Right Out of a Hat

When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?

Thinking

"Yelling"

Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...

Iloveinuyasha44: I know Haku is really a boy. It's just that in this story, Haku's a girl now. As I say above, for the sake of the story's plotline, Haku is a girl.

Haku: I'm not a girl! I don't want to be!

Gohan209: Too bad! You're already one! (sticks out tongue)

Haku: (gives Gohan209 the middle finger)

Gohan209: Why you little son of a… (beats the pulp out of Haku)

On with the story!

Chpt 2: Two Hats, Endless Possibilities

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"(Hic!) Now! Who's gonna pull the slips?" Tsunade said, holding up the hats again.

…………………………

"Oh! May I pull them?" Kakashi came out of nowhere, his right eye turned up in one of those cute little arches.

"NO! I WILL DECIDE THE YOUTHFUL FATES OF THESE, uh… YOUTHES!" Gai also came out of nowhere, holding his hands over his eyes like goggles. Why he was, no one knew because nobody had the courage to ask.

"(Hic!) How bout yous both pick? One to each (Hic!) hat!" They both cheered and stationed themselves, hand readily held above the hats. "On yur mark, get set, (Hic!) GO!"

They each dug their hands into the hats, shuffling around the many papers in them. Gai was the first to pull his hand out.

"I GOT KIBA!" He exclaimed. Kiba was nervously biting his fingers, expecting the worst. Then Kakashi pulled out a slip. He started giggling. That giggling turned into a roaring laugh.

"I-It's Te…" Kiba and Temari screamed.

"I'M NOT GOING WITH DOG BOY!" Temari yelled. Kakashi wiped away a tear from his eye that had formed while he was laughing.

"It's not Temari, it's Ten-ten!" This time, Ten-ten was the one who screamed. A man passing by the building heard this ear-piercing shriek and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed, 1-800-588-2300-ANBU into the pad. (A.N: You know, like that Empire commercial?)

"ANBU HQ. How may we help you?" Said the operator.

"Hello! I have reason to believe that someone has just been murdered at the Hokage's building!" He gasped into the phone.

"Oh no! We'll send several operatives over right away!" Now, back to the Hokage's office. Gai and Kakashi had drawn two more slips and were laughing again.

"THE LUCKY COUPLE ARE," they paused for a dramatic effect. "NEJI AND TEMARI!" Temari screamed again.

"Make that two people murdered!" The man outside spoke into his phone.

"Dear Lord! I'm going to send over three squads on the double!" The operator sounded panicky.

Naruto poked Neji in the back, and he fell over, landing with a smack.

"OHMIGOD! NEJI HAD A HEART ATTACK!" Nine ANBU scouts burst in through the door.

"AHHH! YOU KILLED NEJI-SAMA!" They all screamed at once.

"No, he's alright." The ANBU scout who was sulking in the corner said. "He's just in shock. Just pour some cold water over him."

"Nina! Why weren't you at the meeting today?"

"For obvious reasons…" She muttered.

"Which would be...?" She sighed and turned around. She lifted a hand to her face, and lifted the ANBU mask off of her face. All the boys in the room stood still, mesmerized by her features. She was no older than 13 or 14, and her eyes were a pale, icy blue. She had chocolate brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, except for one long strand of hair hanging down across her face that turned gold halfway down. She walked over to the ANBU who had asked and whispered something in his ear.

"Oh, she's drunk again?" She nodded. The scout took her mask and put his hand on her shoulder sympathetically. "Best of luck to you Nina. I'll put this away for you." He said, taking the mask from her hands.

"Thanks." Nina turned around, giving an annoyed look to all the boys. "What are you lookin at?"

"Yur really purty…" Naruto said with a goofy look on his face. That was a mistake. Before you could twitch an eye, Naruto was pinned to the wall with a variety of weapons that came out of nowhere.

"You say that again, and I will gut you." She said, a malicious look in her eyes. Naruto nodded nervously. "Good!" She sat down huffily on the couch, letting Naruto hang there.

"Da next two (Hic!) are," Tsunade read from the slips held by Kakashi and Gai. "Kankurou and Ino…" Tsunade took several more swigs of sake amid the stares and open mouths of the crowd.

"I don't like boys who wear make-up!" Ino yelled.

"Well I don't like dating pigs! And it's not make-up, it's kabuki paint!" Kankurou yelled back.

"IT'S MAKE-UP!"

"IT'S KABUKI PAINT!"

"It's (Hic!) Lee and Haku!"

"WHAT?" Lee and Haku yelled.

"Gai-sensei, do I have to do this?" Lee groaned.

"YES YOU DO!" For once, Lee thought Gai-sensei was being very, 'uncool'.

"What happened?" Neji got up, rubbing his head.

"Well, Kiba's going with Ten-ten, Kankurou is going with Ino, you are going with Temari, and Lee is now going with Haku." Hinata counted off.

"Hee hee… Lee, Haku… hahaHAHA!" Right then and there, Neji went cookoo for Cocoa Puffs. Poor Haku was sitting in a daze on the floor, muttering things about having to go with a guy who was a heck of a lot faster than her. Way not fair for her.

"Oh Gai! Guess who I got?" Kakashi giggled.

"WHO?"

"Kin!"

"WHAT A COINCIDENCE! I GOT SHINO!" Nothing but silence hung in the room.

"o.0'…" Shino said.

"0.o'…" Kin said.

"Aw… (Hic!) Dey're bonding!" Tsunade said, clasping her hands together.

"THE NEXT TWO ARE," Gai and Kakashi pulled their hands out.

