On Friday, Liv arrived to work to find flowers on her desk with a note in them.
"Can't wait to see you tonight…" -El
Fin walked in her office. "Prince Charming was leaving the building after dropping those off just as I got here. He looked terrified."
She laughed and looked up at him. "Amanda said you almost beat the shit out of him?"
He nodded. "Assholes lucky he got away unscathed." He sat in a chair across from her desk and looked at her.
"Yesss…?" She questioned, taking off the glasses she'd put on to read the note and raising a brow.
"I would never question your choices… as a mother or a captain. You're one of my best friends-"
She cut him off. "Don't flatter me Fin."
He nodded, cutting to the point. "I'm just worried about Emma… his kids too… and Noah." He sighed. "And I know you are too… I just… I trust you'll make the right decision. You always do. I just can't see that little girl get hurt."
Liv sighed and leaned back in her chair, nodding and staying quiet for a moment. "I just never thought that this would happen I guess. I gave up on him coming home a long time ago."
Fin nodded. "I know… and I know you still love him."
She shot him a look and he laughed. "Benson come on."
She let out a small laugh rolling her eyes. "Of course I do. But I love my daughter more. And I love his kids more, too. I'd die before I'd hurt them and…. Fin the truth is going to hurt them."
He nodded and stood. "You just take it slow. And you know we support you fully."
She nodded and sighed. "Thanks Fin.. you too Amanda," she called to the blonde she knew was listening off to the side of her door who laughed.
Elliot sat at his desk, his leg bouncing uncontrollably, and stared at the clock. It was only noon. He wasn't going to make it until 5.
He opened his phone to look at the picture she'd sent him.
God, she looked like a combination of Liv and Lizzie.
She was gorgeous. He still couldn't believe he didn't know about her.
He'd laid awake all night, trying to figure out what the hell to do, to no avail.
He needed a nap and an appointment with his therapist. He texted her quickly to see if she could get him in quickly.
His phone buzzed right away and he breathed a sigh of relief, only to hold his breath seeing his Sarg's name.
Bell: "Go home. You look like you're about to have a breakdown."
He looked up to her at her office and nodded with a smile. "Thank you." He mouthed.
He got up and headed down to his car as he received a texted from his therapist. "I can fit you in now if you can come."
He walked into her office and sat on the couch taking a deep breath.
"Elliot? You ok?" She asked tentatively.
He took a deep breath.
"I came back here to divorce my wife and win back the love of my life. My kids knew. Kathy… Kathy was a saint and going to give her blessing to Olivia." He sat back shaking his head.
"But Kathy got blown up. And my kids lost their mother. And I don't just have to win back Olivia, but I have to reconcile the fact that I have a 10 year old daughter I didn't know about until last week. I have to win her over. I have to tell my kids that I cheated on their mother…" he groaned and scrubbed his face with his hand.
"I'm a fuck up. A sorry excuse for a father and a husband and a partner."
His therapist sighed and set down her notepad.
"You're right. If you keep saying this and wallowing in your own self pity, then you are all of those things."
He furrowed his brows looking at her. "What?" He asked, shocked at her response.
"Elliot. Did you wife know about the affair?"
He sighed and nodded slowly. "I told her… when we finally decided to divorce. But she'd been seeing some men over in Italy so…" he paused and sighed. "I think Kathy always knew."
She nodded. "And your kids? Your kids knew or?"
He wrung his hands. "I mean they knew that we weren't together cause we loved each other. They knew that other men made her happy when I was away on assignments. They knew I loved Olivia… and they knew she loved them just as much as Kathy or I… but we never you know" he waved his hands "told them."
She picked up her pad and made a note. "Elliot… kids are a lot more perceptive than we realize."
He nodded. "My oldest son and my middle daughter have made comments over the years." He sighed.
"Elliot you're a smart man. Your children are grown, except for Eli. And they will probably be angry with you at first, but if you're honest and you drop this worst person ever act… they might just come around."
"I know they will…" he stood and paced, "but I don't know that Liv will." He turned to looked at her.
"She's not obligated to Elliot. You don't know your daughter… you haven't raised her. Olivia has. And so this, all of this, has to be on her terms."
He sighed and started pacing again. "I just don't want to miss another moment of her life…"
"So don't."
He stopped to look at her and she continued. "Elliot, you can be in her life without being dad. Maybe one day, when she's old enough and Olivia and your children are comfortable, but until then… just be Elliot."
He let out a long breath he'd been holding. "Somehow I know that Liv is gonna say the exact same thing to me tonight…"
She laughed. "Great minds. Save today's copay and buy her a nice bottle of wine for tonight. I have a feeling you both will need it."
Liv left her office on time, a miracle, and shot Elliot a text.
L: I'll be home soon… just let me know when you're heading my way.
E: Walking out the door now.
