I've finally updated this fanfic! Well, I have a lot of fanfics to work on but ever since I saw this certain movie, I got compelled to write again. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors, but I own Lu Xun's pet mouse, Fire.
Meet the Suns
Chapter III: Unpleasant Dreams
Summary: Sun Shang Xiang and Liu Bei are engaged and now Liu Bei has to meet her family before the wedding. However, the Suns don't seem to like the new family addition at all. Will Liu Bei survive the hellish week?
The bedroom was fancier than Liu Bei had ever seen. The bed could fit twp horses and it took up less than half the room. The room was draped with red cloth everywhere everything was red.
Liu Bei pulled up his blanket over himself and laid his head on his pillow. "I shouldn't worry." he sighed, "The Suns are good people! And besides, Zhao Yun is outside, I'm as safe as safe can be. I mean, there's no danger with eberyone! Everyone is so good, why am I so frightened anyway? Hah, it's probably just the pressure of making a good impression or something…There is nothing to worry about!"
As he closed his eyes, the door suddenly opened. "Umm…my lord there's -?" Zhao Yun's voice came. Liu Bei thought it was just his bodyguard checking on him, but it wasn't.
"Alright, move over, Liu Bei."
The Shu ruler sat up and turned to his side to see Sun Jian in his pajamas with a blanket trailing on the floor and a pillow tucked under his armpit. "I-I don't understand." Liu Bei stammered as Sun Jian sat on his bed.
"Well, tonight, I'm going to sleep beside you." Sun Jian answered, putting his pillow on the bed, "My wife wants to see to it that you're safe tonight, but I want to see that my daughter is…"
"What was that? I didn't understand."
"Uh, I said that I hope you and my daughter are safe tonight." Sun Jian lied while he lied down beside Liu Bei, "By the way, I snore, so don't get too shocked."
Liu Bei then asked him, "Is there anything else you do?"
The Tiger of Jiang Dong laughed as he pulled his sheets up, "Sure, there are!"
Outside, danger was lurking for Liu Bei…
Sun Ce's eye lids felt heavier and heavier by the second, "Man, does this guy ever sleep?" he whined, yawning after.
"You must have fortitude, Lord Sun Ce!" Zhou Yu told him, "We must endure this until the ample opportunity to strike presents itself."
Sun Quan nodded, "Yes, brother, this is your plan so you must spearhead this with strength!"
But the Little Conqueror was snoring loudly and drooling when they turned to him.
With a sigh the other two turned to look at the doorway, "When will that bodyguard ever sleep?" Sun Quan asked angrily, "It seems that we will end up waiting here for hours if he just stays there…"
Just then a spark lit up in Zhou Yu's eye, "I have an idea!" he exclaimed happily, "What if we use a distraction to lure him away from the doorway? We can sneak in while he goes to look at it."
"But how do we do that? Hmm…"
Meanwhile, all the other Wu generals were thinking about the situation as well.
After the little dinner incident, most of the generals were more than angry at Liu Bei.
"Your little plan backfired, Lu Meng…" Gan Ning grunted as he spat on the ground, "You just made that fool look like a hero!"
Lu Meng frowned, folding his arms across his chest, "Even you have slipped up Gan Ning. Your bathroom trap has failed as well."
The two eyed each other and pouted.
"Please, generals, we can try once more…" Lu Xun said, as he petted Fire who was on his lap.
"Hey, guys, come on, even if you're both as smart as a sack of door knobs, I have a sure fire plan to make it all work."
They looked at the speaker who was the general, Ling Tong.
"Oh yeah, ya think you're all that, eh, Ling Tong, I'd love to see you try." Gan Ning jeered.
"Is that a dare, Gan Ning?" Ling Tong asked, grinning, "I'll be happy to take it."
The two glared at each other.
Sun Jian had fallen fast asleep but Liu Bei could not.
Liu Bei stared at Sun Jian's feet which were now on his chest. "He moves around much…" Liu Bei sighed. The Tiger of Jiang Dong had moved all the way to the other end of the bed and he was snoring more noisily than anyone Liu Bei had ever heard. "So this is why they called him the Tiger of Jiang Dong…he sounds like one in his sleep."
Snoring loudly, Sun Jian turned towards Liu Bei and moved his right foot up into Liu Bei's chin. Then he hugged the Shu Ruler's feet and suddenly began to drool on them.
