A/N: Thank you for the love! It's so awesome.

Enjoy and pls review.

11 years ago.

Olivia was sat on her couch in leggings and a baggy T-shirt.

The day was fucked up. Jenna shot three people. Or was it four? Five?

Who did she even hit.

Jesus.

Sister Peg.

She raked her hand over her face and stood up, making her way to her kitchen and pulling down a bottle of tequila.

She took a shot.

Then another.

Picking up her phone, she groaned and texted Elliot again.

L: Can you please let me know if you're okay?

Nothing.

She collapsed on her couch with a sigh, and sat in silence, zoning out until she heard a knock at her door and her head shot up.

The familiar sound of keys in the door sent a wave of calm over her and she stood when he walked in.

He looked like shit and her heart broke. They rushed towards one another and embraced tightly.

Burying his head in the crook of her neck, he let his tears fall hard and fast.

"El… sh I've got you… cmon.." she whispered, walking them backwards to the couch. She fell back and he collapsed on his knees in front of her, between her legs.

His head sunk to her chest as he gripped onto her for dear life. She soothingly rubbed his back, taking note of the intimacy of their current position.

"Why aren't you home.." she whispered, a few moments after he'd relaxed.

He shook his head into her chest. "I don't want… I don't want to be there. I want to be with you. I need you," he whispered, looking up at her through glassy eyes.

She bit her lip and cupped his cheek. "El go home to your family… you need them, not me," she whispered.

Always doing the right thing.

Always taking the high ground.

Always breaking her own heart.

He was quiet and his blue eyes bore a hole through her soul for what felt like hours.

"I always need you," he whispered after a while. Saying nothing more, he closed the space between them by pressing his lips to her's in a chaste kiss.

Her body lit up at the feeling of the familiar connection. Without even thinking, she molded her lips to his and her free hand gripped his shirt.

One of his hands slid up her side to her cheek as they kissed passionately. His tongue probed at her lips, which she gladly parted for him.

Their tongues battles and their breathing increased. It wasn't until his hand grazed the side of her breast and her knee moved against his leg, feeling his hard member, that she was pulled from her living fantasy.

She pushed him away harder than she'd anticipated and he fell back, resting on his forearms on the floor and looking up at her.

Both were panting and she couldn't control her eyes as they drifted down to the outline of his cock in his pants.

Jesus Christ, she'd forgotten how huge he was.

Fuck.

She needed him.

But he was married. He was her married best friend, who'd rekindle with his wife and was raising their little boy with her... and she wasn't a home wrecker.

He watched her eyes and his fell on her long legs that were clenched together.

"I… Elliot I can't.. that was wrong I can't do that to Kathy," she whispered through tears, and got up walking to the door and opening it.

He got up slowly and hung his head walking to the doorway. "I… I'm sorry I… I'm confused," he whispered and she sighed.

"You've had a long day. You need to be with your family. There's nothing to be confused about," she said more confidently and wiped her eyes.

He chuckled and shook his head. "I literally am more confused than I was before I got here. I've loved you for 12 years and now that I remember what you taste like? Fuck I want more. I never want to stop having you. Liv, I've never felt more alive than I am right now."

She held her hand up. "Elliot you don't love me. You're stressed and horny. Just… go be with your wife."

He shook his head and stepped back inside, slamming her door shut and grabbing her arms. "I do love you. How could you say that?"

He was towering over her as he sandwiched her between him and the wall. She let out a small moan as she felt him press against her hip.

"Olivia I've been in love with you since I met you. I've gawked over you for years. You're my best friend. My partner. I'd give my left arm to spend the rest of my life with you and the only reason I didn't when Kathy and I were split is cause I was scared... scared to ruin us...and then you left, and then Eli happened," he cried, pressing his head against hers and maintaining eye contact.

She blinked several tears away and shook her head, taking deep breathes. She stuttered a bit ,leaning her head in his chest. "I love you too," she breathed out and his lifted her chin, kissing her again.

She melted into him, this time, and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. His hands went to her hips and immediately his fingers tucked into her waistband.

She gasped as she felt her leggings being pushed down and her shirt discarded somewhere behind him. It was all happening so fast, and the cold air of her apartment made her already aroused nipples pebble even more.

He stepped back to admire her. Usually she'd shy away, but this was so different.

"I'm on the pill," she whispered and he just nodded. "I remember."

Without losing the smoldering eye contact that he'd began, he removed his clothes and walked over kissing her again, hiking one of her legs around his waist.

She moaned at the feeling of his throbbing cock against her sensitive clit and looked up at him, tears forming again.

Undulating against him, she captured his lips again and both of their hands reached down at the same time to guide him to her entrance.

