A/N: Quick update to quell the heaviness of last chapter and set somethings in motion for the future.
Thanks for the love! Enjoy and review!
Liv slept peacefully for about an hour, before proceeding to toss and turned for a few more, finally heading out the couch around 2am and sending texts in her squads chat.
"El, Liv is texting," Fin said and he nodded, heading into her office and FaceTiming her.
Smiling when she saw his face light up her screen she answered, her tired eyes meeting his. "Hi baby…" she whispered.
"Hey gorgeous.. you doing alright?"
She nodded. "Can't sleep. And hardly gorgeous right now," she chuckled softly.
"You're always gorgeous."
"Kiss ass," she whispered, making him chuckle.
They stared quietly at each other for a few moments and she teared up. "I feel terrible."
"Don't. You're not. You're wonder wife and super momma. I love you, Liv."
"I love you, El…"
"Guys said they don't need you till Sunday for night shift. We can spend tomorrow together and catch up on sleep once we handle the kids."
She took a deep breath and nodded. "Sounds exactly like what I need."
"Me too… I sleep better when I have you next to me."
The door creaked open behind her and Eli walked out slowly. "Mama," he said softly, sounding just like Elliot when he spoke to Bernie. She turned back to look at him.
"I'll let you go… see you in the morning." El smiled small.
"Bye honey," she said, hanging up and setting her phone down. She nodded for him to come to the couch and he stood in front of her, nervously wringing his hands.
"You should be asleep," she said softly and he nodded, his eyes filling up. "Can't sleep," he chocked out.
His throat was tight with emotions and when he blinked, a large tear fell down his cheek.
"C'mere baby…" she whispered as she put a pillow in her lap, her heart breaking even more.
He sat on the couch and she gently pulled him to lay his head down. Her arm wrapped around his shoulder and the other brushed the hair from his face. "Let it out baby..."
His quiet sobs filled the room and he buried his head in the pillow, grasping onto the hand that was around his shoulders.
"Shh… shh baby it's okay… it's okay sweet boy… it's okay…" she whispered, running her hand through her hair soothingly.
Eli's sobs only became harder and his breathing more frantic as he tried to speak and apologize.
Pulling him to sit up, she hugged him against her chest and talked him through his panic attack. "Baby… calm down. Listen to my voice. Feel my heart beat…" She said calmly as she moved his hand to her belly.
"Teddy's kicking up a storm… feel him kicking? Listen to my heart beat…. Can you feel that too?" He nodded, trying to take a deep breath and finally succeeding.
"That's it my sweet boy… that's it… breath for me. Breath for me and think about how much I love you. How I've loved you since the moment you were born and I held you on the way to the hospital. How nothing you could ever do or say could change that. How I know that everyone has bad days and God knows, dad and I have said worse to each other."
He stuttered a laugh and his hand moved slightly on her belly as he worked to control his breathing and listened to her.
"Think about how much your siblings adore you yeah? How you and Emma have become best friends and how you're Noh's favorite person in the world. Think about how much Teddy's gonna love you and all the things you'll teach him…."
His breathing became slow and steady and she gently laid him back down on her lap, tossing a blanket over him and starting to play with his hair again.
"How your big siblings are so impressed with how much you've grown, and how close you and Dick have gotten. Think of your new baby niece and what an amazing uncle you already are," she paused, "how proud your mom is of you for all of the things I just listed."
She felt his lip quiver and he finally spoke. "I m-miss her so much… and I'm so sorry I-I took it out on you and Noah and Emma I… I wouldn't have survived losing her without you and…" he started to cry again and his voice broke. "I feel so ashamed…"
"Sh sh sh… baby breathe… I forgive you. And Emma will too. We'll talk more tomorrow. Baby, I'm more concerned about the feelings that caused you to get that upset… that's what I'm losing sleep over."
He nodded slowly and took a deep breath, holding in so much that was threatening to spill from his lips. "C-can I stay here…" he whispered and she nodded immediately, propping her feet on the coffee table and shutting the lamp off.