"How am I going to be able to get through this night?" Liu Bei lamented, trying to push Sun Jian's feet away.
Just then there was a loud crash outside. Liu Bei tried to get up to see what it was but he did not want to wake Sun Jian up.
"I'm sure Zhao Yun will see what caused that sound…"
But that sound was the distraction…
The door creaked open and someone walked in. Liu Bei wasn't worried though, knowing that it was probably just Zhao Yun.
The person sneaked to his bedside, "Zhao Yun, what are you doing?" But then the door opened wide and light was shed into the room. The person looked shocked and dove down to the floor. Liu Bei tried to raise his head.
"My lord, some kind of force knocked down a vase nearby and I went to check on it. Are you alright even if I have left you for awhile?" Zhao Yun asked, as he entered the room.
"There's something on the floor!" Liu Bei exclaimed, "I d-don't know what is it, but it dove under."
The Shu general nodded and bent down to look around, "There's nothing here…Maybe you were just dreaming, my lord. You should really get to sleep." He then stood up and bowed to Liu Bei, "I shall return to my post." Then he went outside.
"Will you be able to sleep with him drooling?" Zhao Yun asked, before he shut the door, "I couldn't say no when he told me that he was going to sleep with you."
"I can sleep…" Liu Bei said, waving Zhao Yun off as his bodyguard closed the door, "Hopefully…"
The distraction had well worked but there was more trouble coming that way.
"What's taking Quan so long?" Ce whined, rubbing his eyes, "I'm sleepy, I'm bored, I'm thirsty, I'm grumpy, I'm hungry and that freak is still awake…"
Zhou Yu rolled his eyes. "Lord Sun Quan must be setting up the trap as we speak. Please try to stay up."
The Little Conqueror moaned, shutting his eyes once more. "But I'm so damn sleepy…" Then he fell upon Zhou Yu's shoulder, drooling. "My lord, please wake up or we'll miss the opportunity to attack!" his strategist snapped, pushing Sun Ce off but to no avail, "Does everyone in your family drool or is it just you and your father?"
Then Sun Ce's crushing weight fell on top of Zhou Yu, "AGH! Get off me!"
"Geez, get a room, Lord Sun Ce." Ling Tong snickered, as the other generals followed him.
Lu Xun looked at them curiously, then his face turned red after a few minutes, "Oh, I never knew that you and…"
A gagging sound came from Gan Ning, "Oh man, you two are sick." he sneered, holding his hands in front of Lu Xun's eyes, "This is ain't for your eyes, little man."
"Oh for heaven's sake, he fell asleep and he just happened to fall upon me…Ugh, his weight is crushing my bones…"
An ear to ear grin spread on the pirates face as he kept his hands over Lu Xun's eyes, "Maybe that's what you want us to think! You sirs should be more discreet about this ya know."
"Get him off me!" Zhou Yu barked, "He's crushing me."
"What are you both doing here anyway?" Lu Meng asked.
"We were trying to get in, but that bodyguard has been blocking the way. Lord Sun Quan got in, but he has yet to come out." Zhou Yu explained as they removed the sleeping Sun Ce from him. "What are you doing here?"
The Little Conqueror sat up abruptly, "Hey, who woke me up!" he snarled, raising his fist at them.
"We just moved you, my lord." Lu Meng answered as Sun Ce sat up, grumbling curses at them. "Why are you guys here anyway?" Ce asked, standing up.
"Well, I got a little plan here myself and now here we are." Ling Tong answered, showing him a large sack, "And the plan's in here."
"A plan, huh? Ooh, that sounds fun!" Sun Ce exclaimed delighted, "Let's try it."
"Actually, Ling Tong has yet to explain it to us…" Lu Xun answered, folding his arms across his chest, "What's the plan?"
The Wu general gave a laugh, "Since you guys are smart asses and all, I doubt you guys could think of something as simple as my plan. It seems you complicate things too much." Ling Tong said, "I'm the master of pranks so I have no silly chain to my scheme, but it is the perfect prank."
He motioned them to follow him to the back of the hall where the wall to Liu Bei's room was situated. They all watched with bewilderment as Ling Tong crouched down and pulled a small knife from the sack. He started carving a small hole into the wall. Then he put his hand in the sack once more and pulled out a large python.
"Where'd you get that thing?" Gan Ning sneered, as Ling Tong placed the reptile on the floor.
