Thank you once again to Stacey for her help :D
Goodnight Godbless
"How much longer?" Smithy snapped, pacing the corridor.
Gina glanced at her watch and sighed. "It can't be much longer…" She squeezed his shoulder. "She's over the worst."
"What are they doing?" he hissed, obviously frustrated.
"Easy Dale…" Gina stood beside him, looking up as the door that led from theatre opened. "Anything?"
"They're just finishing up." The doctor smiled at Gina. "It was a success, she's going to be fine."
Smithy nodded slowly, his expression set, not prepared to accept anything as gospel until he had Charlie back in his arms.
"It shouldn't be long now." The doctor explained what had happened during the surgery. "She'll go straight back on the ward."
"Can we sit with her?"
"When she's on the ward." The doctor nodded, heading off down the corridor.
Smithy stood up and stayed close to the door, waiting for them to open again.
"Dale…" Gina tried softly. "Can I get you anything?"
Smithy shook his head, still watching the doors closely.
Half an hour later, Smithy was settled in the chair beside Charlie's bed, stroking her hair as he talked softly to her, pressing a kiss against her hand. He barely acknowledged the nurses that occasionally drifted in, eyeing the machines off, getting used to their noises; Gina sat beside him, not wanting to intrude.
"Dale…" Gina tried softly, before repeating herself a little louder. "Dale?"
"Hmm?" Smithy glanced up, obviously not completely paying attention.
"I'll go and let the others know how everything is and bring you both a change of clothes…" she told him, waving the keys that he'd given her earlier. "Are you alright?"
"I am now." Smithy nodded, looking back to Charlie.
"I'll give you a-"
"What happened to the baby?" Smithy looked at the doctor that had appeared at the foot of the bed.
"Mr Smith?"
"The baby." Smithy fixed the doctor with an intense gaze. "She's gonna want to know."
"I'm afraid there is no baby, Mr Smith." The doctor sighed softly.
Smithy frowned, "She was pregnant! You operated, where's the baby?"
"There was no viable foetus, Dale." The doctor tried a different tact. "She was only 8 weeks pregnant…"
"There was a baby, now there's not a baby!" Smithy stressed. "All I want to know is where it is! You have to have-"
"Because of the rupture that caused the bleeding, we had to remove one of Charlotte's fallopian tubes, that being the one that was holding the baby. After eight weeks the baby has hardly had chance to develop, especially one that hasn't had chance to receive any nutrients or food...I'm sorry Dale. We had to dispose of both properly."
"Ma'am!" Smithy looked at Gina. "Did you-"
"I'm sorry, Dale." The doctor sighed. "It-"
"It is still a baby, and Dale is still one of the parents!" Gina glared at the doctor.
"I'm sorry." The doctor pursed his lips and sighed. "The baby was an embryo – nothing more."
"Dale..." Gina held him gently. "The baby wasn't properly formed...not like a full term baby...it had no internal organs and wasn't able to move, or breathe properly...the doctors have looked after the baby and put him or her in a safe place..." she looked up, "Haven't you!" She said sharply.
The doctor nodded, watching Gina.
"Why don't you and Charlie make a special place..." she said softly, "Somewhere the two of you can remember the baby...in the garden at home maybe...make a little memorial with some flowers or something?"
Smithy nodded slowly, looking at where he was tightly holding Charlie's hand.
Gina gently hugged him to her, glaring at the doctor as she saw his relieved expression.
"Charlie wouldn't just want to do nothing…" Smithy spoke eventually. "She loves kids…this'll kill her."
"She's stronger than you think…" Gina looked down at him, hugging him to her gently. "Everyone has a different way of coping with grief."
"I don't feel like someone's died…" he admitted, frowning. "Does that make me-"
"No, Dale, It's a shock..." Gina looked to her hands. "It may hit you later...bearing in mind you only found out today..." She looked back at the cubicle. "Charlie may feel the same...or she may want to walk about it more...or not mention it...you can't prejudge it." she soothed, rubbing his back.
"What if I say the wrong thing?" he sighed.
"There is no right or wrong answer. As long as you're there…that's all that matters to her." Gina smiled softly.
A little while later, Charlie's hand twitched a little inside Smithy's, a small murmur leaving her lips.
"Chaz?" Smithy leant forward, "Charlie…? It's me."
Charlie blinked furiously against the bright lights above, trying to focus. Smithy leant forward a little more and rested his hand at the side of her face to shade her eyes. "The operation was a success sweetheart, you're gonna be ok."
Charlie turned her head a little to look at him, her head resting against his hand. "…Gone." She said eventually.
