. I'm kinda better now, but my throat and ear hurt."

Doctor S, as she told me to call her, checked my temperature, then did more things as Hershel had done when we'd gone back to the farm.

"So, what's her problem?" Merle pressed, he was standing across the room, his back leaning against the wall. "Can ya fix it?"

I was sitting on a table in front of Doctor S, her expression appeared irritated before she turned to Merle, "this is your niece?"

Merle rolled his eyes, "Can we get on with this? What's wrong with her?"

"A sinus infection," turning back to me she asked, "you said your dad was giving you medicine? Were they antibiotics?"

I nodded, recognising the word, "and Advil."

"One of your ears seems a bit irritated, but not too bad. But your other ear . . ." I could see she was struggling with how to tell me. I told her before she could continue.

"There's a hole in it, Hershel told me."

"Hershel? Who's that? A doctor in your group?" Doctor S looked at Merle again, he just shrugged.

"Kinda."

Doctor S began explaining the whole thing because she was looking at Merle more often than me, I didn't listen closely. I didn't fully understand it, but I knew the basics and didn't need to hear it again. Instead, I focused on the room, glancing over the tools and shelves around us. Then I tried to rehearse in my head all the questions I had for Merle. I didn't know where I would start, besides yelling, I needed to yell.

"So what? She need pills then?"

"Yes, I'll give her an antibiotic and ibuprofen for the pain." After spending a few moments searching through a cupboard, he brought over two pill bottles. "Bring her back in the morning for her next dose."

"No, I don't got time for that. Here," he held his hand out, "I'll give her more in the mornin'."

"I can't do that."

Merle's eyebrows furrowed, not confused, but agitated. "And why's that?"

I could see just from her back, the way she shifted on her feet, that she was hesitant, maybe afraid. "You don't exactly have the best reputation when it comes to medication."

"Yer shittin' me, right?" He walked closer, towering over her. "I don't got time to drag her 'round town all day, I a'ready got the Gov bustin' my ass."

"Well, she is your niece, you have a responsibility, Mr. Dixon."

"To give her the damn meds, not takin' orders from you," Merle grabbed the bottles from her hand without struggle, she stepped back quickly. "Let's go, girlie."

I jumped down followed him out the door.

"I'll be reporting this to the Governor," she called after him.

"Go right ahead!" He yelled out causing me to flinch. "Carry your shit," he passed me the bottles and I obeyed quickly. Merle's long legs walked in long quick strides, I had to hurry to keep up. Once we were outside, I could hear him muttering curses. The sky darkened and I could see the moon.

"The hell she think I'm gonna do with antibiotics? Fuckin' bitch."

I was pretty sure the question was rhetorical, so I didn't answer. I wanted to ask about the whole thing, but I held back, forcing myself to focus on Glenn and Maggie. Those were the questions that mattered.

Neither of us spoke on the way to his apartment. A few moments later Merle stood his door, holding the door open and eyeing me as I walked in. He slammed the door behind me and I jumped at the sound, but kept my back to him, placing the pill bottles on the kitchen table.

"Wanna tell me what that was about?"

"My ear hurt," I said. I took a few sips of the bubble drink I'd left behind, my mouth felt dry from all the yelling and crying.

"Not that, with the Gov! Oh, I missed my uncle so much, what the fuck was that?"

"I did what you said! He doesn't know, I fixed it."

"Fixed it." He echoed with a scoff, "Ya wouldn't've had ta fix it if ya'd done what I said and kept yer ass here!"

"I needed-" I cut myself off from telling why I'd left the apartment, that I'd been scared about forgetting my medication, that I'd wanted his help. Instead, I finished off my sentence with a loud, frustrated yell. I spun on him then, feeling my eyes and face shifting in anger, "I did what you said! I lied, again, like you said. Now tell me why!"

"I did it to keep you alive."

"Did what? What about Glenn? How does throwin' a Walker at him keep me alive?"

