Right Out of a Hat
When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?
Thinking
"Yelling"
Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...
Ihearttenten: I don't know, but that's what's going to make this story fun!
The Demonic Ninjas 3: No, I didn't take it from Yu-Gi-Oh. In fact, I don't even watch the show so yeah…
EarthenAngel: You and Kakashi huh? I wasn't really planning on pairing the Jounins, but, with your permission, I could make you a guest character and maybe, I dunno, see what I can do… ; )
On with the story!
Chpt 5: Of Arcades, Jacuzzis, and Martini Stands! (Part 2)
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"Don't ever touch the do!" Shino said, suddenly looking like someone from the age of disco. With the glasses, the hair, and the disco ball that randomly appeared out of nowhere, accompanied by music from Saturday Night Fever. Like I said, no one really understands Shino!
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Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai were all walking around, making sure that their students, and one disgruntled ANBU, were all, as Tsunade called it, 'bonding'. Please note that the word bonding is in quotation marks, and also note the touch of sarcasm.
"Lets go to the kitchen and get some ice…" Kakashi complained, rubbing his still hung-over head. He pulled open the kitchen door and sweatdropped, his eyes narrowing to tiny slits. Three dots appeared above his head as the other Jounin came to look in the kitchen as well.
Naruto sat upon a leaning tower of empty ramen bowls, and was still eating. Ayame sat next to him wearing a gas mask to help filter out the smell of ramen. She usually only used it at Ichiraku Ramen when the smell became unbearable, but this was an exception she was willing to make. Alongside them were Chouji and Tayuya. Chouji was eating at the same reckless pace as Naruto, but he was eating a larger variety of foods. Tayuya sat with her head in her arms and was writing what suspiciously looked like her Will.
"When I die from being crushed by a mountain of food that is currently being consumed by a fatass, I will leave my funny hat with the bandages and wires sticking out of it to… uh… anyone who wants it. And my flute will go to… the school band. If there is a school band in the first place…"
"That's pathetic…" Kurenai said, her sweatdrop increasing in size. "Kakashi, I think you'll have to skip on the ice."
"I think you're right Kurenai." Kakashi shut the doors and walked off in the opposite direction.
"Well, we are on vacation, are we not?" Gai spun around in a circle and miraculously changed from his green spandex, Jounin vest and shinobi sandals, to green and black flip-flops, an equally green t-shirt, and a pair of butt ugly, green Bermuda shorts. "Let us par-tay!" Gai lifted his hand up to shift his sunglasses, when he noticed that he wasn't wearing any sunglasses. "I shall be, right back!" Gai ran off too fast for anyone to follow.
"Quick! Let's leave before he gets back!" Asuma suggested, getting ready to run. The other two agreed and started to run helter-skelter to a random location on the boat.
"Like my new sunglasses?" The three of them came to a screeching halt as Gai stood before them wearing a pair of round sunglasses.
"Wait… how did you…" Asuma's mouth hung open like an idiot and his cigarette fell to the floor. "How did you find us so quickly?"
"Uh… you guys haven't moved an inch…" The three other Jounin looked around and saw that they were indeed in the same place that they had started. While they were running helter-skelter around the boat, they didn't notice that they had taken a u-turn that brought them right back to where they had first tried to get away from.
In simpler terms, Kurenai, Asuma, and Kakashi, while trying to get from point A to point B, they ended up going in a circle, bringing them straight back to point A. I do hope that made sense to you…
"Say… Those sunglasses look awfully familiar…" Kurenai scratched her chin. "Wait a second… Those are Shino's sunglasses!" Kurenai pointed an accusing finger at him. "Do you know what you have just done?"
"Honestly, no I don't." Gai admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "But he was the only person with sunglasses!" Kurenai began spazing out.
"You don't understand! Shino's eyes are permanently dilated!" Gai gave her a blank look that seemed to say: 'Man, you are one crazy lady filled to the brim with nuts! Not just any nuts, but almonds! Please explain to me the meaning of 'dilated' because I have the vocabulary of a three year old. I love youth!' Yup! That's Gai for ya! "Dilated as in any light directly touches his eyes he will become blind and overcome with pain!"
A piercing screech came from the Jacuzzi room. Shino came running out with his hands covering his eyes, dragging a completely agitated Kin behind him.
"MY EYES! AAGGHHHH! IT BURNS!" Shino wailed dramatically in front of them. His hands left his eyes for a moment, but long enough for all to see that the pupils were covering his entire iris, making him look like a deranged monkey. He ran away, screaming and frothing at the mouth.
"Uh…" Kakashi said stupidly, looking quite confused at the moment. "Okaaaay… Lookie over there!" Kakashi pointed eagerly at a Martini Stand that was conveniently nearby. "Let's go get drunk! Again!"
All four teachers pranced over to the Martini Stand and filled up their glasses.
