A/N: Hehe.
Liv laid nervously on the table in the exam room at her OB's office.
They'd been moved in and settled at their new place for several weeks, and she'd shut her poor Elliot down every time he tried to bring up the B word.
She knew she shouldn't have told him.
She loved the man but he was persistent. And she was nothing if not obvious about her desire to not talk about it.
It was sex the previous night that ended in a fight and neither of them finishing that led her to making the damn appointment. Thankfully she'd been seeing the same OB for 15 years and they were friends, so last minute appointments were easy to come by.
The favorite part of her alleged premenopause was him cumming inside of her. She loved it. He loved it. No mess. Could fuck anywhere. It was perfect.
But in the last few weeks she'd changed, requesting he cum on her face or tits or… literally anywhere but inside her.
The first few times, he was thrilled.
Last night, he was not.
He pulled out of her with a huff after her request. "How about I just go get some fucking condoms from our 16 year olds room so we can stop this bullshit huh? Cause that's what you're making me feel like- a fucking 16 year old instead of a married 55 year old." He spat.
"We're not fucking married, and why are you buying our son fucking condoms?" she muttered back and he climbed off the bed, angrily pulling his sweats on and still painfully hard.
"Because I'm pretty sure he's having sex with Sammi but that's not the point right now. The point is you should have just not told me about maybe wanting a baby because now you're all freaked out."
She got up and pulled his T-shirt over her head. "Fuck you. I thought I could talk to you about anything," she mimicked and his eyes burned.
"Fuck me? You won't! Not really at least. You're 20 thousand miles away when I'm inside of you, thinking about when you're gonna ask me to pull out."
Her lip quivered and he groaned storming to their bathroom. "What are you doing??"
He stopped short and pointed down to the tent in his sweats, "well I'll not going to bed like this, Benson."
Eyes filling up and lip quivering more, she walked to him, "j-just let me finish you…" said said after swallowing the lump in her throat.
He shrugged her off. "Not tonight. I just wanna be alone," he said, slamming the door on her.
Her tears started to fall and she climbed in bed, quickly texting her doctor.
The door to the bathroom opened almost immediately after it was shut and he came out holding up their trash can that had a few wrapped up pantie-liners in it.
"Are you spotting again?" He asked more harshly than intended before he noticed she was crying.
Tears fell down her face hard and fast and he sighed. "Just… fucking go see your doctor I won't bring it up again if you just make an appointment so you can stop being paranoid," he sighed.
"I-i j-j-just texted…" she was crying so hard she couldn't speak. He sighed and sat beside her, holding her to his chest. Her phone lit up and he read the messages with squinted eyes.
"Tomorrow at 8," he said softly, "c'mon let's go to bed," he whispered and she nodded, curling up with him.
So here she was. On an exam table. At 8am. Annoyed at her husband.
No, her fiancé. Jesus. They needed to just go to a courthouse.
Her stomach was in knots, both from her ruined orgasm last night and her nerves about her appointment.
The door opening broke her thoughts and she smiled up at her old friend.
"Hi Liv," Jenny said smiling.
"Hi," she said nervously, watching her sit beside her.
"So, what's going on?" She asked and Liv sighed.
"Uh well… I was have really sporadic periods… more like spotting. And then I stopped for literally almost a full year and um now… well it started again and I just thought maybe you know… well the timing lined up and of course I wasn't cause I'm 54 but uh… you know…" she was rambling and her OB put her hand on her arm to both stop and calm her.
"Sounds like you're still premenopausal… and you want a baby?" Jenny asked gently.
Liv teared up nodding slowly and then shook her head. "I… we don't know um," she cleared her throat. "I told El and now I've been nervous cause you know, we don't use protection, and I don't know if I want this and stuff but I do and…"
"Liv," she said gently, "relax?" She nodded taking a deep breath.
"Here's what we'll do. I'll rush some blood work okay? We'll check your hormone levels and I'll check everything down there right now. And then you and El can make a decision okay?"
She nodded tearfully, "w-what are the options?"
"Well, if your levels are still high enough, we can give you some extra hormones so you can try naturally or if you wanna try IVF. But Liv, it's risky at your age."
She nodded holding her face and Jenny continued. "I would suggest IVF… we can run tests on the embryos to rule out any medical defects," Liv shook her head.
"Elliot would flip Hes Catholic," she sighed and Jenny nodded, "I know but at your age it's the safest thing. Listen… let's just start with ultrasound and blood work okay?"
She nodded and they started the ultra sound, examining both her uterus and ovaries. "It looks good Liv… you actually still have a lot of eggs… nothing looks concerning. Depending on your hormone levels, physically you'd be able to carry a baby, again."
Liv was in tears and nodded, sitting up.
"Listen… get to work okay? I'll see if we can get this done ASAP. Don't stress about it until then okay?" She nodded giving her friend a hug.
She spent the rest of the day on edge and getting caught up on paperwork.
El had kissed her goodbye this morning, and she'd returned it but was still upset. Her phone buzzed for the 15th time that day with his face and she ignored it, unlocking it in anticipation for the text that would follow.
E: My spies have told me you're alive, at least. Will you be home for dinner?
She sighed and finally responded.
L: Remember when you and Fin weren't friends? That was nice.
L: Sorry. Yeah I am and no I won't be. Maybe you can stop by. Xoxo.
E: You still love me?
She rolled her eyes and laughed softly.
L: Yes baby, more than you know.
E: I'm really sorry for last night. I was an ass. I just want you to be okay. Whatever you want to do, I'll follow. It's always been you, Liv.
She was crying again and sighed, wiping her eyes before texting back.
L: It'll always be you and I.
He loved her message and let her get back to work.
