Title: Cravings
Author: elfluvr
Summary: How is it possible to feel this much agony and still survive? Angst, with a twist.
Disclaimer: Why bother.
Archive: Anywhere else, just ask
Feedback: Please! It's always welcome – constructive feedback as well as encouragement.
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A/N – Don't even ask me where this came from. The idea popped into my head this morning and … well this is the end result.
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Wet sand slid beneath his shoes with every step. The air was still scented with last night's rain, and the gray morning sky gave promise of more to come. A stiff wind off the ocean whistled past his ear and billowed in his overcoat.
Goren and Deakins walked in silence across the narrow spit of beach toward the small crowd gathered near the water's edge. Eyes glanced furtively at the big man then quickly turned away from the raw pain etched on his face.
How was it possible to feel this much agony and still survive? How could he continue to move when he felt such overwhelming fatigue? His body wanted to drop to its knees.
A small form on the beach. Legs outstretched, torso twisted at the waist. He tried to swallow a lump in his throat too large to be moved and for a moment the lines of her body softened as his vision blurred.
Giving in to his fatigue, he fell to his knees next to her. Her eyes were open and Bobby reached out to gently press them closed – she looked more at peace that way.
The color of her clothing was darker than he remembered from last night – rain-soaked and clinging to her body. One of the tiny earrings was missing from her left ear and he wondered dimly when she had lost it.
He touched her forehead and smoothed a lank strand of hair away from her eyes.
"Goren! Gloves!" Deakins snapped.
"It doesn't matter …" Speaking softly, Bobby continued to stroke her forehead. "You'll find my fingerprints all over her skin. My hair on her clothes." He picked up her hand and circled his thumb in her palm. "Linguini with clam sauce and white wine in her stomach. My semen inside her." He wove his fingers into hers and hoped to again feel some warmth. "My child in her womb."
"Bobby, I …" Deakins' voice choked off and some part of Bobby thought numbly that this must really be bad if the Captain was this upset. "We'll find whoever did this, Bobby. He won't … "
"She's so small and delicate. It was too easy … over too quickly. She looked so surprised …" he sobbed.
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Terror ripped him from sleep … eyes wide … throat closed against a scream he couldn't release. Ragged breaths rushed through his nostrils and his heart hammered so hard against his chest the bed was shaking. Bobby's body was clammy with cold sweat.
Launching himself out of bed, he closed the bathroom door behind him and retched up the steak and red wine he'd had for dinner. Dry heaves continued to wrack him even after his stomach was emptied. When the waves finally passed, he flushed the toilet and wiped his mouth with the back of a trembling hand. Standing on shaky legs he gripped the edge of the sink for support and dared to raise his eyes to the mirror. Terror still painted the lines of his face.
This damn nightmare! God … it got worse every time.
It had started about three weeks ago. Each time the story progressed further, but never before had he been revealed as the killer.
For as much as Bobby knew about psychology, psychiatry, human behavior, inner psyches – he had no idea what the dream meant or why it was plaguing him. All he knew was that this couldn't go on.
As his shaking subsided, Bobby splashed cold water on his face then peeled off his tee shirt to wipe the clamminess from his body with a damp cloth. He brushed his teeth, rinsed with mouthwash and decided to climb back in bed without replacing his shirt. Maybe it would help – feeling her skin next to his.
He slid between the sheets and moved to lie against her back, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close.
"Mmmm …"
"Sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You can wake me any time for this," she murmured and snuggled herself closer to him.
Taking a deep breath, Bobby finally felt some calm seep into his body along with her warmth. He raised his head to kiss her shoulder then licked the shell of her ear. His tongue found the gap where she'd lost an earring and he smiled as he remembered pointing it out to her earlier that night.
"God … I don't care about an earring … not now. Bobby, please … do that again …"
He buried his nose in her hair and breathed in the comfort of her scent. Leaning his head back into his pillow, he lay there listening to her soft, even breaths. He was feeling drowsy and smiled at the knowledge that he would sleep with her safe in his arms.
"Bobby?" she mumbled, half asleep.
"Um-hmmm."
"Can we go to Tony's tonight for dinner? I've been craving his clam sauce."
End