A/N: I've become a whore for reviews. Leave 'em.
El and the kids left and Liv stood in her kitchen, taking a few steadying breaths when she heard the knock on her door.
She walked over opening it to see Dickie standing nervously with flowers. Smiling small, she reached to hug him and he gave her a squeeze.
"Let me put these in water and we'll go, okay?"
He nodded nervously and she put the flowers in a vase and they headed out.
The car ride was pretty quiet, save for some awkward small talk.
He opened the door for her to the restaurant and they sat in a back booth.
Sucking in a deep breath, he looked at her. "Liv I'm sorry."
Liv shook her head and sat back, taking a deep breath. "Dickie let's not beat around the bush here… you don't need to apologize. Let's just talk.. be honest with me… please."
He nodded looking down. He was rolling and unrolling the straw wrapper and trying to find his words.
"Dickie I've been an SVU cop for over 20 years. Whatever you're about to say? I can handle it." She said after several very long minutes.
He took a shakey breath and looked at her.
"I hated you. For so long." He said bluntly and she nodded for him to continue.
"Mom… was always so afraid of you. She thought that dad was cheating with you and.. the girls loved you, you know. No one protected her except me. And dad always swore and swore. Swore that he never slept with you."
He took a deep breath and Liv blinked quickly several times before giving him a single to continue.
"When he retired I thought 'ok perfect,' but it turns out that he had to leave the country to get away from how much he loved you." He laughed, humorlessly.
"Then suddenly… I mean suddenly he was super dad. Eli had him around always- the dad that I had prayed and wished for! And it was cause he wasn't staying late to stare at you and it was cause he didn't have the excuse of cases just so he could be with you longer over his family."
He was getting worked up a bit and she reached over to take his hand. "Hey… take a deep breath." He nodded doing that and taking a sip of water.
Shaking his head he spoke again. "I was mad at Eli. I was mad at Dad. And they were both so far away that i just ignored it and I couldn't really have a relationship with either cause they were in fucking Rome. And then mom came home 8 years ago to visit me and saw you and saw Emma."
Liv's eyes shot up to him and tears filled them.
He scoffed. "She came home and told me. Ruined the whole trip. And she made me vow to never tell dad or anyone."
Liv could feel the anger rising in her. Her chest was tight and her breathing became shallow.
Dickie continued, on a roll. "And then I fucking met my little sister. And I was reintroduced to you who is kind and loving and just fucking good and," he started to cry, "I just fucking… I'm so mad at myself about so much… I'm mad. I'm just mad."
She let her tears fall and she reached over to grasp his hands. He held them right and put his head in their joint hands, letting out quiet sobs.
They sat like that for a while, allowing them both to calm and their tears to dry. He sat back up still holding onto her hands.
"This is a lot to unpack," she whispered and he nodded. "I'm so sorry…"
"Don't… I… Dickie I love you. You're like a son to me…I'm in love with your dad and I have been for years… and I love your siblings so much. We.. we have to have this conversation."
He nodded and sat back, releasing her hands. "I'm at a loss… I need help. I don't know how to handle this. Any of this. It's hard. And I know you hate me cause I never told dad about what mom saw and-" she cut him off by giving his hand a sharp squeeze.
"I don't hate you... it's in the past. Dad didn't know. But he does now and he's here. We can't go back." She whispered and he nodded slowly.
"How are you so forgiving... how are you not upset..." he asked her incredulously.
She shook her head. "I'm upset- of course I am. I'm devastated. My daughter spent 10 years of her life without her daddy. Time neither will get back. So yes Dickie I'm upset and I'm angry but..." she took a deep breath and steadied her voice. "I'm choosing forgive and to move on. And focus on the fact that... Emma has her dad now... and she will for a long time so that's what matters."
His lip quivered and he looked down. "Help me, Liv... help me be better. Help me be good... like you... please," he begged, just above a whisper.
"Dickie… I can't help you with that honey…" she said, her demeanor softening. "The only thing I can do is tell you that the only time I slept with your dad while your parents were together was when I... when we conceived Emma. I swear to you. And the only other thing I can say is what I already did… that I love you and your siblings… and more importantly, your siblings love you. Nothing is their fault so if you're going to be mad... be mad at me and dad. Talk to us. Vent and cry to us. Laugh with us. Dickie that's what we're here for."
He nodded slowly and was quiet. "And…." She continued, "I think you need to talk to dad… he needs to know all of this. He worked so hard when you guys were young… we both did. It was the culture in the NYPD- work till you drop. That's changed, Dickie. With age, with how our world has changed. He's ready to be, and is, the dad you always wanted. Dickie, let him."
He nodded as a few tears fell again. "You're right…"
They sat quietly for a moment before she spoke again. "Why is it hurting you so much that Eli is calling me mom..." she asked quietly and he shook his head.
