As I ate lunch, I thought over my situation. I was stuck on an isolated island with a bunch of fanatics and their leader, who had complete control over my fate. I also had no allies to rely on, and no idea where I was.
I couldn't solve the first two but the third could be changed. If I knew where I was and where my mother was, maybe I could leave, save her and-
Live in the shadows for the rest of my life and always worry about him finding me. Logic argued.
That's bleak. Optimism shot back.
Cynicism chimed in. But that's exactly what would happen. Seriously, who's going to help me- the US government? Hah! Either way I'm fucked.
All of my other emotions paused in thought.
Cynicism continued. So we get to pick our poison- isn't that great.
Ah Cynicism, just as useless as ever. Step aside, I have to save us- again. I don't see why the rest of you guys exist. You never do anything to help, Logic said before he rolled his eyes at Insecurity who was crying again. At least Cynicism can point out danger, you really are worth less than nothing, he sneered. Leave.
Insecurity left without a word. Its influence had waned significantly over the years, though it still popped up rather often. Logic turned his attention back on my other emotions.
Let's think. Option 1: We leave. Pro: Least hardest. Con: We live in fear for life.
Option 2: We disrupt the Brotherhood so thoroughly they have to leave us alone.
Cynicism said, That'd probably mean we'd need to take on Magento.
Everyone paled at this prospect.
Of course we would, this organization is the man's baby, Logic said. Plus, there's the matter of how we'd even manage to disrupt them so much in the first place…
Cynicism shook his head. Suicidal much?
Logic shook his head. Hardly. I'm just showing our options. Since you know the obvious con of this plan I'll skip to the pro- No more fear.
Cynicism said, Not necessarily. We still have no idea how large the Brotherhood is, and Magneto plays his cards close to his chest. We make the wrong move and this could really come back to bite us in the ass.
Logic paused and said, You're right. Though he did slightly resent the fact that it was Cynicism that had been the one to point out this fact. He was the smart one darn it.
Or we can stay, he said, pausing for a second to let the words sink in. Even he felt his stomach burn as he said them. He continued. Pros: Mom is not in any danger, I learn to better control my abilities. Cons-
Rebellion yelled, The unacceptable loss of our freedom! Something we should have regardless of our genes!
Maybe Magneto will win and he'll create a utopia for all mutants, Optimism stammered, but no one heard him, and if they did they ignored him.
Cynicism said, Look, I hate Magneto and think Logic is a hardass that doesn't deserve to lead as much as you all do. But dammit, Logic is trying. What's your solution, huh? There are millions of people who are being held in slavery illegally and you dare to talk about fairness. World's not fair, end of story. The important thing is how do we use this unfairness to our advantage?
Logic's mouth opened and closed in surprise. Did you just defend me? Also, did you just say something useful? Twice?
Cynicism smiled.
Your utility is now at 3 out of a possible ten.
Cynicism said, Wonderful, I'm useful three tenths of the time.
That's of course far from ideal, we'll have to talk about boosting your utility in your evaluation next week, but yes you have improved, Logic stated.
No one was surprised that Logic had completely missed the point.
After a vote, they unanimously decided to go with option one: I'd figure out where I was and where my mother was and work from there.
Let me take a moment to explain something. I had control of my behavior. I never thought I didn't. I simply happened to have voices in my head that were very… opinionated. In reality, they were all just different ways that I viewed the world, the most important ones symbolising the most common ways I viewed things. Logically looking for pros and cons, cynically not trusting anyone, rebelliously refusing to be controlled by others…
So me watching my voices interact was really just me thinking about things.
I returned back to the real world and picked up my fork, wincing as my sore muscles protested. I tried to ignore the pain and finished my meal.
A plan came to the front of my mind.
Since the source of my troubles was sitting in a chair reading a newspaper, I left the kitchen to get what I'd need from the grand hall. I headed straight to the gargantuan maple colored bookcase, and started looking for an encyclopedia. I found them quickly, their similar colored spines standing out. Part A-F, G-K, L-P… There! Part P-U. Part V-Z was suspiciously missing, as it now lived in the bookcase in my own room.
I glanced to my left and right quickly before flipping through the book nervously. Surfing, Tasmania, Tea, Timezones! As I suspected, there was a map of the Earth displaying said timezones.
The jet's onboard clock had instantly gone from 4AM to 8AM, so a difference of 4 hours. Four hours ahead of Chicago put me in the -2 zone, containing the water between Europe, Africa, and the America's. Meaning I was probably surrounded by water on all sides for miles… great. This, combined with the climate led me to believe I was East of Brazil. It was far too humid for me to be not near the equator.
I sighed. This information was useful. But the area where we could be was still too big for my liking.
After getting this information I closed the book shut and hurriedly returned it to its proper place. If anyone saw I was looking at a map they might realize I was on track to figuring out my location.
It was a good thing I'd put the encyclopedia back, because soon I wasn't alone. It was only Toad, however, and he bought my excuse that I was 'just thinking'. I was so, so lucky it was him and not anyone else.