They stopped and looked at each other. He gently moved her hand away. "I've got you," he whispered and she nodded watching him grip himself, just below his swollen head, and push it down to her entrance.

"I'm yours Olivia. I love you. From this moment on I'm yours. I'll figure this all out," she nodded and they both watched him disappear into her folds.

"Oh god El…" she gasped, her hands moving like a magnet to his back.

"So tight, baby," he whispered thrusting up into her.

"Last time was you" she admitted, gasping for air and gripping onto him.

She'd never felt so full and whole, but despite that, her heart was in her stomach. She pushed the thoughts out of her mind, and savored what she was sure would be the last few moments with him.

Her jaw dropped as his fingers fit between them and circled her clit quickly. "Oh! faster…" she whined and he listened.

Their lips remained smashed together as his cock twitched inside of her. He pulled his head back and looked down, asking the question silently.

She was on the pill.

They'd be fine, right?

Fuck it.

He didn't care and clearly she didn't either because she spoke, pulling him from his thoughts. "I want to feel you… please El…" she whispered through tears and he nodded as the gravity of what they were agreeing to hit them both.

He put all of the passion he could muster into his thrusts and kisses as the pair unraveled together, tears running down their faces as moans escapes their lips.

They gripped each other's faces as they kissed, every inch of their bodies touching as the combined result of their new biggest secret collected in the short hairs at the base of his cock.

Eventually he pulled back slightly and whispered against her lips. "I have to go…"

She nodded. "I know," she said back. As he slipped out of her, the feeling of fullness she once had was gone immediately and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

They both redressed and she walked him to the door and he kissed her once again. "I love you, Olivia." He whispered.

She nodded and squeezed his hand. "I love you, Elliot."

And with that he was gone.

Present:

They both were crying as they recounted their actions and she shook her head.

"I knew you weren't coming back. You had this look in your eyes," she shook her head through her tears, "I'd never seen it before and Jesus... I don't ever want to see it again." She paused, "I sat in denial about so much for so long," she whispered and he squeezed her hand.

"I'm so sorry baby," he whispered and she shook her head. "I'm not… you're here now and I got my baby girl from it…"

He nodded and gave a sad smile as he wiped his tears. "How did you find out?" He asked softly.

Fin had returned to the squad room and poked his head in. "My favorite story," he said, glaring at Elliot and walking back to his desk.

Liv emerged from the bathroom in the cribs, after her morning puke that had become tradition over the past two months to find Fin sitting in wait.

She sighed and he handed her a drug store bag with a pregnancy test in it. She looked at him and she shook her head. "I'm fine, stomach bug."

"For two months?" He challenged and she glared at him before snatching the test and turning back to the stalls.

When he heard her begin to cry, he slowly made his way back to find her slumped on the floor against the wall. He slid down beside her and wrapped her in a hug.

They remained that way until she got her emotions under control and she looked up at him as he pulled back to lean against the wall.

"How far along, Liv," he asked her gently and she sighed leaning her head back, remaining quiet for several movements.

"10 weeks," she whispered and Fin nodded to himself, already knowing the answer before he did the math.

"Elliot's?" He asked her, anyways, and she rolled her head to him. "Does it matter? He won't answer the phone." She let out a pathetic laugh.

Fin sighed. "Want me to try?"

She shook her head. "No… I just need to…" she trailed off.

He looked at her. "You gonna keep it?"

She quickly nodded. "I've wanted a baby for so long.. it's just not you know… not the circumstances I pictured," she whispered as tears started to fall.

"I know.. but Olivia Benson has never needed anyone." He said, "and if she does, she's got me, Cragen, Munch… we're your family Liv. Forever. We're never leaving you."

She nodded and her tears started again.

They all had a feeling that she was pregnant. She'd grown distant, withdrawn. Plus the barfing and one cup of coffee a day was a dead giveaway.

She'd known, in heart, just like she'd known Elliot was leaving.

But denial was a stage of grief, the strongest perhaps. And she'd been grieving since the day El shot a teenager and then came inside of her.

"Imma give you a few okay?" He said softly, heading back to the squad room.

Fin left her be for a bit, returning with Cragen and Munch, 20 minutes later. She was laying on a bunk, holding her slightly rounded belly.

"Stand up," Munch said and Liv groaned, doing as she was told. He wrapped his arms around her.

"We never liked that guy anyways," he teased, causing her to laugh, "but Fin's right. We're here for you. You're our family. And we always will be okay? For you and this little munchkin."

Liv smiled through her tears and leaned back. "Thanks..."

