Right Out of a Hat
When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?
Thinking
"Yelling"
Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...
EarthenAngel: Kakashi with a British accent? Now that, would be awesome… And I'm sorry root beer sprayed out of your nose. Stuff like that really stings. (At least it wasn't Mountain Dew! That happened to me once, ehehe… There wasn't an eww loud enough…)
On with the story!
Chpt 8: I'm Out Shopping…
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"That's a horrible role for a character!" Lee crossed off the role of 'villain' from his list of what he wants to be when he grows up. That, and librarian. Libraries were too quiet for his taste. Then, they did absolutely nothing exciting for the rest of the night. Why? Because I'm too lazy to make up anything else for them to do and I just ran out of ideas for this chapter
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Gohan209: Yey! It's time for another FUNTASTIC chapter of Right out of a Hat! Let's get…
Temari and Neji: WE WANT MORE HAM SANDWICHES!
Gohan209: SPIKE! WHERE ARE YOU?
Neji: Oh. Spike's out on his lunch break. How else do you think we got in here?
Temari: We finished those ham sandwiches you gave us. Please sir, may we have some more?
Gohan209: Why did Spike have to leave now? T.T And Temari, I can't be a 'sir' if I'm a girl, and I absolutely hate Oliver Twist!
Neji: Hate is such a strong word.
Gohan209: Oh? Then what do you call your feelings towards the Main House? Hm?
Neji: Evil fate-induced madness. Well… yeah, I hate them.
Gohan209: Hypocrite… Now, both of you get out of here! Shoo!
Neji: Don't you mean, shoe?
Gohan209: No, I mean shoo, as in GET OUT! (Picks them both up and throws them out my suddenly oversized window.)
Temari: Those were kage bunshin, you know.
Gohan209: (Looks out window and sees kage bunshin explode in a puff of smoke.) Curses! Wait a minute, Naruto is the only one who knows the kage bunshin, unless you guys are hiding something…
Neji: Nah, we still can't do kage bunshin. Naruto's renting his kage bunshin out for five dollars per clone.
Gohan209: (shrugs) Who knew?
Temari: So… Are we gonna get our ham sandwiches yet?
Gohan209: I'm guessing that you guys won't leave me alone until I get you some, right?
Temari and Neji: Yup.
Gohan209: (sighs) Alright, alright… (walks over to fridge and pulls out meat drawer) Uh, bad news guys. I'm out of ham. Will you settle for turkey?
Temari: Nope. It has to be ham.
Gohan209: But! But! I don't have time to run out to the store! I have to write this chapter!
Neji: Why don't you have someone write the story for you while you're gone? Someone like me?
Gohan209: Ah, no. There is no way I would ever trust you with writing the story. You'd probably try and nuke Hinata! (Smacks Neji because he grinned at that statement.) Wait one second. (Grabs phone and dials in some numbers.)
Temari: Are you calling that Empire Carpeting place?
Neji: Oh! I love that commercial! It has such a catchy little jingle! 1-800-588-2300- Empire! Today!
Gohan209: Shut up you two! (Starts to talk into phone.) Hi there! Is this Sam?
Sam: Speaking. Is that you Amanda? How are you?
Neji: Your name's Amanda? I didn't know that…
Gohan209: Shut up Neji! I'm on the phone! Eh, I could be better. Listen, I have a favor to ask you.
Sam: Sure. What is it?
Gohan209: Neji and Temari are bugging me, so could you write this chapter while I go to the store and buy some ham?
Sam: Ham? Why ham?
Gohan209: They want ham sandwiches.
Sam: Why don't you just make turkey sandwiches?
Gohan209: Apparently, turkey isn't good enough for them. And, I just need you to write until I get back from the store. Then I'll take over.
Sam: Sure. I'll be right over.
Gohan209: (Hangs up phone.) Alright. We just have to wait until Sam…
Sam: Present.
Gohan209: AAAIIIEEEEEEEEE! (Jumps up several feet in the air) How did you get here so fast?
Sam: I was in your closet.
Gohan209: You, were in my closet? O.O
Sam: Yeah, I live there.
Gohan209: You live in my closet? 0.o; Never mind. Sam, I'm gonna go now, so could you please start writing?
Sam: Sure thing! See you when you get back!
Gohan209: Thanks a lot! (Jumps onto bicycle because I'm not old enough to drive yet. TT)
Sam: As Amanda always says at the beginning of her chapters; On with the story!
Neji: Say, what is your chapter going to be about?
Sam: Oh, you'll see…
Chpt 7: Rock Lee Rules! Sam Style!
"WHAT?" Neji yelled, but then he stopped yelling because he realized that the chapter started and is now talking in third person and is on the cruise boat.
"Say Neji, when will we get our ham sandwiches?" Temari asked, annoyed that she would have to wait to get her hammy goodness.
