It was a glorious afternoon, way too bright and sunny for a New Year's Day, and definitely too much for early January.

Birds chirped just outside their window, and the hubbub of Gotham city life seemed to go on, just as noisily and chaotically as it did every other day of the year.

It was almost as if the world was mocking her.

Harley sighed and adjusted the blanket around her. She hadn't exactly expected to start the new year like this either, but then she had to go and botch up a good thing…

The abysmal sight around her didn't help matters at all either. After waking up from a fitful sleep to a dead silent apartment, she'd taken up custody on the couch, wrapping several blankets around herself in a pathetic substitute for human warmth while the TV droned on in front of her.

But even watching Saturday morning cartoons just wasn't the same without Ivy; leaning her head on her shoulder, wrapping an arm – and maybe even a leg – around her waist, clinging to her like a koala bear while she laughed and Ivy griped at the impossibility of cartoon physics.

That was the way to watch TV, not sitting alone on the couch in their lifeless home, replaying the events of the last few days in her head and wondering where it all went wrong.

The only thing missing from her little pity party was the ice cream, but their last pint of Rocky Road had mysteriously disappeared from the freezer. Thinking about just where the pint had gone – and who might have needed that pint more than her - didn't really help at all.

Maybe I should take a walk…get some more ice cream.

And while you're at it, maybe pick up a human or two. You know, to buy Frank's silence? Or does that not matter anymore now that you've blurted the truth out to Ivy?

Harley clenched a fist.

Well, hello the fuck to you too, Harleen. Thanks for being a total bitch right now…really needed that.

For what it was worth, Harleen seemed apologetic. Sorry, but you can't say you didn't deserve that after what you said to me.

Harley didn't disagree with that, or rather, she couldn't. She sighed. Why did you come back? Other than to rub my failures in my face, I mean?

Harley… I don't enjoy rubbing your failures in your face. After all, your failures are my failures too, you know. Especially when it has to do with Ivy.

Harley felt her blood boil. This really wasn't helping the whole depressive, self pity vibe she had going on.

Oh, so now you want to help me, after I've completely torpedoed our relationship? Gee, thanks for the speedy assist, Coach. What would I ever do without you?

Harleen crossed her arms. I tried to help you earlier, twice, in fact. It's not my fault you didn't bother taking it, and it's definitely not my fault that you couldn't keep it all a secret. I told you this whole thing was a bad idea, Harley. It wouldn't hurt to listen to your sane side every once in a while.

Harley found herself unable to respond. The truth was, she had screwed up by not listening to Harleen. And now her screw-up had put her relationship with Ivy in jeopardy.

She swallowed.

If…if I decided to listen to you now…what would you tell me to do?

Harleen was appalled. You-you actually want my advice?

The whole thing was leaving a bad taste in her mouth, but then she remembered the gut-wrenching sight of emerald eyes glistening with tears and decided a bruised ego was the least of her problems.

I didn't listen to you earlier and now Ivy's mad at me. So…I'm gonna be smart about this. Tell me, Doc. What should I do?

Harleen smiled. Apologize.

Harley blinked. That's it. Just apologize? No flowers or chocolates or anything? Wow, no wonder you were single for so long.

Harleen shook her head. You know Ivy better than I do, which means you know none of that will soften her up. She appreciates honest actions more than stupid, frivolous gestures. And right now, she needs to know you're sorry for what you did.

Harley contemplated her words quietly. W-What if she doesn't accept my apology?

Then do it again, and again and again. Keep apologizing until she accepts it, and be a fucking adult about it for once, okay? Don't run away from this like you do from everything else, Harley…Ivy deserves better.

If they could agree on nothing else, it was that.

Ivy did deserve better, and if that meant swallowing her pride and owning up to her mistakes a million times over, it was still the least she could do.

She could hear the angry clinks of lab equipment long before she entered the lab. But any reservations she had about approaching her girlfriend while she was still upset evaporated when she remembered what was at stake.

It was time to be a fucking adult.

She paused near the doorway to watch Ivy at work. The redhead - whether she noticed her guest's arrival or not - continued to move about her lab bench, weighing materials and scribbling notes wordlessly, almost mechanically even.

Harley cleared her throat. "Ive?"

The woman flinched, but she didn't turn to address her visitor. "Why are you here?"

The question caught Harley off guard. She shifted nervously, "Um…I-I just wanted to see how you were.." That didn't sound very considerate. "I-I missed you."

To her disappointment, the words didn't seem to have any effect on Ivy. "Why are you here? You don't have the right to be in here anymore, not after yesterday."