"I found it in the garden."
"You found it in the garden?" Sun Ce asked, horrified, "I better call an exterminator."
"Now we just let the little bugger into the room."
"What! That thing could kill Liu Bei and if he dies it'll be my head rolling." Sun Ce whined, pouting.
Lu Xun cleared his throat. "Actually that is a Reticulated Python," the young strategist explained, "Its scientific name is python reticulatus. It can reach a length of 33 feet, but it is not venomous noe does it have fangs. So there's nothing to fear in fact."
"However," Zhou Yu cut-in, "Because they have neither venom nor fangs pythons kill their prey by constricting them until they suffocate. If it gets around Liu Bei's neck then he's a dead man which isn't such a bad thing."
"No big ass worm is killing him! My mother will strangle me if she finds out!" Sun Ce protested, throwing his arms down.
"Yeah, she's scarier than the snake." Gan Ning murmured.
"Don't worry, I trained him not to strangle people. You can even put him around your neck without worry, see?" Ling Tong said, shoving the python in their faces making Lu Xun jump back.
"How do you know it's male?" Lu Meng asked, raising his eye brow.
"Of course, isn't it obvious? You look at his little-"
"Okay! That's too much information, Ling Tong…" Gan Ning snapped, "Just put it into the hole."
Shrugging, Ling Tong let the giant python into the hole and watched it slither into the room
Too bad Liu Bei never saw it coming…
Letting out a sigh, the sleepless Liu Bei just looked up at the ceiling, shutting his eyes. He was dead tired and even if it was difficult to sleep, he had to try. And soon he could feel his eyes shut until the morning sun rose. That was until he felt something crawl up his torso. At first Liu Bei thought it was Sun Jian's leg or something, but no, it seemed heavier than that. And there was a weird sound which Liu Bei couldn't make out. It wasn't snoring though.
Irritated by the object as it rested itself on his chest, Liu Bei opened his eyes to see a large python resting on his chest, hissing.
"S-s-snake…" Liu Bei muttered under his breath as it slithered closer towards his neck. He was too frightened to move or smack it off his body. He couldn't even scream out to Zhao Yun who was just outside. His heart beat rapidly. It was as if his heart was about to burst.
The snake hissed at him as it moved towards his face and soon its tongue was touching his nose. Liu Bei was tremendously frightened as it hissed louder. "Nice s-snake…" Liu Bei whispered trying to coax it away.
"Umph." Sun Jian grumbled, kicking at Liu Bei. Then the Tiger of Jiang Dong moved about and kicked the python off Liu Bei who gave out a deep sigh.
The python was unfazed by the kick and it just slithered under the bed.
It slithered right where Sun Quan was hiding…
Sun Quan sighed, dropping his head to the floor. When Zhao Yun came in the room, he had dived beneath the bed. However, his father was weighing down on the bed and he was stuck beneath it. Suddenly he heard hissing and raised his head to see the python coiling itself around his arm.
"SNAKE!" he cried, jumping up only to hit the bed.
"Liu Bei, stop moving…" Sun Jian muttered in his sleep, feeling Sun Quan ram into his back.
When Sun Quan looked at his arm, it was thankfully gone.
Upon hearing the turmoil within, the Wu generals outside decided to bring the python back out.
"Well, I never really thought about that…" Ling Tong said.
"Then let's use live bait!" Lu Meng suggested.
"No way I'm going to put my hand in there for that scaled freak to crush!" the pirate snarled, holding his precious hand away from Lu Meng.
Rubbing his temples, Lu Meng sighed, "I meant Fire."
"Fire; Lu Meng, oh no, you're becoming Lu Xun!" Sun Ce wailed.
"I meant Lu Xun's pet mouse!"
"Oh, so that mouse during dinner was you then?" Zhou Yu confirmed, eyeing them,"I should've known."
Then to this he added, "Such an unprepared and reckless plan it was if I do say so myself…"
"I haven't seen any of your plans work yet!" Gan Ning sneered, "But it was kinda thoughtless if ya ask me…"
Reluctantly, Lu Xun drew Fire from his pocket, "But what if it – I mean he eats Fire?" he asked, handing Fire to Lu Meng.
Then Lu Meng proceeded to dig around his pocket for something, "Aha! Here!" He tied a piece of string around Fire and placed the white mouse gently into the hole. "We can pull Fire back anytime now, so he'll be safe. I'll look through the hole to see what's going on."
