CHAPTER 6: News

As Alanna's second year started, she almost began to enjoy life at the convent. Although an hour of training per day was absurd compared to what the pages did at the palace, it beat learning nothing at all. Kevin became her closest friend after Rowanna left. She joined Cythera and Jessica for the two hours of study hall before dinner and then buried herself alone in the library to study Carthaki. Often, she pampered her pride from Daughter Marinstha's trust in her and returned to the library nightly, reading papers with topics she had never heard of before.

Marinstha turned out to be, to Alanna's surprise, a rather interesting woman. Before becoming a Daughter, she had traveled extensively and knew the most intriguing of stories. She also was fluent in Carthaki and helped rectify Alanna's atrocious accent. The best part, though, was her ability to carry on a conversation for hours and never lose Alanna's attention. She explained matters that Alanna had never understood or had countless questions about, including Alanna's favorite interest of the Old Ones.

Alanna could no longer understand why she had been so scared of her Gift before. The books she read on it and the things Marinstha said never ceased to enthrall her, and she found herself practicing magic that she had sworn many years ago never to touch. When Maude arrived to check on her in mid-August, she was exceedingly pleased and yet unsurprised at her progress.

"Jarinth is hardly the kind of woman you want to—or even can, for that matter—mess around with. If she's the instructor and you are the student, you will learn, or else," she remarked. "By the way, I have news from Coram. He wrote to say that Thom is depressing—not at all depressed, as he's enjoying putting up one Chaos-originated fight against picking up a sword, but definitely depressing. He's annoyingly cumbersome and infuriatingly hostile and indifferent about it all. Thank the gods no one blames Coram—Duke Gareth just relates Thom to your father—but he says this is getting terribly out of hand and he requests that you write to your brother and try to talk him around. You're the only one who has ever been able to do that."

"But I've already written to him—five times," Alanna pointed out. "He hasn't responded once."

"Coram says all of your letters are read once and burned. You are continually talking of a certain Disart."

Alanna's eyebrows snapped together. "What's wrong with Rowanna?"

Maude sighed. "Alanna, Thom is an extremely prideful boy—more prideful than you, even. He's rather resentful that your best friend is his enemy's cousin."

"Raoul?" Alanna asked, shocked. "He's not friends with Raoul?"

"Alanna, haven't you been listening? He isn't friends with anyone."

---

In September, another break in her routine came from a maid with a messenger in the middle of math class. First Daughter Rinnesia wanted to see her immediately.

"Sit down, Trebond," the First Daughter directed quietly. Alanna obeyed, confused and nervous. The woman's face was extremely pale. She closed her eyes, and then opened them again and said firmly, "I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your brother is gone. He disappeared two weeks ago. His manservant, Coram Smythesson, who was serving his shift as a guardsman that dawn, returned to find Page Thom's things missing, and Thom had not been seen by anyone since the night before. They alerted your father and immediately started a search. They found his body a mile from the gates of Corus on the Great Road. It appears he was taken by bandits."

Alanna sat in her chair, dumbstruck. Thom, dead? No. Impossible. Death was something for people in war, people who were sick, people who were old, people she didn't know. This was her brother. This kind of thing didn't happen to her brother. Thom wouldn't let it—she wouldn't let it. Thom was back at the palace, enraging everyone with his cheeky indifference about his education.

"Duke Gareth, his training master, offers his deepest apologies, sincerest regrets and most heartfelt condolences. The funeral will be held in Corus as soon as possible. You will leave for it tomorrow at dawn. Your martial arts instructor—Kevin Lark—has been alerted. You will not have your class with him."

At first, horror settled on Alanna like a heavy blanket. Then, she frowned, confused. "Are—are you serious?"

Rinnesia bowed her head. "I'm sorry."

Alanna could only stare as the news replayed in her mind. Somehow she almost couldn't believe that this was true. But then why would Rinnesia say it?

Slowly, she stood up and, without waiting to be dismissed, left. Thom was dead?

---

Through eavesdroppers and gossipers, news had a way of travelling exceedingly quickly through the convent. Rumors only stepped up a notch when three different maids were spotted in Alanna's room packing her belongings. Alanna exchanged her light blue uniform for a black dress. Daughter Marinstha broke for a small second from her usual way of life and quietly ordered Alanna to be at the library that night. At lunch and dinner First Daughter Rinnesia offered an extra prayer to the Dark God in Thom's honor.