"Shouldn't we have learned something from last night?" Kurenai asked, looking hesitantly at her glass. "Maybe something like, getting wasted and having a hangover is miserable. But getting wasted the very next day and getting another hangover is even worse? And also pretty stupid…" She looked at the other Jounins for an answer, but they were already on their second drink. "Oh forget it." Kurenai began drinking too!
"THE BANDWAGON TECHNIQUE! NOT AGAIN!" Shouted Kiba who apparently came out of nowhere. He began crying and sobbing that soon, Kurenai would begin having liver problems and die an early death because she had fallen for the bandwagon technique for a second time. Ten-ten, who was really fed up with Kiba by now, karate chopped a pressure point on Kiba's neck, and slung his unmoving body over her shoulder, and walked away.
"Say, have you noticed that your students are having a horrible day?" Asuma asked Kurenai.
"Yeah…" Kurenai sighed. "I guess I'm a horrible sensei… Oh well!" She shrugged. "I wonder how Hinata's doing…"
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"NO! I REFUSE!" Hinata yelled at Shikamaru. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU ALWAYS BEAT ME AND I'M SICK OF IT!"
"Come on, just one more game!" Shikamaru pleaded with her. They were sitting at a table and were playing Shougi. FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS. Guess who won every game? "You get better the more you play it!" (A.N: Shougi is a Japanese version of chess, for those of you who forgot.)
"OH NO!" Yelled Hinata, who by now is acting completely OOC. She grabbed the Shougi board and all its pieces, and threw it into the fire place.
Shikamaru: A fire place on a boat? That's completely illogical! Who writes this garbage?
Gohan209: Shikamaru! Shut up! I write the story, so I make the rules!
Neji: Not if I take over the story!
Gohan209: WTF! How did you get here?
Temari: I want a ham sandwich! Can you make me one?
Neji: Temari wants a ham sandwich. Can we raid your fridge?
Gohan209: YOU AND YOUR NEEDS! WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS? HUH!
Kyuubi: Nice place you got here Gohan209. (Walks into Gohan209's room) Mind if I join you?
Itachi and Kisame: Aha! We have finally found the Kyuubi! Now we can take its power for some reason that hasn't been released in the manga yet!
Edward Elric: I don't think I belong here either…
Alphonse Elric: Nii-chan… These people scare me… (Stares at Itachi and Kisame who are currently chasing Kyuubi around my backyard)
Gohan209: (fuming mad at this point) HOW DID ANY OF YOU GET THE FUCK INTO MY HOUSE? I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL YOU ANIME CHARACTERS INTERUPTING THE STORY FOR SOME POINTLESS REASON! CAN YOU ALL JUST LEAVE SO THAT I CAN GET BACK TO WRITING THE STORY?
Gaara: My God! She just keeps talking and talking about 'her dearest Sasuke-kun!'! I can't take it anymore!
Sakura: Sasuke-kun's the greatest!
Gohan209: ENOUGH! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW! I HAVE A STORY TO WRITE! LEAVE!
Shikamaru: But the firepl…
Gohan209: GET OUT AND STAY OUT! (Picks up everyone and throws them out the window.) I am very sorry for the interruption everyone. From this moment on, I am posting a bodyguard named Spike outside my room to keep them all from ever interrupting this story ever again.
Spike: How's it goin?
Gohan209: Now, if you all remember, Hinata is acting OOC because she's sick and tired of playing Shougi with Shikamaru.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Shikamaru cried like Darth Vader in the third Star Wars movie as he watched his beloved Shougi board burn to ashes in the fire place that really shouldn't have been there in the first place. Hinata punched the back of his head and dragged him off to some unknown location.
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Temari and Neji were sitting at a table and racing remote controlled Nascar cars. Temari was winning.
"Yey! I'm on the 10th lap!" She cheered. Neji just grumbled because he hadn't even finished his first one.
Interrupting their fun-time, okay, so maybe Neji wasn't having fun, but he never has fun anyways, a ham sandwich fell down through the ceiling and landed right in Temari's lap.
"Sandwich! Yey!" Temari sat down and happily started munching on her ham sandwich.
"Is there any possible way you could remove my Cursed Seal?" Neji asked the ceiling. Of course, I decided not to answer Neji because he keeps interrupting the story. "Fine, be that way…" He grumbled after several minutes of silence.
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Three of the Jounins were swaying in their seats and grabbing onto the table to help keep their balance.
"Say, did you guys know that I didn' read that whole scroll ta the kids?" Kakashi asked, his words slurring together.
"No way…!" Gai exclaimed, finally falling off his seat and on to the floor.
"Well, there's a P.S. to us teachers from Sunada… Toode… whatevur her name is…" Kakashi muttered, having forgotten how to say Tsunade. "Dis ish what it says…" Kakashi pulled out the scroll.