"I feel like he's forgetting her..." he said softly and Liv shook her head, sighing.
"Dickie... you don't talk to your brother so you wouldn't know that..." she sighed and her eyes filled up again, "he talks about her all the time. He tells Em and Noh about her and..." she sighed. "Having a mother figure... having me... it's making him feel happy and safe. Please don't take that from him."
He nodded blinking away several more tears. "Y-yeah... I know..."
She leaned over the table a bit to catch his eyes that were cast downwards. "Talk to him, too, and Noah... they both love you and admire you, and I know she's the baby girl and it's different but they can both see the favoritism towards Emma. You're their big brother and they idolize you. Make sure they're idolizing something good."
He blinked quickly and nodded. "I will..."
Their phones pinged in the family group chat to show a photo of El and the kids at putt putt.
Both Dickie and Liv laughed a little looking at it.
"I guess they're playing laser tag after the apartment tour and before dad dinner," Liv said, pausing, "go with them, Dick."
He nodded slowly and glanced at the time before looking back at her.
"Don't give up on me?" He asked softly. "Even if I fall and be an ass again?"
She gave him sad smile and reached to grab his hand again, "as far as I'm concerned, you're my son. And I'd never ever give up on one of mine."
He nodded and squeezed her hand. "Thank you," he whispered.
"I love it!!!" Noah said jumping and Emma joined him. "Me too!!! We have to get it. Please guys, please!!"
"Yeah I mean usually I think they're dramatic but… we should totally get this one," Eli said, grinning.
Dickie stood off to the side watching the family interact and smiling a bit.
Liv looked up at El and he shrugged. "It was pretty awesome.."
She smiled and grabbed his hand. The corners of his lips curled up and he smiled. "I know we weren't planning on purchasing but... this hits all the boxes," he said thoughtfully.
The kids watched their parents anxiously and Liv smiled up at him. "Let's do it?"
He looked from her to the kids. "Let's do it!"
They all cheered and hugged each other.
"Hang out here, we're gonna put an offer in," Liv said nodding and the pair walked inside.
Emma and Noah spoke animatedly with each other and Dickie and Eli stood awkwardly.
Dickie cleared his throat and looked at his little brother. "I love you, man… you know that right?"
Eli nodded slowly. "I'll know it better when you start showing it," he whispered.
Dickie nodded. "I'm working on it. Starting today. I promise you."
Eli nodded moving to stand with the littles.
They placed the offer and Liv headed back home for a night to herself. El and the kids went out to dinner.
Elliot had been nervous all night and all the kids could tell. He'd been tapping his fingers throughout dessert and seemed lost in thought, and when they'd finally finished, Maureen spoke up.
"Daddy… something you need to ask us?"
He laughed nervously and nodded. His eyes scanned his kids faces before finding Dickie's, who gave him a slight smile.
"I uh.. yeah I wanted to see if um..." he cleared his throat. "I really love Olivia. Like a lot. And um…"
The girls were giggling and Dickie spoke up.
"Dad. Ask her man. The hell you been waiting on."
El gave him a slight look and let out a huge breath. "I… really?"
They all nodded smiling and Noah looked up from his dessert, "wait what? I wasn't listening."
Eli laughed. "Dad's asking mom to marry him."
"And I helped him pick out the ring!!!!!" Emma cried grinning and then looking at El. "Sorry daddy… it's been the hardest secret to keep!"
Everyone laughed and El looked at Noah with a raised brow.
He looked back at his dad, trying to keep a straight face before giggling, causing Emma to groan. El smacked him playfully. "Listen dad we tell each other everything!"
El's eyes when to Eli who also laughed.
"Seriously?!" El cried, laughing.
"What! I'm in the crew, now!!!" Eli smiled and put his arms around the littles.
He looked up at the big kids who were all laughing. "You all knew?!"
They nodded. "Dad you asked us to dinner, just us, no spouses, and Emma, Noah, and Eli have been whispering all night."
El breathed out a laugh and sunk back in his chair. "So… you're all okay with it?"
They nodded quickly and gave him a resounding "yes!"
"Do something private and intimate you know?" Mo suggested.
"Definitely. You know she's not showy do something just you guys." Kathleen said and then Liz added: "A moment where you feel most connected to her!"
El nodded and breathed out a laugh and nodded. "Guys… thank you so much."
They all got up for a big group hug before heading out.
"Dickie," he called and his oldest son stopped, looking at him. "Lemme drop the kiddos off and let's grab a beer?" He asked hopefully and his son nodded.
"Sounds good dad." He gave him a small smile.
El walked into the bar down the street from their place and sat next to Dickie who was already on a stool.
They quietly drank their beers and watched whatever college game was on the screen for a bit before Dickie cleared his throat.
"Dad I'm happy for you," he said, looking at him.
