Right Out of a Hat
When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?
Thinking
"Yelling"
Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...
On with the story!
Chpt 6: Sasuke Doesn't Have Game…
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"Come on! We have to go see if Sasuke-kun's alright!" Sakura whined. Gaara was having a tough time trying not to pummel her into the ground. She was so god damn annoying!
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Everyone walked into the room and looked around. White, white, and more white was everywhere. There was so much of thecolor white, some people broke down and had seizures because of the brightness. Then, they stood back up and stopped having seizures because they realized that there wasn't any 'actual' light.
"Hey, what's this?" Temari asked, pointing to the pedestal in the middle of the room. Of course, no one answered her, so she just stood there and stared at it. She was also eating her ham sandwich that she never seems to finish. Naruto turned and looked at the capsules lining the walls. He noticed that a long shiny cord was strung between two of them. He went over and tugged at it, but it didn't move.
"Naruto! Don't touch it! It might turn into a giant viper and swallow you whole and then spit you out and turn into a giant elephant who will sit on you and then it will maul you with its tusks and poke you with it's trunk and then it will eat you just like the snake did and then it will digest your youthful body slowly in its stomach acids and you will lose your youth and die and then we will never ever ever ever see you ever again!" Gai cried out.
"Wow. That was one big run-on." Ten-ten commented. Naruto, not wanting to hear Gai's snake and elephant speech a second time in a row, went up to one of the capsules that the cord led up to. Naruto saw a shutter that was shut on the top of the capsule.
"Ayame, go and open it." Ayame stared at him skeptically.
"Why do you want me to open it? Why don't you?"
"I don't wanna open it!" Naruto whined pitifully.
"Then why do you want me to open it if you don't want to open it?"
"I never said I wanted to open it, I just want to look inside it!" Naruto explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I'll open it!" Sakura came over and opened the shutter. She stared inside and didn't move.
"What's in it?" Naruto asked. Sakura didn't respond. "Hello?" He waved his hand in front of her face. "Move it! I wanna see!" Naruto shoved Sakura, and she fell over like a domino. "OH NOES! I KILLED SAKURA-CHAN!" Gaara started cheering and jumping gleefully.
"She's dead! She's dead! Goodbye you fat forehead!" Gaara sang as he began tap dancing like Luchy, you know, from Luchy Arms Cereal. You know, Luchy the red gnome, cousin of Lucky from Lucky Charms Cereal? Yeah, now that we're on the same page...
At that very moment, everyone, with the exception of Naruto, Lee, and Hinata, realized that they all hated Sakura! I mean, she was the weakest and lamest person on the entire show! They all lined up next to Gaara and began tapdancing too! Even Shikamaru joined in! Now that's saying something!
"I never liked her from the start! She just makes things worse than they already were!" Kakashi said to Asuma as they both tapdanced.
(A.N: Warning! Spoiler from the manga below! If you don't want to read a spoiler, please skip down to where it says: I'm a genius with an I.Q. over 200.")
"Wait a second..." Kankurou stopped dancing, tripping up the whole tapdancing line and starting the whole domino effect. "Doesn't 15 year old Sakura save me from dying once?"
"Oh yeah! Gaara had a brainblast. "Doesn't she kill Sasori and save Chiyo who eventually comes and brings me back from the dead?"
"So wait, if we killed her today, then that means that she will never save Kankurou and Gaara in the anime, therefore they will be killed off in the anime. That also means that Temari will enter a state of depression from her only family members dying. Also, since no one goes and fights Sasori, Sasori will probably gang up with other Akatsuki members and kill off even more of us in the anime! Therefore, we will never get to Gaara, so he will stay dead. Then, Akatsuki would have the Shukaku and have more Akatsuki members than they do in the manga. Then, they will get powerful enough to take on Orochimaru and kill him off, and then take Sasuke and Kabuto and convert them into Akatsuki members. Wait, but what would the conflict between Sasuke and Itachi be? The whole Akatsuki would be chaotic and they will crumble from the inside. So, in the end, Akatsuki and Orochimaru, along with all of us,are erased off the face of this Earth." Shikamaru stated.
