Disclaimer: If only I owned FOP…then I might realize when I forgot to update my stories. (In other words, I'd be more punctual.) It doesn't help that I'm currently obsessed with my Jimmy Neutron story, either.
So, in short, sorry and enjoy!
Chapter Four: If Only
Wanda's stern expression met Elisa's the instant she walked in the door. However, if she thought she'd have a few moments alone with her, she was sadly mistaken. Cursing mildly and slamming the blue car door forcefully, her parents arrived in two separate cars. They never spoke a pleasant word to each other normally and this afternoon was no exception. No sooner had the two laid eyes on each other than an argument rent the air and Sophie swallowed hard, uneasy. Neighbors shut their windows, closed their doors, and pretended; once again, Elisa's family lived on some other block, some place far, far away. Wanda the now cat mewled, but other than nearly kicking her asunder, Elisa's father didn't notice.
"You were supposed to be here, watching her," Elisa's mother, Joanne, snapped and prodded him angrily in the chest. He waved her off, ranting and raving about important clients and if anyone really cared that they'd left their child home alone for the 'five billionth time'. Their voices soon became indistinguishable, a rush of sound and selfishness that caused Sophie to clutch her head and Wanda to rub against Elisa in the hopes of taking her mind off them.
"Maybe if you thought more about your daughter and less about your career, we wouldn't be in this mess!" her father retorted and Wanda, nestled in Elisa's arms, had a sudden premonition she doubted her goddaughter would like too much. Unfortunately, attempts to coerce her into the house before the damage hit home proved uselessly. Like a moth drawn to the flame, Elisa listened to her parents quarrel, all the while waiting for the second shoe to drop. Sooner or later her name would escape one of their lips and the results wouldn't be pretty. She ignored Wanda's claws digging into her arm and waited with bated breath.
Sensing weakness, her father continued his verbal assault. Poking her in the chest, he snarled, "And maybe if you hadn't forgotten your birth control pills, we wouldn't be here in the first place!"
A cat screeched, followed by fleeting footsteps and brown hair flying back and forth. Furious and miserable simultaneously, Elisa darted inside after dropping Wanda and Sophie, shaking her head at her parents, followed suit.
"I hate them," Elisa muttered through gritted teeth and tossed a dart not at her board, but at a picture of the three on her wall. It bounced harmlessly off and tumbled into the carpet. Sophie leaned against the doorframe and glanced at Wanda and Cosmo, both of whom had temporarily forgotten their goddaughter's sexual identity crisis in the wake of this one. It awakened a momentary lapse in judgment and jealousy- she wished she had fairy godparents. They couldn't make your life any worse, could they?
Then again, Elisa had fallen for one of hers, so maybe that wasn't as foolproof a theory as she thought. Currently the teenager ripped into pillows like marshmallows; her face completely red but tears streamed down her face. Meanwhile, in the driveway, her parents bickered and, like a slap in the face, the word 'abortion' reached their ears. Elisa sprang up and shut the window hard enough to shatter the glass. Cosmo gulped, but Wanda sedately repaired the damage. If only mending objects were as easy as mending hearts.
"I hate them!" she repeated, heart pounding in her ears and pulse racing. She grabbed an intact pillow, clutched it to her chest, and growled. Sophie hesitantly approached, but Wanda, in cat form, mewed an objection. Until Elisa calmed down further, it wasn't safe. Cosmo had taken refuge under a desk and Wanda rolled her eyes, but leapt off the bed to give her husband a consolatory lick. Elisa stopped growling to fix them a very strange look, a mixture of jealousy and spite.
The perfect marriage, she thought bitterly. He might be scared, but she'll comfort him. After they have an argument, they forgive each other and make up. They've lived together for thousands of years without divorcing or separating. Their love is so strong; it conquers everything else, even the things fate flings in its way. It's withstood rivals, insane godchildren, and wars.
And look at my parents. They've been married thirteen years but whenever they see each other, they erupt. They can't stay in the same room without exploding. They care more about themselves than anyone else and if Cosmo and Wanda's marriage if anything to go by to define 'love', they were never in it. You can't tell now if they were.
But what makes them so different? Cosmo and Wanda are the size of children, but somehow, they're more mature about their relationship than my parents. It just…makes no sense.
Silence reigned and cautiously, Sophie poked her head out to see if the coast was clear. From her vantage point on the stairs, all she viewed was anything immediately beyond it, but the stillness combined with their lines fading with distance assured her they'd disappeared. She gestured to Elisa who, after casting aside the pillow, stepped out charily. Cosmo and Wanda, still as cats, stood by her feet. Other than the two fairies and teenagers, the house was empty. They'd had their spat, accused each other of horrible things and upset their daughter, and then left.
Elisa trod the steps to the end of the banister and her hand knocked a taped note off. It fluttered to the floor helplessly, like a dead butterfly. She knelt to retrieve it, read its contents quickly, scoffed, and neatly tossed it into a nearby trashcan. Sophie glanced at her questioningly, but she shrugged. Her eyes were dark and unreadable.
"How about diner al fresco?"
"They don't all have fairy tale endings," Wanda murmured quietly, perched in the darkness as a raven. Unlike her normal guises, only her eyes belied her true nature. Elisa and Sophie dined 'al fresco', which for them meant munching on cheeseburgers outside the local burger joint. Sophie had invited them to eat with them disguised as normal human teenagers, but they'd respectfully declined. Other than Cosmo, Wanda wasn't much in the mood for company, particularly not when her conscience and past plagued her.