He nodded slowly. "Thank you… it means a lot to me…"
They were quiet for a while longer before he looked at him. "Dad… I need you. I need you to be my dad… like you are to Eli and Noah and Emma."
El looked at him, a little shocked, and then nodded.
"I can do that… and I'm so sorry I didn't do it sooner," he whispered and he nodded sipping his beer again.
"Thank you, dad- I can't tell you how much that means to me..." Dickie said genuinely.
"How about tonight," El suggested, "we just drink and talk. And we'll save the heavy shit for therapy? Maybe I can start going with you every other week or.. however much you want me there?"
Dickie laughed a little and put his hand on his dad's shoulder. "Willingly going to therapy? Thank god for Olivia Benson," he laughed, "Sounds good pops."
El and Dickie stumbled in around 2am, giggling quietly to one another.
Liv was still awake and came out to them raising a brow.
Both men straightened up, nervously, and looked at her, trying to act sober. She shot them a look and they both burst out into a fit of giggles.
She laughed softly. "Okay, c'mon you two, bed time."
El and Dickie hugged tightly telling each other 100 times how much they loved one another. Liv ushered Elliot into their room and Dickie laid on the couch.
She handed him a blanket and he pouted. "Don't hate me cause I got dad drunk," he whined and she laughed. "I don't. Get some sleep bud."
"I love you, Liv," she heard him say and she smiled small, looking back to him.
"Love you too, honey."
She went into their room and shut the door to find El struggling to get his shirt off. Laughing, she went over and unbuttoned it for him.
"Mmmm Captain I like when you undress me," he tried for a seductive voice but ended up giggling.
She couldn't help but laugh and pushed him back on the bed, undoing his jeans and helping him slip them down.
"Baby, baby, baby, baby," he said excitedly.
"Yesssss??" She laughed, tossing his pants aside.
"Mmmm I wanna make love to you," he said trying to sit up. Pushing him back down, she shook her head. "Tomorrow… you're drunk."
He laid back and pouted, watching her turn off the light and climb into her side.
He immediately rolled to spoon her and she looked back at him, surprised, when she felt his growing cock pressing against her.
"Told you," he muttered and she kissed him softly. "I wanna make love to my wife." He said and she whipped her head all the way back to him.
They stared at each other for a few moments before both breaking down into giggles. "I'm not your wife yet, Stabler."
"Paper doesn't mean anything," he said beginning to move his hips into her ass.
"Goodnight my love," she responded with a laugh. He ignored her goodnight and kissed her cheek, then the spot on her neck she swore only he could find.
She bit back a moan and took a deep breath when she felt his fingers trail along the waist band of her pants.
"Elliot," she whispered, clearly turned on but refusing to give in.
"Ooohhh full name," he said as his hands slipped down into her panties.
She felt him smirk against her neck when he felt how wet she already was, and she shook her head, "don't start something you can't finish, Mr. Stabler," she said, her voice cracking as he began circling her clit.
"I would never, Mrs. Stabler," he said into her neck, alternating his tongue and teeth against that spot.
She chuckled and then moaned when she felt a thick digit slide into her slick pussy. He whispered huskily into her ear when he felt her hips begin to undulate against his large hand.
"You gonna come for me, Mrs. Stabler," he whispered and she whimpered into her pillow. He slipped a second finger into her. "Whose pussy is this?" he asked into her ear.
She didn't know if it was the time or him calling her "Mrs Stabler," but his sudden possessiveness only turned her on more instead of pissing her off.
"Y-yours," she said, just above a whisper.
His fingers pumped faster and his thumb sped up as he continued circling her clit.
"Whose pussy?" He asked again and she gasped, beginning to fall over the edge. "Y-yours, El it's your pussy," she quietly cried out into her pillow as her body jolted and her muscles clenched down on his fingers.
He kissed her lovingly as he coaxed her down from her high before slipping his fingers out from her panties.
She let out a content sigh, spent and euphoric. He used his shirt that was still on the bed to wipe his fingers and then wrapped his arms back around her.
Her eyes were heavy with sleep and relaxation, but she turned her head to kiss him softly.
"I can't wait to officially be Mrs. Stabler... so hurry up," she half teased and he smiled a happy and drunken smile as he watched her fall off.
She woke the next morning to sweet kisses on her shoulder. Smiling at the feeling, she snuggled back into him.
Opening her eyes slowly, she trailed to the clock next to her.
"9:00?" She asked and he smiled.
"Sarah came to get big bro and they took the littles out for breakfast," he whispered.
She gasped and rolled on her back. "We're… alone???"
He nodded with a giddy smile. "Uh huh."
"And you're not hungover?"
"No, I got up and had a bunch of coffee and water," he said between kisses, "and now I want to make love to my not on paper wife, best friend, and favorite woman in the world."
She giggled against his lips and he rolled on top of her, dragging the blankets with him.