"And you came up with that how?" Kiba asked. "Isn't that a little bit much to presume?"
"I'm a genius with an I.Q. over 200. I think I know what I'm talking about." Everyone realized that without grownup Sakura, no matter how lame she was as a kid, was an important addition to the Naruto gang.
"We've just condemned ourselves." Shino said plainly.
"I'M A BAD PERSON!" Naruto began crying.
"WE MUST GO AND REDEEM OURSELVES IN THE ONLY WAY POSSIBLE!" Lee yelled out.
"Say, what does this have to do with us?" Kin asked Tayuya and Haku.
"I don't know... We're bad guys so we're supposed to be killing off the good guys!" Haku began to sulk.
"SHUT UP YOU THREE RUFIANS! WE MUST GO AND REDEEM OUR YOUTH!" Gai yelled at them.
So, to redeem their youth, they went to church and read the bible, confessed their sins, and prayed for forgiveness. Of course, we all know that Shino feels right at home here since he is a nun sworn to silence.
"Hey? How does an entire church fit inside a cruise ship?" Neji asked.
"Well, it really doesn't because the author..." Shikamaru saw Spike around a corner crack his knuckles. "I mean, Neji! Isn't it obvious how a church fits inside a cruise ship?"
"Uh... no?"
"Well..." Shikamaru gulped. "It fits because this ship is humungo!" Spike gave Shikamaru the thumbs up sign and disappeared from sight. Shikamaru wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed in relief.
"Quick! Let's go see if we can bring Sakura back to life!" Everyone ran helter-skelter back to the game room and stood over Sakura's body.
"CLEAR!" Kurenai came into the room wearing a very skimpy nurse outfit and holding two little electric pad, thingies. You know, the things that are supposed to make your heart start back up? Yeah, those. Kurenai pressed the thingies on Sakuras feet and glued them on with quick dry cement. Everyone stared at Sakura, waiting to see if she would get up.
"You know, you look pretty sexy like that Kurenai..." Asuma's nose began to bleed as he peeked under her skirt.
"PERVERT!" Kurenai trurned around and swung a hammer, that she got out of nowhere, and smashed his head til' she couldn't smash no more.
"You've got to be more like me Asuma! If you're gonna be a pervert, be secretive about it!" That's the what the sign said that Kakashi was holding up. Currently, he was peeking at Kurenai while she was smashing Asuma with her hammer. She turned around angrily, and only saw Kakashi giggling at his book. She turned back again, and Kakashi lowered his book. This continued for several minutes until Kurenai had finished beating Asuma with her hammer and Asuma looked like pound cake! Haha! Get it? Pound cake? Yeah, I know. Not funny...
Sakura yawned and opened her eyes. She stared at her feet and was like, "..."
"What are these on my feet?"
"Your heart stopped, so we glued heart starters to your feet." Chouji explained while Sakura was still like, "..."
"Why my feet?" She tried tugging them off and instead, got an electrical shock.
"They were convieniently there." Kurenai pointed out.
"Geez, why'd you fall over?" Naruto asked Sakura.
"B-because..." Sakura sniffled and pointed towards the capsule she had looked in. Naruto went over and peeked in. Inside was Sasuke with a black mask covering half of his face. Wires were sticking out of various limbs while red lights consistantly scanned his body. All in all, it looked pretty high tech.
"What happens if I poke it?" Temari asked. She was still looking at the pedestal in the middle of the room. She poked it witha finger, and the top creaked open. "Why does 'Watch Progress' mean?"
"I don't know." Neji crossed his arms and looked sour, like he always does. So, Temari went ahead and poked it. A whirring sound echoed throughout the entire room and a screen appeared out of the wall. It covered the length of the entire wall, and it was flatscreen! Cool...