Cosmo glanced not at her but past her and she understood him to be reflecting on their shared history. Godchildren, driven mad by societal norms, parental expectations, and unwanted desires, were wont to commit heinous acts. They hurt themselves and others by denying their true natures and oftentimes, brought everyone down to their level of misery. They became the unwilling husbands and wives, unable to fulfill their yearnings and wreaking havoc everywhere. Children of suppressed homosexuals grew up as hateful as their parents, but unlike them, their hatred was not self loathing. She didn't know which was worse.
Elisa already came from an unhappy home; her inattentive parents already disliked her and the situation they'd been thrust in. While Wanda didn't know them well enough to say whether or not they would embrace or castigate their daughter when they discovered her preferences, their judgment impacted Elisa. People, particularly humans who created unwanted children, failed to realize the impact their words, their actions, and lack thereof had on a child. Children were innocent, expectant, and sensitive. The occasional careless speech tossed their way caused more damage than the unconcerned adult realized. Words left marks, indelible, but present nonetheless. What kind of woman would Elisa become thanks to her parents' upbringing? Could she ever trust anyone or would she forever search for their 'hidden agendas'?
Wanda remembered their meeting day. Most children greeted their fairy godparents with skepticism and then giddiness. Elisa's first question was if they were tricksters and how much she'd lose if she wished for something. What was their angle? Would she forfeit her soul if she said those magic words?
The next few weeks she'd insisted it was a cruel hoax and they'd leave her. Every time they poofed out, she thought them gone forever. While most children trusted their godparents within that span, it'd taken her three times as long and even now, she hadn't revealed everything to them. That was the trouble with getting children as adolescents- some had already started locking away their hearts and concealing themselves. Elisa was jaded and branded, equally. Once again, she wondered if she could ever break free.
Cosmo, also a black raven, but with green eyes, nipped her on the wing. Whenever Wanda launched into heavy thought mode, he usually occupied himself watching a bug. If she shared, that was fine, but if she didn't, he understood. They'd been together long enough to understand intrinsically when the other needed space and usually what weighed on their mind. Of course, despite the centuries together, Cosmo still habitually feared he troubled her, but she usually put his fears to rest. Tonight, however, she'd launched into meditation without alerting or warning him. He felt left out and she didn't blame him.
"Have you ever wondered sometimes if we're enough? If we can combat everything their parents have done to them and let them live a happier childhood, regardless of whether they remember it? Do we have any impact at all?"
Cosmo blinked and she believed momentarily she'd asked him a question unanswerable by the likes of him. He preened himself, but his expressive eyes held hers. Beneath them, Elisa snickered and Sophie laughed, but her face turned scarlet. Such a shy human, almost the complete opposite of her best friend. What attracted them to each other in the first place?
"I don't think you need to remember something for it to have an impact. You feel things with your gut and Fairy World can't erase that. They push things into the back of your head, but they're still there. If we help a kid, they might not remember us, but they remember how we shaped them. We're like ghosts to them…"
"Phantoms of memory," Wanda echoed. "Sometimes I wish they recalled us rather than their biological parents."
Or that we could be biological parents, she thought but held back. He sensed her thought process, though, and did his best to comfort her, though their current form didn't allow too much maneuverability.
"It's not fair," she whispered, barely audible. "There are humans who don't deserve children and have them anyway. There are creatures who are capable of having children but don't because they dislike them. And then there are creatures that can't have them and watch the unwanted ones suffer through life because their parents forgot in a moment of pleasure.
"And then those miserable children have miserable children of their own and the cycle continues…"
Unheard by their companions, Elisa and Wanda whispered, "I wish things were different…"
"Have you ever wished you were never born?" Elisa asked and Sophie blinked, nearly choking on her cherry Coke. They'd been discussing Trixie Tang and her antics when she'd randomly burst out with that. She eyed her, but the amiability had gone out of both her tone and face. She was serious.
"Have you?" Sophie responded before she properly considered it. She scowled, disliking her impetuous mouth and its tendency to run ahead of her brain. Yes, she was bright, but she still said stupid things.
Elisa nodded grimly. "Haven't you ever wondered how people would be if I wasn't born?"
Sophie blinked, unsettled by the question and its new path. She attempted to steer her towards a safer area, but stubbornly Elisa returned it. There were no suicidal markings on her life line, but she could be missing something. She didn't read everything perfectly and if she missed it now, she might not get a chance to fix her mistake. Swallowing hard, she glanced around for pink and green objects, but because Cosmo and Wanda were concealed in the trees, she saw nothing. Her heart beat erratically.
"I'm not, Sophe. Don't worry about it. It makes you think, doesn't it?" she inquired, leaning back in her chair and rocking it. Sophie stared, certain she'd topple, but she managed herself well.
Sophie smiled uneasily, stomach tossing nonetheless. Elisa smirked, rising to her feet and gesturing grandly. She picked the rest of her bun apart and tossed the remainder to the birds.
"The hamburger must have gone to my head. C'mon, let's go."
But hours after that feeble excuse, Sophie laid awake in bed and wondered what her friend had really meant.
The ghosts envy the living for throwing away their lives. Barren parents envy selfish ones who mistreat their offspring. Is anyone happy with their lot in life? The words "I wish" don't solve anything at all, do they?