L: Thank you for the beautiful flowers, by the way. :)
E: :) See you soon
She was lounged on her couch, sipping a glass of wine and wearing leggings and a tight NYPD tank top.
He knocked and she took a deep breath opening the door. "Hi…" he said softly with a smile.
She smiled shyly up at him and stepped to the side. "Hi…"
He leaned down and dropped a kiss to her cheek and she gently grasped his arm as he started to walk into the apartment.
He turned and she pulled him back into her, wrapping her arms around his waist.
He held her close to him and pressed kissed to her head.
"It's gonna be a long night Stabler… you sure you are ready?"
He nodded and kissed her head. "I'm all ears."
She released him and walked into the kitchen, pouring him a glass and topping hers off.
She motioned for him to sit on the couch and she put their glasses on the table, moving to her bookshelf to pull down a pink baby book.
She returned to the couch and sat next to him, handing it over. He looked up at her and his hands shook slightly as he took it, flipping through it slowly.
His eyes welled up when he saw the copy of the ultra sound and the tears flowed when he flipped the page and saw a photo of her pregnant.
He smiled through his tears and looked at her. "You look just a gorgeous carrying a baby as I imagined…" he said softly and she smiled slightly, looking down into her wine.
He continued looking through and smiled. "Bernadette?" He whispered and she nodded pausing. "She's met her… you know." She whispered hesitantly and he laughed softly.
"I shouldn't be surprised. She always loved you more than me. Does she know the connection?"
Liv shook her head. "We just remained close after you left. So both of them call her Grandma. But you know your mom…" she looked over at him and he moved his free hand to her knee "she picks up on everything."
He nodded and squeezed it, finishing looking through the book. When he was done, he set it on the coffee table and he turned to face her.
"Liv… thank you for sharing that with me… I know I don't deserve it but-"
"You don't." She said, cutting him off.
Her tone was sharp, but calm. He knew that tone and knew it was her turn.
He looked down and nodded slowly. He was quiet and she took a deep breath, facing frontwards again and leaning back.
"You left me. You didn't know about her… but you left me. You fucked me. You told me you loved me. And you left me… without a word for 10 years Elliot. Why?" She looked over at him to speak and he kept his head down.
"I left because I loved you…" she rolled her eyes and went to cut her off, but he squeezed the hand that was still on her knee.
"I know… it's corny. But it's the truth. I left you cause I loved you. Because I had to make a choice Olivia. Break up my family or…" he trailed off.
"Break my heart." She finished for him and he looked down. "You did a damn good job of that. And even if I didn't get pregnant, El… my heart still would have been broken." She sighed.
He looked at her and gently turned her to face him. "Olivia… I… I can't begin to explain how sorry I am. I… I deserve every cruel thing you could say to me. If you wanna hit me or…" he sighed. "I'm gonna do everything I can to make it up to you and our daughter… and Noah too.."
"Elliot." She stopped him, taking his hand.
"I-I know…" he kissed her forehead. "I talked to my therapist today… said that… that I should be here… if you'll allow me.. in any capacity I can… maybe just as Elliot a-and that's ok but… I…" he blinked away a few tears and leaned his head against hers "I don't want to miss another moment with our girl…"
She cupped his cheek and looked up at him, keeping their heads pressed together. He snaked a hand around her waist and moved his other hand to cover hers that was on his face.
"Elliot if you hurt her…"
He cut her off with a kiss. "Never."
She kissed him back and then buried her head in his shoulder. He held her for a little bit, savoring the moment with one another. She took a deep breath and pulled back, dropping her hands to his.
"I… I think you should tell your kids. Be up front with them." He nodded and squeezed her hands.
"They are gonna hate me Olivia." She nodded.
"They probably will… but they're going to hate me too… I mean.. I screwed their dad and got knocked up."
He shook his head. "No… they love you. I was the fuck up and you were the victim- plus they always liked you better and none of them can say no to little kids."
She breathed out a laugh and stood up, pacing a bit. He leaned back and watched her.
"Are you ok with me knowing her Liv? Being Elliot? Be honest with me…." He said after several minutes and she nodded.
"Of course… but only if your kids are. Promise Me you'll talk to them. Promise me you won't ruin your relationship with 5 for the prospect of 1."
Her words hit him like a ton of bricks and he went quiet, stewing on them. She walked over to stand between his legs, and held onto his hands. He looked up at her, giving her the ok to say what they both knew he needed to hear.
"You are the best dad… and you work so hard to do right by your kids, always. And it's my favorite thing about you. But…" she paused and sighed, carefully planning her next move.
She fit herself Into the spot on the couch next to him, sitting sideways so she could face him and swinging her legs over his lap. His arm automatically tucked around her waist and his other hand rested across her knees.
She put an arm around her neck and leaned into his chest. She could feel how frantic his heart beat was and sucked in a breath.
"El… you're not her dad. Not yet, at least. You're her father. But you haven't been there and your kids… your kids need their dad more than ever. So if it's ok with them I would love to have you around more… and them, too. And one day, maybe we can tell her the truth, too."