Right. Harley found herself lowering her head like a thoroughly disciplined toddler. "I'm sorry, and I'll leave as soon as I'm done…but I wanted to talk to you."

When Ivy didn't immediately kick her out, she added, "I-I wanted to apologize to you."

The wandering hands stilled, but before Harley could celebrate her mini achievement of gaining Ivy's attention, she noted the slight tremble as Ivy clutched onto the workbench and took a deep breath. Her heart fell all over again.

"I'm really, really sorry, Ive." She began, forcing the words past the solid lump in her throat. "Everything I did yesterday was horrible and super unfair to you and I promise I won't ever do anything like that again."

A tense silence lingered in the aftermath of her apology. And then –

"That's it?"

Harley blinked. "Um…I promise to never touch anything in your lab ever again and I'll try not to be super jealous in public?"

A heavy sigh was her response. "You really thought that would be enough, didn't you?" Ivy turned to her, her red-rimmed, tired eyes falling on Harley for the first time all day.

Harley found herself struggling to understand. "Um, yeah?"

Ivy crossed her arms. "Why are you apologizing?"

"I…Because I hurt you, because I betrayed your trust and stole from you…." She scratched her head, "Isn't that why you're upset with me?"

Ivy fell onto the stool, weariness clear on her taut face. "Do you even know why you did all of that, Harley?"

The jester nodded, "Yeah, I was jealous and I wanted you to-"

Ivy held up a hand. "Why were you jealous?"

Harley found herself scratching her head yet again. "Ive…I don't get it, what-what does this have to do with me apologizing? I'm really sorry about what I did, isn't that enough?"

"No, it isn't. Because you don't even know why you're apologizing, Harley." She stood up now, "Do you know what your little experiment made me feel like? It didn't just make me jealous, Harley. It made me question our entire relationship. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough for you. It-"

She drew in a deep, shaky breath. "It made me question my entire identity, because I was so terrified that I might lose you if I didn't do something to keep you interested in me…" She ducked her head and whispered, "To keep you interested in us…."

Harley felt her heart fall. "Ive…I-I didn't…"

"And then, I found out that everything I'd felt that night was a lie, because my jealousy, my inferiority complex, none of that came from me…it all came from you and your little charade." Ivy clenched her trembling fingers into a fist. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to be manipulated into having feelings you don't want, Harls? Because I do."

"My entire existence has been dictated by people's emotional whims. My parents, society…" A dark shadow passed over her somber features, "Woodrue…. The only thing anyone ever used me for was as some sort of emotional receptacle, dumping their unwanted feelings and emotional traumas on me because why would it matter if they were saddling me with burdens I didn't want? I wasn't important to them. As far as they were concerned, I wasn't even worth talking to..I was just a fucking experiment."

Harley winced at that, but Ivy wasn't done yet.

"I've experienced that life, Harls. I know what it's like to be mistrustful of my own feelings, to fear and doubt and hate myself because that's what others want me to do…" She looked up at Harley, "I thought I left that life behind me long ago. But what you did last night? The way you made me feel? You dredged up my god-awful past and turned me into a trashcan for your emotional detritus, but the thing is, you don't even know why!"

Ivy took a shuddery breath, "Instead of working through your jealousy, you made me confront all of my buried insecurities and reminded me of every negative feeling I've ever had about myself …and all because you didn't want to just fucking talk about it!"

The energy evaporated just as quickly as it had emerged, leaving Pam to slump in her seat, dropping her head in her hands. "Why couldn't we just talk about it, Harls? Why?"

Harley felt a boulder settle in her stomach, the weight of it dragging her down…down…down into the depths of despair.

What the fuck have I done?

"Ive…I-I don't know what to say..."

Ivy looked up, her face strangely blank. "I'm a big girl, Harls. I can deal with it all, I've done it before. But if you're going to come in here and apologize, then the least you owe me is an honest apology. And if you don't know why you did what you did, then you can't promise me it won't happen again. And I won't be able to take that, Harls…not again…not from you."

Her gaze dropped to the floor, "Please don't half-ass this, Harley… I deserve at least that."

There were but a few times in her life when Harley had found herself speechless. None of them had been particularly pleasant experiences, but this moment, by far, was the worst one of them all.

"I…" Her throat closed up, stifling all air out of her lungs. She could feel a salty tear rolling down her cheek, then another, then more until suddenly she couldn't see shit, but it didn't matter because her feet grew a mind of their own, taking one step back, and then another.

Away from the damage she had wrought… away from the mistakes she had committed… away from the person she had wounded with her actions – the one person she'd never wanted to hurt, ever.

"I'm-I'm sorry…" she managed to whisper.

And then she turned and ran out of the apartment.