"You think it's a boy or a girl?" Cragen asked and Liv smiled small. "I feel like it's a girl... but maybe it's just cause I don't think the world needs another Stabler boy," she said, her voice cracking.

"Nah, we'd be getting something better. A Benson Boy or a Benson Girl."

Tears came harder down Liv's face and Fin wrapped his arms around her.

"Poetic," Munch said thoughtfully, "have you ever thought about a career in music?"

Elliot slumped back.

"And that's why I wanted to beat your ass," Fin called from the squad room and El laughed.

"Maybe you should have," he called back.

"Please god… no more punching today," Liv gave him a look and laughed a bit, wiping a stray tears off her cheek.

He leaned in to kiss her and pulled her closer to him. "How did you choose Emma?"

She chuckled. "I always just loved it. And uh…" she looked up at him, "it sounded good with both Benson and Stabler."

His eyes filled up. "I knew I'd see you again," he said honestly and she squeezed his hand. "Me too, El…"

"Where were you when you went into labor?" He asked softly.

She laughed. "Here, in the office. Obviously." He laughed and she continued. "Munch and Cragen rushed me. Fin met us there. All three were there when she was born… my new partner Nick and Amanda showed up and were her first visitors."

"A kid that comes into the world with that much love surrounding them is a lucky kid…" he said looking down at her and she nodded.

He went to speak and she cut him off with a kiss. "Don't." She whispered and he nodded. "Everything happened for a reason. She has her daddy and I have my Elliot." She said wrapping her arms around his that was next to her. "I'm happy El… I have everything I ever wanted, even on the bad days."

"Then why does it look like you've got to share something else…" he asked softly and she nodded breathing out a sigh.

"Tell him," Finn called out and she breathed out a shaky laugh, getting up to close the door and her blinds.

"My last secret…" she whispered, "don't freak out?" She asked hopefully and he gave her a look. "I'm serious, Stabler. It was 8 years ago."

He took a breath and nodded. She sat and turned to face him and gripped his arm.

"I'd just adopted Noah and uh… I was out shopping one day with both kids in the stroller and uh," she cleared her throat. "I saw Kathy. I waved and uh… she took one look at Emma, shook her head, and walked the other way. I knew she knew and…" she took a deep breath feeling him tense. "I um… damn I got my hopes up for months after that that she'd tell you and you'd come back but you didn't."

Both of his fists were clenched and his jaw was locked. He turned away from her, sitting straight forward, his body stiff as a board. She sighed and moved to straddle his lap. Gently taking his fists, she unclenched his fingers, slowly lacing them together with hers.

His eyes drifted up to hers and his body relaxed as he fought back tears. "I'm thankful… that I saw her that day. When you came back and saw her for the first time… El I knew you didn't know. I knew she didn't tell you and you weren't just staying away out of... duty to her."

A sob escaped his chest. "Let it out baby…" she whispered and he wrapped his arms around her waist, crying into her chest. The moment mirrored the night together so many years ago.

She let herself cry, too, and they held one another for dear life.

Once they'd finally relaxed, she kissed his lips softly and he gave her a squeeze.

"I didn't know…"

"I know…" she interrupted him, "and I never wanted to tell you. But I want to spend the rest of my life with you and be the best mom to our kids and the best partner I can be to you… and I can't do that with any secrets."

He kissed her. "You know you're already all of those things, right?"

She smiled small. "I love you El…" and he kissed her again. "I love you more."

They both groaned when her phone rang. She answered. "Benson. Uh huh. I'm on the way, thanks Amanda."

She looked down at him and he gave a loving smile. "Duty calls…"

She nodded and gave him a goodbye kiss, grabbing her things and heading out. "See you at home," she grinned before she left.

Elliot walked slowly out to Fin's desk and sat in the chair beside it.

"Spit it out Stabler, you look like you're gonna barf." He said, smugly.

Elliot took a deep breath in.

"We've had our differences. And I hate myself everyday for what I did to her. But I love her and Emma and Noah more than life itself. I wanna spend the rest of my life loving her. And I know this probably means shit coming from me but…" he sighed, "you were there when I wasn't. You've always had her back and been her brother during the best and the worst. Fin it'd really mean the world to me if I could get your blessing to ask her to marry me."

Fin'e jaw dropped a bit, but the shock quickly faded and the corners of his lip turned up into a smile. He stuck his hand out to shake Elliot's. "No question. But the threat to hurt you still stands."

El matched his smile and shook his hand firmly. "I expect nothing less," he said.

Both men stood and their hand shake turned into a quick bro hug, before pulling back.

"Now get the hell out of here," Fin said, slapping his arm gently. El smiled, walking out with a bit of a bounce in his step.