A/N: A little bit of everything to set up the next several chapters
"Kathy's pregnant."
She felt like she'd been punched in the gut. Then, each ovary for good measure.
The man she'd been fucking for 3 years slept with his wife and knocked her up.
No- The man she'd been fucking for 3 years, basically dating, who she loved and knew she wanted kids so badly, slept with his wife and knocked her up.
What a fucking sucker she was.
She slouched back in her seat and covered her face. "Fuck," she muttered.
"Alright there, Benson?" Munch asked and she shook her head. "No… yes… yeah I'm fine John. Go home I'll finish up in here."
He nodded and put a hand on her shoulder. "Whatever that idiot did, I'm sorry." Munch was the only one who knew about them, and they both had sworn him to secrecy.
Giving him a faint smile, she nodded and he walked out, passing Elliot who was on the way in.
"Liv… please can I talk to you," he begged and she held her hand up. "What did I say, El. No."
"Olivia please," he asked again and she stood up, knocking her chair over in the process. "Go home to your fucking wife and mistake, Elliot," she sneered, her eyes filling up.
She started to walk past him and he grabbed her arm, stopping her. "My child is not a mistake. I mean… he is but. Fuck Liv," he groaned.
Her lip quivered. "He?"
El nodded slowly and she violently shook her arm free. "Screw you," she muttered, storming up to the cribs.
He followed her up and she slammed the door behind her, causing it to hit him in the arm. "Fuck Liv slow down Jesus," he groaned.
"Elliot fucking stop. I don't want to do this!"
"Let me explain," he was practically begging.
"Explain? What's to explain? I was a pussy for you to stick your cock into while your perfect little wife was over your shit, and then minute she realized she missed you, you were back between her legs."
"You were never just a pussy for me Olivia and you know that," he was yelling now; starting to crowd her against her locker.
"Bullshit. Bullshit! Condoms, birth control, pulling out… you're such a fucking liar Stabler. I was a way to get your rocks off while your wife was screwing the whole neighborhood. Kids probably not even yours," she spat, using her words where she knew her strength wouldn't match.
"No I'm not and don't you dare talk about her or our son that way," he yelled, holding her arms and sandwiching her body between the locker and him.
"What are you gonna do Elliot?" She challenged, her voice low, quiet, "love me and leave me? Already have done that," she scoffed.
His fists clenched on either side of her head and his breathing picked up. "Hard already? You gonna think about your wife when you fuck me this time," she taunted.
He could tell by her breathing, by the flush in her face that she was turned on, and her hand slipped down between them, grasping at the evidence of his arousal.
"Go head," she egged him on. "Fuck me up against this locker like the whore your wife thinks I am and then leave me. Like you always fucking do. Go back to your boring missionary wife and your house in the suburbs and your newest little mistake," she scoffed. "And then tomorrow we can go back to be partners like nothing happened," she muttered.
"No," he said, backing away, and she stopped him with a firm grasp on the bulge in his slacks.
"Don't make me beg. Let me feel you one last time before you go," she muttered, voice cracking and he crashed into her.
Liv woke with a start, breathing heavy and startling her boys in the process.
"Momma you ok," Eli asked hurriedly and she nodded. "B-bad dream," she whispered, looking to El who sank back, holding his chest.
"Almost gave me a heart attack," he whispered, breathing out a chuckle.
The three were still in the couch and Eli sat up. "Your back must be killing you… second night on the couch, you should have woke me up."
Liv smiled small rubbing his arm. "You were dead asleep and needed it. I'm fine," she smiled small, looking a the clock that read 1am.
"Go to bed mom," he said gently and El stood, the pair helping her up. "You're okay? We can stay out here I just need to readjust," she said, stretching her back slightly and wincing.
"I'm okay, I promise," he said with a nod, hugging her.
"Come in if you need us please?" She asked and he nodded, hugging his dad tightly before retreating to his room.
She slightly shuffled into their room and sat on the edge of the bed with a groan. "Fuck," she muttered.
"Where's it hurt," he asked, coming behind her and she pouted, "everywhere," she sighed and he nodded, gently starting to massage her back and work out some tight areas.
Her gasps and moans weren't as pleasurable as they usually were, and she winced several times as tears sprung to her eyes.
"Need me to get the heating pad," he asked softly and she nodded. "Our boys killing me," she whispered with a slight chuckle.
"Yeah well… being pregnant at 53 will do that," he whispered, kissing her cheek.
He was about to head to the kitchen when Eli came in with the heating pad already warmed up. "You're my favorite, don't tell the others," she breathed out as a few tears fell.
