CHAPTER 32: Pre-Ordeal Days

The next year passed quickly. Duke Gareth suddenly decided that Alanna didn't work enough, and ordered that she devote twice as much time as usual to her fighting studies. He also started shoving books into her hands after lessons, requiring a report back the next day on the volumes' contents, which ranged from battle strategies and tactics to detailed descriptions of ancient wars. Often, too, he decided that she had missed something great in not training like most knights before their Ordeals, so he sent her on squire errands to get her used to taking orders. Raoul and Gary caught onto this game very quickly and started leaving their shoes at her door with a note saying they wanted them all shiny and polished by yesterday.

When Duke Gareth reminded her to choose two knights to instruct her in the Code of Chivalry during the purifying baths the night before her Ordeal, she asked him and Myles.

Winter came; winter went. She turned eighteen that May, and was rewarded with her first surprise birthday ever. Jon, Raoul, Gary, and Alex all marched into her room at dawn with gifts of a blessedly light mail shirt, mail leggings, a helmet, a jeweled belt, and a sheath for Lightning, all of which shone gold. Then came the kid gloves, the dagger, and, from Cousin George, a black opal ring. As if it weren't hard enough to blink the tears back already, the boys then steered her down to the stables, where she found Moonlight decked out in a gorgeous gold-trimmed leather outfit, complete with a cup attached to the saddle that fit Faithful perfectly, her present from Myles.

Alanna started dreaming about her post-Ordeal days. Somehow lazing around the palace for the rest of her life didn't quite appeal to her, and the many conservatives who lived there would not accept her anyway. Instead, she wanted to travel. With her lip between her teeth, she wrote to Coram and asked shyly if he might want to accompany her on her journeys. She didn't know what to expect as a reply—not only had she not seen her childhood guardian for years, but she wasn't even sure he would approve of her knighthood. To her surprise and utter relief, however, he wrote back immediately, his letter overflowing with elation. He needed to train someone to take over in Trebond, first, he wrote, but he would join her in Corus as soon as possible.

But then it occurred to her, how would she protect Jon if she was traveling? How could she see the world if the royal family stayed at home?

Myles's first advice was "Don't travel."

"But I really want to. If there's no way for them to stay safe when I'm gone, then I won't go. But there has to be another way, doesn't there, Myles? There has to be another way."

Myles frowned, pondering, and then, "Any immediate danger that Rog—anyone offers will probably be mainly magic, in which case the best person to deal with them is—"

"Thom," Alanna finished for him and nodded. "That's right. I'll write to Thom."

"But I still don't want you to go."

Alanna smiled sadly and hugged her friend. "I'll come back to see you, I promise."

He returned the hug tightly. "I'm looking forward to it already."

---

Alanna wrote to Thom, and waited nervously the following weeks for his reply, worried that he might still be angry with her. To her surprise, though, his return letter not only didn't hold a hint of chagrin, but also apologized for his earlier words.

The letter contained another surprise, too, though this one didn't please her quite as much.

"He's just passed his written examinations for Mastery!" she squeaked, flapping the letter in the air for George to see. "He's not supposed to do that until he's at least thirty!"

George stared at her, and then grabbed the letter to read for himself before collapsing onto his bed. "By the Crooked God, that boy is crazy. Smart, but crazy. Damn, listen to this: 'I'd love to come to court to babysit our dearest Prince, but first I have to finish my spoken examinations and the Ordeal of Sorcery. I expect I'll be done soon, since they're nothing hard. The expectations of this school are nothing compared to the university of Carthak, and everything that is really supposed to stump students, I read about in the palace library.'"

"Well, at least he's agreed to come," Alanna replied weakly.

"So now you'll be able to go away."

"Yeah," she said ruefully. "But then I'll come back."

He smiled. "Good. I'm glad."

---

Thom arrived in early December, and Alanna forgot the cold as she ran outside to meet him. "Thanks for coming," she laughed as they hugged.

"No trouble at all, sister dear," he replied merrily, leading her inside as a hostler took his horse. "It only occurred to me when I got to the City that I loved how the servants dote on the nobles here in Court. I could do with some more of that."

Alanna bit her lip with glee. His anger seemed completely gone. "How was the Ordeal of Sorcery and everything? Did you pass?"

He waved his hand dismissively. "I could have passed it in my sleep. Someone with no Gift at all could have passed it."

"So you're now a Master."

"That's right."

"Contragulations."

"Thank you."

In the next three weeks, Coram and Rowanna both showed up for moral support. And then suddenly it was Midwinter. Suddenly it was the morning before her Ordeal.