So then little Fire scurried through the room.
"Well, where is he?"
Lu Meng looked into the hole, "I don't see him…Wait! Aha! There he is! Uh oh…"
"What? Is Fire eaten? Is he dead?" Lu Xun asked frantically.
"No, Fire's licking Liu Bei's feet!"
The Shu Ruler tried to go back to sleep again, thinking that the python must be dead with Sun Jian's powerful kick. But he felt a ticklish sensation at his feet, so he opened his eyes and raised his head a bit, seeing Fire at his feet.
"Wu seems to be fond of pets…" Liu Bei moaned, trying to move his feet to make Fire go away. But the white mouse didn't even budge, so Liu Bei moved his foot more, knocking Fire into Sun Jian's open mouth. "Uh oh…"
Lu Meng flinched, "Umm…Lord Sun Ce has your father ever tasted rat?"
"No, he never did, why?"
"Fire's in his mouth…"
"WHAT!" everyone screamed in unison.
"Lu Meng, pull Fire out!" Gan Ning yelled, slapping Lu Meng's shoulder. "I can't!" Lu Meng groaned, "The string seemes to be stuck in Lord Sun Jian's teeth!"
Fire tired to crawl out if Sun Jian's mouth, but the slippery saliva kept making him slip back into the Tiger's gaping mouth. Liu Bei began to panic.
There was no other alternative so he kicked Sun Jian awake.
The Tiger of Jiang Dong sat up making Fire fall into the bed. Then Lu Meng pulled on the string sending Fire back to safety. "I-I'm s-sorry! B-but t-there was a…" Liu stammered, as a half-asleep Sun Jian faced him.
"Umph…Five minutes, dear wife…" Sun Jian murmured, falling back asleep. He then held Liu Bei's feet and started to drool on them.
"What a sound sleeper he is…" Liu Bei sighed as he closed his eyes once more, "How I wish I were too…"
Lu Xun petted and snuggled a frightened, shaky and wet Fire, "It's okay, Fire…" he said, placing Fire on his hat. "Lord Lu Meng, you cannot risk Fire again like that!"
"Sorry, sorry…" Lu Meng muttered.
"So how are we gonna get that snake out, huh?" Sun Ce asked, looking at everyone around them.
"Well, I have a plan, Lord Sun Ce." Zhou Yu said, "If we can get something sticky into the room and the snake happens to slither over it, which is most likely considering its size, we could drag it out, using Lu Meng's string."
Gan Ning raised his hand up, "I have something sticky!" the pirate said, "I'll go get it from my room!"
Minutes later, Gan Ning came back with his hands cupped, "Here, I got these from some flowers. They tasted good, it must be those nectar thingies right? Well, it's really sticky!"
Zhou Yu looked at the sticky substance in the pirate's hands, "Gan Ning, that's pollen drop. It is a sticky substance that's excreted by the ovule of a female cone bearing plant during it's…ahem…reproduction…"
The other Wu generals snickered upon hearing this.
The pirate looked sickened by this, "I better call a doctor in the morning…" he moaned.
They placed the pollen drop on some blank scroll and pushed it into the room using Lu Meng's glaive cause it was the longest thing that they had.
Just then they felt something heavy on the trap.
It wasn't the snake.
Sun Quan's hand fell on the pollen drops and when he looked at it he tried to shake it off but it was extremely sticky.
"Whoa, man, this snake is heavy!" Gan Ning exclaimed, tugging on the string, "It won't budge!"
"I'll help you!" Ling Tong offered, pulling the string as well, "Oh man, he is heavy!"
"Come on, I'll show you two how to do it!" Sun Ce exclaimed, helping them pull the string, but to no avail. "Damn, Ling Tong, what do you feed this thing?"
Lu Meng helped them pull it as well, "Ye gods, maybe it swallowed Liu Bei!"
"Alright, let's give it one good tug on three." Sun Ce said, "One, two…THREE!"
The four Wu generals pulled as hard as they could that they all fell back as a hand popped out the hole.
Lu Xun and Zhou Yu jumped back, "T-the snake must've swallowed the pollen drops!" Lu Xun gasped, "And Liu Bei as well, they pulled him back out of its stomach!"
"It's me, Lu Xun!" a voice called from the other side of the wall.