Her heart dropped when her phone lit up with Jenny's picture. "Hi…" she said slowly.
"Hey Liv you got a second?"
"Y-yeah…Just hit me."
She chuckled. "Your levels are where we'd typically see them for premenopausal women your age. Without drugs, it'd take the perfect conditions to get pregnant, so you're okay to continue your sex life as usual. With about 4-6 weeks of hormones, you'll be at about an 80% chance of getting pregnant naturally, but I'd suggest you still use an ovulation tracker and such."
"But…" she asked, knowing her friend.
"But I still would consider IVF if you're going to try and carry. Or a surrogate. With testing," she emphasized and Liv sighed.
"I would say you have time to decide… but with your age, the sooner we can start hormone therapies the better, okay?"
"Uh huh… thanks Jenny," she said, hanging up.
She texted El again.
L: Please stop by when you get off?
E: Heading your way now.
He walked in an hour later with two coffee and flowers.
"What did you do?" Fin called and El flipped him off. The two men, much to Liv's joy and occasional annoyance, had become close again.
Noting her closed blinds and door, he knocked and waited till he heard her call for him to come in. He walked in and saw her visibly relax in her chair, and shut and locked the door.
"Hi baby…" he said gently, going to sit on the corner of her desk and handing her flowers.
"Do you guys even work at OC," she cracked and he gave a small smile.
"Hi," she whispered, "thank you…"
She took them with a shaking hand and he gently grasped it. "Talk to me?"
Nodding towards the couch, they got up and sat down next to each other.
"Um… so Jenny said I'm healthy down there… you know that um I could carry with no problems. But um… my hormone levels are premenopausal right now so the chances of me getting pregnant right now are like slim to none. But with hormone therapy it's a possibility…" she'd been looking down and he gently lifted her chin, running his thumb over her lips.
"But?" He asked her cautiously.
"She… she thinks if we're gonna do it we should um… do IVF and make sure there's no genetic defects before implanting," she rushed out. "I told her y-you're Catholic and s-" he cut her off with a kiss.
"Olivia if we decide we want to do this and have a baby… I want you to do what you're comfortable with… so if it's that then I support it."
Tears filled her eyes again and she hugged him tightly, breathing a sigh of relief.
"I need some time to think… and I want to make sure all our kids are okay with it," she said and he nodded. "Whatever you need."
"Hey…" he said after a few "I'm really sorry for last night that was so dumb. I was an ass."
She sat back and put a hand on his inner thighs. "You were," she whispered and he laughed, "but I should have told you my fears and I'm sorry I didn't."
He nodded and covered her hand with his. "And I'm sorry that I said that we're not married cause we basically are," she teased and he laughed, kissing her.
"I'm sorry I gave our 16 year old condoms without telling you?" He asked hopefully and she shot him a look. "Yeah nice try, that's a conversation that needs to be continued."
He laughed nervously and kissed her again. "Let's go to the courthouse and elope," he said against her lips and she laughed. "I was just thinking about that today."
"It's a sign," he said, looking down to see her hand creeping up his thighs. "I've been hard or had a semi like since last night… my fucking balls feel like they're gonna explode."
She chuckled and cupped the semi that was appearing across the waist band of his pants.
"When did you start dressing up?" She asked, gently kneading him until he was too hard to do so. His typical style of dress was down his leg. Hard, he reached his mid thigh and it's drove Liv crazy.
His head fell in the crook of her neck as his pants tightened. "Uh today when I've had to hide it all day," he said, biting back a moan.
"I think I like it better…" she said, dropping a soft kiss to his neck.
"Yeah? I'm gonna cum if you don't stop, Livia." He said into her ear, sounding desperate.
"Not without me," she whispered back.
She unzipped his pants and removed him from his confines. He was red and throbbing and the sight caused her to moan.
Hiking up the long dress she'd worn that day, she straddled him and moved her panties to the side, slipping down onto him.
Her mouth caught his groan and she bounced slowly on him. She bit his lips when his thumb caught her clit, bouncing a little more quickly.
"Uh huh," she whispered, "right there baby… oh you're so deep…"
"I've missed being this deep in you," he said, sucking on her pulse point. He was fucking buried, and she was barely bouncing but they both were about to fall over the edge.
"Elllll," she whined, her walls clenching and a bee rush of wetness coating him. His dirty talk always did her in.
"I missed your pussy taking all of me like this, baby," he grunted.
"This is your pussy, Mr. Stabler," she said in a husky tone and he moaned.
"Can I keep it in, Mrs. Stabler?" he whispered as he felt his balls tighten.
"Please," she responded gasping as he brought her over the edge and felt his release at the same time.
They relaxed a moment and she climbed off of him, both straightening up.
"Let's elope. Seriously. Fin can be our witness," she said looking at him. He was slightly shocked but smiled small. "Really? Your daughters will kill you…"
She shrugged wrapping her arms around his waist. "I think we should. The kids are so busy with all their stuff and the big kids have their own lives…"
"Like you wanna secretly get married?" He asked through a laugh and she nodded. "We can do a big ceremony for like our renewal and stuff down the road… I just want it to be us… and I want to start the process of adding you to the kids papers…" she finished softly.
He couldn't help his smile and he kissed her passionately. "You know… a destination elopement could be fun? We've never gone anywhere just us..."
She grinned and nodded, kissing him again, her tongue running over his lips. He pulled back and looked at her seriously. "Heard Paris is nice," he said trying to hide his smile.
She burst out laughing and smacked him, thankful for his humor to help her forget the heaviness of the decision they had to make.
"But seriously…" he said, "we technically missed our one year… why don't we go to the islands and just get married…"
Resting her head on his chest, she smiled. "I love you. Let's do it."