On Borrowed Time

Chapter 2: Somewhere Between Now and Some Other Time

Morning came earlier than he would have liked it to, but considering the events of last night, he was shocked he had gotten back to sleep at all. It was icy cold, but he didn't mind. This apartment was always cold, you kind of got used to it after a while. Slowly he got up, making sure not to make too much noise and wake Mimi.

He smiled at her, curled up in a cocoon of blankets, her hair spread around her head like a halo, the dark curls sharply contrasting with the white sheets. God, for a junkie stripper she sure was innocent. Or, that's what you would think. Then you looked into her eyes, and saw they were older than the eyes of a 19 year old, saw how much pain and suffering they had seen. He stroked her hair affectionately and she let out a contented sigh. At least for now she was happy, not plagued by demons or shadows or shadow demons.

He turned around and walked into the main area of the loft, and glared at the sun streaming in the windows, giving everything an annoying glow. Damn sun. Everything looked so perfect, and he knew it wasn't. Nothing was ever perfect. Even their couch looked nice in the sunlight.

And they didn't have any coffee, either. He thought Mark had gone shopping…of course, Mark didn't drink coffee anymore. Mark didn't wake up at 4 in the morning trying to comfort a crying teenager, either.

She still was a teenager, in every sense of the word. That kind of scared him. He was 22, should have been at the top of his game. Two years ago he had been. Everyone had loved him then. He had been unstoppable. Good looks, great voice, he had oozed charisma. He was the kind of guy who was going somewhere, who was going to make a difference. But then he met April, and, obviously, everything changed.

Now that Mimi was around, things were changing again. Maybe for the better, this time. Mark wasn't around as much, which sucked. Always filming. Or trying to get a job. Or trying to promote Today 4 U. Maureen and Joanne came by to say hi every now and then, and Collins was back teaching somewhere. Benny…well, Benny brought a casserole every couple of weeks, but never came in.

So, largely, it was him and Mimi in the apartment. He chuckled to himself, thinking how only a few weeks ago he was thinking about how small the place was, how they should get rid of some of the furniture that they didn't use. Now it seemed like a palace, with Mimi sleeping most of the time and him just…pacing. He had tried to write, tried to practice, but he didn't want Mimi to wake up. Besides, he couldn't think anyway. Not without seeing her, alone in that room, like a defenseless child. She needed to get better, and he had promised he would stay until she was. He wouldn't break a promise. He wouldn't leave her alone. He couldn't go through April again.

"Morning."

"Hey, Mark. You off to shoot?"

"No…hey, listen, do you want a break? Like, I could watch Mimi. You need some fresh air, seriously. Can't stay in here forever, you'll drive yourself insane."

Roger thought about it. Air would be nice. A break would definitely be cool. But he didn't know if he had it in him to leave her, even for an hour. Images…memories spun through his head. We have AIDS. One sentence. He had left her, hadn't he? What if Mimi hallucinated again? Anything could happen. Mark could step outside for a minute. Just a minute, and everything was gone.

"You'll look after her?"

"Roger, come on. I care about her. Yeah, not as much as you do, but I won't let her do anything stupid. Just an hour. Go down and get some breakfast. We have some money. Or go to the park. Just get out. You can't stay here forever, man. When she wakes up she'll kill you. You know she hates you staying here."

He sighed. Mark was right. Mark was always right. "Fine. An hour. That's it. Then I'm coming back. You promise you'll look after her?"

"Yeah. Of course. Maureen and Joanne are coming down, anyway. The three of us can handle her."

Roger smiled, trying to visualize Maureen's version of 'handling' someone. Poor Mimi. But he'd be back in an hour. She'd probably sleep right through it, never realize he was gone.

Would be kind of nice if she did, though. Not like obsessively needing him to be there, but he'd like to be missed. Even if it was only for an hour. Sometimes he wondered if she even noticed him. He knew she loved him, but when she wanted a fix, it was like he wasn't even there. He understood, of course he understood, but it was enough to place that shred of doubt in his heart.

"When are they coming?"

"Somewhere between now and some other time."

