Right Out of a Hat
When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?
Thinking
"Yelling"
Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...
kaitou angel: Hmm, sure! I'll add some in! Not a ton since I'm not too big on this pairing, but since I pulled them out of the hat, it is my duty to do so. It'll come up later in the story though, but there will be some eventually!
On with the story!
Chpt 7: OMG! Fatheaded Fairies and Bonding Time!
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"We now officially hate you all." Neji glared at all the teachers.
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On the tiny island of Itsy-Bitsy Land, there have been two different inhabitants since the beginning of time. The peaceful and intelligent race of 'MagicalCoconutsWhoWearLampshadesAndRideOnTheWingsOfOverlyLargeSparrowians', and their arch nemeses, the 'EvilFatheadedFairiesWhoHaveLessIntelligenceThanAPeanutians'. For short, we'll call them the Magical Coconuts who Wear Lampshades and the Fatheaded Fairies.
Now, the Magical Coconuts who wear Lampshades are a very smart, intelligent, and magical group of coconuts. Since they can not walk about, because they don't have any legs, they depend on their overly large, magically bred, sparrows to transport them from one place to another.
On the other hand, we have the Fatheaded Fairies. They are a very queer race with large, oversized heads. They fly around and cause havoc and mayhem wherever they go. However, since their heads are so large, they are running out of living room on the tiny island of Itsy-Bitsy Land. So, they have been bombarding the peaceful and intelligent race of Magical Coconuts, trying to eliminate the small race of coconuts.
The leader of these Fatheaded Fairies, is John. John wears a red sweatshirt all the time and a pair of blue jeans. John is the leader of the Fatheads because he has the fattest head of all. In fact, if it got any larger, you could consider it, not a head, but a beach ball.
On this particular evening, John sat on the beach with a large glass of lemonade and stared at the waves that crashed on the island of Itsy-Bitsy Land.
"What a nice sunset this is." John sighed. "Work harder!" He rapped the Fatheaded Fairy on his left who was fanning him with a giant fan as hard as he could. "It's hot tonight!"
"Sir! There's a thing washing up on the beach!" The Fairy yelled, looking out to sea.
"I wonder what it could be?" John got up to his feet and trotted over to where a large 'thing' was being brought in by the tide. John bent down and made a disgusted face. It looked like a guy who had been hit by a car or something.
"Looks like roadkill." The other Fairy commented, plugging his nose.
"Silence! I make the decisions around here!" John yelled at the poor Fairy. John took a closer look at the thing. "I have decided that it looks like roadkill."
"But I just…"
"SILENCE!" John yelled again. "I wonder what kind of creature it was…" John rolled the corpse on the ground until its face was looking up at the sky. "Looks like a human with a big sword on his back that has been squished flat by a truck." John tapped it carefully.
"I shall bring it back to life!" John exclaimed, holding his wand up to the sky.
"With all due respect sir, I don't believe that's a good…"
"DO NOT QUESTION ME!" John picked up the fairy and began to scream in his face. "I SHALL BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE, AND YOU SHALL DEAL WITH IT!"
John threw the Fairy on the ground gasping for air and clutching his throat. John lifted up his wand and poked the body. A pretty sparkly light came out along with corny Barbie music. You know, that lame music that comes with almost every stupid electronic Barbie toy?
The body inflated like a balloon and its eyes opened as if from a deep sleep.
"It is alive!" John cackled like a mad scientist. "My creation! It's alive!" The no-longer-dead-guy stood up and scratched his head.
"Where am I? What happened?" He peered down closely at John. "What the hell are you supposed to be?"
"I am John, the king of the Fatheaded Fairies! What is your name my dear fellow?" John asked, pointing a finger at him.
"It's Zabuza, I think…" He looked around confusedly. "That's right!" He snapped his fingers. "I came back to life and got hit by a truck, and now I'm alive again! Uh, how am I alive again?"
"I brought you back from the dead! Therefore, I am your creator and master! You shall obey me!"
"Uh, no. I don't think so." Zabuza picked up the untied bandages around his neck and began to tightly wrap them around his neck and mouth.
"WHAT? I AM YOUR MASTER!" John yelled angrily.
"I obey no one but myself. Thanks for bringing me back and all, but you've got it all wrong."
"NOOOOO! WHY WILL YOU NOT OBEY ME?" John cried and fell to his knees.
"Oh shut up." Zabuza grumbled. He was starting to get annoyed.
"OBEY ME!" John pointed his musical 'Barbie' wand at Zabuza, who was still tying up his loose bandages.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Zabuza swung his sword from his back and chopped off John's fat head. He watched satisfied, as John's head made a plopping sound in the sand.