"I know sweetheart…" Smithy whispered, kissing her hand gently. "I'm sorry…"
Charlie raised a hand and dopily rubbed her eyes, opening her arms for him, pulling a little on his hand to pull him to her.
Smithy knelt beside the bed, resting his head beside hers, kissing her softly. "Get some rest, babe…" he whispered.
Charlie gently cupped the back of his head with one hand, thoughtfully pursing her lips as she rested her forehead against his. "I love you..." she said, quite sullenly almost. "Even if you do keep me here."
Smithy tried a weak smile, "Just you get better."
"Sir." Charlie mumbled softly, suppressing a yawn. She bit her lip and looked away, before meeting his gaze again. "Where's the baby?" she asked quietly.
Smithy froze and swallowed hard, trying to remember Gina's words. "It's being looked after properly."
"Where?" Charlie asked sleepily.
"Er, the place they take them…" Smithy stammered. "Because they're so small."
Charlie frowned a little and watched him. "He was going to be a boy..." She held his gaze, her grip on his hand tightening a little. "Our son..."
Smithy's eyes widened a little and he pulled back a little, looking at the floor.
"We-we could name him…" Charlie floundered, flailing for something or something to fix her grief onto. "What do you think?"
"Can I get you something?" Smithy swallowed. "Drink?"
"Dale!" Charlie whimpered, trying to reach out for him.
"…Dr-drink?"
Charlie's eyes filled with tears as she watched him and she turned her head away, closing her eyes tightly, softly crying against her pillow.
"Charlie…" Smithy sighed and he leant back over her. "Don't cry…please don't cry."
Charlie hid her face in the pillow, still crying. "Why did I have to lose him?"
Smithy ruffled his hand through his hair, swallowing. "Charlie…"
Charlie appeared to calm a little, looking back at him. "...Would you have wanted him?" she asked for the first time, looking a little unsure.
"Babe..." Smithy sighed. "Get some rest, we'll talk later…"
"Smithy!" Charlie's expression hardened slightly. "Answer the question."
"Course I would!" He half snapped back at her.
"No you wouldn't..." Charlie watched him, folding her arms across herself. "You had to think about it."
"We'd never even discussed children!"
Charlie flinched and turned her head away again, staring across at the wall.
Smithy sat in silence, fighting for something to say.
Charlie stayed silent for the next few minutes, only giving in when she heard the doors open and Gina's voice carry as she talked to the nurse. She turned her head and looked at Smithy, her hand snaking under the duvet to his. "I'm sorry." She whispered to him, squeezing his hand. "It's my fault..."
"Charlie." He sighed tiredly. "I keep telling you, it's not your fault..."
"I meant the argument." Charlie whimpered, watching him.
"Oh." Smithy kissed her hand and sighed. "You're tired…it's ok."
"Come here…" Charlie opened her arms again, watching him timidly.
"Gina's back..." he whispered, leaning over her to cuddle her.
Charlie nodded slowly, her hands gripping his shirt tightly as she held him, her eyes closing fast.
Gina approached the cubicle silently, trying to make sure she wasn't intruding. On hearing nothing she stepped inside, "I'm not disturbing anything am I?" she asked, seeing Charlie's head lolling against Smithy's shoulder.
Smithy shook his head and gently rocked her to sleep, "Thanks for…coming back." He nodded at her, watching her put the sports bag containing their clothes at the foot of the bed.
"Are you ok?" She asked softly.
Smithy sighed and nodded slowly, untangling himself and laying Charlie out straight so as not to pull anything, covering her with the blankets.
"How long as she been awake?"
"Since just after you left." He pursed his lips, his face betraying the pain he felt inside. "She talked about it…like.." he sighed, dipping his head. "She wanted to name it. She even asked if I wanted it! She called him our son. Like he was a …a fully grown baby…"
"Maybe to her it was..." Gina explained softly. "When women have children...it grows inside them, the mother has a natural instinct to protect her young, to look after them...This could be Charlie's form of looking out for him...attaching a human form to him so she could mourn properly."
"She didn't even know about it!" Smithy frowned. "Even you're calling it him!"
"It doesn't make it any the less easier for her to accept." Gina sighed.
"I know…" Smithy frowned. "I just…I can't believe-." he trailed off, shaking his head. "I can't believe any of this is happening."
"If you need to talk…" Gina looked at the bed, Charlie's head turning towards Smithy's voice. "Either of you, you know where I am."
Smithy nodded slowly, "Thanks." He said quietly. "I just need to get my head around it, and make sure Charlie's alright."