Narrator (Sam): Now, today was like any normal day, except for one tiny detail.
"We have a narrator?" Neji asked, scratching his head.
"Apparently." Temari shrugged in confusion.
Narrator: That tiny detail, was that there was a fashion show today!
The walls of the rooms disappeared, and all the ninjas were sitting, still handcuffed, in folding chairs. The lights dimmed, and two spotlights shone down from the ceiling, lighting up the walkway that appeared out of nowhere.
"Our first, and only contestant for this show, is the dazzling, the awesome, the youthful, Rock Lee!" Jeff shouted into a microphone.
"Excuse me?" Just about everyone said at once. "Did you say…"
"ROCK LEE! THE YOUTHFUL AWSOME… UH… YOUTHFUL GAI-SENSEI CLONE!" Lee came out from behind some curtains wearing what looked like a giant fur coat that reached to the floor. Poor, poor Haku was still stuck there because she is handcuffed to Lee.
"LEE!" Gai cried from the sidelines. "SHOW OFF THAT YOUTHFUL FLAME AND MAKE ME PROUD!"
"YES! GAI-SENSEI!" Lee made a fist in the air and had anime tears streaming down his cheeks.
"First up on our program for tonight, is, winter fashion!" Jeff cried out, looking up from his program. Lee struck a pose in his oversized jacket, and began to strut up the walkway, dragging Haku along.
Gaara's forehead twitched spastically because this was really quite disturbing. Sakura looked rather ill. Shikamaru was complaining. Hinata poked her fingers together, like she always does, and looked away. Chouji was eating a bag of BBQ chips, and of course, wasn't sharing any of them. Tayuya was cursing at everything saw, because, that's just what she does. Naruto was laughing his head off until his gut ached. Ayame sat their confused, not knowing what to do in such a situation. Kankurou and Ino? Well, they weren't exactly there. They were still mercifully stuck under the bed post, far away from the fashion show. Of course, they're still arguing, but at least they don't have to watch this. Temari wasn't even paying attention and was thinking about her ham sandwich. Neji and Ten-ten were both doing a group hurl over the back of their chairs. Kiba was staring at both Neji and Ten-ten, and not at Lee because it was just too scary to watch. Sasuke was crying because Nina was wringing his arm so hard that it felt like it was going to snap.
And last but not least, dear old Shino was like, "No.". Kin also, was like, "No.". In fact, and I know this may amaze some of you, they were both like, "No.".
Okay, so in truth they were both more like, "…", but I would bet you 20 bucks that they were thinking along the lines of, "No.".
"AND NOW, THE SUMMER FASHION!" Lee tore off his big fur coat, AND THERE WAS NOTHING UNDERNEATH! I'm kidding, I'm kidding… He was wearing some ugly pine green swim trunks with little pineapples on them. But think about it, would you rather him wear those swim trunks? Or nothing? The swim trunks? I thought so…
Gaara was doing all he could to keep from squashing Lee like a cockroach.
"There isn't an 'ew' loud enough." Sakura said quietly before she fell over and passed out. Shikamaru held his new Shougi board, since Hinata had burned his old one, over his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch. Hinata shrieked loudly and hid her face in her hands. Chouji stared in shock at Lee and had a chip hanging half out of his mouth. Tayuya was now swearing at Lee, quite loudly too. Naruto was screaming about disturbing the peace and pointing accusingly at Lee. Ayame still sat there, still unsure of how she should be reacting. Of course, Kankurou and Ino were arguing in their room, completely oblivious to anything else but arguing with each other. Temari was disgusted, and no longer really wanted her ham sandwich. Neji and Ten-ten were covering each other's eyes, while Kiba hid his own. Sasuke was now trying his best to restrain Nina from hurting somebody. Unfortunately, it wasn't really working all too well.
And once again, last but not least, good old Shino was still like, "No.". Kin was now like, "I'm going to have to go to therapy for the rest of my life." But she was also like, "No.".
"AND NOW! IT IS TIME FOR SPEEDOS!" Lee cried out. Everyone screamed and went into a panic. And poor, poor Haku fell into a dead faint on the walkway.
Neji: Alright Sam! This has gone on long enough! I refuse to let you write about Lee in a Speedo! That's disgusting, let alone cruel and unusual punishment for the rest of us!
Sam: Eep! Run away!
Neji: Come back here! (Runs around room trying to catch Sam. After several seconds, Neji catches up to Sam and ties him up like a pig.) I win!
Temari: At least we stopped him from writing about Lee in a Speedo, but now we don't have anyone to write the story!
Neji: When does Spike's lunch hour end?
Temari: He comes back in about 20 minutes, why?
Neji: Story time! Muahahaha!
Chpt 8: Downfall of the Main House Family! Neji Style!
The Hyuuga family is separated into two different sections. The Main House Family, and the Branch Family. The Branch Family has a horrible curse seal put on their foreheads that the Main House can activate at any time, and it can never be removed.