"Hey… there'sh only tree of us here!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Where's Asuma?" The three of them looked high and low for some sign of him, but he was nowhere to be found., until Kurenai let out an ear-splitting shriek.
"No ways…" She stared into the closet she had just opened.
"What is………. Oh… my… God…… I-I dun know what ta say…" Kakashi stuttered. (A.N: Beware, may disturb some of you to the point of tears. If you can't take it, please skip down to where it says: 'Uh, as I was sayin…')
Asuma was inside a broom closet. With him was Jeff, the American baggage holder that worked on the boat. They were hugging and kissing each other… passionately…... 0.o;;; Me thinks he drank WAY too much...
"I wuv you Jeff…" Asuma said, kissing him again. Gai, who had just gotten there, ran to the bathroom and spewed a lovely display of flying matter out from his mouth. Kakashi and Kurenai, too stunned to even bother throwing up, just kind of sat there with open eyes.
"Asuma…" Kakashi said. "How many martinis did you drink?" Asuma paused from his, business, and looked at them for the first time.
"Me tinks it weres about 35 inall… maybe it (Hic!) was more…"
"I had tirty-one!" Jeff cried out, waving at them like nothing was the matter.
"Good God man! We's didn' even have dat much!" Kakashi cried out, completely horrified. Kakashi grabbed Asuma by the arm and pulled him out of the broom closet.
"Where we goin?" Asuma asked drunkenly. Kakashi pulled out a rope and tied him up as best as he could.
"You gonna stay there til you feel better…" Kakashi walked back to the Martini stand with Kurenai and Gai.
"Uh, as I was sayin…" Kakashi pulled out the scroll again. "Down here at the bottom, it say:
Now, I did send you all with them to help them pair up, but here's the trick. I want you to have as much fun as possible getting them together. Embarrass them, prank them, make ridiculous rules that make them all act funny, and force them together. I hope you four have fun with this! (I also want you to document it all so that I can get a good laugh in!)
Your Hokage,
Tsunade." Kakashi finished reading.
"Ya know, I tink dis is gonna be a fun vacation!" Kurenai cried out, clapping her hands.
"INDEED! WE SHALL MAKE THEIR YOUTH MOST EMBARESSING!" Gai began giddily bouncing up and down.
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Ino and Kankurou were now enjoying the Jacuzzi that no longer had either Shino, or Kin in it! It was really quite weird, you see, one minute Shino's holding Kankurou up in the air, and the next, his sunglasses dissappear and he starts screaming bloody murder. Geez, they're just sunglasses! Then he started to run away with Kin desperately trying to punch him or something.
Well, at least now, they had the Jacuzzi to themselves!
Now, while they thought everything was going just the way they wanted, a black figure snuck up behind them and crouched down, still undetected. He started to fiddle with something on the bottom of the Jacuzzi and began to sneak away, but Ino decided to turn around at that very moment.
"Say... What're you..." She began to ask.
"Think fast!" The figure pulled something out of his pocket and threw it at her. Acting on instinct, Ino raised both hands and caught it.
"What is... OHMIGOD! OHMIGOD! OHMIGOD!" She quickly dropped it and swam to the other end of the Jacuzzi, working herself into a frenzy by screaming.
"What is it? A 'scary' rubber ducky?" Kankurou asked, obviously really annoyed.
"P-P-PIRANHA!" Ino screamed. Out of the water, a little head with humungo teeth emerged from the water.
"D-Don't move..." Kankurou stuttered. The little head swivled around, little gurgly noises coming from its throat. It finally spotted them and gave a gleeful little chirrup. It dunked its head under the water and began swimming towards them like a torpedo. "On second thought, FLEE!" Kankurou and Ino began swimming impossibly fastaround the Jacuzzi, the little piranha keeping up with them the whole way.
The black figure started laughing and dropped to his knees, laughing. "I forgot to feed Chomper this morning! I hope you don't mind!" He reached his hands in and brought the little fishy out of the Jacuzzi. "There there Chomper..." He cuddled the evil little fishy. "Those mean people didn't mean to scare you!" He started laughing maniacally and ran off with the carnivourous fish towards the kitchen.
"I'm going to have a heart attack..." Ino said, holding her chest and breathing quickly. "You know, maybe we should get out of the Jacuzzi for today..."
"Agreed." They both jumped out of the Jacuzzi and started to run away. It was a good thing they did too. The black figure had been fiddling with the temperature controls. If they had stayed in there any longer, they would have been cooked alive.
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Almost everybody met outside the Arcade room, having had their fun for the day. Well, Hinata came to the Arcade room because she was sick of playing Shougi. And of course Shino and Kin weren't there because we all know that Shino is running around clutching his dialated eyes that make him look like a deranged monkey because Gai stole his sunglasses. And the Jounins were too drunk to even try walking. Other than that, everyone was here.