"That wasn't very nice!" John's headless body put his hands on his hips. "In fact, it was downright rude!"
"How are you still talking if I chopped your head off?" Zabuza asked, scratching his head in confusion. "In fact, how are you alive at all?"
"Well, I'm a fathead!"
"No, you don't have a head anymore."
"Yes I do." John's neck moved a little, and crimson blood sprayed out in all directions.
"No you don't."
"I do so have a head."
"I just chopped it off!"
"I have an invisible head now." Zabuza blinked and slapped his face.
"Never mind. You're just wasting my time. I have something more important to do than argue with a headless… what is it you were called?"
"Fatheaded Fairy."
"Right. What you said." Zabuza clicked his sword back onto his back and turned towards the ocean. "I'm getting away from this freakshow!" He began to run on the ocean, away from the island of Itsy-Bitsy Land.
He held a hand up to his face and closed his eyes. Zabuza concentrated on trying to find the chakra signature known as Kakashi. After about two minutes, he found him. From what he could tell, Kakashi was moving south rapidly on some sort of boat.
"I'm coming for you, Kakashi!" Zabuza said with menace.
"Well, he was a nice man!" John said, waiting for the other Fairy to get his head for him.
"Um, sir. There's a problem with your head." He said, brushing the sand off it.
"What problem?"
"It's deflated. Pretty flat too.
"Flat huh?" John puzzled over this for a moment. "I've got it! From now on, I am the Flatheaded king of the Fatheads!" He grabbed his flat head and screwed it tightly in place on his neck.
Yeah, that's nice. How about we get back to the Naruto gang, shall we?
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"Nighty night kids!" The Jounin pushed the last of their students into their rooms and locked the doors shut.
"Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" Kakahi exclaimed, pulling what looked like a giant remote control out of his pocket. He pressed a big red button in the center, and a bleeping sound came from every room. "Don't try using any chakra or any jutsu kids! It won't work! I just programmed your handcuffs to prevent any of that from happening!" Kakashi said cheerfully. Groans of dismay were heard from every room. "Now remember! Don't try leaving your rooms! Lights out by midnight!"
"BITE ME!" Tayuya yelled from her room with Chouji.
Shikamaru and Hinata
"I'm going to bed." Shikamaru promptly sat down on his side of the bed and crossed his arms behind his head.
"Shikamaru-kun… can you u-uncross your arms?" Hinata asked. When Shikamaru had put his arms behind his head, he had dragged Hinata on to the bed at an awkward angle.
"Oh. Sure." He took his arms out from behind his head and laid them down by his side. They both sat on the bed on a while until Hinata spoke up.
"Um, what do y-you think about this whole thing, Shikamaru-kun?" She asked timidly.Honestly, that girl has got to get some more self esteem...Shikamaru sat up with a smile on his face.
"I think it's great! It's the best thing that has ever happened to me! I think the Hokage should get a special award for coming up with such a thing!" He said enthusiastically with a big smile on his face.
"R-really?" Hinata said, somewhat freaked out by Shikamaru's sudden change of character.
"No." He grunted, falling back onto the bed. "I think it's troublesome." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Very troublesome."
Chouji and Tayuya
"I'm hungry." Chouji muttered, rubbing his stomach after a rather loud rumbling sound came out.
"Whatever, you fat ass…" Tayuya muttered under her breath.
"What did you say…?" Chouji growled.
"Why don't you figure that out for yourself?" Tayuya sighed and fell down on the bed. "What did I do to deserve this?" She asked herself.
"You were evil and tried to kill me and my best friends. That's why you deserve this."
"I didn't ask for your damn input."
"You should stop swearing so much."
"And there we go again!" Tayuya began to rant. "You're just like Jiroubou! Don't say shit! It's not ladylike! Don't say damn, it's not a nice word! Don't..." Tayuya was cut off as Chouji sat on her. "WTF!" Her muffled scream came from under Chouji.
"You're annoying me with all your talking. If you had just stopped talking, I wouldn't be sitting on you." Chouji ignored her protests and sat there just to bug her.
"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" Tayuya bodily lifted Chouji off of her and threw him to the other side of the room. Unfortunately, for that split second, she forgot that they were handcuffed together, and she ended up tossing herself off the bed as well.
Kankurou and Ino
"So." Kankurou began. "How are you tonight?" He asked Ino. They were both sitting crosslegged on the bed and facing each other.
"This is, what, the ninth time you've asked me that?" Ino stared at him, obviously disgruntled. "I'm the same as I was several minutes ago. Very pissed off."