"Wait, that's Lord Sun Quan," Zhou Yu said, "I forgot that he went into the room. I guess his hand must've touched the pollen drops."
"Quan, pull your hand out and move it!" Sun Ce barked.
"That's the problem. I can't do it…" Sun Quan said, "My hand is stuck in the hole."
Zhou Yu sighed heavily, "I guess we'll have to amputate…"
"You want to cut his hands off?" Ling Tong asked, shocked.
"You're insane!" Gan Ning shouted.
"I don't think that's such a good idea…" Sun Quan gulped, thinking of his poor hand.
"Can I keep his hand?" Sun Ce asked, looking at his brother's hand. With glee "I could scare little girls away with it!"
"Isn't there another way?" Lu Xun asked, getting Fire from his hat and petting him.
Then the older strategist gave a chuckle, "I was jesting, I just wanted to see your expressions! Of course there's another way!"
Sun Ce, Gan Ning and Ling Ting stared at him with dagger-eyes as he laughed.
Lu Meng nodded, "Just make the hole bigger." He suggested, folding his arms across his chest.
Obeying immediately, Ling Tong carved a bigger hole (I'm sure castle interior walls were thin back then, right? Fine, I'm only guessing…) and Sun Quan pulled his hand out much to his relief.
Then Gan Ning grabbed the knife and began to make the hole larger. "We gotta make the hole bigger so that Lord Sun Quan can get out through it, there's no way he can get out of the main door with that bodyguard on watch!" Gan Ning exclaimed, getting to his work. Chunks and strips of wood began to fly around. He worked on the wall like a machine, forgetting everything else except the job hand until he went totally nuts on it. Probably, this was the first step towards the invention of the chainsaw; probably.
"Yes, but a hole he could crawl through not a hole that's taller than he is!" Lu Meng retorted pointing to the gigantic hole in the wall which stood taller than any of the generals there.
Sun Quan walked out through the large hole and gasped seeing how large it was.
"Do you think anyone will notice?" Sun Ce asked, looking at the huge hole in the wall.
"We could always blame the termites…" Zhou Yu suggested then after he looked at the hole once more, he shook his head, "Nope, it's too obvious…"
Everyone gave out a sigh.
Lu Xun then spoke up, "Fear not, I think I may have a plan to throw the suspicion off our backs." Then Gan Ning slapped Lu Xun in the back, "I knew that we could always count on Lu Xun to come up with something!"
With that Sun Ce let out a sigh of relief, "Now, let's get to sleep. It's nearly dawn, damn, I'm SLEEPY!" he yawned, stretching his arms. With a shrug, the other officers nodded, and followed him off.
"But I just can't help thinking that we're forgetting something…" Ling Tong muttered.
Liu Bei tried to shake off all his worries and closed his eyes once more.
But he heard hissing once more and opened his eyes while his heart began to race once more. Then he saw the gigantic python coiled up on the one of the bedposts at his feet. It was hissing at him.
"Snake…" Liu Bei murmured as it slithered down the bed post and onto the bed.
But fate intervened and Sun Jian grabbed the python and stuffed it into his mouth, swallowing it whole. "What a lovely snack…" Sun Jian muttered in his sleep as the snake went down his throat. He must've been dreaming of eating. "So that's why he was drooling…" Liu Bei thought.
Liu Bei felt a little sickened, he even almost swallowed his own barf, but knowing that Sun Jian was eating the snake and the snake wasn't eating him comforted him. Hardly. He wondered who he pitied more, the snake or Sun Jian. There was a rotten and sickening feeling in the bowels of his stomach as he watched with horror the scene before him. He was so happy that Guan Yu and Zhang Fei ate the noodles for surely he would've thrown up.
But after an hour or two, Liu Bei finally fell asleep only to be awakened minutes later by loud gongs.
"RISE AND SHINE EVERYBODY!" Lady Wu screeched at the top of her lungs.
The Shu Ruler groaned.
And Zhao Yun did not sleep a wink much to everyone's surprise. Either that or he trained himself to sleep with his eyes open.
What evil schemes await Liu Bei in the morning? Will he be able to survive them once more? Will Lady Wu find out about the plotting of the Wu officers because of the huge hole or will Lu Xun's plan succeed? And will Sun Jian get a stomach ache for eating the snake?
All will be answered in chapter four!