Title: Since First I Saw Your Face (3/3)

Author:CentralsPrincess15 AKA Libby

Feedback: would be kind…and rewarded with cookies…

Pairing: Roger/Mark

Word Count: 1,897

Rating: R, for language

Genre: romance?

Summary: Pre-Rent then Post-Rent Roger doesn't remember meeting Mark.

Notes: Dialogue heavy, personally I don't find myself all that good at dialogue. So beware. Well this is the last chapter. I had fun writing it. What a story this turned out to be. Originally it was going to be a one-shot smutfic, then turned into a two chapter smutfic…and now it's got romance and everything. Thanks for all the reviews!

Warnings: Dirty mouths…

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT or any of its characters; I just like to play with them! Since First I Saw Your Face is the name of a song written by Thomas Ford

Last time on Since First I Saw Your Face:

Jumping up he flicked off the projector and ran to his room. Putting on a clean shirt and pair of pants he picked up his jacket and ran to the door of the loft.

He threw it open to find Mark sitting on the top step, head in his hands, shoulders shaking

Slowly, Roger moved to sit next to him. They sat in silence for a few moments, Roger staring at the floor, Mark's shoulders still shaking, before Roger placed his hand on Mark's back. He tensed and moved away just enough for Roger to get the idea. Roger scooted away as well until they both we against the railings. The silence overwhelmed Roger but he didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry Rog," Marks voice broke the silence so unexpectedly that Roger jumped, "you don't have to say anything. I know that I was just a groupie to you, that it didn't…"

Roger cut him off sharply, "No!"

Mark stood quickly. His face was red, and through the bloodshot eyes and tear tracks Roger could see anger.

"Don't tell me I'm wrong Roger. I know it. You met me that night; you even said you saw me at other shows, so you figured that I was just a groupie that wanted a quick fuck. Then you didn't even have the decency to remember it. You broke my heart Roger! I don't know what it is about you, but I fell for you the first moment I saw you onstage. I've never fallen for someone that fast. I loved you, and I still do."

Roger felt horrible. When he started shooting up he remembered thinking that the only person it would hurt was himself. He was wrong. A sudden thought came to him and his eyes filled up with tears. His head dropped in his hands and he began to cry.

"Are you positive?" barely intelligible, muffled by his hands and his tears.

"What? I can't believe…"

Roger stood this time and grabbed Marks wrist. He walked back into the Loft pulling Mark behind him. He slammed the door shut with a resounding bang and whirled around to face Mark.

"Are you positive?" He said it slower this time, beginning to get angry. Not at Mark, but himself. He didn't know what he would do if Mark was positive because of him.

Mark stared for a moment before shouting at Roger. "Is that all you care about! Make sure you didn't get me sick so your fucking conscience can be clear?" He took a deep breath and continued, calmer, "I've let you in more than anyone else in my entire life. I've let you see things and know things I've kept inside for years. And all you're worried about is yourself."

Roger shook his head and stared at the floor. That wasn't true. What he was worried about was Mark.

"Please Mark; tell me you're not positive. Tell me that I won't lose you because of a stupid mis-"

He never got to finish what he said as Mark grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him into the loft door. Tears streaming down his cheeks Mark held a hand over Rogers mouth,

"Don't say it was a mistake. I don't care if you never want to talk about it again, never want to think about it again. Just please Roger, don't call it a mistake. I…I wouldn't… i couldn't /i …handle it."

Roger shook his head. That wasn't what he meant at all. Gently he grabbed Mark's wrist and pulled his hand away. Still holding onto his wrist, Roger spoke,

"That's not what I meant at all Marky. The mistake wasn't you. It was the fact that I got so caught up in you that I forgot protection. Of all the times I can remember bringing groupies into that room, I could pull myself away long enough to grab protection. That was the mistake I made. So please tell me, are you positive?"

A shocked look covered Mark's face as he backed away from Roger. Roger took a step forward, loosening the grip on Mark's wrist to slide down it and entangle their fingers together. Mark glanced down at their hands and then back up at Roger.

He sighed, "No, I'm negative. You weren't, you didn't."

Roger couldn't contain himself any longer. He let go of Marks hand and threw his arms around him. Slowly he could feel Mark respond. Once again tears sprang into Rogers eyes. He couldn't find any other way to express his relief.

"I don't know what I would've done if..."

Mark pushed him away and back into the wall. "Today is not about you Roger Davis. I need to..." He backed away looking lost. "I have to go."

Quickly he turned away and before Roger could say a word was out the door again.

