Right Out of a Hat
When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?
Thinking
"Yelling"
Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...
The Demonic Ninjas 3: At the time, I couldn't really come up with a good Japanese name. So, I decided to go with Nina, because it was on FMA (I won't go into that since this is a Naruto story, not FMA) I kind of liked it because Nina sounds like a nice name, one that a 'good girl' would have, and her attitude is completely contradictory to her name. Maybe I should have given her a Japanese name, but it's too late for that now!
Psycho Spaghetti: As I said in the footnote of my first chapter, and I quote myself, "…the pairings will actually be picked out of a hat by none other than me! So, if you have any ideas for pairings, you have two options to choose from: 1, Wait and see how things turn out in the story. 2, Don't say anything at all, because it's just plain chance people." I have to agree though, if I had picked Shikamaru and Tayuya, he would have had quite a nightmarish experience!
On with the story!
Chpt 3: Poor Mr. Jenkins… and Just What is Shino Thinking Today?
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"I'm going to go pack." Nina said as she stormed down the stairway.
"Don't worry Sasuke," Naruto patted him on the back. "I'm sure you'll get along fine with her."
"Yeah… great…" Sasuke muttered. He was not in for a good time.
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8 o'clock, Tsunade's office
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"You know, I don't think that meeting here was a good idea…" Sakura mumbled. Yet again, they were cramped in Tsunade's rather small office. Except this time, not only was it crowded with people, but with luggage. Lots and lots of luggage. Sakura didn't really mind the luggage, but she was squished against a wall near Naruto's luggage. In other words, she was stuck staring at ramen. Lots and lots of ramen.
"Hi everybody!" Shizune said happily. Everyone glared at her for being a morning person. "Um… The ship is here."
"Ship?" Ino asked. "What ship?"
"The ship to bring you all to Antarctica!"
"WHAT?" Everyone yelled.
"Geez, I was just kidding…" Shizune sighed. "It's the ship to take you to your island vacation place… thingy. You know I still think this is a really stupid idea. Especially with, you know, them."
"We're right here! We can hear every word you're saying!" Haku, Kin, and Tayuya said, obviously annoyed.
"Yeah, we know you are." The three of them sweatdropped. "Anyways, like I said. How did you expect to get there? It's a tropical island! Of course you'll take a ship. Accompanying you all, will be the Jounin teachers. They will be there to make sure things don't get out of hand…" Shizune trailed off.
Sasuke stared at her expectantly. "And…?" He asked.
"Nothing else! Just to watch you guys!" She answered quickly. Too quickly…
"Kakashi-sensei always told us to look underneath the underneath. The Jounins can't be there to just 'watch' us. Why else are they coming?" Shizune looked positively flustered.
"Oh would you look at the time! LETS GET A MOVE ON!" She said it so loudly, no one dared oppose her. They all ran out of the building at top speed, scaring many innocent bystanders into a heart attack.
They arrived at the docks and were instantly depressed. The large, streamlined boat they were expecting, was nowhere to be seen. The only boat in the whole harbor, was a tiny little wooden sailboat.
"Was it just me, or was anyone else expecting a cruise ship? Not a wooden dinghy." Kiba asked, looking very depressed at the tiny little vessel.
"Oh, that's not the ship you'll be taking!" Shizune laughed. "That's just Mr. Jenkins's boat!" A really old, bald guy poked his head out a window, giving them a gummy smile.
"What kind of a name is 'Jenkins'?" Asked Kankurou.
"I'm not quite sure." Shizune said, making a quizzical face. "All I know is that he's from this place he calls, America. I've never heard of it before." Everyone else shrugged. They never heard of this 'America' either.
While they were all shrugging, Mr. Jenkins screamed and waved his arms wildly about. A giant luxury cruiser came out of nowhere, and docked right at the place where Mr. Jenkins boat used to be.
This is what happened. While Mr. Jenkins was wildly waving his arms about and screaming, the cruiser pulled in, squishing Mr. Jenkins boat into mere pieces of driftwood. Unfortunately, Mr. Jenkins was too old and crotchety to jump out of his boat in time, so he went squish too. Except, he didn't really look so much like driftwood, as he did a bloodied mass of flesh. Then, sharks came and ripped him to shreds, feasting upon the old man's flesh. To think, all that happened, and the Naruto gang was too busy shrugging about this 'America' to even notice the old man's demise. Poor Mr. Jenkins. Then again, who cares! He was gonna die sooner or later! That's what happens to old people. They die!
The Jounins came staggering up the walkway, holding their heads and groaning.
