"I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry," he whispered, crying as he held her tightly.
They stayed like that for several moments. She moved her hands flat against his chest and leaned her head right under his chin.
"D-did you know… did you know?" She managed to breath out.
He shook his head vehemently. "I would have been back in a millisecond if I had."
She nodded and both adults stopped when they heard quiet footsteps. She quickly wiped her eyes and turned, seeing her daughter.
Their daughter.
Fuck.
"Baby it's late… why are you up?" She asked softly, walking over and sinking down to her level.
"I heard something… Mommy why are you crying?" She asked, eyeing Elliot suspiciously behind her. Liv glanced back.
She sighed. "Baby…" she stood up standing protectively behind her. "This is my friend Elliot from the park earlier… you were asking about him."
She nodded and waved. "Hi Elliot… I'm Emma…" she smiled small.
He blinked his tears away quickly. "Hi Emma… it's so nice to meet you…" she smiled and shook his hand, none the wiser.
Liv squeezed her shoulders. "Baby… Elliot and I have just had a lot going on the past few weeks… I knew his wife and know his kids very well and I think our emotions caught up to us," she laughed softly.
She nodded and hugged her tightly. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok."
Liv squatted down again and hugged her tightly, looking at Elliot over her shoulder. She pulled back and kissed her head. "I'm ok... thank you baby... what I would I do without you?" She smiled small. "Sleep, ok?"
She nodded. "I love you mom. Nice to meet you Elliot."
"Love you more baby."
"You too kid."
She went back down the hall and the tears rushed down Olivia cheeks again as she stood back up straight, watching her girl go to bed. Elliot slowly walked over and put his arms around her. She leaned into him like no time had passed.
She took a deep breath and turned in his arms looking up at him. "El… I can't do this tonight…" she whispered and he nodded.
"I-I understand…" he looked down at her, brushing a stray hair from her face as her lip quivered.
"Kathy and I were considering separating…" he said softly, "we had been for a while and I came back b-because I needed you… I wanted you… a-and…" she put her fingertips on his lips to stop him.
"I read your letter," she whispered and he nodded. "Not tonight… please Elliot," she said, pulling away and pouring him a glass of wine.
He nodded and accepted his glass, taking a long gulp. They watched one another for several minutes. "Tell me about her?" He asked softly and she smiled small, leaning against her counter.
"She's smart… so smart… smarter than me," she laughed softly. "She's hilarious. Fiercely protective of her little brother… and me. Her heart… oh Elliot she has the best heart.." Her voice broke and he wiped some tears from her face.
"She feels for everyone… her heart is incredible. She saves her money from her chores and buys toys for the kids at the women's shelter. She's amazing, El… I can't believe she's mine…"
Elliot cleared his throat and walked over slowly, putting his hands on her arms, gently running one up to cup her cheek. "She sounds like her mommy…" She leaned into his hand and let her tears wet it.
"She's also a lot like you…" she said with a whisper, looking up at him. "Passionate. Easily riled up," she teased. "Those blue eyes…"
He let other hand dropped down to her waist and took another step closer. Their fronts were touching. Her bare feet made her shorter than him, and she leaned her head into the crook of his neck, her hair brushing his stubble. He turned his head slightly to kiss her temple.
She could feel the hard plains of his body against her, including the one south of his belt that pressed against hers belly. How did he look this good? She wanted to jump him.
But she couldn't. Not yet, anyways. She pulled back breaking their intimate moment and looked up at him.
"They both have sleepovers Friday. If Eli is busy, you can come over and we can't talk." He nodded immediately and she held her finger up. "Only, if Eli is busy. I'm serious, Elliot. Emma is none the wiser. You need to do right by the kids who know you and who just buried their mom.
He nodded. "I will… I promise… but he will be busy. He's a teenager who wants nothing to do with his dad," he teased softly.
They were quiet a moment more and he looked down at her. "Thank you…" he said softly. She raised eyebrow.