"Absolutely, sweet boy. Sleep okay?"
"I love you momma…" he whispered and she nodded. "I promise you I love you more baby."
Exhausted from the emotions, he fell asleep quickly and Liv snapped a quick photo, sending to El.
O: I love him so much. I hope he knows.
E: He does. They all do. You're incredible.
O: I feel terrible El
E: Don't… Try and sleep.
O: I will. Be safe and come home to me.
E: Always, my love.
The door opened around 7am, stirring Liv awake.
"Hi baby," he whispered, leaning over to kiss her.
Eli was still fast asleep in her lap and Liv had slept in the same position all night, her whole body aching.
"Hi…" she whispered back, gently grasping his hand and squeezing it.
He cupped her cheek and nodded towards their room. "Go back to sleep… I'm gonna get started here okay?"
Nodding, she gently rubbed Eli's face, stirring him from his slumber.
"Hey dad," he mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his puffy eyes.
"Hi man… you okay this morning?"
He nodded and gave Liv's hand a squeeze. "Mom go back to bed," he said, voice tired and thick with emotion still.
El helped her stand and she stretched her back before pulling both her boys in for a hug. "I'll be in Emmy's room okay?"
They nodded and she shuffled in, curling back up with her daughter.
"You okay bud," El asked his son gently, pulling him in for a hug.
"Just feel horrible and... I have a lot of things I.." he muttered into his chest.
"I know son… I'm so sorry. I wish you'd talk to us... we'll do anything for you, son"
"C'mon… let's go get mom and Em flowers," he muttered, changing the topic and pulling back from his father who nodded.
When Liv woke next, Emma was rubbing her belly and quietly talking to her baby brother.
"Whatcha guys talking about," she asked softly with a smile, looking down at her girl.
"Just wanna make sure he knows Eli is a good big brother and that last night wasn't a big deal," she whispered and Liv couldn't help her grin.
"C'mere.. you okay?" She asked softly as Emma cuddled up beside her.
She nodded quickly and hugged onto her. "Daddy was right last night, plus I heard Eli crying…"
Liv smiled small. "Your daddy is pretty awesome and smart you know."
"When did he get back home?" She asked and Liv played gently with her hair. "7am like he promised. He and Eli went out and sounds like they've cleaned up and are cooking."
"Think Noh is still asleep?" She asked with a giggle and Liv shook her head. "No way… though, he does sleep later when he's in Eli's room."
"We should really get him a new bed- his is terrible," she giggled.
"It's on mine and daddy's list… maybe next weekend when he's ungrounded," she teased lightly, causing Emma to look up with a frown.
"Why is he grounded??"
"Uhh cause he punched Eli… Eli is also grounded."
Emma pouted. "I don't think that's fair. Eli was having a bad day and Noah was defending me," she said with a frown.
Liv chuckled. "Let me talk to daddy okay?"
She nodded and El poked his head in, "morning my gorgeous ladies," he smiled, obvious about to pass out from exhaustion.
"Hi baby"
"Morning daddy"
Came their sweet responses at the same time, causing a smile to spread across his face.
"Emma Bee can you got to our room with Noah? Mommy and I will be in soon just gotta talk to her," he asked through a yawn and she nodded, jumping up and hugging him before running off.
"El, honey, you're exhausted," she said, putting a hand on his arm as he sat, "we can do this later."
He shook his head. "I'm not going to be able to sleep knowing you guys aren't 100% cool," he said, covering her hand. "I thought we could chat with him first."
She nodded. "Sure baby… Emma doesn't think they should be grounded cause Eli was upset and Noah was defending her."
Breathing out a laugh, he squeezed her hand. "I mean they need to be grounded for at least the weekend. Don't you think?"
"I was thinking…." She trailed off, giving him the sweetest look she could muster. "That they be grounded for today, get their homework done, and then tomorrow maybe a big kid can take the littles after church and we can just have some Eli time?"
He considered her offer before cocking his head and nodding slowly. "I'm fine with that, as long as we do no phone or video games until Monday?"