Both Elliot's chuckled and they helped her get into a comfortable position and tucked in, setting the heating pad in place. "That feels so could I could cry," she laughed and Eli smiled, kissing her cheek. "Night for real, get some sleep," he said softly before putting a hand on her belly. "Be nice to mama," he whispered and headed to his room.
Now, Liv was crying. "I love him so much," she whispered to her husband who slid in on his side and cuddled as close as her pillow cradle would allow.
"He's a good boy," he whispered and she held onto his arm tightly, letting her emotions from the last 24 hours go into his chest.
He rubbed her back soothingly letter her cry and not be strong for a moment. "I know… I know…" he choked out, thinking back to that day in the cribs too, "I know… he should have been ours," he whispered.
Her legs were wrapped around his waist as he bounced her, back scratching lightly against the locker behind her.
Their lips hasn't left one another, and they both were in tears as he gave into her request and fucked her.
He felt the familiar tightening around him, signaling her release, and held his breath, savoring in the moment.
When she'd come down from her high, he slipped out of her and set her on her feet. Stripping the condom off and tossing it to the side, he saw stars and bit lightly on her lips as he came with a moan of her name all over her belly.
She collapsed against his chest, and breathed out a soft sob shaking her head. "Don't do it to yourself," he begged and she looked up at him with a shake of her head. "He should have been ours."
His arms wrapped snuggly around her as she sobbed and he joined her. "I know… he should have been ours and… I'm so sorry," he whispered and she pulled back taking a deep breath. "Can you give me a minute… please," she begged.
Nodding, he handed her her clothes and let her retreat to the showers so she could clean herself up and get redressed.
When she re-emerged, he was dressed and sat on a bunk. Joining him, she sat silently before looking over.
"You're going to go home." It wasn't a question or a suggestion- it was a statement. "You're going to go home. And be the best daddy to this baby boy. And a good, faithful husband to Kathy. And every day you're going to come to work and be my partner and I will always have your six..." she whispered through her tears and he nodded.
And that's what they did- until Jenna.
She fell asleep in tears against his chest, the pregnancy hormones overwhelming her usual proud and unemotional state.
Watching her sleep, he placed a hand on her belly and sighed softly, thinking about the pit in his stomach that formed when he went home that night and she confronted him, and lasted until she died.
"You slept with her?"
"Yes Kathy… I did."
"How many times.."
"I… jeez Kath I don't know but yes I did."
"For how long," she pushed and shook her head.
"Since a bit after we separated."
"Well at least you weren't dumb enough to knock her up," she scoffed.
He wished he had. But Eli wouldn't be Eli. They might have never had Emma or adopted Noah… and they certainly wouldn't have Teddy.
Scooting down in bed, he laid his head next to her belly and spoke softly. "I love you baby boy… you have no idea what a blessing and answered prayer you are," he whispered. "I can't wait to meet you… and I can't wait for you to meet your momma- she's incredible, Teddy Bear. She's strong, smart, hilarious, kind… you're gonna be in awe of her every day, just like your siblings are," he finished his monologue with a softly kiss and fell asleep next to her with his hand resting on their son.
He woke up the next morning to Liv and Eli laughing at the way he was sleeping.
Sitting up and holding his neck, he groaned. "I tried to wake you up but you were out cold," she smiled small.
"Time?" He muttered, trying to stretch. Eli handed him his coffee and laughed. "9:30, we slept in."
"Needed it clearly," Liv said, rubbing the back of his neck as he sipped his coffee and cuddled back into his wife.
"Better than Noah's?" Eli asked, teasing and he shook his head. "No, sorry kid," he said and they all laughed.
"You know I never saw you and mom cuddle," Eli said thoughtfully.
Looking up at him, El nodded slowly. "We weren't super affectionate I guess… does that bother you?"
"Nah," he shook his head, "just an observation."
He nodded and Liv looked down at him. "Babe, we thought we'd eat breakfast together and then you two can head out for the day and spend some alone time?"
"Sounds good, buddy," he smiled over at his son.
"Also," she said, "Teddy wants bagels so maybe you guys could go get him some," she asked, batting her lashes and they both laughed. "Whatever Teddy wants," El said, kissing her lips and heading out with his son.
Later that night, Liv walked into work breathing out a soft sigh. Fin got up from his desk and followed her into her office.
"Doing alright Cap?" He asked, as they sat and she shrugged. "Pregnant at 53, my oldest son has started referring to his mom as Kathy and his girlfriend is in an abusive home, my youngest has separation anxiety, and…" she trailed off, "Emma is a fucking angel as always," she breathed out a soft laugh.