He took hold of her hands and stepped closer to her again, not ready to lose the contact he'd be aching for for 10 years.
"For her…" he said softly. "For not turning me away or having Fin beat me up in some side alley. For raising such an incredible little girl."
She looked down so he wouldn't see her fresh tears. Jesus, she'd cried more in front of him in the last 20 minutes than she had in 12 years. He put his hand on her chin and lifted it staring into her eyes.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked softly and she nodded standing up on her tippy toes. They captured each other's lips in a slow and passionate dance.
He didn't push his luck, and pulled back to bury his face in her neck once he felt her fist the back of his shirt- the sure fire sign that she wanted more.
She released it when he did, and locked her arms around his waist, thankful for his restraint. They remained like that for several minutes, savoring in each other, before he pulled back.
"I'll call you this week?" She asked him softly and he nodded.
"Will you answer?" She couldn't help but break the sexual tension with a light dig to remind him that he was still in the dog house and that Friday was going to be a lot.
"Every time you call me for the rest of our lives," he responded with no hesitation.
She cocked her head. "Don't make promises you can't keep Elliot."
He backed up slowly and looked at her. "I don't."
She nodded and walked him to the door, rubbing his back gently. "Text me when you're home safe?" He nodded and kissed her head.
"Bye 'Livia…"
She waved and shut her door, locking it with a deep breath.
Her belly was on fire.
After everything. 10 years of abandonment. Raising their daughter by herself. The betrayal. The hurt. The pain. He still made her pantries drip.
She groaned and cursed herself, putting away the glasses and going to lay in her bed. She locked her door and laid back, staring at her phone. It was just 10 minutes later that it buzzed with his name.
E: Home… Thank you again Liv. I owe you the world.
L: Just promise me you won't hurt her?
E: Never. You or Noah either. I'm in this, Benson.
L: Slow down Stabler. There's a lot to discuss.
E: I know… but if it takes the rest of my life to prove myself worthy of all three of you I will.
L: It just might…
E: Can you send me a picture of her?
She sighed and hesitated, before choosing one of the three of them from earlier and hitting send.
He loved it and replied.
E: Jeez Noah really could be ours.
Ours. She wanted to smack him.
E: I know.. slow down… I'm sorry… but it's true.
L: I know.
L: I gotta go to sleep El. I'll see you Friday— if Eli is busy.
E: I can't wait. Night Liv.
She groaned and tossed her phone down.
He made her so mad and so happy all at once. He was the most infuriating person she'd ever know, and yet the memory of him pressed against her in the kitchen made her squeeze her legs together for some type of relief.
She glanced over at her nightstand and sighed. It always ended like this.
She pulled out her vibrator and shimmied down her shorts, using it on herself to the memories of all the times he'd been inside her.
How bend her over the nearest piece of furniture. How he'd pull her hair and slap her ass. How he always had to taste her before plunging deep inside her heat.
How it was frantic for the first few months and then became passionate even though they agreed not to let it go there.
She let the waves of her orgasm wash over her and she moaned his name quietly. She always did.
And when the waves crashed, she was left with the silence of her bedroom surrounding her. Silence that mirrored the love of her life's 10 year disappearance.
She rolled her eyes at herself. Love of her life. Get a grip, Olivia.
She turned on her side and hugged her pillow sighing, allowing the tears to fall.
As they always did.
Across town, his body shook as he released on his belly, moaning her name softly.
The next week was a whirlwind of work, school, dance, and soccer.
Noah had to do everything his sister did, so both kids were involved in dance and an indoor soccer clinic.
Her week hadn't been any more busy than it usually was. Lucy had dropped the kids off at the precinct so Liv could take them to practice that night since they'd be gone most of the weekend at sleepovers.
Both kids sat at Fin's desk, asking him a million questions and sharing stories that he always entertained.
He was listening to Noah very animatedly tell a story about how Emma and his mom ate the rest of the ice cream without him.