Unsure of how much free time I had left, I decided to start my other project immediately. I needed to narrow my location down even further. I didn't need much to do this, luckily. I went up to the balcony with a stack of books from my room.
I sat down and sighed. I'd need something to go in front of the books.
I stretched my arms out over the railing in concentration. I winced at the exertion but continued until I found two rocks that would work. I'd detected the presence of iron ore on the island, untouched and apparently so plentiful that it could be picked off the ground without equipment. No wonder Magneto had chosen this island.
I pulled the rocks closer, wincing as my sore muscles ached. I sincerely hoped no one had seen the rocks flying up to my room. It would be tricky to explain that.
I sighed. These rocks and a few minutes of time were all I needed.
I sat one of the rocks on the corner of the shadow of the stack of books, and then I waited. I spent the ten minutes of waiting drawing a map of the island on the blank pages at the end of the encyclopedia, or what I'd seen of it at least. The map wasn't too detailed and I left plenty of space for filling in more details as I found them.
After my wait was over, I placed my second rock where the corner of the shadow had moved.
The first rock marked which direction west was. The second rock showed me East. I copied down my findings for later use. It didn't narrow down the possibilities of where we might be, I'd need to make a sextant for that, but it might be useful information nonetheless. I noted which directions were which on my map.
I darted down one flight of stairs before my brain caught up to my beating heart. Then I started to walk at a leisurely pace.
"Enjoying the time off?" I turn round and see Magneto. Suddenly I had to give myself an alibi.
"I read and lifted a few rocks," I said, shrugging. "It was okay."
Even after years of hiding the fact that at times my mother wasn't fit to care for herself, much less a child, being vague was all I could accomplish. This is what I meant when I said I couldn't lie to him. I just didn't have the guts. Every time I tried, it felt like he saw right through me, and I started losing my composure.
I didn't notice at first, but one of the rocks I'd used to find the directions hadn't stayed put in my room like its brother. In my emotional turmoil, I'd accidentally brought it with me, and it began to orbit me as I walked. It floated around me, spinning lazily like some kind of moon. I couldn't help but panic just a little as it passed me by for the first time. Hopefully, Magneto thought I had done this on purpose, for training maybe, rather than accidentally because I was nervous. Because then he'd wonder why I was nervous. What had I done that I didn't want him to know about?
He stared at my mini-moon, seemingly lost for words.
Please don't ask about the strange rock, please don't ask about the strange rock.
He did not ask about my strange, iron laden rock.
Instead he gave his normal piercing stare, indicating that he knew I was leaving something out. I gulped, my adam's apple bobbing up and down, pingponging in my throat.
He sighed, finally breaking eye contact. The look on his face was startlingly disappointed. "Come, you've only done your early morning training and haven't completed your afternoon session. It's your first day, but that's no excuse to be late. You've been given more leniency since this is your first day, but tomorrow you will report for training at the gym an hour after lunch," he said, and shot a scathing glare my way. "Without issue."
"I- right…" I nodded just a little too quickly for it to seem natural, "I won't forget, Magneto."
The man didn't seem convinced and said "We'll see…" Thankfully, he stopped looking at me, instead focusing on where we were going. "Tomorrow I suppose," he drawled, thus ending the conversation.
The training continued, except this time it was physical. I inwardly winced at the fact that Mystique was the person I'd spar with. I hoped she didn't hold a grudge for what had happened at the lab.
Turned out she did. It wasn't a fight, it was a slaughter. Without the use of my abilities, I hit the ground before I knew it. This happened every time. Even when I was allowed to use my abilities, though, there was the trouble of how quickly she moved. If I tried to protect my face she'd kick my legs. If I tried to protect my legs, she'd punch my face. If I covered one side of my body completely in a wall of metal, she'd spin around to the other side and kick me so hard I slammed against it. And all of that within the blink of an eye. I was very, very glad she was under orders to hold back, otherwise I'm sure I would've been in deep trouble.
It was incredibly embarrassing.
By the end of the lesson, even parts of my body I didn't know could hurt, hurted. Nonetheless, I didn't complain, instead steeling myself to endure the pain with every step I took to get to my room. Once I arrived there, I dropped onto my bed, happy to be able to rest for the first time in hours. I gazed up at the ceiling, not even wanting to turn my neck. The pain was all encompassing. Better to simply stay still and hope it goes away.
My concern turned from the pain pulsing through my body to what had happened that day and how I felt about it. The being coerced into leaving my only home, the cruel training… It was all so taxing, and today was only day one. How could I possibly handle this? Even just Magneto's presence was enough to crush my spirit, to kill any feelings of rebelliousness. What could I, a young inexperienced boy, do? What could I possibly do to save myself from any of this, let alone my mother?
I knew from the many books I'd read, that it is best to face your emotions when one is in a terrible situation like this. It would be best for me to confront them, and work them out constructively. And I had plenty of emotions to face: anger, disappointment, self loathing… Too many to count. But I couldn't. I couldn't deal with everything that had happened and was happening at that moment, I needed rest. I closed my eyes. At least I wouldn't have to feel the pain as strongly if I were asleep.