One day, there was a boy named Hyuuga Neji from the Branch Family who was being tortured by a girl named Amanda, also known as Gohan209, in a story called Right Out of a Hat. But now, since he has taken over the story, he can do what ever he wants!
Some way or another, Neji found a rocket launcher. Neji took this rocket launcher and ran over to Hyuuga compound and blew the whole place to pieces, killing the entire Main House. As soon as they died, his curse seal disappeared, making him really happy.
Then he remembered that there was once more Main House member on the cruise ship known as the Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza! Why it was called such a stupid name, Neji never really figured that out. Her name was Hyuuga Hinata, and she was evil, well, she was really timid, but evil nonetheless!
Hinata stood on the deck of the cruise ship, poking her fingers together like the insecure girl she is. Then, out of nowhere, millions of A-bombs fell from the sky, spreading radioactivity and ruining the environment, but killing her along with it! Her body fell into the ocean and was eaten by sharks. Now she lies at the bottom of the sea with the mangled corpse of an old guy named Mr. Jenkins.
Temari: That was the worst bit of story-telling I've ever heard! Neji, you write like a second grader!
Then, Neji remembered that annoying girl Temari he was handcuffed to,
Temari: HEY!
So, being the incredibly awesome guy that he is, he pulled out his rocket launcher and blew her head to smithereens!
Temari: (Her headless corpse falls over into a puddle of her own blood.)
Then, Neji was happy! The girl of his dreams came up to him and gave him a big hug, congratulating him on killing off that horrible Sand bitch. Then, shattering his cold exterior, Neji kissed her on the lips, making her blush horribly. That girl of his dreams is none other than… (A.N: Nope! I'm not going to tell you who it is! I'm so mean…)
Gohan209: Hello! I'm back! I got that stupid that ham that you guys insisted on having. (Trips over Sam who is still tied up like a pig on the ground.) Sam! What happened! Wait, if you're here, than who's writing the story.
Neji: Oh shit! Gotta go!
Gohan209: NEJI! (Sees Temari dead on the floor) I'M GONNA KILL YOU! YOU COMPLETELY WRECKED MY STORY!
Neji: It's not my fault! Sam was going to make Lee wear a Speedo!
Gohan209: Sam! How could you? I trusted you!
Sam: Oh well. (Shrugs)
Gohan209: Besides, that's disgusting. Lee in a Speedo… (Shivers) I hate Lee so much…
Sam: LEE IS THE COOLEST!
Gohan209: Alright then. Back into the closet you go! (Picks Sam up and throws him into the closet.) Alright Neji, step away from the keyboard.
Neji: Never!
Gohan209: (Jumps up and huggles Neji to death) Get away from the keyboard Neji!
Neji: No! The huggle! Draining… my strength… (Bleh… Falls to the ground)
Gohan209: Victory at last! Now, let me fix the damage these idiots have done.
Chpt 8: Undoing the Chaos
Gohan209 joins the story temporarily so that she can help save this story from going down the toilet. She does many, many, many handseals, and rewinds time to when she was going to the store to buy ham. (I can do that you know! I am the author. I can do whatever I want!)
Gohan209(past self): Sam, I'm gonna go now, so could you please start writing?
Gohan209(time traveler): Stop right there! I come from the future bearing ham!
Gohan209(past self): Umm… okay.
Gohan209(time traveler): Listen to me! Whatever you do, do not let Sam write this story! If you do, then everything will be ruined!
Gohan209(past self): But I need ham to make sandwiches so that Neji and Temari will leave me alone!
Gohan209(time traveler): Take my ham! (Throws box of ham at past self.)
Gohan209(past self): Thanks!
Gohan209(time traveler): No, thank you. Now, I can wake up in a future worth living in.
Gohan209(past self): That was really, really corny.
Gohan209(time traveler): I know. (Goes back to the future.)
Gohan209: Weird. Anyways, Sam, you can go back to your closet now.
Sam: Darn. (Mopes away.)
Gohan209: Now, who wants a ham sandwich?
Temari and Neji: We do! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.)
Neji: Mmmm… This ham sandwich sure is Wilberlicious!
Temari: (Spits out sandwich.) Neji! That's horrible!
Neji: Get it? Wilber the pig from Charlottes Web? And we're eating ham sandwiches? Aren't I a genius?
Temari: You're a sicko!
Gohan209: Okay, I think I've dragged this thing out long enough. Exit! Stage left!
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Alright, this chapter was seriously messed up. I know. But you know what? This is what happens when you're stuck at your house with your little sister for about 6 hours and you're not allowed to have anyone over because you're parents are cruel and mean. During that lovely time period, I usually get sugar high, and pretty whacked. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter Sam! (Even though I know you would never want to see Lee wearing Speedos… 0.o;) Till then!