"She's kinda the best ever," he said with a smile.
"Oh!" Liv said, "and, I literally forgot I have to make a nursery for poor Teddy," she said with a sad laugh and Fin chuckled. "8th kid problems. But back to Sam…" he said, his voice showing some concern.
Slouching back in her seat, she relayed what happened over the weekend and his concern only grew. "I can do a deep dive on this dude?" He suggested and she gave him a look that made him laugh.
"Of course Elliot did one… that's fair…"
"I just don't know what to do, Fin," she sighed. "Wait for this to blow up and her or my son to get hurt?"
"Yeah… I think maybe you guys keep Eli out of that house," he suggested and she nodded. "Not a bad idea…" She said, texting El quickly.
"Well at least y'all two got some time with him alone this weekend," Fin nodded.
"Yeah, he really appreciated it so I'm glad we made it happen. And El said he opened up a whole lot today, which was good. I was nervous he wouldn't."
"Yeah he texted and told me... what?" He said she she raised a brow at him. "Me and El are friends! Anyways. I wouldn't worry too much about the Kathy thing… he'll get there."
Liv sighed, "yeah I know… brought up some memories about my mother and just Kathy in general."
"I hope shes got some clarity up there Liv… you still have told El about everything have you?"
She shook her head. "No and I don't think I will…"
"You think Dickie knows?"
Nodding, she stood up, stretching her back. "I do… but I don't ever want to put any of them in a position to hate their mom.."
"I get that… but you should tell your husband…"
She turned around and gave them a look and he laughed standing up. "Getting to work," he said holding his hands up and she nodded at him, sitting to work through some paperwork as well.
Liv walked in the next morning as El was leaving to take them to school. "Morning my loves," she said with a tired smile and Noah sprinted over, hugging her tightly and giving her belly a sweet kiss.
"I missed you guys… will you be home tonight??" He asked excitedly and she nodded.
"Sure will, baby… I'm gonna sleep for a bit and then go back to work with daddy. Lucy is gonna come pick you up after school! Sound good?"
"Yessss I'm so excited!!" He grinned and she smiled over at Emma who went over and hugged her tightly next. "Can we have some girl talk tonight?" She asked and Liv nodded. "Of course baby," she said, kissing her head several times.
The littles got their shoes on and she went to kiss Eli's cheek. "Doing okay baby? Sam ok?"
He nodded and leaned into her. "You'll talk to her this week?"
"On my list, sweetie," she smiled and he nodded. "Thanks mom."
Finally reaching Elliot, she sunk into his arms and he smiled, kissing her head. "Hi baby…"
"Hi…" she whispered.
The kids saw how tired she looked and all looked towards Elliot to say something.
He took a deep breath and she shook her head into his chest as a warning. Letting his breath out, he pressed a kiss to her head instead.
Emma groaned from behind her. "Momma. Sit." She said sternly, causing the three boys to whip their heads towards the younger girl who suddenly looked and sounded just like their mom and wife.
"Please," she added, and looked at her dad. "Daddy we're going to be late," she said bluntly, but sweetly.
Everyone sat on the couch and Emma reached over to grasp her mom's hand. "Mommy… you look really tired. And we're all worried about you and we just think you've been doing a lot and taking care of all of us and you just need some time to relax with no responsibility. So we think you should take today off and rest."
"Uncle Fin already agreed," Noah added.
Liv slowly started to turn her head to Elliot, clearly mad, but caught Eli's eye as she did. "Momma it wasn't Dad's idea. It was ours," he said cautiously and her eyes welled up.
El wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her head as she cried softly. "Guys… I'm so sorry…" she whispered, "I'm just tired and emotional…"
Moving to sit beside her, Emma cuddled into her. "Momma don't be sad… please? We just love you and have to take care of you cause you sometimes worry too much about everyone else."
Laughing slightly through her tears, she pulled her close. "I'll take today… I promise," she said softly and they all let out a sigh of relief.
Liv slept the day away, her squad refusing to text her, the only messages coming from the kids and El.
When she woke around 2pm, she laughed reading them.
El: Liv's taking a day off today. No work. Absolutely none.
M: Good!!!!
L: Livie you did it??? Forreal????
D: Pregnancy has changed her
K: I heard she worked the entire time she was pregnant with Emma
El: Because me and the kids weren't there to be a thorn in her side lol
O: So true! Just woke up. Definitely needed today and feeling so much better. I love my thorns. Lol
Eli: We love you momma
O: Emma scared me a little this morning. It was like an outer body experience watching myself lol
El: Now you know how we feel!!!!!