An image flickered to life, and they were looking out over a large, icy mountain. It zoomed in on a little black speck clinging to the edge of the mountain. It was Sasuke
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Sasuke clambered over icy, rocky ground as Nina chased after him, an evil grin plastered on her face and her hands glowing with a bloody red light.
"Come on Sasuke! Put a little more effort into this!" She appeared out of nowhere in front of him, and held her hands in front of her in clawlike positions, one on top of the other. "It's just a game!" An avalanch started and Sasuke shrieked a girly, well, shriek!
"YOU'RE INSANE!" Sasuke cried out as he ran haphazardly over an especially slippery patch of ice. "YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME!"
"So what's the problem?" She asked as she easily kept pace with him, bothkeeping ahead ofthe avalanch. "The game will just restart and if you want, we can go to a different level!"
"I DON'T CARE! I WANT OUT OF THIS DAMN REALITY THING! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SLAUGHTER ME OVER AND OVER!" The ground below Sasuke's feet gave way, and before he realized it, he was hanging for his life on the edge of the mountain. "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'M GONNA DIE!"
"Do I have to explain the whole 'It's not really happening' thing again?"
"THE AVALANCH!" Sasuke yelled and closed his eyes.
"My God! You're horrible at this game! Do you even understand the concept of 'Reality Bending'?" Nina shrugged and held out her hand in the direction of the avalanch. A soon as the snow hit her still red hands, it simply sprayed out in all directions, forming almost a shower of snow around her, leaving her unscathed. "Do you get it? You can do whatever you want!" She looked down at the trembling Sasuke and started laughing.
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" Sasuke shouted over the wind.
"Your little friends are watching us!" Sasuke turned around and his face paled. A little black video moniter floated in the air behind him, and he could see everyone staring out at him.
"Sasuke... Is that you?" Naruto asked hesitantly.
"YES DOBE! NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS GAME BEFORE SHE KILLS ME!" Sasuke yelled frantically at the screen.
"Sasuke, you don't have game!"Everyone started pointing and laughing.
"SASUKE DOESN'T HAVE GAME! SASUKE'S LOSING CAUSE HE DON'T GOT GAME!" They all chanted, with the exception of Sakura and Ino who were in tears.
"WHY I OUGHTA!" Sasuke took a swipe at the floating screen, but he forgot he was hanging off a mountain, therefore losing his grip and falling off into oblivion. Nina sighed and jumped right off after him.
"Why in the world did you jump off the cliff? Trying to commit suicide because you knew I'd beat you?" Nina laughed as Sasuke tried to punch her while falling. Of course, Sasuke sucks at playing this game, so Nina just moved herself by, obviously, bending reality.
"WELL, WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE FOR JUMPING OFF THE EDGE?"
"Because I'm good at this game and I wanted to laugh at you when you go splat on the ground." Nina giggled like one of those girly-girls. "The graphics in this game are perfect, so I want to see your expression when you hit the ground." Nina pointed downwards. "It's coming up awfully fast, don't you think?"
Sasuke looked down and saw that the ground was indeedgetting rather close.
"Goodbye Sasuke-kun!" She added the kun part to annoy him. He watched as red dots of light gathered and attached themselves to her back. Theymolded like clay to form shimmering red wings that flapped up and down to slow her decent, while Sasuke kept falling.
"I hate you." Sasuke muttered before everything went black.
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Sasuke awoke in the white capsule with the door of the capsule open and everyone staring at him.
"Sasuke! You suck teme!" Naruto yelled out from the back of the room.
"Honestly, you're horrible at that game!" Sasuke glared as Nina pushed herself out of her capsule. "I thought it was obvious that you just think something, and it happens! That's why it's called the 'Reality Bender'!" She smirked as she saw Sasuke's face darken. "I thought the Uchiha prodigy would be somewhat of a challenge."
"Maybe not in a video game," Sasuke growled. "But in real life..." A thought struck Sasuke. "Wanna duke it out?"
"Sure. Anytime, any place." Nina replied confidently, a bloodthirsty look in her eyes.