She felt him nod as a tear drop hit her cheek. He nuzzled his into hers and squeezed his arms around her.
They sat together in a comfortable silence for a while, holding each other. Liv basked in the feeling of his hands on her back, tracing soft circles as she played with the fingers on the hand around her legs.
She lifted her head and cupped his cheek. "We're good?"
He nodded and leaned his head against hers. "Yes."
He tapped her knee gently and she got up. He laid on the couch on his side and she climbed next to him, pressing firmly against his front. He wrapped an arm around her securely and held her hand with the other.
They remained in silence for a while longer, digesting their new arrangement and what was to come. He finally cleared his throat. "Anything else happen in the last 10 years I should know about."
She took a deep breath and sighed. "Well… I was kidnapped by a perp for four days.." she felt his muscles squeeze "…but Fin said he gave you that heads up when you came home." He nodded and she squeezed his hand.
"I have scars… a lot of them… so… don't let them scare you." He let out a soft breath and nodded.
"I'd have killed him," he said and she pressed a kiss to his chest. "I know, El… I know.."
They were quiet another few moments before she continued. "After that I adopted Noah…" she pressed her head against his chest and he prepared himself for some other atrocity from some perp he should have been there to kill.
"I dated Tucker," she mumbled Into his chest.
He froze and looked down at her. He could tell she was stifling a laugh.
"You… you what?"
She lifted her head up and bit her lip.
"I dated Tucker."
"Uh huh, no I heard, like Ed Tucker from IAB."
She nodded.
"Like you went on a few dates and realized he was still the worst and dumped him."
She cocked her head and made a face.
His jaw dropped. "You fucked Ed Tucker?!?"
She nodded and knew and had to add a bit of insult to injury. "Emma and Noah loved him… they called him TuckTuck."
Before he could speak again she held up her hand. "He died… two years ago.. ate his gun." She nodded "We were broken up but… he was a good man El… and he loved Emma and Noah like his own."
"And he hated me even more because of it?" She couldn't help but laugh.
"Oh yeah. But he was what I needed… and he was good to my littles," she nodded and sighed.
"Well… I'm glad you were happy… anyone else." She bit her lip and looked at him. He shook his head sharply.
He raised a brow down at her and she nodded.
"No… no oh come on."
She couldn't help but laugh.
"Cassidy?! Cassidy and Tucker. Jesus."
"Cassidy was just a hook up…"
"Don't tell me any more," he teased and she laughed, feeling at ease for the first time in a long time. They maintained eye contact for several seconds.
"You wanna order a pizza?" He asked softly.
She took a breath and nodded, biting her lip. "That sounds great."
She stood up and steadied herself, taking a breath. She went to the kitchen and absentmindedly flipped through her stack of take out menus.
He stood a few feet behind her and admired her body. Age and child bearing had been kind to her. Her curves were more extenuated; her ass more rounded and her breasts full.
Her hair was longer and lighter than he'd ever been- it softened her. Her face had aged beautifully and her laugh lines made him smile.
She felt him watching her and turned slowly to look at him.
"El I don't want to order pizza."
He nodded "Ok we can get Chinese or.." he trailed off as she walked slowly towards him.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands went to her waist.
"You're sure?" He asked her softly.
She nodded. "I just want to be with you…"
He wasted no time and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and passionately pressed her lips to hers.
He walked them back to her bedroom and he laid her back in the bed, standing over her.
He removed his shirt and then pulled hers off, taking in every inch of her.
Her breasts looked like they had tripped in size since he last saw her and she laughed softly at his gawking. "Pregnancy was good to me," she smiled small and watched him as his eyes grazed her scars.
"Time has been good to you…" he said softly. "Liv you're stunning…" he whispered before he dove down kiss her. She moaned Into his mouth and her hands trailed to his belt.
"I need to feel you El… all of you… please…" she whispered and he nodded standing back up, shedding them of the rest of their clothing.
She scooted back on the bed and looked up at him as he crawled over her. "Should I put on a condom?" He asked softly with a small smile.
She couldn't help but laugh as she pulled him down to her. "Menopause… and I'm clean. Are you?"
He nodded and reached between them, gripping himself and running his tip up and down her slit as she let out a breathy moan.
"Fuck Elliot please… it's been so long…"
"How long?" He whispered gently tapping her clit with the head of his cock.
She moaned. "Too long…" she trailed off and looked up to him. "Make love to be El…" she whispered.
Her legs hooked around him and his heels pressed into his ass. He pushed lips to hers and slowly plunged his length into her.
She cried out and clawed at his back, trying to get him closer.
They moaned into one another's mouths, and tonight when they came, they came together.
Afterwards, they laid together, cuddling close.
"Are we gonna be ok?" He asked softly.
She rolled to look up at him. "We're gonna be okay El…"