Chapter Ten- Now or Never

"Wait… Frank!" Dan called after him. Frank turned around. "What is it, Goldman?" Dan paused, unsure of what to say.

"Frank… would you mind if I go and find Jess?"

Frank looked mildly surprised. "Oh all right, then Dan, I suppose so- do you have any better idea than I do about what's going on with her?"

"I think so," said Dan, which was perfectly true. Frank snorted.

"Well you'll probably do a better job than me- it's almost the end of your shift anyway. Just make sure she's okay, all right?"

Dan nodded. He thought it was nice Frank cared- he didn't show his soft side very much at all, and it was always a surprise when he did. His heart beating fast, Dan set off in the direction he had seen Jess going. He wondered if Frank had guessed how he felt about Jess. But that wasn't really important anymore. He had to tell her, if it was the last thing he did. What had happened to David and Lucy proved that.

He was out in the hospital grounds now, swiftly moving his head around, looking for that long, dark hair he knew so well. And, as his heart leapt, there she was. Jess. She sat on a bench, her head in her hands. Dan took a deep breath. No more putting off, delaying or trying to persuade himself he felt differently. It felt as though his whole life lead up to this moment. It was now or never.

Jess's shoulders shook as she gave out heart wrenching sobs. It seemed like her world as she knew it had completely collapsed. She was weeping for Lucy, whose short life had ended so suddenly, and who had never heard that the man she had loved all along had felt the same way for her. She was weeping for David, the man she had never met, who would spend the rest of his life in regret and dreaming of what could have been. And Jess was weeping for herself, too. Her colleagues would never see her the same way again. She would be lucky not to be given an official warning for leaving during her shift. And, of course, for the whole situation with Dan- Jess was fed up of the longing, heartbreak and unknown. If there had ever been a time she had so strongly wanted to tell him the truth, it was now.

But he'd never feel the same way back. The way Jess had been behaving lately, she wouldn't have blamed him for not ever wanting to talk to her again. But something, deep inside her heart, told her now was the time. There was no going back to the pretend, the constant refusal to recognise her own emotions. She had gone too far, risked too much, to go back now.

Dan was shocked and terribly upset to see the state Jess was in. She looked so miserable, so hurt, his instinct was to wrap his arms around her, to tell her everything would be okay. But he didn't know where to begin, or what to do. He only knew of his determination to say what he had avoided all this time. He forced himself to take another step towards the hysterical Jess, whose face was hidden. It was breaking his heart to see her like this. "Jess…" he said tentatively. She looked up at him.

"I… I…"

Jess just looked at him. She didn't tell him to leave her alone, to go away. She just looked at him. The tears had stopped flowing now, though her eyes were still very red. The showed such an inner aching, such hurt, that it shocked and almost frightened Dan. He took a deep breath, and did something his heart had been longing, waiting, for, for such a long time.

"Jess, I… I don't know where to begin. I have something to say, which I should have said a very long time ago. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, and I know you're probably really mad at me, but I plead with you, just hear me out. You can leave, or abuse and kick me as much as you like afterwards. But please, just hear me out."

"Dan!" Jess sobbed. "You're the one who should be angry! With me! I've treated you so badly these last few days, I'm so sorry, I know there's no excuse for the way I've acted, but it hurt me too- well, the truth is…"

Jess voice trailed off. Her courage failed her. Dan stood still, completely shocked by what Jess had just said. It took him some time to react. No, it couldn't be true- surely Jess didn't feel the same way? He tried to put his mind into straightforward motion- to say what he'd longed to say for all this time.

He sat down on the bench beside her. Her pale hand lay across the table. His instincts telling him it was the right thing to do, he picked it up in his own. It was cold and tense, though Jess didn't pull away. That had to be a good sign. She looked at him expectedly, longily, as though she had been wishing to hear this for a very long time.

"Jess, since the day I met you I thought you were amazing. I think you're beautiful, sweet, smart and funny- to me, you are perfect in every single way. I loved becoming mates with you, having a good laugh- sometimes at other people's expense- comparing patients and, of course, a whole load of gossip. I learnt to like and know everything about you. You fast became my closest friend, the one I valued above all others."

"But there was something else there, something I refused to recognise or acknowledge. But before I knew it, it grew stronger and stronger, until it began occupying my mind day and night, refusing to go away as I wanted it to. But today's events made me realise something. You can't hide from yourself, or others. Life is too short for that. So, Jess… the truth is… I'm in love with you."

The words had come out of his mouth before he could stop them. He looked at Jess, waiting to see what her reaction would be- would she be mortified, embarrassed, vowing to never speak on this matter again? Or perhaps she would slap him? How she did react was completely unexpected- on the contrary, her face lit up, and she looked joyfully happy.

"Oh… Dan…" was all Jess could say.

And then she kissed him.

Numb with shock, it took a few seconds for Dan to react. It was as though his wildest dreams had come true. He felt Jess's cold lips pressed on his own. She came up for breath.

"Dan… since the day I met you, I've been crazy about you. You were everything I had ever wanted. But I never spoke of it; too afraid you wouldn't feel the same way- yet what happened to David and Lucy showed me you should live your life to the fullest. No denial or refusal to follow your heart. But, Dan, I didn't expect you to feel the same way- I thought there wasn't a chance you'd like me of all people!"

Dan couldn't believe his luck. It was all still sinking in. "Me neither," was all he could say.

This time when he felt Jess's lips on his own, he was ready, and kissed her back.

THE END