Right Out of a Hat

When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?

Thinking

"Yelling"

Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this storie's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...

On with the story!

Chpt 1: Tsunade's Stupid Decision

The swaying form of the fifth Hokage was barely being restrained by the six people behind her. In her left hand was a sake bottle, in her right was an unfurled scroll.

"Tsunade-sama! This is not a good idea!" Shizune cried, trying to get the scroll Tsunade held above her head.

"(Hic!) Of course it's a gud idea Shizune…" She said, quite obviously drunk beyond all reason. "I think it's (Hic!) about time these guys grow up anyhoo…" She bit her thumb and smeared blood across the open parchment.

"But, what will this do to the timeline?" Shizune yelled, making one of those weird faces that she always makes.

"STOP YELLING SHIZUNE!" She yelled back twice as loudly. "Ah screw that stoopid timeline. It don't matter anyways." Tsunade did a sloppy handseal and pressed her hand into the scroll. A bright light flashed, and flooded the room. From the scroll, three shadows emerged, taking human form.

"Shizune..." Tsunade said, half falling over. "Escort these nice people to my office purlease..." Shizune's face was mixed with fear and exasperation. I can't believe this is happening... Shizune thought, slapping her face. "Now Shizune..." Tsunade commanded, taking a swig of sake. Shizune squeaked and ran off, the other three tailing behind her.

…………………………

"Ne? Why do you think obaa-chan wants all of us?" Naruto asked Sakura. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was cramped inside Tsunade's office. Everyone includes; Team Gai, Team Asuma, Team Kurenai, Team Kakashi, Ayame from Ichiraku Ramen, some random ANBU scout who looked awfully young to be at ANBU level, and last but not least, the Sand siblings.

"I dunno, but she better hurry up. It's getting hot in here." Sakura said, tugging at her collar. Shizune slammed open the door, and tugged a drunken, yet still concious, Tsunade into the room.

"Alright everybody! Tsunade-sama has done an incredibly stupid thing..."

"IT'S NOT STUPID SHIZUNE!" Tsunade interupted. "It's absoutely brilliant!" She said, waving her arms like a chicken for no real reason. "Hey, you three! (Hic!) Get in here!" Three people walked into the room, each wearing a blueish metal band around their left arm. Everyone in the room started yelling all at once.

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?"

"I THOUGHT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"

"IF THEY'RE HERE, WE'RE THE ONES WHO ARE GOING TO DIE!"

"TSUNADE-SAMA! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Tsunade raised her arms for silence, still hiccuping.

"Now now, I know what you're all thinking. Why are (Hic!) Haku, Tayuya, and Kin here..."

"THE HELL WE ARE!" Everyone yelled at once. "THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"

"Well, there have to be enough girls as there are boys! So, I (Hic!) went back in time and brought them here!" Everyone stood still.

"You did what? You went and screwed up the timeline? I can't believe this..." Sasuke said, rubbing his forehead. (A.N: Yes he's back, and he's a good person again.)

"Oh my God...does that mean Zabuza could be alive again?" Naruto said in disbelief.

…………………………

In the Country of the Waves

Zabuza crawled to his feet, breathing as if he had just run several marathons in a row. Where was he? Images came back floating through his head. He was on the bridge. Haku was dead. Kakashi and his brats killed her. He himself had died, but now, he was alive again! The Gods had given him another chance to prove himself, to take his revenge. He flexed his muscles, getting ready for the mission he was about to undertake. He took one step, and a truck came barreling down the bridge, squishing Zabuza flatter than a sheet of paper. Well, the Naruto Bridge is a very busy bridge. Guess we don't have to worry about Zabuza anymore now do we?

…………………………

"Now, you probably all think I've gone crazy, bud I haven't!" Tsunade cried triuphently. "Dey all have to wear that band around their arm, restricting them from usin any jutsu or evil stuff like dat..." Tsunade took another gulp from her sake bottle.

"Damn piece of shit..." Tayuya muttered, trying to rip the band off her arm.

"Now! For the coup de (Hic!)grace!" Tsunade took out two hats, eachwith tiny slips of paper inside. "Ish there a volunteer to pull out one from each hat?"

"Will you just tell us what is going on first? And keep it short, some of us have places to be you know..." The ANBU scout called out from the back of the room.

"I didn't tell you guys yet?"

"NO!" They all yelled.

"Oh. Well, I'm going to send you all away on vacation on a tropical island," At this everyone cheered. "along with one person. You will have to live with that certain person for several weeks. Maybe even months if I feel like it! Now, if you're a girl, you will be paired up with a boy, and if you're a boy, you will be paired off wif a girl." Tsunade started laughing hysterically. "Dat is, unless you're gay! Hahah! Get it? GAY! Oh I crack meself up..."

Everyone was stunned. Whatever the Hokage was thinking, it apparently wasn't much.

"Uh... May I ask, why?" Someone said.

"Cause without love, life is meaningless. And also cause I said so..." Tsunade said, looking very dangerous indeed with her half empty sake bottle in hand.

"Geez! She is so wasted!" Naruto whispered to Sakura.

"Now, here's da bestest part..."

"Uh, bestest isn't a word..." Shizune said, raising a hand up.

"Well, it is now." Tsunade retorted, sounding like a little kid. "Anyways, the bestest part, is that, nobody has any idea on who is going with who! We will only know, once we pull out dese slips of paper!"

"You don't mean us too, do you?" Haku asked.

"Yes I do mean you all too!"

"God, I'd have rather died than be saved and brought back here for a friggin date!" Kin groaned.

"You can't be meaning us two as well, can you?" Ayame and the ANBU said together.

"Geez, didn't I explain this already? Der has to be an equal amount of girls and boys!" Ayame and the ANBU looked rather disgusted.

"Hokage-sama! We aren't even from Konoha, we're from Sand! You have no control over us!" Temari said triumphantly.

"Oh yes I do." Temari's smile was immediately replaced by a grimace. "Your Kazekage has already given his word that you will all stay for the entire mission." Temari turned around to her little brother with a look that could kill.

"What?" Gaara said, looking just a little bit scared. "Well, it sounded like the mission was really urgent in the message! I didn't know it was going to be a stupid match making game! Honestly!"

"(Hic!) Now! Who's gonna pull the slips?" Tsunade said, holding up the hats again.

…………………………

Yey! I decided to take a tiny break from Snake Lords because for some odd reason, it's making my brain hurt. Now let me tell you, the pairings will actually be picked out of a hat by none other than me! So, if you have any ideas for pairings, you have two options to choose from: 1, Wait and see how things turn out in the story. 2, Don't say anything at all, because it's just plain chance people. Besides, it's supposed to be a comedy!