"I think that's fair," she said pressing a kiss to his lips. "Plus, if we ground them today, we can cuddle with no interruptions while they do homework," she teased with a smile and he wrapped his strong arms around her. "Sounds amazing."
Smiling into his shoulder, he dropped a hand to her belly, "how you doing after your first family fight, Teddy Bear?" He asked and she laughed at the sweet nick name he'd given their son.
"He was moving all around last night- kicking up a storm. Momma couldn't sleep," she said, and he finally noticed how tired she looked.
"You should have stayed in our room," he paused to embrace the look she was giving him and smiled, "I know… you needed to be with our girl, couldn't stop thinking, decided to work, and then Eli came out."
"Mmmhm," she yawned out before standing and arching her back in effort to stretch it. "Maybe when we wake up I can give you a massage," he suggested, standing behind her.
She gave him a knowing look and he grinned stupidly, chuckling.
"C'mon, let's go talk to the boy," she said, shuffling out of Em's room and Into Eli's.
He was waiting on his bed, looking like a perp in an interrogation room who knew he was guilty.
"Hi baby," she said gently, taking a seat next to next.
Sucking in a huge breath, he questioned her. "How do you do that?"
She raised a brow. "Do what?"
He sighed. "How are you so kind and forgiving. How are you not screaming or just not speaking to me. God knows I deserve it."
Grasping his hand, she sighed. "I've been a cop for a long time. And there are worse things in the world than you lashing out at me. I want to help you baby… like I told you last night… you're my son and I love you."
"Still grounded though right," he tried to joke and she smiled. "Yes… for the weekend. Homework and watching the littles today while dad and I get some rest. And no electronics, so break out the board games for some mandatory bonding," she teased and he smiled.
"And tomorrow, same thing except after church, you me and dad are gonna have some Eli time. Chat and get to what's happening in here," she gently tapped his head and he nodded, leaning into her.
"Mom, I'm so sorry," he whispered and she nodded, wrapping him in a hug. "I know baby, and I forgive you. And I love you."
"I love you…" he whispered and she kissed his head. "El can you go get Emmy?"
He nodded and went to their room, returning with the little girl who dove into her brothers arms. "I'm so sorry sis…" he whispered and she squeezed him.
"It's okay… I still love you," she grinned and he laughed. "Thanks… I love you more. Make sure you smack me next time I'm being a jerk. Noah hurts," he teased and she giggled.
"Now come on, I made you and mom breakfast so go into bed!" He exclaimed and she smiled, running back to the room and sending Noah out.
"Rude to have a family meeting without me," he said with a roll of his eyes as he emerged from his parents room.
He looked up at Eli. "We grounded?" His brother nodded and Noah sighed. "Homework today and we can play board games, mom said."
Groaning even louder he looked at El. "Don't look at me- mommy suggested a lighter sentence."
"Yes, cause Emmy suggested a lighter sentence. I was prepared for a week of grounding!"
"We love you" "You're our favorite!" They yelled into their parents room and Emma gave a thumbs up from the doorway.
They all ate breakfast and then the boys were banished to their rooms to do homework, and Emma went to hers.
Liv got cuddled up in bed and El grabbed them some water before shutting and locking the door.
Cuddling up behind her, he pressed his crotch into her ass and she chuckled.
"Baby go to sleep," Liv whispered to her husband when she felt his lips on her neck.
"I'm going to… when I wake up, though…" he trailed and she giggled, both closing their eyes and drifting off immediately.
While the pair slept, there was a soft knock on their front door.
Eli and Em walked out at the same time and she gave him a look.
"It's probably Sammi… I haven't talked to her since yesterday…" he said softly, peaking into Noah's room and seeing the little boy napping.
Rushing over the door, Emma struggled to reach the peep hole, and Eli chuckled, looking out for her.
"It's her," he said softly and Emma nodded. "I'll cover for you…"
He gave her a sweet fist bump and she stood on the hallway, giving them a moment as he opened the door.
"Are you okay??" She asked and he motioned for her to keep her voice down.