"How do you think Sasuke's doing with, you know, the violent one?" Naruto asked hesitantly.
"Maybe he's dead." Chouji suggested.
"NOOOOOOO!" Ino and Sakura sobbed with anime tears running down their faces. "SASUKE-KUN IS TOO AWSOME AND COOL TO DIE! HE WON'T BE BEATEN BY THAT GIRL NINA!"
"Actually, there's really no contest." Shikamaru stated. "Sasuke doesn't stand a chance against that ANBU. If I am right in my calculations, even Tsunade would have to put in quite an effort to beat Nina in a match."
"Wow..." Gaara whistled. "That's something."
"Mmm... I like ham sandwiches..." Temari said happily, still eating her ham sandwich.
"I wouldn't mind a ham sandwich too..." Neji muttered. A sandwich fell though the ceiling and right into Neji's hands. He opened it and looked inside. "Yeeyy! Ham!" He happily munched on his ham sandwich. "Can you get rid of my Cursed seal now?"
Everyone looked outside the window and saw a giant billboard sticking up out of the ocean. It said: 'NOT A CHANCE NEJI! Courtesy of Gohan209' At that very moment, Shikamaru woke up and saw the billboard sticking up out of the middle of the ocean.
He opened his mouth to interrupt the story, yet again, but a guy named Spike walked into the room and punched Shikamaru unconscious.
"Sorry man. Just doin my job." Spike saluted them and walked away. I am so glad I hired him...
"Well, let's go check up on Sasuke and see if he's dead yet." Ten-ten said, who was ever so eager to finally see the corpse of the Uchiha. Unfortunately, she was bombarded by Ino and Sakura with facts about why Sasuke would never ever die.
Everyone was amazed at, I still can not stress this enough, how humungo the Arcade room was. They looked everywhere, but neither of them were anywhere to be found.
"Hey! Come over here guys!" Lee called out. Oh yeah, he gave up a long time ago trying to get Haku into the Jacuzzi. They both settled with playing Pool instead. Anyways, everyone came over to see what Lee was talking about.
"Oohh..." All four Jounins came in and looked with googly eyes at the door. Luckily, Asuma wasn't drunk anymore so he was horrified at what he had done.
Quite unexpectedly, Shino and Kin came in and looked at the door as well.
"Shino! Your eyes!" Kurenai shouted, but Shino held up his hands.
"I'm fine now. You see, I have this second personality named Onish, which is almost Shino spelled backwards. And only his eyes are dilated. Mine, on the other hand, are just fine. That's why I always wear sunglasses so that in case Onish ever decides to come out, he isn't blinded." Everyone stared at him blankly.
"But, I thought you just hated the sun since you were a vampire nun that will soon transform into SUPER-SHINO THE BUGBOY who will save our worthless planet with his mighty bug-vision who also enjoys the age of Disco!" Kiba insisted.
"I know." Shino said, shrugging his shoulders. He snatched his glasses away from Gai and carefully placed them atop his nose. "Where did you find that information anyhow?"
"Well, I listened to Gohan209 narrate all that stuff about you and," Kiba pulled three different books out of his pocket and held them out for all to see. "I've read Shino's Life; A Biography and I'm also a subscriber to both; ShinoMonthly, and It's a Buggy Buggy World."
"Ah yes, my biography and my twomonthly magazines." Shino moved his glasses up and down a bit. "So Kiba, what do you think about the 'Ask Shino' column I added to Shino Monthlyin March?"
"Pure brilliance! I also like the 'What Bug are You?' questionnaire in back of It's a Buggy Buggy World! I'm a termite!" Kiba said proudly.
"Shino is the owner of two magazines?" Ino asked. "That's ridiculous!"
"And he already has a biography at this age?" Naruto exclaimed. "I thought I was the main character of the show! So why don't I have a biography?" He whined.
"I didn't even know he was famous!" Kurenai said, scratching her head. "And I'm his sensei! Well that settles it! I really am a horrible sensei!"
"Come on! We have to go see if Sasuke-kun's alright!" Sakura whined. Gaara was having a tough time trying not to pummel her into the ground. She was so god damn annoying!
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Just so you all know, my midterms will be overby Thursday. I am happy to announce that after that, my updates will be back to normal! Yey! Bet you didn't know that Shino has two magazines and an autobiography, did ya? Well, anyways. The next chapter will be all about Sasuke in the Reality Bender. And for those of you who don't know me personally, I can get quite evil when I want to be... (laughs maniacally)
Oh! This is for Sam N.: If you're reading this, then be assured that you will become a guest character in a few chapters. Probably around chapter 7 or 8! I hope you can wait! Till then!
Edit: Today, Monday the 23rd, is Shino's birthday! Yey Shino. (goes off to bake a cake)