He shook his head at me, "I don't give a shit about him. I told him to tell me where Daryl was, he didn't listen, everythin' that happens after is his own fault."

"Just-" I let out another yell. "Tell me! Tell me what's going on, now!"

Merle's expression was harsh, I did my best not to show that it frightened me. "You better start watchin' how you talk to me. I don't owe you, or your people anythin'. If I don't wanna tell ya shit, I ain't gonna tell ya shit. So, you better dial it back, darlin'." The term of endearment came out as a growl.

I clenched my teeth and did my best to relax my expression, be blank. "fine. Don't tell me, I'm a kid, real good at not being told shit."

Both his stature and expression relaxed the slightest bit, there was so much turmoil in my stomach, caused by my fear of him, fear of my words.

Despite every warning bell going off in my head, I said it anyway. "know what else kids are good at? Runnin' their mouths."

He let that sink in, looking surprised for the briefest of moments before narrowing his eyes at me, "you'd get us both killed."

I forced myself to step forward, my chest just barely touching his abdomen. I'd seen him do this same stance with doctor S, "What're you gonna do? Beat me? Keep me in line?"

A part of me knew this was the wrong time to test boundaries, but the other part of me had to know. Would he do it or pussy out?

What did I have to fear from Merle Dixon?

There was a wild and rageful look in his eyes. I was sure, at that moment, that he would do it. It was the closest I'd ever come to a real punishment since living with daddy.

Merle moved, the slightest bit and my whole body convulsed in a flinch.

When nothing happened, I straightened my stance and tried to hold a blank expression. But he's already seen, in just a second, I ruined any leverage I had. I watched him examine me, looking less harsh and a little more annoyed. To my surprise, he stepped back.

"You won't. I'll tell ya why. The second you tell the Governor, we're dead. The Chinaman yer so worried 'bout? You just killed him, and his girlfriend. Then he's gonna find the rest of your people and it's over."

"Why? It's yer fault, I'll tell him you made me do it."

"Yer a real dumbass if ya think that's gonna matter. The only reason he hasn't killed ya yet is 'cause yer my blood."

"Or yer full a'shit and just coverin' yer ass."

"Listen, girlie. You open yer mouth, Gov's gonna kill the chinaman and his girlfriend while you watch. Then he's gonna find out where they live, kill the both of us, then hunt down your people one by one, take all the supplies ya got, and move on to the next. The second we ain't useful, we don't matter. Once he don't need us, we're dead. And yer daddy's next."

My arms were crossed as I stared at him. I tried to decipher his warning, was it a threat or a promise? It felt like both. "So he's bad then?"

Merle nodded, still glaring. I knew it was a stupid question, but I was still wrapping my mind around it. I thought about the Governor, looking for any sign that I'd missed when I first met him. I couldn't think of one, I actually liked the guy. "Why does he want everyone dead?"

"We don't really take new folks in, not more than a couple at a time. If there's a group, we take it out."

"Take it out?"

He gave me a pointed look, once I realised I put my head down. "You were . . . gonna do that? With us?"

"Gonna try not to. That's why I need to know where Daryl is. Then I can get outta here and get him 'fore the Gov does."

"Then you wouldn't tell him? The Governor?"

Merle shook his head, "can't stop someone else from doin' it, I just gotta get there first."

Merle appeared much more relaxed, once we weren't at each other's throat, I felt my anger fade as I pieced it all together. I let out a tiny laugh before I could stop myself, it was the wrong time for it, but I couldn't help it.

"The fuck ya gigglin' for? You think this shit's funny?"

Giggling was an exaggeration, the laugh that escaped me resembled more of a scoff. "No. Just . . . you. You told me shit."

He contemplated it before realising, giving me an eye roll before saying, "yer a real piece a'work y'know that?"

"Yep."

"You keepin' yer mouth shut then? 'Cause, we're runnin' outta time. Time to figure this out."

I rubbed my eyes and nodded, going to sit on the stool I'd sat in before at the kitchen table. "If he's bad, why are you here?"

