SouL PurPosE

Chapter Ten

The evening was somewhat of a nightmare between Dorme's worsening headache and her struggle to try and revive Padme. So far, she hadn't had much success. I suggested she continue to be still and quiet and try to get some rest, but as soon as she did, her body began convulsing. She was having some type of seizure, most likely brought on by the psychic trauma she'd suffered.

Once again, I went down to my knees and reached out to the Force. Only this time, I wasn't going to enter Dorme's mind, I was going to ask for help from somewhere else.

"Please Qui-Gon, I need you here. Now. I need your guidance. I don't know what to do."

Within seconds, I felt the comforting tide of the Force sweep over me like a cool summer breeze just before a large comforting hand landed lightly on my shoulder. I maintained my position as there was nothing to see. Qui-Gon hadn't yet been able to take a spiritual form, but I could hear his voice.

"What seems to be the trouble, Padawan? Oh, I see," he said quickly after. "It's girl trouble. You know, I discussed the facts of life with you when you were thirteen. Do you really need a refresher course?"

I usually appreciated my Master's sense of humor. It had become more frequent and witty after his death. This was not the time for comedy, though, and I told him so.

"My apologies, Padawan. Have you tried to access her mind?"

I confirmed that suggestion and explained what I'd discovered before describing the headache and seizure.

"How intriguing," he muttered.

In my mind's eye, I could see him standing there with his hand scraping through his beard, lost in thought.

"I was informed of her passing but never did sense a spirit," he finally admitted. "If indeed the Force is holding her here, there must be a reason. I suggest you try and figure it out."

"I've already tried!" I informed him passionately, coming up from my kneeling position. Just behind me there was a faint bluish glow and I focused my gaze about two meters up from the floor. "Her assistant told me that Padme had taken possession of her body before today, but while she was asleep. Apparently, this time, the other young woman was not as cooperative and it caused some damage. I can sense Padme's aura, but she won't respond to me."

"Because she doesn't wish to, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon told me. "You need to find a way to connect with her. What is it that she's always wanted from this life? Something she never was able to achieve?"

I thought back to the short conversations we'd had over the years, as well as the more lengthy ones on Naboo. Like most females I had ever known, she wanted the same things: love and family. Before I gave Qui-Gon my answer though, I altered it to be more honest. It's what we all wanted, though some of us were a little slow to admit it.

"She wanted a home, someone to love and be loved in return, and most likely a family," I told my Master. "Like we all do."

"Well, Padawan, it sounds to me like the answer is quite evident. All you have to do is admit the truth to yourself and then be willing to confess it to her."

"But the Code," I said to lamely explain my hesitance. I knew exactly what his reply was going to be. We'd already had this discussion numerous times.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi! Surely after everything that's happened, you have begun to see the error of the Jedi's ways! Isolation and loneliness can only lead to a bitter life full of regret! I tried to explain all of this to you back on Naboo when you were so full of love for her, you could barely concentrate. You ignored my advice then and now? Now that the Jedi Order no longer exists and the woman you claim to love is desperate for your help, you're going to hold onto a bunch of useless words that was of no help to anyone in the history of the galaxy? You astound me, Padawan! There's really nothing more I can say to you."

I was left in darkness and called out to Qui-Gon a few times, although I quickly came to realize he'd already left and most likely was not coming back.

He was right and I knew it. Why then was it so hard for me to change my way of thinking? What harm could possibly come from pursuing something I actually wanted for a change?

I returned to the bed and checked on the young woman's vital signs. She was grimacing with discomfort but appeared to be resting. I couldn't imagine what was going on inside her head, but I could no longer let them try and battle this out on their own.

I was the only Jedi I knew of in this sector. It was up to me.

Once again, I went to my knees, placed my hand on Dorme's forehead, and asked the Force to guide me. The young woman was agitated even in her sleep, although Padme's spirit was quiet and still. I called out to her using the Force and she ignored me. I tried again, with a more pleading tone and still there was no response. There would be no better time than now, I decided. I surrounded myself with Light and reached out into the void. Then, I simply waited.

Slowly and silently, I felt a presence draw near, and then the lightest touch upon my palm. As soon as our hands met, the soft lilac of her aura appeared before me. She was as beautiful as I remembered; nothing like what I'd left behind on Polis Masa. Her hair was dark and drifted down over her shoulders. Covering her body was a satiny gown I imagined was white, although it may have been very light purple.

"Obi-Wan," she said to me in a voice that sounded like hers, only somewhat ethereal, with echoes and whispers touching the edges. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" I asked, refusing to let go of her hand.

"I had no idea! Why didn't you tell me?"

Right to the tough questions. Now was the time for bravery.

"That I was in love with you? That I still am?" I laughed cynically and my voice scattered through the void like broken glass. "I was a Jedi. I didn't think it would be much of a life for you. I guess I thought you deserved better."

She listened to my words though her expression was still revealing deep concern and possibly anger. "I deserved love! And so did you!"

Sometimes the truth can be rather painful. I'd learned that much in the past few months.

"I understand that now," I assured her before she vanished from my sight, only to reappear to my right. I rotated to face her. "If I could go back in time and change the past, I would. In all my years, I've learned that there are few things in this life that compare to love. It's the only thing that truly matters. You are the only thing that matters to me now. But it's too late isn't it? I tried to save you, Padme, but you didn't fight. You were always such a fighter! Why did you give up?"

"I haven't given up, Obi-Wan. And now that I know the truth, I'm going to ask you to do me a favor."

"Anything," I told her, stepping toward her as closely as I could.

"Take me back to Naboo."