"Fair enough." Kankurou shrugged. "So. What do you want to do? It's only about 9:00 anyways."
"There's nothing to do." Ino muttered, crossing her arms.
"We could watch TV." Kankurou suggested.
"There's no TV to watch."
"Yes there is. It's in that panel in the wall." They got up and Kankurou showed her how a panel in the wall was really a cabinet with a TV inside it. Complete with both a VCR and DVD player.
"It doesn't really matter. There isn't any cable in the middle of the ocean." Ino wrould rather just sit on the bed and be misreable than watch a movie with him.
"Geez! You ever heard of movies?" Kankurou pulled out one. The title was 'Weight Watchers Extreme! How to Make Your Fat Simply Melt Away!' Kankurou blinked several times.
"Oh gee! I would love to watch that one!" Ino said sarcastically. "You know just how much I love to watch my weight!"
"Is that why you're so skinny?" Kankurou asked, not really understanding what Ino was saying. Ino's face darkened quickly. But before she could unleash hell on Kankurou, a loud thump came from the room next to them.
"AIIEEE!" Ino cried like a little girl and jumped high into the air. Just like Tayuya, Ino forgot they were handcuffed together, so she ended up falling to the floor. This also resulted in pulling Kankurou to the ground as well. On top of her.
"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY EYE!" Kankurou yelled, trying to pry the heel of her palm off his eye socket.
"NOT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR FOOT OUT OF MY FACE!" Kankurou's foot was sticking up at a funny angle right under Ino's chin and just above her neck. Obviously, this was uncomfotable for the both of them, so, being the geniuses they are, they began to yell at each other, just making the situation worse than it already was.
Kiba and Ten-ten
"You hear something?" Kiba asked Ten-ten.
"Sounds like someone's arguing about limbs being in the wrong places." Ten-ten said absentmindedly as she polished several of her weapons.
"Ew... That's horrible!" Kiba made a gagging sound. "That came out so wrong!" Ten-ten sighed and smacked her face.
"That's not what I meant. I mean as in a hand in an eye, you know, that kind of thing."
"Oh." Kiba corrected his mental image and sat there quietly. Quietly? Kiba? That's unusual... Either that, or, he's been brainwashed by Evil Mutant Sluggy Men! And not just any Evil Sluugy Men, but Albino Evil Mutant Sluggy Men. Yeah...
"I'm bored." Kiba sighed and leaned on his hand. Ten-ten turned and threw a kunai right in front of his face, cutting off a small lock of his hair. He gulped as the kunai made a sharp twang in the wall and his small strands of hair floated down to the bed.
"What was that for?" Kiba yelled, gasping as if he had just run a marathon.
"Well, you're not bored now, are you?" She asked, holding up another kunai. "I'll keep you on your toes."
"N-no! I'm good." Kiba waved his arms frantically.
Shino and Kin
"..." Shino stared at Kin from behind his sunglasses.
"..." Kin nervously turned away from Shino's stare, or was it a glare? She wasn't sure.
"..." Shino still stared at Kin, not budging an inch.
"..." Kin fiddled with a strand of hair and tried to ignore Shino.
"..." Shino persistantly stared at her.
"..." Kin fidgeted nervously and scooched a little to the left.
"..." Shino still stared at Kin.
"..." Kin hunched over and clenched her fists. What did he want from her? Well, she wasn't going to talk.
"..." Shino was being, well, himself. And of course, he was still staring at Kin.
"..." Kin was starting to lose it and began to pull at her hair.
"..." Shino still stared at Kin because it's now obvious he has nothing better to do with his life.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" Kin cried out, bursting into tears. "YOU KEEP STARING, AND STARING, AND STARING, AND STARING! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" She clutched at her face like an insane person. "THE EYES! THE EYES! THOSE HORRIBLE, EVIL, FOCUSED EYES!" Kin screamed, bordering the edge of insanity.
"...zz..." Shino made a curious buzzy sound. Kin stopped her ranting and poked Shino's shoulder. He fell over in a heap on the bed and his sunglasses slid off his face. To Kin's utter annoyance, they were indeed closed. Apparently, he hadn't been staring at Kin, but was actually asleep the whole time. Kin fell over anime style on the bed and started to twitch.
Naruto and Ayame
Well, nothing much to say about them. Naruto was bragging about how great he is, and how lame Sasuke is. Ayame, well, Naruto didn't notice that she had already passed out from boredom. Yup. Like I said. Nothing too interesting here.