"Let me guess…" Sakura groaned. "Not only were Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei drinking with Tsunade, you all were! And now you all have major hangovers because of it!"
"Sakura…" Kakashi moaned. "Shut up. You're making my head hurt!"
"Serves you right!" Sakura scolded.
"I don't really feel all that youthful at the moment…" Gai said, looking rather nauseous. Lee gave a horrible cry.
"NOOOOO! GAI-SENSEI! YOU CAN NOT LOSE YOUR YOUTHFUL LUSTER! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!" He began to cry.
On the other side of team Gai, Ten-ten and Neji were silently cheering. Finally! No more youth speeches! Hallelujah! They thought.
"Don't worry Lee! It is only a temporary condition… I think." Lee was overjoyed and gave Gai a big hug beneath a sunset.
Ten-ten and Neji collapsed into tears. Noooooo! That means there's gonna be more youth speeches! Curse you youthfulness! Why do you torture us so? They both thought. Coincidentally, they both thought the EXACT SAME THING! Isn't it weird how that kind of thing happens?
"You! Were drinking?" Kiba said unbelievably. "I thought you were the responsible one of the group!"
"Y-Yeah! Kurenai-sensei!" Hinata said, her eyes wide with disbelief. Then again, they're always wide, so yeah.
Shino's face was deeply concerned and he was thinking, You! Of all people! I would have never expected such a horrible sin from a person like you! Okay. In truth, his face was the same as it always was. What he was thinking, nobody really knew. But it's just so darn FUN to imagine what Shino is thinking, since most of the time he keeps that kind of stuff to himself. Maybe he's some sort of creepy nun, sworn to silence! Okay, now I'm just getting off track here. But, come on people! I'm serious! Shino could be a nun, or a monk, except he's not bald. So yeah! Shino could definitely be a nun!
"Well, they were all doing it, so I decided to do it too." Kurenai said, explaining her predicament.
"Oh no! The bandwagon technique!" Kiba cried out. "It twists the minds of many, and lures so many innocent people do their doom! DOOM!" Kiba dramatically collapsed to his knees, sobbing on behalf of all those innocent people. Everyone cheered half-heartedly and clapped a little.
"All aboard the…!" Shizune stopped, and pulled out a sharpie marker. She scribbled something quickly on the side of the boat. "All aboard the Shizune Sailboat!" Upon closer examination, the words 'Shizune Sailboat' was written across the side of boat, along with a tiny chibi doodle of Shizune herself.
"I like the name 'Ramen Raft' better than 'Shizune Sailboat'." Naruto said, scribbling out Shizune's artistic doodle, and writing 'Ramen raft' instead. Then, a lightbulb appeared above both Shizune's and Naruto's head, and they both whispered for a few moments.
"We have decided to call it, the 'Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza'!" There was more half-hearted cheering and clapping.
"Are we going? I want to get this over with as soon as possible. How troublesome…" Shikamaru sighed.
"Shikamaru! Where is your holiday spirit?" Shizune and Naruto asked.
"It's not a holiday. In fact, the next holiday is the 4th of July." He said. The month they were in was June, and we all know that June is so boring and lame, it doesn't even deserve a holiday or two.
"Oh…" They said. "Do you mean that weird holiday in that foreign place called, 'America'?" Everyone began shrugging, AGAIN. "Well now it's 'Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza' Day! YEEEEEEEYYYY!" They cried. And yet again, everyone gave half-hearted cheers and a little bit of clapping. The month June was now happy, and overjoyed that it finally had a holiday.
"To infinity, AND BEYOND!" Everyone got out their specially made Buzz Lightyear action figure, and ran onto the ship with their luggage, shooting imaginary aliens along the way. Everyone did just that except for the people who would never do that, because they just wouldn't do something so demoralizing. This includes: Neji, Sasuke, Gaara, Ten-ten, Shikamaru, Hinata, Haku, Tayuya, Kin, Nina, and of course, good old Shino.
Neji and Sasuke didn't because they were, you know, too awesome and cool and isolated from the world. Gaara didn't because he was half psychotic killer demon, and the leader of the Sand; the Kazekage. Ten-ten didn't because she would be shamed for life if anyone saw her doing something as stupid as that. Shikamaru just said it was too troublesome to do. Hinata is much too timid to do something as bold as that. Haku, Tayuya, and Kin didn't do it, because, well… they're EVIL! And evil people just don't do that kind of stuff. Nina was ANBU level, very mature for her age, and only interested in real violence. Not blasting imaginary aliens. Besides, she hated Buzz Lightyear for certain reasons (A.N: These reasons, I will release in due time.). Did I mention that she loves violence?