"I'm grounded. I fucked up super bad after school yesterday it's.. it's been a long night. Mom took my phone," he sighed and gently took her hand.
"It's okay… are you okay?" She asked, giving his a squeeze.
Shrugging, he gently pulled her into him and she hugged him tightly. "Are you?"
"I got my period," she muttered against his chest and he let out a sigh of relief.
"Thank God," he whispered and she nodded, looking up at him. "I'm gonna talk to mom about birth control but… you know my dads an asshole and my mom lives under his thumb," she sighed. "You're so lucky you have a strong mom," she whispered, nodding towards Emma.
He pulled back sighed, smiling small at her comment about Liv before cocking his head to the side a bit. "You can talk to mine… she'll help you… they don't even have to know…"
"Yeah but do you want her to know about the scare," she challenged, dropping her hands from his waist, "she'll hate me, Eli."
"No she won't… Do you want her to know?"
She shrugged. "I don't know...Will she read your texts? I texted this morning that I started..."
"She won't but dad might have Jet hack my phone," he grumbled and she sighed. "I'll think about it. When are you ungrounded?"
"Monday… me mom and dad are having a day for the three of us to talk tomorrow…"
"I think that's good Eli… you've been wanting it anyways," she said thoughtfully and he nodded.
"Would you be mad if I told them…"
She shrugged. "I don't know Eli I already said that... I just don't want it to happen again. I have... my future you know? Dance..."
"I know babe… it won't… it won't happen again..."
"You can't make that promise. The condom broke Eli," she said, feeling frustrated.
"Then talk to your mom about birth control, Sam," he snapped a bit before sighing. "I… I'm sorry…"
"It's okay… you're stressed we should… go do what you need to do and we'll talk after church and we can decide."
"Sam…" he sighed and she shook her head, pecking her lips. "It's okay Eli… there's a lot going on just… take time for you okay? And spend some time with Em..."
He smiled small. "I knew she texted you," he whispered so she wouldn't hear, causing Sam to giggle.
Winking, she started to walk to the elevator, but Eli stopped her. "Hey," he called softly and she turned. "I love you…"
Smiling small, she walked back to him and pecked his lips. "Love you too…"
After shutting the door, he walked back, setting a hand in his sister's shoulder. "Thanks sis."
She nodded. "You wanna talk," she asked him and he shrugged.
Rolling her eyes like her mom, she dragged him into his room and they sat on his bed. "She's not pregnant," Eli said and Emma breathed out a sigh of relief. "Good."
"She gonna talk to momma?"
"I don't know… we're gonna talk tomorrow. She's gonna talk to her mom about birth control..."
Emma nodded and sighed, "well that's one issue fixed… what do we do about Noah? I was reading about their case... Eli it's not gonna end soon."
He gave her a look. "Don't read about their case you're gonna get all wigged out."
"No I'm not," she challenged indignantly and he chuckled.
"You're becoming more and more like mom…"
"You should talk, Elliot Jr," she giggled.
"Noah... I don't know... dad's gonna be working a whole bunch even when Mom's side is done. I don't know. She can't take any more stress of him acting out, though."
"I know..." she trailed off, thinking.
"It's like he has abandonment issues," he said softly and Emma shrugged. "I mean he loved Tuck but he was like 3 when he left," she said thoughtfully.
"Maybe we can get Dick to talk to him?"
Shaking her head, Emma spoke again. "No way... he just had the baby. Maybe Mo?"
"If any of the girls are gonna talk to him it's gotta be Katie," he rolled his head to look at her and she nodded.
They were quiet a moment and he looked at her. "Emmy I'm so sorry about last night."
"I was too hard on you... I know what you were dealing with and I should have let it go," she looked up at him and he shook his head.
"No. I'm your big brother. It's my job to protect you not the other way around."
"Eli we have to protect each other," she said, giving a Liv look if he'd ever seen one.
He chuckled. "Agree to disagree. I'll work on it. I love you sis."
"Love you bro. Now do your homework," she giggled and headed back to her room.