Gaara and Sakura
Gaara sat crosslegged on the bed and going through some meditation techniques. Sakura, on the other hand, was sitting next to him in terror while hyperventilating spastically. Gaara's eyebrows knitted together as her sharp gasps penetrated his concentration. He opened his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Sakura screamed in terror.
"Would you please..."
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
"Please st..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Would you just..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gaara raised an eyebrow and scratched his forehead. What would be the best possible way to shut her up? A thought struck him, and he grinned. Why not wait until she passes out from lack of oxygen? Sakura continued to scream non-stop while Gaara waited for the inevitable to occur.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(gasp! hack! cough!)HHHHHHH! AAHHHH! AHH! AH! Ahhh... (sputter.) Sakura ran out of air and fell over, passing out from lack of oxygen. Drool came out from the corner of her mouth while her eyes were little x's. The x's that dead people have instead of normal eyes. That's the second time today!
"Finally!" Gaara exclaimed happily. "Sweet silence at last!" He didn't see it, but some of his fangirls cheered happily outside the window. Unfortunately, I pushed them off the side of the boat and left them there to drown because Gaara needs quiet so he can meditate. Besides, Gaara is mine! Mine! You hear me? Oh, and Neji is mine too... So stay away from both of them! THEY ARE MINE! (glomps both Gaara and Neji because I wuv dem! Even if Neji is a cold-hearted bastard...) Okay, I'm good.
Sasuke and Nina
Sasuke was burying his face inhis book so as to keep Nina in a somewhat non-violent mood. Nina looked up from studying her scrolls, and became confused when Sasuke looked like he was about to cry. Nina tried to look at the title of the book, but it was hidden by a blackbook cover. She became even more suspicious as Sasuke wiped away a tear that was streaming down his cheeks.
"What in the world are you reading?" Nina asked, genuinely curious as to what it was.
"N-Nothing!" Sasuke hastily shut his book and stared innocently at her. However, it wasn't all that convincing since his eyes were all red and puffy from crying.
"What are you reading?" Nina asked again.
"I said i-it was nothing!" Sasuke looked as though he was about to burst into tears again. Nina shrugged and went back to her scroll, but as soon as she did, Sasuke opened his book again. She listened closely and heard Sasuke softly say something that sounded suspiciously like, "Bridget! No!" Nina vowed right then and there to find out what he was reading. Even if it killed her.
Neji and Temari
Neji sat there and looked through the walls with his Byakugan while Temari ranted on and on about how Neji was to treat her. Neji almost laughed as he saw Ino jump up and drag Kankurou down with her. Her hand hit his eye, while his foot got lodged under her chin. They started a shouting match that just made things worse.
"Are you even listening to me?" Temari whacked Neji harshly on the head. "Now, I don't plan on..."
"Well, would you look at that!" Neji's cold front broke as he doubled over laughing.
"What?" Temari asked. She couldn't imagine what she was missing out on.
"I-Ino and Kankurou are having a bit of t-technical difficulty!" Neji's stomach ached from the laughing. "Their handcuffs just g-got jammed under th-their bed!"
"What are you talking about?" Temari scratched her head.
"Well, the chain of their handcuffs got wedged under a post of the bed, and they can't get it out!"
Kankurou and Ino (again)
"Well, this sucks." Kankurou and Ino's arms were streched upwards since their handcuffs were wedged there. Their faces were turned towards each other, and they were both shooting angry faces at each other.
"It's all your fault!" Ino grumbled.
"My fault!" Kankurou said shockingly. "If you weren't so jumpy, then we wouldn't be stuck here!"
"Well you wanted to watch TV!"
"Yeah, but I didn't pull us both down to the ground!" And so they continued to argue while they really should have been trying to find a way to get loose.
Lee and Haku
"What's it like being a villan?" Lee asked Haku.
"You try and kill off the good guys, and...yeah..." Haku left it at that.
"That's it?"
"Pretty much. We usually die in the end too."
"That's a horrible role for a character!" Lee crossed off the role of 'villian' from his list of what he wants to be when he grows up. That, and librarian. Libraries were too quiet for his taste. Then, theydidabsolutely nothing exciting for the rest of the night. Why? Because I'm too lazy to make up anything else for them to doand I just ran out of ideas for this chapter
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Well, Zabuza's alive (again) and is out for vengence. And by the looks of it, our favorite ninjas are going crazy. Well, that's what makes this story fun. Next chapter is where my friend Sam gets his moment of fame. Hope you can wait Sam! And in chapter nine, EarthenAngel makes her appearence into the story! Yey! Hope you all can wait! Till then!