Welcome to my first ever long fic! As the summary states, this is a re-imagining of Sailor Moon R, anime canon. In this version of events, Ail and An never came to earth, so there was no triggering incident that brought back Mamoru's memories. And no Moonlight Knight, because I said so.

Thank you endlessly to my betas, k8tj17 and LinLamont, as well as AReptileDysfunction and SailorSpaceCougar for their endless support. I have Reptile to thank for the breathtaking cover art.

Usagi's eyes burned as she scanned the contents of the paper she held for the millionth time. Was entering her second year of college with an undecided major totally and completely unacceptable? To her advisor, who had spent the last hour with Usagi listing out possible majors and career paths that stemmed from each one, it clearly was. The woman had slid her scrawled notes across the desk in exasperation, imploring Usagi to take her future more seriously.

After so many years, Usagi was accustomed to most of the nuances of her double life. She was used to being roused from sleep at all hours of the night and getting beaten to a pulp during battle. Then she could spin perfect excuses to explain her sudden absence without a second thought.

What she never got used to was the adults in her life accusing her of not taking her future seriously. As if saving the world and protecting its people every damn day was lazy. The frustration of not being able to defend herself was crippling at times. She hadn't really wanted to attend college. It was expected of her. It was what people her age did after graduating high school. But Usagi had a hard time taking school seriously when the Black Moon Clan was on her ass as much as her parents and teachers.

She stomped down the streets of Azabu-Juban heading towards her house. With her hood up to shield her from the slight drizzle of rain, she nearly missed the familiar strut of one ebony-haired man as he passed her from behind. He had strolled right by, unaware of her presence due to her concealed hair.

A devilish grin formed on her lips as she crumpled her paper into a ball, the issue at hand temporarily forgotten. With a quick, well-practiced toss, she hit her target square on, the paper bouncing off his head and onto the concrete. The towering man stiffened at the surprise, but then Usagi saw his shoulders relax in recognition. Chiba Mamoru spun on his heel, mock irritation cast over his features.

"How many times do I have to tell you I am not a garbage can?" He bent and scooped up the balled paper into his fist and sauntered over, looming above her. Usagi's heart leaped in anticipation as he set the ball right between her buns, and smushed it flat against her head. The blue of his eyes penetrated her as they always did, and she couldn't help the cheeky grin that spread across her face.

"Give me a break! If you weren't such a big, stupid baka, your head wouldn't be as big of a target." She scrunched her nose up at him and reached up to take back the paper. But Mamoru held it hostage against her head, and she couldn't pry his fingers away. Instead, he used his leverage to jerk her head back and forth.

"Would you knock it off?" Usagi tried so hard to act irritated, but inside she was soaring, her sour mood from moments ago forgotten. Mamoru was touching her, and even if he was teasing her more like a brother would, her heart was on fire.

"Sorry Odango Brain, there's a ringing in my ear from that vicious assault, I can't hear you!"

Usagi laughed despite herself and his forceful maneuvering ceased, surprised by her lack of annoyance. At some point, her fingers had interlaced with his over her head. She jerked her hand away as if he'd smacked her, and Mamoru dropped the smushed-up paper into her opened palm.

He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair, a few stray droplets of rainwater shaking loose from the damp locks. "Be more careful…klutz." He flicked her forehead, adding one final insult to injury before turning to leave.

"What?" Usagi scurried after him, hustling to match his pace. "Nosy McGee isn't going to rifle through the contents of my precious note?"

"Nosy McGee?" Mamoru cocked an eyebrow without looking at her. "Did you learn that at Tokyo U?" He chided.

"I might have," she countered, "but now you've missed your opportunity to find out." She shoved the paper safely into her bag. "Too bad, it was a good one."

"I don't doubt it," he mumbled. Usagi's petite legs were struggling to keep pace with his long strides. She fought to keep her heart from plummeting as she understood he was deliberately trying to outrun her; to get away from her.

She took the hint.

"Well…later, baka!" She called after him half-heartedly as she took a left turn, pretending it was her desired path. He gave a dismissive wave without turning around, and then he was gone.

Mamoru never wanted her to walk with him. Not once in the last five years had she made it to a second location with him, or even gotten his phone number. They weren't children anymore, and although they weren't exactly friends, they'd known each other long enough that he could feel comfortable around her, right? Was she so off-putting that the mere threat of a conversation with her was sickening?

No…she knew he was attracted to her, she sensed it the way all women could, yet he seemed so opposed to getting close to her. Sure, her attempts to win him over had been overzealous in the beginning. But when Usagi finally understood that Tuxedo Kamen would no longer aid her in battle, the names Serenity and Endymion were not a part of his vocabulary, and that her words would never bring back his memories, she relented.

Five long years ago.

When the Black Moon Clan began their assault on Earth a year later, her hope had spiked. She had been carelessly injured during the first few youma battles, always distractedly looking around, searching for Tuxedo Kamen.

He never came.

Usagi had begged Luna to let her use the Silver Crystal to restore him, but the cat had vehemently forbidden it, imploring that using it in such a way was too dangerous. According to her, Usagi still wasn't strong enough to handle the Crystal in all its power, and the overwhelming energy would likely kill her, as it had after Beryl and Metalia's defeat.

Was Mamoru's brain so warped by the Dark Kingdom's mind control that he was psychologically unable to remember? Was his subconscious protecting him from the onslaught of information? He had led four separate lives: as Prince Endymion, Tuxedo Kamen, Endymion of the Dark Kingdom, and Chiba Mamoru. Remembering it all at once could be too much for him, even someone as strong as Mamoru.

And he had already lost so much in his short life. His parents, his life with them, and the happy memories of his childhood. Usagi only knew so much from what he had told her during that fateful elevator ride in Starlight Tower.

No, Mamoru wasn't pushing her away because he thought she was gross or weird. Keeping their relationship where it had always been, as playful antagonists, was safer than getting close. As much as it plagued and ached her, Usagi understood. If all she could be was the annoying odango-haired girl who drove him nuts, that's exactly what she would be for him. She would be a constant, something stable in his life that he desperately needed.

Even if he never let her in.

So she remained, and quietly protected him from the evils of the enemy, as he had done for her so many years before.

But every once in awhile, if she had paper handy, she couldn't help herself from balling it up and tossing it at his gorgeous head, faintly hoping it would jog his memory of the first time they had met.

It never did.