(In My) Wildest Dreams

Remus stirred his porridge around and around and around and around and –

"Are you going to eat that, Moony?"

Remus looked up at James's enquiring face and shrugged. He took up his spoon to have a mouthful and dropped it back in the bowl.

"No." He replied. He glanced down at the table. On the other side of Peter (who sat beside James who was seated to Remus's left) Sirius sat surrounded by a gaggling group of girls as per usual. As not-per-bloody-usual, he was engaged in loud conversation with them, smiling and laughing.

"He's bloody flirting." Scoffed James. He, too was watching Sirius' recent display of girl interaction, with something of the trepidation one could expect from a concerned best mate. Remus knew James was concerned about Sirius, and he knew it was for similar reasons to his own, but he very much doubted it could be the same reasons.

Three days ago, he and Sirius had kissed. Three days ago, Sirius had said he loved him. Three days ago he had said he loved Sirius. Three days ago, things were very different.

Later, when they sat outside after classes had finished for the day, James banished the girls. Sirius seemed angry, and Remus was rather pleased. Peter, naturally, was impressed with the speed with which James had dispatched the girls.

"We have to talk, mate." James said. His hand landed reflexively on his wand as he spotted Snivellus walk by in the distance, but it was too far away.

"What about?" Asked Sirius, quietly observing Remus with subtle sideways glances. Remus was slumped against the tree, knees drawn up to his chest and chin rested upon them.

"About those damn girls." James said. "What's with the sudden interest in your groupies, mate?" James asked, his voice low. Remus was glad for his wolf senses, despite the obvious drawback. He could hear what was being said even when Peter could not.

"What do you mean 'sudden interest'?" Sirius asked, scandalised and taking a cautious look in Remus' direction.

"You know what I bloody mean, Padfoot. Up until a short while ago, I would have tagged you for a shirtlifter. You never once paid attention to their flirting, unless you were bored or something. Why does it suddenly count?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sirius said, in a manner that clearly indicated he did.

"Look, Padfoot," James dropped his voice even lower and Remus nearly had to strain to hear. "Has this got to do with what happened with Moony?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sirius repeated slowly.

"Right. Fair enough." James said. Before Sirius knew what was happening, James was up and headed back towards the castle, Peter following him at top speed.

Remus looked about and frowned. He looked at that face and pictured that smile given to all those girls. They just thought he was pretty, and he just thought they were convenient.

Sirius seemed only slightly deterred by the stony expression he was faced with, and made to tickle Remus at the back of the neck, behind the ear.

Sirius was deterred, however, when his hand was slapped away and the stony look on Remus' face was replaced with something much more hurt. Sirius sat back and tried to take Remus' elusive hand as he spoke to him.

"What's wrong, Moony?" He asked.

"Nice." Remus said sarcastically. "You can't, for the life of you, imagine what might have upset me, can you?"

Sirius was silent and looked over to the light reflecting off the surface of the lake. In the silence he managed to slowly move his hand into Remus' without objection. For what started out as a good day, this was looking to be nothing but trouble.

"I know what's wrong." He said.

"Congratulations."

"But the problem is with me, not you."

"How keenly observant of you." Remus growled.

"The problem is, I'm scared." Sirius whispered.

"Do you want me to feel sorry for you?" Remus snapped, snatching back the traitorous hand that had allowed itself to be captured just moments ago.

"No, I don't." Sirius snapped back. "But I'd just love for you to try to understand."

With that, Sirius stood up and stalked back to the castle.

Remus swore and ran a hand through his hair, gripping it at the back of his skull and a desire to scream welled up inside of him.

Three days ago, he had felt everything was going to be perfect. Sitting in that room, kissing Sirius, it had felt right. Even when they went back to their separate beds, Remus had grinned at the ceiling for hours.

But then there had been the silence. He had always supposed that you could just kiss the person you loved and tell them how you felt, and if they felt the same it would be alright. He had supposed that something would come of it. Instead there had been an awful awkwardness that had not abated, and then the girls came and Sirius responded and it all felt lost.

And despite it all, Remus couldn't bring himself to hate Sirius. He felt he should be angry, and he was angry, but he didn't hate him. Truth was, he loved Sirius. And damn it all, he had just gone and ruined it further!

It wasn't until much later, when James came and found him, that Remus returned to the dorms. Sirius was already in bed, curtains drawn shut, and Remus left his curtains open, eyes fixed on Sirius' bed. As Remus was drifting off, he saw Sirius' curtains part a sliver, and Sirius popped his head out, an apologetic look on his face.

The two of them lay still in their separate beds for a minute until Sirius winked as if to say he was sorry, and Remus smiled a little bit.

Sirius swung out of bed and shuffled over to Remus' bed, climbing under the blankets before an objection could be made. Remus soon found himself wrapped in those strong arms and he felt truly protected as he snuggled deeper.

"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered into Remus' hair, kissing the top of his head. Remus didn't reply, just nuzzled closer to Sirius' bare chest and put his own arms around Sirius' waist.

Sirius wasn't properly forgiven yet, but Remus was more than happy to start over. After all, three days ago, he couldn't have imagined this ever actually happening, not in his wildest dreams.