"Can you believe it Uncle??" He exclaimed.
Fin's eyes went wide on cue and looked past him as Elliot walked in.
Both kids whipped around and Emma smiled. "Hi Elliot!"
Noah looked at her and then back at the man, leaning into her dramatically. "Who's that?" He whispered loudly.
The adults chuckled and Emma rolled her eyes causing Elliot to smile. She was a mini Liv.
"That's mommy's friend Elliot. Elliot, this is my little brother Noah." Emma explained, smiling sweetly.
Noah jumped up and walked over to him, sticking his hand out. "Hi I'm Noah Benson. You were at the park?"
Elliot smiled and shook the little boy's hand. "Yeah, that was me. It's good to meet you Noah."
"Good to meet you too." He pulled his hand back and put his hands on his hips looking up at him. "Emma and I saw a picture of you that mom kept. It's in a box in her closet and one time—"
He was cut off when Olivia walked out of her office. "Noah! We don't need to share every detail of everything," she laughed and walked up, putting her hands on his shoulders.
He bent his head back to look up at her and gave her his cheesiest grin. "Sorry mom!"
She laughed. "Go get your bags from my office please."
They nodded running off and she looked at Elliot. "What are you doing here…" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
He winced a little and she laughed. "I'm sorry… I was in the neighborhood and brought you coffee… didn't know the kids would be here I should have called."
She shook her head and graciously took the coffee. "Thank you… no don't worry they almost never come. Today was kind a fluke."
He nodded. "Well… Eli is going to stay with Dickie this weekend so… if you're still free tomorrow…" he said softly.
Fin stood behind Liv and El eyed him nervously.
The 1-6 felt different with her as Captain. He felt it when he walked in. This was her squad. Her building. Her world.
He was the definition of an outsider, and not one that anyone really liked.
She read his face like a book and turned to look at Fin, laughing softly.
"Tomorrow is good Stabler. Thanks for the coffee. I'll text you." She turned to her office. "Guys come on we'll be late!" She called and they came rushing out. She started walking to the elevator.
"Bye Uncle Fin! Bye Aunt Amanda! Bye Elliot!" Noah said, giving everyone high fives before running after his mom.
Emma hugged everyone, including Elliot who was slightly shocked and looked up at Liv. She blinked quickly and took her daughter's hand as they walked to the elevator.
His heart was racing when he stood back up and watched the family of three leave.
The squad was quiet a minute, before Fin looked at him. "Stabler. Glad you're here. Can you help me with something in the interrogation room?"
Elliot raised a brow and nodded, following him slowly. The minute they were behind closed doors, Fin grabbed him by his collar and shoved him against the nearest wall and holding him there by his neck.
Elliot looked at him, slightly taken aback, but knowing where this was going.
"If you hurt that little girl or her mother I'll kill you. Do you understand me Stabler?"
He nodded quickly.
"I'm serious," Fin said, tightening his grip against him. "I'll kill you. And then I'll turn myself in and tell the world what a dirty bastard you are."
Elliot nodded again and Fin let go of him, pushing him to the side where he fell on the floor, coughing.
"Asshole." Fin muttered, walking out and back to his desk. Amanda and Carisi watched him with brows raised. "Feel better?" Amanda asked laughing.
"Much." Fin said as Elliot emerged, slightly bewildered.
"It uh… nice to see you guys…" he stuttered out as he left.
He stood on the elevator, his mind reeling.
He was a dirty bastard.
He cheated on his wife once after they'd gotten back together and got Olivia pregnant.
He never knew about their baby until last week.
He buried his wife, the mother of his 5 other children, who he'd brought back to America with him to divorce.
His friends that he left 10 years ago had become Olivia's family and would jump at the chance to kick his ass.
He was an asshole and he knew it.
He groaned as he walked off the elevator, understanding for the first time since he'd been back, just how difficult making things right was going to be.