"Can we have a drum roll please?" Kakashi asked. A drum rolled from one side of the room to the other and disappeared. "Nina and…"

"SASUKE! HOW CUTE YOU TWO WILL LOOK!" Now, Gai was pinned to the wall next to Naruto. "HEY! THIS ISN'T VERY COMFORTABLE!"

"Yeah. Tell me about it…" Naruto sighed.

"Listen." Nina stuck her face in Gai's. "I'm playing along with this, but only because if I don't, then Tsunade-sama will drop me from my ANBU ranking. I have worked very hard to get where I am now, and I'm not going to lose it anytime soon. So don't say that again."

"MY NINA! I HAVE ONLY KNOW YOU FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES, AND I HAVE TO SAY, MY FIRST IMPRESSION OF YOU IS THAT YOU'RE VERY VIOLENT!" Gai said, with a little fear in his eyes.

"Oh, you're right about that. I can be very violent. If you stay on my good side, you might not have to experience it." Neji came hopping up next to her, still babbling like a madman.

"Dear sir, do you have any Cocoa Puffs?" Lightning struck in the background, and Nina turned around, a vein in her forehead twitching.

"Were you even listening to a single thing I said?"

"Oh…" Neji made a sad face. "No Cocoa Puffs?" His bottom lip quivered.

"No Hyuuga. There aren't any damn Cocoa Puffs." Her fist clenched at her side. "May I have some alone time with Hyuuga here?"

"No Nina. You (Hic!) can't. You're paired up with Sasuke, not Neji." Tsunade said, almost losing her balance.

"That's not what I meant Hokage-sama. I mean can I teach him a lesson? Maybe a few good whacks to the head might put him straight."

"Alright. Jes don't get too (Hic!) violent…" Nina smiled a fake smile.

"Thank you." She dragged Neji out the door by the collar of his shirt. Ten-ten rushed out after them, but stopped as she looked out the doorway.

"Oh!" Ten-ten cringed. She carefully shut the door and looked at everyone. "You don't wanna know."

"Oh! I wanna know!" Naruto cried out. Ten-ten came over and leaned in close.

"She helped Neji find his Cocoa Puffs." She whispered.

"You mean," Naruto gulped. "The f-family jewels?" Ten-ten nodded. "Oh ow…" Naruto groaned. Sasuke, who had been listening in on their conversation, blanched at what he heard. He would have to spend almost a month with that maniac, and he was not happy.

"The next couple are, Chouji," Kakashi said theatrically.

"AND TAYUYA! To be honest, I didn't expect that to happen!" Gai shrugged his shoulders.

"No… not a fatass!" Tayuya complained. Luckily, Chouji was too busy eating to hear her say the taboo word.

"I got Hinata. How bout you Gai?" Kakashi asked, staring down at his slip of paper.

"I GOT SHIKAMARU!"

"Um… ok." Kakashi pushed Shikamaru and Hinata together. "Have fun you two!"

"Uh, h-hi?" Hinata said, sounding somewhat unsure.

"Yeah same here." Shikamaru said, trying to peer out the window at the clouds. (A.N: Gee… Is it just me, or is that a really boring pairing? I'm gonna have to spice things up a bit to make them at least somewhat interesting.)

There were only four people left. Naruto was hanging off the wall in anticipation. (A.N: It's not like he can do anything else at the moment.) Sakura was thinking about how she wasn't going to be with Sasuke. Ayame was a bit freaked out, I mean, she was either going to end up with the demonic Gaara, or Naruto. She didn't really know Naruto, apart from the fact that he loved ramen. (A.N: She's gonna end up with a demon either way.)

Gai had just wrenched himself from the wall, and had both hands in either hat. Kakashi as well had his hands in them both.

"One," They counted. "two, THREE!" They yanked their hands out, each ending up with two slips of paper.

"The end results are," Kakashi sounded serious. "Gaara and Sakura!" He shouted, throwing confetti into the air.

"Kakashi-sensei, where did the confetti come from?" Naruto asked.

"I honestly don't know…" Kakashi said, scratching his head. "Oh well."

"AND OF COURSE, THAT MEANS NARUTO AND AYAME ARE THE LAST ONES!" Gai and Kakashi sort of did a victory dance around the room.

"Have you two been drinking with Tsunade-sama?" Sakura asked, who was trying to get as far away from Gaara as was physically possible.

"How'd you guess?" Kakashi asked. Part of his mask peeled down a tiny bit, revealing very red cheeks.

"Gee… we're just surrounded by perfect role models aren't we?" Sakura said sarcastically. A ear-splitting scream came from the outside hallway.

"Oh no! We forgot about Neji!" Everyone ran out into the hall. Neji was curled up on the ground, and Nina was sitting huffily on a banister.

"Shizune, could yeh (Hic!) help Neji out? I'm busy…" She said as Tsunade downed more sake. "Right everybody! Yeh have ta be here at 8 o' clock (Hic!) in the morning. Okie dokie?"

"I'm going to go pack." Nina said as she stormed down the stairway.

"Don't worry Sasuke," Naruto patted him on the back. "I'm sure you'll get along fine with her."

"Yeah… great…" Sasuke muttered. He was not in for a good time.

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Nina's violent! Yey violence! Anyways, I'm sorry. I'm still stuck on Snake Lords. I'm having trouble with the next chapter. Oh and guess what! I made a fictionpress account! If you wanna check out the stuff I have there, I'll be really happy! I have the same username; Gohan209. Have fun reading my stuff! Till then!