Roger gave him a look. Mark laughed. "That's what Maureen said. You know her, she's horrible with times. She'll probably be here soon, though. I told her we had coffee."

"We have coffee?"

"Of course not. But we have tea. You want some?"

Roger had never liked tea. However, when you got 4 hours of sleep just about any form of caffeine will do. Hell, he'd inject into his veins right about now. And he had a policy about needles.

"Fine."

Mark smiled. "Wow, last night must have been killer. What happened?"

"Demon shadows again. She woke up crying."

"Poor kid. She's really going through the ringer."

"Was I like that?"

"Delusional? Yeah. Used to run through the house screaming about how your sneakers were going to eat you. Only lasted a couple of weeks, though. Thank god. Collins nearly killed you."

Roger stifled a laugh, and downed his tea in one gulp. The idea of an enraged Collins chasing his delirious self through the apartment was hilarious. Mark smiled and returned to preparing toast.

"Yeah, and that wasn't the worst. Sometimes I'd leave, and Collins would be watching you, but he'd fall asleep. I'd come back and the furniture was all rearranged. You made a fort once. Took us 4 hours to get you out of it. You kept saying that if you left….what did you call it? Oh yeah, Rogtopia. If you left Rogtopia then she'd get you. Collins felt awful."

"She?"

"April. You were terrified of April for a while. You were so afraid she'd come back and take you away from us."

Roger was silent. April. Of course he had been afraid of April, she had ruined his life. Though, it annoyed him he couldn't remember any of this. Rogtopia? God, he must have been so far gone. He was a musician. He was creative. Creative people, in their normal state, did not think up names like Rogtopia.

"You better get going, if you want to be back before she wakes up. I mean, Maureen and Joanne and I can handle her, but she'll want you."

Roger nodded and turned towards the bedroom, slipping silently in and smiling at the sleeping figure. God she was pretty. Fragile, too. You could see her bones poking out under her skin. She needed to eat. Otherwise she would die. And he couldn't stand to lose her. He lightly stroked her hair, grabbed his sneakers, and snuck back out.

"See you in about an hour. Take good care of her."

Mark nodded, then grimaced at the burnt toast. "I assume you'll be getting breakfast elsewhere?"

"Yep. I'll grab something for Mimi too, so don't worry about her."

"All right. Have fun."

Roger nodded almost absentmindedly and ran down the stairs. It was one of those mornings that makes you want to do something, all crisp and clear and shit. Sunny, too. People were moving around, not a lot…Alphabet City never really came alive until evening. He could swear a lot of the people were nocturnal.

He wanted to get breakfast for Mimi. Something nice, that she could enjoy. None of the burnt toast that was Mark's specialty. Or the watery eggs that was his. Funny, that out of the three who lived in that place, no one could cook. Mark could make pasta, Mimi could make sandwiches if she felt up to it, but he wasn't any chef. It was because of Mark that he wasn't a complete skeleton. The stuff that he made wasn't eatable at all.

He could go to the Life Café. They did takeout. Some eggs, maybe some bacon or sausage. It was expensive, yeah, but it was Mimi. She didn't have much longer. He wanted to make her last days the best he could. No matter what the cost.

What was going to happen to them? Angel was dead, Mimi was on her last legs, Collins was dying, he was dying, and Maureen and Joanne were slowly but surely leaving the family and becoming independent. Mark…Mark was still always on the edges, observing. Roger was worried about him, he couldn't pretend he wasn't.

They had been paying the rent with what was left of Mark's paychecks from Buzzline. He had been looking for another job, as well as trying to get some theatre, somewhere, to screen Today 4 U. Roger had to hand it to him, he was really pulling everyone's weight. Mimi wasn't working, holed up in her room recovering. Roger, though he really should have been trying to find a gig, was looking after her.

Collins sent money every now and then. Benny tried to help, though he wasn't welcome and he knew it. Maureen and Joanne lived their own lives, though they were always coming over. In some ways, they were still a family, and in some ways it was obvious their time was drawing to a close. And that thought, more than losing Mimi, more than dying, scared him.