Eli: Seriously. It's terrifying.
O: Sarah what do you and my baby have planned for the rest of the day?
S: Haha doctors appointment in an hour but then we can stop by! Sound good? We miss you.
O: Sounds amazing!!!! You guys can stay for dinner too if you want
D: Girls night or can daddy come too
L: Never refer to yourself as daddy again I have to rip my eyes out now.
D: Grow up turd
O: Lol Dickie you are always welcome. Everyone can come but dibs on the baby
Liv adjusted back in the bed, closing her eyes and thinking of her family; her kids, the baby growing in her belly, her husband.
How the baby growing in her belly was making her desire for her husband grow exponentially.
She struggled slightly as she tried to reach down to her clit. "Fuck," she mumbled with a sad sigh.
Picking up her phone, she dialed El.
"Hi baby, you okay?" Came his gravely tone that made her thighs and eyes clamp shut.
"Hi… are you busy right now?"
"Just getting lost in a paper trail… you okay?"
"Mhm did you take your lunch break yet?"
"No, babe why?"
"Am I on speaker?"
"No," he chuckled, sitting back, "why?"
"Wellll… I was gonna ask if you could come home for like 45 minutes and fuck me…"
He snorted the coffee he was drinking and she laughed. "I'm really horny and I'm having trouble reaching," she pouted, "please?"
"Olivia," he whispered, feeling a stirring in his pants.
"Please El.. I don't think I can wait…"
"Baby I don't know if I can get away…"
"What if I come there," she cut him off and he laughed. "You're that bad right now???"
"Yes," she whined pathetically, "these hormones are no joke."
"Okay… okay I'll be home in 10, I love you."
"I love you," he smiled and hung up looking at Bell. "I'll be right back, I gotta run home and check on Livia," he nodded and she laughed.
"Okay she okay?"
"Yeah, yeah just pregnancy stuff," he said, rushing out.
He was fixing his tie when Sarah knocked with the baby.
Adjusting a stray hair, he kissed her cheek and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
Her lips were swollen and her cheeks were flush, and he grinned kissing her again. "You look like you've been thoroughly fucked," he whispered and she giggled.
"I have been... exactly what I needed," she said against his lips with a smile before walking to the door to let the pair in.
"Anna Kate look who's here... Papa is here," Sarah cooed to the two month old in her carrier.
He lifted her slowly and cuddled her close to his chest. Liv melted, giving Sarah a squeeze as they watched him. "Papa has to go back to work but I'll be home in a few hours and then guess what? I'm gonna steal you from Cap and get allll the snuggles," he whispered as he swayed with her.
"But for now it's Cap's turn," Liv smiled taking her from him. "Bye baby, be safe I love you," she smiled kissing him.
"Bye babe, bye Sarah," he said kissing her cheek and heading out.
Looking knowingly at her mother in law, she laughed. "Hormones?"
"Yes they've been unbelievable," she laughed, sitting with her grand baby and cuddling her close. "How's everything been? Getting ready to go back to work?"
"Actually..." she smiled, "Okay he's gonna tell you tonight so act surprised, but Dick just got that huge promotion so I'm gonna be staying home."
Liv gasped with a huge grin. "Oh honey that's amazing... congratulations oh- I'm so proud of him and happy for you!!"
The younger woman was beaming. "Thank you, Liv, so, when Ted comes if you want me to take him a few days a week I would love to."
"Honey that would be amazing but you're sure?? That's a lot.." she stopped when Sarah gave her a look and laughed. "Wouldn't have offered if not. Plus, the job is hybrid. So we figured we could take Teddy on Tuesday and Thursday when he's home. It was actually Dickies idea."
"Dickie's idea?? No way," she laughed and patted her granddaughters back.
"Swear to God... he and Eli have been chatting a lot more," she said slowly and Liv nodded. "Opening up to him?"
"For sure, he's worried about Sammi... we both are."
"Me and El too," she sighed, "maybe they can talk more tonight at dinner?"
"I think they'd both appreciate it," Sarah nodded settling next to Liv and resting her head on her shoulder.
"I think Dickie would like to do something with El, too. He said they were talking about tattoos?" She asked, looking up at Liv.
"Not surprised. I keep finding sketches all over the place. I guess we'll bother them tonight about it," she laughed. "Take a nap honey I've got her, you seem tired."
She chuckled, "thanks mama," she said, pulling a blanket over them both and drifting off.