"I can't do this," she decided, pacing George's room, jittery with nerves. Jon, Raoul, Gary, Rowanna, Faithful, and George all watched her sympathetically. "That's it; I'm done. I'm not doing this—I can't. I'll stay here and forget I ever had this chance. No knighthood; no insanity. None. I'm done. I'm just—I'm done. I'll die. I'll—I'll die. I'm not knight-material. I have no knight in me. It just won't work. Something bad will happen."

"Alanna, why don't you sit down?" Jon suggested for the third time.

She nodded. "Yes, good idea, thank you." She sat, and her friends sighed with relief, but then she was up, pacing again. "No, I can't sit down. I'm too nervous. This is such a bad idea—such a bad idea. What were they thinking, giving me this chance? This is suicide."

When Alanna's back was turned, George leaned over to whisper to Jon, "She needs to sleep. Can't you do that with your Gift?"

Jon winced. "Sorry, I forgot." The next time Alanna passed him, he caught her hand and touched her head, and she lost consciouness instantly.

George caught her and carried her to his bed, where he tucked her in. "Sleep tight, lass."

That night, Alanna took the purifying baths alone. After dressing in the ritual white shirt and breeches, she stood at attention as Myles and Duke Gareth recited the Code of Chivalry, how she was to protect everyone and everything to her best ability. She had heard it all before, even had parts memorized, but tonight she realized that this was not just some random code; this was the law of her future life.

Then they escorted her to the chapel outside the Chamber of the Ordeal and told her she couldn't utter a word until after leaving the Chamber the next morning. Then Myles burst into tears and hugged her, and they both left.

She bit her lip, turned around, and stared at the Chapel around her. Often she had wondered what would happen to a squire who fell asleep during his vigil; now, she realized that fatigue was not possible. She was too petrified.

Slowly, she walked towards the great iron door connecting the Chapel to the Chamber of Ordeal itself. The plain, wooden bench in front of it looked incredibly uncomfortable, but she sat anyway. She did not need to be comfortable tonight—a good thing, because the cold had already begun to seep into her skin. She would be frozen by morning.

The next morning she would pass through that door to enter the Chamber. There, she faced—what? She knew that she had to cope with her flaws without uttering a sound, but the Chamber didn't expect her to get over those flaws, did it? Of course not: if every knight who left the Chamber had overcome his flaws, then they would all be perfect, and she knew for a fact that they weren't. But, then, how would they expect her to deal with them? Could she confront something that horrfied her as much as some of her flaws did?

Then it occurred to her: no, of course not. Facing her flaws was not the same as overcoming them. Facing them just meant that she would not allow them to get in her way when she had to answer to the Code of Chivalry. This scared her. Knighthood wasn't just a title or a game. It was a duty. It required her to protect her country with all her might. She would go off to war when the time came, and people would look to her for help, even if she were as terror-stricken as they. There would be no more simply listening and perhaps politely contradicting those who cursed her king. Now she must challenge her sovereign's ill-wishers and defend the crown with her life. Not that she wouldn't do that without her shield, but when she finally earned it, fighting for the royal family would be expected. Could she live up to everyone's expectations?

She let some people down by just existing. So many powerful nobles had no wish for a woman to fight at their sides. Their expectations would be higher than anyone else's; they would want her to prove herself worthy of knighthood over and over again, but they still would never accept her. But she had to keep proving herself. She had to help all of the other girls who wanted to become warriors too; she had to let them, as much as anyone else, know that they were quite capable of persuing any dream they wanted.

After awhile, her thoughts floated back to the royal family. How could she protect them from Roger? He still had yet to leave a single scrap of evidence that he was indeed an enemy. He was loved, and the king's nephew—no one would dream of suspecting him. Somehow she had to uncover his motives; she had to show everyone that he was not the angelic man they all thought he was.

But, since he was part of the royal family, did she owe allegiance to him too? Or perhaps she just had to treat him with respect, even when plotting against him. Her first priority had to be the current king and queen and their current heir, right? Right. Today, she had keep Roald, Lianne, and Jon alive, even if that meant going against their relative.

Alanna's thoughts lasted throughout the night. She sat there, staring at the Chamber door and trembling, until someone touched her shoulder. She glanced up to find a dark-robed priest staring at her, and then he pointed to the door, which another priest was opening. It was time.

She licked her lips, stood, almost fell as her legs protested after such a long sit, and strode into the Chamber before the door slammed shut behind her.