"How about..."
"Nope! Not gonna happen." Kakashi said as he crossed his arms. "There will be no training, or fighting on this vacation."
"Wait a second." Neji and Ten-ten said at the same time. "NO TRAINING?"
"Why of course not. In fact, you're not allowed to spend more than five minutes with someone else who isn't your partner unless eveyone's partner is there too." Kakashi explained.
"Wow, that made no sense whatsoever." Kiba scratched his head.
"Let me put it this way with these adorable little drawings!" Asuma pulled out a whiteboard and a marker.
"This is pair one. The boy's name is 1A, and the girl's name is 1B."
"Those aren'tvery good names!" Lee cried out from the back of the room.
"Lee, it's just a demonstration." Asuma sighed, but then good old Gai had to intervene.
"They must have proper names so as to express their youthfullness!" Gai shouted, putting out a thumbs up sign.
"Okay then, 1A is Bill, and 1B is Tommy."
"Ew! That means that they're gay!" Ino cried out.
"No they're not." Asuma chewed his cigarette.
"But you just said that 1B was a girl! Tommy isn't a girl's name!" Naruto argued back.
"Listen, the names don't really matter..."
"That means that she's a crossdresser!" Kiba yelled out, plainly disgusted.
"Alright fine. 1A is Bill, and 1B is Margret." Asuma grunted. "The other two, 2A being Tommy and 2B being Jennifer."
"Those names sound funny. Do they come from that America place?" Kankurou asked. Asuma glared angrily at him.
"Is there a problem with that?" Asuma asked, biting down on his cigarette angrily.
"Yes." Asuma picked up the eraser and wiped off the faulty names he had given them.
"Fine. So that I can get this over with,1A is Kankurou, 1B is Ino. 2A is Sasuke, 2B is Nina."
"Hey! Why do I get second billing?" Nina asked angrily.
"How come I don't get any billing at all?" Naruto asked sadly. "I'm the main charecter of the show! I want to be in it!"
"SHUT UP! IT'S ONLY A DEMONSTRATION!" Everyone grew silent as they saw Asuma's blood pressure was going over the edge.
"Now, if Ino leaves Kankurou behind to go with Sasuke, she can not stay with him for longer than five minutes and vice versa. Nina goes to Kankurou, they can only stay with each other for no more than five minutes and vice versa. If for some unknown reason, Sasuke and Kankurou want to hang out, or Nina and Ino want to hang out, again, they can not do that for more than five minutes. However, if both Nina and Sasuke want to hang out with Kankurou and Ino, then they can do that for however long they want. The point is, you can not leave your 'assigned person', for more than five minutes."
"Assigned person?" Kin asked annoyedly. "Why don't you just say 'Forced Boyfriend', or 'Forced Girlfriend'? Why are you trying to hide that from us behind some fancy words?"
"How about we just say 'vacation buddy'?" Kakashi asked with a smile.
"That's not what I..."
"Alright! Vacation buddy it is then!" Kakashi interupted.
"Uh, Kurenai-sensei! T-there's a problem..." Hinata spoke up. "What happens w-when one of us has to go to the b-bathroom?" Her face turned red.
"Umm..." The room went silent as everyone realized that they were chained together. Even with Nina's streching jutsu, that would mean that the door to thebathroom wouldn't close shut. Oh dear lord... "I don't know! One of you closes your eyes?" Kurenai said nervously.
"Get ready to hold it allin until we get to the island!" Kakashi said happily. He didn't really understand that that was unapropriate to say in such a situation.
"I'm so going to become a missing-nin." Chouji said through a mouthful of chips because he has to say something this chapter!
"We now officially hate you all." Neji glared at all the teachers.
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Well, let's just see how they handle this, shall we? I've said it in my other fic, and I'll say it here. My midterms are over, (yeys!) so that means updates will be back to normal! Hooray! Next chapter will shock and amaze you all! Alright, It'll be pretty strange, but it'll be funny! Till then!