Roger stood against the wall for a minute before letting out a frustrated yell. He wanted Mark so much it hurt. Shaking his head he walked into his room.

Something about Roger Davis that not many people knew was that when he was scribbling in a notebook, it wasn't always songs. He had kept a journal ever since he moved to NYC. Ironically he kept it because he didn't want to forget a single day in this wonderful place.

Pulling out a box filled with notebooks he rummaged through them until he found the one he was looking for. Flipping through it he found the entry he was looking for. The day he met Mark...

July 28

I finally got to talk to that guy I've been writing about for the past few days. His name is Mark Cohen. I don't know what it is about him but, there was a connection. We both felt it I know or else what happened wouldn't have. I never thought that I would have sex with a guy, men just don't attract me. But Mark. He's more than just a groupie. I would love to see him again, but I think I fucked it up just now. See I left right after we were done. I couldn't handle it. The emotion, the passion. I never felt anything like it. Not even with April, whom I thought I loved. But now I'm not so sure.

There was something in his eyes; it made me feel like I could do anything. Become famous, get clean, be myself and not what others want or expect me to be. We were together for hours and not once did I feel the urge to shoot up. Not Once. But now I have to. I'll probably never see him again, and if I do he probably won't want to speak to me, so it's best if I just forget. Forget the one good thing I've ever had.

Roger didn't remember writing this, but he knew the feelings. It was the dame thing he felt when Mark had moved in. It was the same thing he felt when around Mark now.

Walking out of his room and into Mark's, he set the open journal onto Marks bed, knowing he'll find it. With nothing left to do he went back into his room and fell into a fitful sleep.

Hours later he was woke by the sound of the loft door opening and closing. Roger listened intently to the footsteps around the loft, Mark went to the kitchen first, then the bathroom and finally his own room. Roger could hear a mumbled "what the hell?" as Mark found the notebook. Sitting up on the bed Roger began to shift nervously, not sure if Mark would understand what he was trying to tell him. One minute passed, then two, then ten and still no movement from Mark. Just when Roger was about to barge into Mark's room, he heard the footsteps once again. This time they stopped outside his room. Roger stood and stared at his door, willing it to open, willing Mark to come in, willing him to understand without Roger having to make a fool of him. One second passed, then two, then a knock.

Roger jumped. They never knocked on each others doors, normally they just barged in. Taking a deep breath he walked toward the door and stopped. He had no idea what state he would find Mark in. Would he be angry, scared, or piteous? Shaking his head he opened it quickly before loosing his nerve.

Whatever he was expecting it wasn't this. Mark stood holding Roger's notebook, expressionless.

"I can't do this now. I have to know what you mean by leaving this on my bed before I get my hopes up. I need you to explain, completely and honestly."

His voice held no emotion and Roger had to hold back his desire to wrap his arms around him. He had hoped that leaving the notebook would be explaination enough, but obviously that was not the case. Shifting his weight from foot to foot he closed his eyes and began.

"Mark, I know you think I forgot what happened because I meant nothing to me, because you were 'just another groupie'. I left that for you so you would know that wasn't the case. I needed for you to know that I felt something too. That I,"

His voice broke and he turned from the door and Mark to sit on his bed, hoping Mark would follow. He did and sat next to Roger slowly far enough away to keep from unintentionally touching. They sat like that in silence, Roger knew that Mark wanted to ask him what he was going to say, but wouldn't. Roger turned to Mark, looking him straight in his eyes.

"When I saw that film, I was jealous, jealous of my past self because he got to hold you, jealous of you because you got to remember it. I know it's my own damn fault that I don't but it doesn't make it hurt any worse. Then when you said that you might have HIV and I realized that if you did it would be because of me I just. I was so worried, not because it would be a weight on my conscience even though it would, but because I know you. If you were you would've kept it to yourself, so that no one would worry about you. And I care for you too much for you to…"

Roger could see Mark's eyes watering but still he kept his expression impassive. He reached out slowly and put his hands on Mark's shoulders. This time, Mark didn't pull away from him.

"I love you Mark. More than you'll ever know. I think I've loved you for a long time. I don't know what I would do without you and the only reason I haven't said anything before is because of fear that I'd lose you."

Mark closed his eyes and looked down at his lap. Roger could feel him taking deep breaths to control himself. Taking one hand off Mark's shoulder, Roger place a finger under his chin and lifted his head. Mark opened his eyes and looked at Roger with a small smile on his face.

"Really?"

A wide smile crossed Rogers face as he leaned in. "Really."

Mark gave a little laugh before Roger pressed his lips against Marks.