"I don't plan on hangin' 'round and doin' this forever. But if the Gov finds them before I do, I'm not gettin' my brother back."

"He . . . wants to kill us?" The fear started to settle in. "They've been here all day? Down there?"

Merle nodded. "As soon as the Gov got you your own room, you coulda told him. I didn't think you'd be so useless. I told him you were my blood, and s'long as you didn't know what was goin' on, he was fine givin' ya free reign! He figured I could get it out of ya quick 'nough he didn't have to babysit."

"So that's why I'm your niece?" We were going in circles, but I still couldn't believe the mess I was in. I knew it was wrong to sneak into the car with Glenn and Maggie, but what the fuck?

"Why . . ." I started to realise. "Why would you bring us here?!"

His eyes flashed dangerously, "I wanted my brother."

Something in his voice caused me to shiver with fear, after some hesitation I tried to deflect the conversation, possibly making it lighter. "Why not just take it all the way? Say you're my damn daddy."

"See, I ain't the fatherly type." I watched Merle walk around the kitchen, he opened a cupboard and I saw a few beer bottles inside. "You get it now?"

"When you kept leavin'?"

"Glenn," he answered, using the knife on his arm to pop the cap off a bottle. "You couldn't tell me where you were stayin'. Been tryin' ta get it outta him."

"Then what?"

"I get my brother."

"Before Governor does?"

"That's right. You done with your hissy fit now, then?"

I scrunched my eyebrows, "fuck you."

Merle raised his eyebrows and swallowed, "fine. Guess I deserve that."

"What about daddy?"

"What about him?"

"Does he know about Governor? And Glenn, and me? Did you tell him why-"

"-I didn't tell him shit, told him to back off if he knows what's good."

I ignored the comment, "when can I see him?"

"What?"

"When can I see him? You said after dinner if I was good, we could see him."

"Oh, yeah. That." Very slowly, Merle brought the bottle to his lips and swallowed a few more times. I heard the glass clink to the table when he put it down. It was hard to tell through the dark glass of the bottle, but I was pretty sure it was already empty. "I lied."

"But . . . I did what you said!"

"Yeah, then you almost fucked us."

"That's not fair."

"Neither is havin' to babysit your ass."

Knocking at the door made us both jump, the sound was urgent, a quick three raps on the hardwood. Merle cursed, then pointed down the hall while keeping his voice low. "bedroom, shut the door, keep quiet. Do not come out."

I didn't hesitate to listen to him this time, I quickly went to the room and shut the door. In the room I stood in front of the door, trying to listen in.

"What can I do for ya, boss?" I heard Merle say. I heard multiple footsteps making their way around.

"Where's your niece?"

"Bed. Kids exhausted. Passed out right after seeing the doc."

"Speaking of which, Doctor Stevens came to see me."

"Of course she fuckin' did. Listen, she was givin' me a hard time about the kid's meds."

"She wasn't very happy, claiming she doesn't want you anywhere near her infirmary again."

"That's fine, fuck her."

"I don't think you realize how important it is for you to have our only doctor on her good side." Another voice joined in, it took me a moment to recognise it as Martinez.

Merle muttered something I didn't hear.

"She's sleeping? Is it safe to speak here?" The Governor asked.

"Oh yeah. Girl sleeps like a rock, gets that from me."

Wow. The lies really took no effort.

"I'll let the incident with Doctor Stevens slide for now. It does seem she was being unreasonable, but I don't want you going and upsetting her anymore. What happened earlier? With your girl, I mean. I need to know for sure she didn't see anything."

"She didn't, boss. I checked, she heard some noises but that's it."

"She doesn't suspect anything?"

"No. I'm lettin' her rest than I'm gonna talk to her more, I'll take her on a drive tomorrow, I don't think their people are far."