And now, we come down to our good old reliable buddy Shino. He didn't do it because he believes that Woody is so much cooler than Buzz Lightyear in the first place. At least I think so… I'm just guessing because we all know that it's just so darn FUN to guess what Shino thinks! Maybe he decided not to because he would only do such a thing if REAL aliens were attacking the Earth. Then, when all hope was seemingly lost, Shino would transform into, SUPER SHINO! A.K.A., BUGBOY! He would swoop down, and fry those evil aliens with his bug vision. Then the world would bow down before SUPER SHINO THE BUGBOY! and let him rule over them all as their Supreme Ruler and King! Shino, being all modest and stuff, would gladly accept the position of Supreme Ruler and King, and then fly off on one of his giant locusts to go and rule the planet.
Then again, on the other hand, maybe Shino was thinking more along the lines of "…". My! Isn't it just so darn FUN to guess what Shino is thinking? I am having the most wonderful time of my life guessing what Shino is thinking! I hope you are having a fun time too: ) (A.N: I still say that Shino could be a silent nun!)
"So," The captain of the boat said loudly. "Are you all ready to go to Antarctica and see the little penguins waddle?"
"WHAT?" Everyone yelled for the second time today.
"Geez, I was just kidding!" He said, shaking his hands back and forth. "Sheesh!" The captain started the motor and pulled out of the harbor. "Oh! Good day to you, Mr. Jenkins!" The driver tipped his hat.
"Is it just me, or does Mr. Jenkins look a bit different from before?" Ten-ten asked. Gaara walked up to the edge and looked over the edge. He saw Mr. Jenkins head bobbing up and down in the water, blood floating across the top of the water.
"Blood… I need blood!" Gaara's eyes became yellow with a little black cross in the center surrounded by four black dots. "GIVE ME BLOOD! I NEED IT NOW! RAAAAGHH!" He roared. Temari and Kankurou came over and whacked the back of his head.
"Stop that!" Temari said. "You know I get annoyed when you do that!"
"Sorry…" Gaara looked crestfallen, and just stared longingly at the floating head in the water. And I bet, although it is so much more fun to guess what Shino is thinking, I bet he was thinking gory thoughts about mauling people and eating people's insides, and (CENSORED FOR VIOLENCE) Hmm… Nina would probably like to do all that violent stuff too! Did I mention that she loves violence? Oh wait, I have said that several times already in this story. Nevermind!
Then, for no real reason, almost all of them started a Congo line and started dancing all around the boat. Yes, even the hung-over teachers and the captain of the boat. The boat floated uncontrollably into the sunset. However, the sunset realized that it was only about 8:15 in the morning, and disappeared, leaving behind it the normal sun that we have all come to know and love.
Except Shino. He angrily cursed the sun in his head. He hates the sun. That's why he wears a coat with a high collar and sunglasses! Maybe he's a vampire nun that is sworn to silence! (Insert creepy background music here) And don't forget everybody, he will someday become; SUPER SHINO THE BUGBOY! THE SUPREME RULER AND KING OF PLANET EARTH! As soon as he finds some aliens to destroy. My! Guessing what Shino thinks is just so darn FUN to do! It just never gets old!
I bet you can all guess who didn't join in the oh-so-fun Congo line. The biggest party-poopers of all time: Neji, Sasuke, Gaara, Ten-ten, Shikamaru, Hinata, Haku, Tayuya, Kin, Nina, and of course, our ever so mysterious ruler of the planet Earth, Shino.
Suddenly, a whirlpool appeared in the middle of the ocean. Quite randomly too! Everyone realized that no one was steering the boat! The captain of the boat burst free of the Congo line and grabbed hold of the reins. Then he realized that reins are what you steer horses with! Not boats! Oh that captain! He's a joker alright! He pulled a steering wheel out of his pocket, a thing only a comicbook character should be able do, but we won't get technical, and he steered the boat to safety.
Everyone filed a lawsuit against the captain for endangering their lives, but then he told his sad tale about his starving family, and all was forgiven. So instead of being brought to court, the captain only has to pay a five dollar fine. How nice of our favorite ninjas to let him off easy!
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I hope this chapter didn't scare too many of you away! It was supposed to be rather… umm… would random be a good word? Yes! Random it is! Hopefully, I will be able to get the next chapter up ASAP. It will be about everybody enjoying their cruise and exploring the boat that killed Mr. Jenkins! Yey! Till then!