Never in her life had Alanna ever wished harder that Rowanna or Kevin were at the convent. She felt bombarded and beaten. Cythera and Jessica regarded her as some ghostly creature, keeping their conversations quiet, gentle, and ordinary, as if in fear that too loud of a sound would break her. She had no one to talk to that wouldn't immediately mention Thom's death, and it was devastating. Something in her wanted to talk about Thom, but she didn't want to hear apologies. She wanted to say, "He's dead," and then—well, then what? She didn't really know. Perhaps she would say something about how she used to shove him in the fishpond, or how he used to magically torture his superiors to get what he wanted. Then they would laugh about him, as if he were still alive, and everything would lighten up a little bit.

Despite her biting desire to get away from the apologies, though, curfew came annoyingly slowly.

Then, at ten o'clock, she headed wearily down to the library, as Marinstha had directed.

Alanna collapsed into her chair, drew her knees under her chin, and buried her face into her skirts as the tears finally started streaming. She had been holding them back all day, and it had hurt. Marinstha reached over and rubbed her back tenderly, the softest gesture Alanna had ever seen her make. "I know; I know. When my parents died… I wasn't happy either, to say the least. I can't imagine what it's like for you, though—losing a twin. I wish I could just give you a book to make the pain go away, but pain doesn't work like fear does. If there's anything I can do…."

Alanna shook her head and looked up with a sniff, wiping away tear. "I can't even really imagine that he's dead. I haven't seen him in a year—it's so hard. And there was no warning or anything—I didn't even believe it at first. I didn't really believe it until I saw the maids packing my bags and heard everyone else talk about it. Now, I feel as if it's something I'm just supposed to accept. As if, well, he's dead, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"That's more or less all there is to it."

"But it makes my head hurt."

"That's hardly the worst of the pain, though, if I remember correctly."

Alanna sighed. "This is such an impersonal world. No one else is affected like I am about Thom."

"You could make it affect them. You could scream and kick and find some way to affect them."

She frowned. "But I don't want to."

"Good, I'm glad. Sometimes you just have to move on. Like you said, there's nothing you can do about it. You hurt, yes, but so what? Tears will not bring him back, Alanna. I hate to say this, but you have a duty, and it's not to mourn him forever. Your duty is to… I don't know. Choose a duty."

Alanna shrugged. "To save people."

"Nice duty. You have to keep people from dying, because you know how much it hurts to lose a loved one and you don't want anyone else to go through that. And if it does happen, then you need to be there to comfort them, because you know how it feels. I'm not saying you're just supposed to forget Thom, but you can do more than cry over him. You can keep him with you and grow through him. Think of it as if he's helping you. He wants to make a better you. Perhaps dying wasn't the most comfortable way to do it—for anyone—but that's the way he did it. The least you can do is show him the respect of using his lesson, so he didn't die in vain. Besides, you heard what Maude said: Thom hated the palace. He never would have fit in with this world. He must be so much happier dead. You can't deny him the right to be happy."

Alanna cocked her head to the side. "No, I can't, can I?" She bit her lip, and then shivered. "But I'll never see him again."

"No, you won't. But, again, tears won't bring him back."

"But they make me feel better."

Marinstha nodded. "They do, for awhile. But… here, think of this. Knights lose best friends on the battlefield all of the time. I'm sure they cry, but they can't let that get in their way of living their lives. Yes, their friends might be dead, but they themselves are not. They still have lives to live. So do you. For example, you have to go to Corus and represent Trebond at the palace."

Alanna blanched. "The palace! I completely forgot that!"

"Sorry."

"But I can't go to the palace—I don't have the right clothes, or enough training—"

"Alanna, I think you'll manage. Your deportment teacher is already sending requests for those stylish black dresses to be made for you. And, besides, I can go too, if you'd like."

"I didn't know you could do that. I thought Daughters were restricted to the convent grounds or something."

This earned a laugh from Marinstha. "That's a string that's easy to pull; don't worry. Please let me come. I'm rather sick of the cold stuffiness up here, and I wouldn't mind an excuse to get out for a little bit. It'll also give me more time to correct papers. And this way you can continue your lessons and won't fall too far behind."

Alanna's heart leapt. "You would seriously do that?"

Marinstha raised her eyebrows. "Would I offer if I wouldn't?"

"I'd love it if you did," Alanna told her seriously. "I mean, think of me, alone, in Corus!"

"I'm more afraid for Corus, truth be told," she remarked blandly.

Alanna almost laughed, but instead started crying again. Someone was coming with her to her brother's funeral!