"Has it come to that?" The Governor's voice got lower, I pressed my ear to the door, I could just barely make out his words. Even though he thought I was sleeping, he was still being careful. "What? He won't break, say where his people are? I checked in myself, just for a quick moment. Saw the biter."

"He's a tough son of a bitch." Martinez said. "Picked that biter apart in minutes."

Walker. Does that mean he's okay? He killed the Walker?

"Maybe life in the sticks put some hair on his balls," Merle remarked.

"We'll need him for leverage if his people come. What did you try to kill him for?" Martinez questioned.

"He pissed me off," Merle growled.

"Martinez has a point, I don't usually question your methods. This didn't seem like the right call, if he isn't talking now, he sure isn't going to when he's dead."

So that was it, Merle really did try and kill Glenn. I wondered if I should be more scared of Merle than the Governor. Why talk about trying to keep me alive but kill Glenn? What if he was just lying to me?

"You talk to his girlfriend?" the Governor's voice brought me back. "What's she say?"

"I was going to talk to her next before the kid showed up. I can go back now."

"I'll take care of it."

I heard more shuffling, footsteps and some low voice mumbling before the door shut. I waited until Merle called out to make sure it was safe to leave the room.

"You hear all that?"

I nodded. "He's going to see Maggie? Why?"

"You know why. I couldn't get the info in time. I've left the chick alone 'til now, figured I'd get it outta you or Glenn. I try to make it a point not to beat women."

"Is he going to hurt her?"

"He might."

"Yer not gonna do nothin'?"

Merle threw his arms up, "I did what I could. I woulda had more time before your ass hopped down those stairs."

"What happens? When he finds out?"

"We go after the rest."

"We? You'll go too?"

"I'll have to." Merle sighed, grabbing another beer from the cupboard before sitting down at the table. "I might have some time to get there first, but when I'm gone, the Gov will know where I went. Don't leave me much."

"Why are you even here? You said you don't wanna be doin' this forever. Why not leave and find Daryl?"

Merle gave me an angered look, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "for all I knew, he was dead! I don't chase after ghosts."

"I still don't get why you stay. You told me, he's a bad guy."

"I ain't exactly a good guy, darlin'."

I crossed my arms and went over to the table, "you want to be a bad guy?"

Merle didn't answer, didn't even look at me as he opened the bottle. I grabbed my drink from the table and took a few sips.

"You know," Merle started, blue eyes meeting mine. "when they found me, I was near bled out. Starvin'. Thinkin' to myself a bullet might make a good last meal. Take myself a nice long nap after. Wait for Daryl on the other side."

"They left to look for you, Rick and Daryl, some others too. They couldn't find you."

"Oh, I'm sure they found some of me." Merle held up his metal-encased arm, "Rick, he's that prick that cuffed me to the rooftop."

I bit my lip, trying to restrain my hate for the man, "He sucks."

Merl scoffed, "you think, huh?"

Nodding, I tore my eyes away and spoke quietly. "He killed Shane."

"Shane?" He looked taken aback, "Deputy dipshit? He's dead?"

"Lots a'people died," I murmured.

Merle leaned to the side, catching my eyes, and in them, I saw something I didn't recognize. He wasn't blank, happy, or aggressive, he just looked sad. "I get it, I know. It sucks and it's bullshit, I'm sorry."

"When Governor finds out where we live . . . he's gonna kill everyone. Maggie and Glenn too?"

"Yes."

"If we knew . . . if we know where to go, we can save them, right? Get 'em out and warn everybody?"

I noticed Merle gnawing on the inside of his cheek. "I don't think so. If we can get to your people, yeah we can figure shit out. But not . . ."

Not Maggie and Glenn, "can we try? I can't leave 'em here. I don't want 'em to die."

"Maybe. I dunno. Maybe I can figure somethin' out, I doubt it."

Merle was actually lost, I could his mind working out scenarios in his head. We were silent for a long time, a war going on in my head. I had to get them out, I needed to get back to Daryl. Did he even know I was gone?

"It's a prison. We live in a prison."

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